.::Tear+Dust::.

2009-04-28T23:19:00.002+08:00

swine influenza has everyone talking. worst still, hospitals on alert!

guess it's okay actually, just that in my case there is no way i'm going to be briefed on proper procedures for next month's PM.

there is always a ton of things that go through my mind on a daily basis but once i sit here to type an entry, my mind just goes blank and can only focus on work. make sure all emails are checked and replied, make sure i have all reports and FSR, checklists completed, and most importantly that every checklist has an ESA result slip.

work has been stressful. but what i am thankful for is yasmine and kelvin, the support i get from them is just wonderful. finally someone knows and understands what i go through and the amount of crap i have to put up with. all i need to do now is get mails (complaints) out like within the same day.

only problem is, i don't see it as a major issue...but jeff does so it gets blown out before i can raise the issuse..and then i get questioned why i didn't raise the issue..well i didn't believe there was any issue!! sigh...fustrating!!

well i got a new layout, new skin..blah blah..but yeah really just want to start pening everything down here. my pesonal portal to just let everything out and hopefully it helps me this year to handle all that will be thrown at me.

thankful to ivan and tom..both brothers are so supportive towards that youth..and tom is helping out his younger brother...it just amazes me! but i'm most thankful to their mom! aunt shirley was so ready and okay with her son's doing this, actively! and ivan is in JC1 and tom just entered NS so currently, 2 week confinement followed by 2 week outfield and get came for Achen's farewell youth session on the same day he first booked out from army! these are the youth we need to grab and hold on to...really need to get that youth service up and running!

now it's just wait for the new achen, go for guitar class, malaylam class and then get that BBQ up and going so we cna interact with achen and know where he stands with out monthly bible studies and youth service...

currently just need to get mother's day and father's day settled and then get started on another NOP (Night of Praise) love the name nina gave it! so meaningful! something no one will ever forget...i certainly won't ever forget our first NOP and our first ever musical Prince of Egypt.

Let's see how this year goes...so far so good =b

I'm back

2009-01-03T21:01:00.003+08:00

After a much needed and much wanted rest, I am back!! Going to try to at least post one entry a week, the least! So much has happened this year alone. With church and work. It's just way too much to be typing here.

Firstly, caps will be out the window cause it's so much easier to type with all small letters. So yeah. Well, we'll see how that goes, getting use to work style.

Secondly, quick question, which should I look into? I need a new PC, so I'm like between building one and buying a iMac. Give feedback in tagboard! Thanks guys!

Wow! 2008 is gone! Church was a blast. Made so many new friends and am definitely more involved then I've ever been and I do have to admit that I like it. I have fun doing things for the church and with the youth, STYF totally rocks!! But then again all good things must come to an end, so we'll see how this year's elections for the new committee members go. I'm hoping for a good team of youth that can really lead the youth and move them forward! We've really took them all and made a great leap purely on faith! God is great, wonderful, awesome, amazing! Words can't fully describe Him. (by the way do check out my facebook account for video of the youth's item for christmas 2008)

Work has been stressful. Really feeling the politics now, feeling less and less protected by William. It's like he's just throwing us into the deep end and not bothering but more of mocking. More me than Andy I feel. It's like Andy gets more guidance and help and better assignments. Is it really because I am late for work sometimes, or at least when I schedule appointments with TTSH. I so know that Jeff is, and quite literally, reporting everything move i make to william. Irritating!! I swear he (jeff) keeps talking about just doing the pumps "temporary", i so don't believe that! Png just wants to make life harder for me and Baxter. If not he (png) won't be asking everytime he sees me, 'oh you're still with baxter?... you still enjoy working with baxter?'
Seriouly how irritating can this be? Everytime i see him!! But he so runs when he sees william. William feels that they all respect him and listen to him. Sigh if he could only hear what they say behind his back. Wouldn't doubt it if william and jeff are good friends. They seem to hit it off, just play with my head that they're not. So possibile. I remember he told dorothy once about jeff donating blood and how he would schedule same day and time with him just to meet and have conversation while donating blood. sickening if you ask me. to stoop to that level...sad..and now he wants a promotion and wants to use baxter's 10day, 30day, 60day breakdown to justify and he can acutally tell me to help him get his promotion! What's in it for me? I'm the one suffering under him, not you! irritating!

See so much to complain about work, nothing much about the totally awesome stuff we did at church and sigh. Prince of Eygpt was a blast, great show, Night of Praise 2008 wonderful! christmas, seriously go check out my facebook account. (moonshine_teardust@yahoo.com) add me if ur not my friend and would like to check it out. it's under videos of me. Im not really in the video but Nina and myself put that item together, the formations and timing and everything, amazing stuff!

Well, my hair's dry now so i need to be logging off and getting to bed, yes yes i know it's early but i have an early morning tomorrow to make up to mommy for what happened today. Sigh. Gdnite peepz!

WOW

2008-10-26T22:08:00.002+08:00

Can't believe how long it has been since I was last here typing. Seriously, wow! July 14 and now it's end Oct. Wow!!

Okay, well I have been like super busy with everything, work is so stressful. Coming to a point were I just can't cope with the load. Yeah Andy has a lot on his plate but dude he gets to stay in the office and workshop and I'm like running around between NUH and TTSH. And honestly, I prefer TTSH. Jeff may be like this weird fanatic, way compulsive but seriously he's way better than Perumal....dummy..

He is like so damn lazy..doesn't bother to even collect the pumps at a steady rate, he collects one shot 20units kind of thing...major dummy!! Like hello, you honestly think that many can be done in like one day??!!! And all William as to say is YES, it needs to be done...fine whatever....
Don't like going to NUH now, that guy just freaks me out...he stands at the doorway of the commissioning room and asks totally personal questions!! Am i married? Is my husband and family here in Singapore? Do my parent's live here?

Told him I'm not married, which was probably the biggest mistake ever, cause he is like so harassing me now! Worst than N.O CK from TTSH ICL...sigh...i attract freaks..this is way sad....

On like a totally new note..nina's grandfather passed away. that was kind of excepted yet really shocking to hear. thought he was going to recover when i saw him that day at CGH. =( the funeral was sad...i just felt like it was all a dream..can only imagine how the family felt..sigh..
but it really made me think of daddy. i really wish i could go back and redo everything, the whole funeral and just everything. Everything went wrong and it just wasn't right, and it hurts to think that i had a part to play in having that happen to him, to his body, he last time here on earth was just like that...but if i could go back, i'd go to the time when he was still around and really force him to go for that check-up...but then again i know it is God's will that he is where he's at now, just wish it wasn't this soon....i wan to spend more time and days with him, more christmas', more birthdays, more fathers' days more everything....

okay this is getting depressing for me so i'm off till next time, hopefully that's soon =)

Stress, stress, stress

2008-07-14T15:11:00.002+08:00

Stress can make you or just totally break you. I believe it has broken me as of right now but will make me that much stronger once everything is over.

First and foremost, Jeff. But then on the other hand i really can't blame him for his reactions or words. It was abusive and way too harsh but it was all truth and much needed i guess. Whether or not i deserved it, I'll just take it as i did and apologize for all faults that he views in me. I can try to change, but can only hope that all my attempts are not in vain...

Now its come to the point of trying to live up to all that is accepted. 12pumps a day. Sounds like a lot, it is and worst since i only have my trolley to work with, and two solution bags...two accuracy at a time and that's all....what more could he expect....sigh...

Church youth musical, i love every single one of them...but there are those few who just know exactly what buttons to push to just really piss me off. it's so offensive what they say...their actions...one thing I'm so glad to say is that although i take a backseat to everything, i know where i stand with everyone. i know who i can talk to, who i can trust. Everyone has worked hard, put in so much effort, that an achievement on its own and i love every single one of them for it. really i do.

Right now, I'm like reading through this, and I've noticed one thing. a very major, big, huge thing...this year as been the year that god has called me for His mission. He is now training me and moulding me for what lies ahead for me...i do find it tough as of now, but one thing I'm so grateful for is that no matter what happens, after like 15-20min in prayer with God, i feel so much better and i just fall in love with every single person i have ever come in contact with all over again. its like i just understand what the bigger picture is. its a wonderful feeling, and a beautiful picture. to just sit there and watch how everything fits together and to see that bigger picture right before my eyes...how beautiful is that!? it just gives me that much more strength to keep going, because i really want to see that even bigger picture!! it just gets more and more beautiful!!

My strength comes only from Him!! I would fail at all things if i ever even attempt to stand on my own...He holds me up, He gives me energy and strength for all my tasks. Be it work, church or just in life as a whole. He grants all things through grace...how great is that? how can you not be happy knowing that? that just makes me smile and allows me to take on even bigger and greater tasks...what is there that i cannot accomplish if i have Christ with me? NOTHING!!! =)

2008-05-23T03:34:00.000+08:00

Wow, last time i came here and typed anything was in Feb. That's like 3 whole months ago.

Nothing much has happened, the usual busy with my beloved pumps. Man, are they ever demanding. Although they don't ask for much. Just 6monthly maintenance oh and repairs every other month. Haha!!

Work has been pretty good though, honestly. Busy of course! And what with church and all, man do I have a ton of thigns going for me right now. Night of Praise '08 is coming this July. Can't wait! =D The musical will surely be a big hit and much loved. I'm just so pleased and happy at the response so far. At times I will admit that i feel very down because I think that the turn out from the youth will be bad, but to my surprise it is usually quite a good one. And I am ever so thankful to God for that =)

Haven't really met any new people, besides that porter dude. He's not exactly young but I wouldn't classify him as old either, middle-age older end of the time-line =b He's really friendly, but sometimes a little too friendly. Oh and then there's that ISS Pest Control guy. He's malay and I will have to say he is friendly as well. First and foremost are the formalities, after which small talk; usually related to cockroaches or insects or rats, something common. Okay, here let me explain myself.

It all started when Kevin was still downstairs in BME. I was helping him to repair one of the pumps and while opening to investigate, a cockroach ran out and all over the workbench. Obviously this is not something that I tolerate! I mean come on..it is a hospital for one and secondly they have pest controllers going around! So anyways, I made a verbal complaint to Kasturi about it and she called ISS. So this guy came by and I explained what happened and what I saw. So he placed some glue traps around to capture and kill the roaches as well as allow him to monitor how severe the case at this particular workbench was.

So the next week he came by for inspection and all was okay, so he left and that was that! So this continued for quite some time but there were no signs of any cockroaches, so he explained that it was probably just some random roach wandering around. Fair enough. But a couple of days later, I saw another one. Worst part of this whole scenario is that only I see and encounter these roaches. Kevin not once saw any except that first time. And when Cai took over the workbench, he didn't see any either.

so after Kevin left and I surrendered the workbench to Cai, he moved his things over and low and behold I saw another small, light-brown cockroach! So I killed it and kept it as proof! I wanted to show that I wasn't just seeing things! So I let Kasturi know and she called for this ISS guy to come and have a look, he did and well it just kind of progressed into me seeing a roach and complaining about it, and this guy coming down to inspect.

Eventually, more so now, he just stops by periodically to check the place. And that's fine, don't get my wrong here! It's just that while he was there one day, I was seriously curious as to why these roaches were even here! So we chatted a little and I enquired about something that would help with lizards, he gave me 3 strips of 'glue' to just tap the lizard with then throw. Yeah right like I'm gonna do that!! Hello!! I'm like so scared of them think I'm honestly gonna get that close and be like...tap...no way!! But I took it anyways 'cause I didn't want to look like some scared prissy girl. Pride man, purely pride...

So, I guess it just kind of went from there. He gave me his number the other time, said if I saw anything just call him directly. the thing that gets me is that when he comes round for his inspections, he greets me, but the way he looks makes me uncomfy. It's just a normal smile yeah, but his eyes are smiling too, and that makes me feel weird...So now he comes around every other week, says, "Hello! Haven't seen you in a while? How've you been?" So I answer politely that I was there in TTSH just probably in the WDs and that I'm doing fine, and then I ask how he is doing. Then it goes to how busy I am and must be..very career focused and such....sigh.

Terumo came on a little stronger though. I know for ISS it's weird but it's just his eyes and the way he asks questions that make me uncomfortable. But Pableto was like so straighforward about it. The week after Valentine's Day, he was doing PM for one of Cai's units, and I was doing my own PM. So we chatted about stuff and then he asked about my Valentine's Day. told him it was okay, had dinner with my mom. Then he asked about having dinner with a special someone and getting a rose. Told him I didn't have a special dinner with a special someone and nope no rose either. Get this!! The next day when he came, he gave me a rose!! Stunned me and I didn't know what to say or do. Sometimes I think and feel that it's not anything other then that fact that in BME it's dominated by men, so when they see a female around; guess appearance doesn't matter, they get all weird and stuff! Sigh...just work...I'm just thankful that the BME guys are cool with me being there all the time and they don't get all weird on me. That would be like doubly weird....

Okay this is one of those posts that I ramble just a little too much in. But heck I haven't been here for so long don't have anything else to write about. This is the only thing in my head since Tuesday's conversation with that ISS dude...help me!!! Think I'm too nice to people, so I get bullied......

2008-02-24T19:47:00.003+08:00

Man has it been ages since I've last typed anything here. New layout, new format to things, this is interesting!

Well, alot has been going on since I lasted wrote an entry. Work has been okay, getting more and more stressful but manageable so far. Deployment will be starting soon..and I'm so not looking forward to it. Seriously, why can't Baxter ever just have a software that works well fora good number of years before the next upgrade...sigh. Church has been pretty good so far taking into consideration I'm the new secretary for the youth! Haha!! But I have Nina to help and we make an excellent team I believe! =D

Okay now time to complain about work!

It's been hectic and that's putting it nicely. TTSH is like so into having me go around the wards and do my PM/BM. PM I'm reluctant but okay with it...BM is just a major nono!! Keep thinking how am I actually going to do the PM and worst case I haven't even prepared for it and I did know about it a while ago but it was never confirmed till my brilliant QA Director decided it was ok to go to the care centres and work. Major sigh!! But all in all work's been pretty ok actually.

Church, well so far so good as well. Everyone has been really helpful and supportive to Nina and myself with everything that we're trying to put together. Never know how much work and effort went into it till now. I have a new found respect to all those who have done this before me, and that includes Dino man! Our first bible study was a blow but the second one, we really put most of our efforts into it and it went superbly! And not to mention the food sale just last Sunday? A north area food sale became a Youth food sale and although we thought that we may not have enough food and the coffee did run out it went really well overall, and we did manage to raise a good sum of profits that are going towards the church building fund! I'm so proud of myself, Nina and the STYF!! =D

Well, I do need to get back to work now. Got loads to do and yes I brought it all home to get it done. Tomorrow reporting directly back to TTSH. If anyone reading this can get their hands on BBraun's new infusion pump manual, please do let me know!!! =b

2007-12-27T01:21:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wonder about people, what goes through their minds, what thoughts are being processed while certain events are taking place. It's like some will get so agitated so easily while others are not really fazed by what goes on. Whether or not they've noticed is another point altogether.

I feel really offended right now, kind of unwanted.

It has been like this for the longest time, me and my family ( referring to my cousins) are not exactly close at all. So whom am I close too? My eldest cousin and my third eldest cousin. I can talk to them, feel like we're on the same frequency, that kind of thing. With the others it's like we clash; thoughts, behaviour and definition of right and wrong!

Everyone usually always looks forward to family functions and I try to avoid them the best I can or I try to have Shuxin follow me. Just to have someone to talk too, to hang out with. Am I a loner? Not really, just that I need to have someone around that I click with and can sit and have a good time with and not worry about what is being said once i turn my back.

Sisterly bonding, whatever; my own sister doesn't even bother with me, I mean yeah I know she loves me blah blah; seriously she does just weird way of showing so yeah. But we're night and day and just see things totally different. So naturally she gets along better with my cousins and again I'm left alone, out of the circle.

To type this and not cry will not be possible, however I need to get it all out of my system and this is my channel. Who reads this? God only knows.....I only know of 2 people. Sad I know.

The worst part of it all isn't just the way I feel but more of not having anyone to talk to about everything. Yes, I can talk to Shuxin and pour everything out to him, but that would be like airing all my dirty laundry in a confined public place (it makes sense).

I don't know, every time I think I've found someone to talk to, to confide in, to just spill everything too, I'm proven wrong. JL, I would love to call and bug you and stuff but I can't really disturb you because you have your own things going on and a certain someone you want to be talking to. Time and place, time and place.

It's sad to know and to think about it though. I can start and hold a conversation with someone who's twice my age better then I can with one who is around my age. Should this be the case? I doubt so. I hate having to make new friends, never was any good at it. Always only made a couple and that was it. Never left my comfort zone and don't really want to. Me and crowds just don't go well. Try but it's not easy to do without being condemned for it.

It's easier to make friends with a guy than a girl; girls are way too bitchy and think too much! Guys just take what comes and don't think so much and it doesn't take long for them to figure out that I'm not dumb, just naive in certain areas of their expertise. However, it is still looked down upon, just wrong and seen as flirting.....I myself don't really know how it comes to being seen or judged as that but fine then, so be it.

It's all just so irritating!! And majorly frustrating!! Think I'm best off just doing things all by myself so that everyone has to keep their mouths shut because there's nothing for them to say, but then again it they really want to; and they do, they'd find ways and means to bring something up to gossip about. It's just hurtful when it's about you. Worst still when you know and have to carry on smiling pretending that you don't know because they don't know that you know. How nice are they to my face; total deception, it's pathetic!!

I miss my friends, my comfort zone, my everything that I once had. Now it just feels as though it's all been yanked away from me, like pulling a rug out from under my feet, knowing and watching my fall in the process and then walking off filled with satisfaction. That hurts the most, being kicked when you're already down, with no choice but struggle to get back up with everyone laughing and mocking and trying to push you right back down. Watching, to be made a fool of, a total mockery.

Who are true friends and how to find them amongst all these impostors? I don't know, I'm tired of searching trying to find them and being let down every time. I miss Ger, JL, Shai, Melia....Priscilla, I miss all of you, my actually friends, you're there more for me then my own family (my age group that is), which is sad you're right but what to do? I'm not going to change who I am!! But it still hurts, worst then most other things in life; to feel unwanted by people whom you should be close to, people who you should be trusting to have your back but are letting you fall. Being a helping hand in the process of pushing.....very hurtful....

2007-12-05T22:17:00.000+08:00

When I first opened up my blog webpage and decided to type something here I had quite a few things on my mind to type. Now after logging in and getting a fresh page, I'm lost for words.

Well, overall been pretty ok, busy with work. Following Andy's style of filing so going to be busy re-doing all of that but not so bad because at least for December my PM is only like 17units; 7 loaner and 10 from the wards. Yayness!

Lately really into these slow songs whose lyrics are just overflowing with meaning. One Republic Apologize. The lyrics the melody and the beat; can't get enough of this song and it's not like those other songs that you fall in love with. This is different. Oh today this song was played while that male skater at Novena was skating. He's good-looking.... =p but enough of that. I do admire his skating though, really smooth and graceful. It was as though he was floating on the ice rather then gliding. Sounds lame and weird since they're similar but I don't know.

Nothing much going on except for maybe....I don't even know if I should be typing that here, sorry it's still in my head right now. It's like something that feels right to happen is just so wrong, and believe me; been there done that loads of times. JL always tells me "you'll just know", yeah not very helpful right now girl.

Feels as though Shai and Melia have been gone forever!! Miss them so much, when they come back we all need to get together and hang out like old times, well kind of. Lolx!

Can't type it here, can't risk certain people reading it and then questioning me, guess if you really want to know can always tag me and I just might tell you personally....feelings are so screwed up right now, thoughts not running clear, everything's just so jumbled and mirky it's hard to tell right from wrong and know my better judgement. Listen to that little voice? Tried but it's just as confused as I am right now. Head says one thing and the heart says another. Certain things i know and others can change but would it not be better to not change the individual but just the whole person, but than that's even more painful and harder.

Questions?

2007-12-03T21:53:00.001+08:00

Who's to blame for a child's mistakes? parents or the child themselves?

If your girlfriend/boyfriend do something that you think is wrong but they thought was "just for fun", who's at fault to say sorry? You or them?

If your friend's cross moral boundaries, who's at fault? Who's moral boundaries were crossed and who crossed them?

So many times we ask similar questions, either about ourselves or others around us. People we see, people we hear about, but have we ever thought to question who is actually to blame? Or if there even is anyone to blame in the first place.

When we thing something is wrong, it's our own perception, if that particular person thought it was wrong I doubt they'd be doing it in the first place. The fact that they felt it was OK, or thought it was OK makes it harder for us to judge and place boundaries on what's right and what's wrong.

When raising a child the rules and regulations in household for different parents differ, as children we see this amongst our peers, and yes we question why some are so strict and some are so lenient. However, we must remember that parent's set boundaries and rules based on what they perceive to be the right way of doing things, or certain things that are OK to do; while others may agree or disagree it is up to them.

My point is that regardless of what is done, or who's to blame, or who's at fault the main thing is whether or not you can accept them for their faults knowing that although it may conflict with what you believe is right, it must might not be all that wrong either.

We make are own choices and decisions, parent's guide and nurture the best they know how and the best they can. Do we hold it against them if they mess up a little? No! We mess up too, way worse, just that they've been in that situation before and know how to handle it so you don't regret anything later on in life. Sometimes things seem so "cool" now but later on you're going to be thinking, "Oh my goodness what were we thinking?" and I'm serious! We will ask these questions because our parents have. They learn from experience and so do we.

Do not judge before you understand, and once you understand do not condemn, accept what they did as not wrong to them but wrong to you and do not follow or repeat what was done.

If actions affect you directly, then discussing what's right and what's wrong to the other party is always helpful. Know their stand point of things and get a better understanding of why it was done and not seen as something wrong in their eyes and only yours.

Remember the most powerful weapon we use is not our fist or any material thing we can grasp, it is our tongues, words can pierce so choose wisely!

Life

2007-11-16T23:28:00.000+08:00

Just finished watching the Da Vinci Code for the second time, not going to go into details this time though. Guess it'll just kill the whole moment I have here!

Well, anyways, have you ever realized how people say one thing and then to another say something totally opposite? I've been noticing this happening a lot lately. Am I to be blamed as well? Or am I just to fall under such a category without even being aware of it? I surely hope not!

Now to the serious part of this entry. Is it possible to "give" your heart to someone and then find yourself having feelings for another? Okay first off let's clear the air; I'm not talking about myself here! I'm merely wondering and thinking out loud because though i listen and try to give good advice I still need a channel to load everything off too as well. So yeah.

Okay now back to business here. First off is it possible? Can you feel attracted to another? If so then does this not question your feelings and thoughts to the one whom you're with? How is this to be solved; split? Take a break? Separate? What?

Secondly, how do you know whether it's true feelings or just mere infatuation? Would it not be too risky to try and figure it out?What if both are lost? Gone? Then what happens? Sometimes it makes me wonder whether or not you really think things though before going out and taking action. though most the time your action is seen to be very rash and irrational! But then again I'm not one to meddle with matters of the heart, for these matters are one's that i fear most. With no comparison to creatures and creepy crawlies please!

I guess personally I'm against it because firstly I don't understand it and secondly I fear the risk of losing what you have been given. No? But then how to do come to terms with knowing which one? To be able to differentiate between the two.....gosh this is way beyond me..but I'll stick to my gut feeling of not taking risks unless you're certain that it is one which you won't regret. So as long as your uncertain don't risk it.

Some how I feel as though this entry came out a total mess. It's late and I have a full day of work tomorrow, yes a Saturday of 8-5 working. Stock take! Maybe I'll continue when my mind clears and I can arrange everything better to make more sense, till then this is me just blabbing away. Questioning and trying to reason without much success....

2007-10-27T01:20:00.000+08:00

Just came back from JB, went there with some colleagues to have seafood dinner and just de-stress! I know that the sales and all the management levels are seriously busy and all but still I have to put up with the customer directly, and TTSH TOs aren't all that nice and friendly. So this dinner and break was a much needed and deserved one!

Lately I've been watching 'Witch Yu Hee' on veoh, shy introduced it to me and told me that she was watching this one and it seemed funny, so i checked it out and it is! So far it hasn't been as addictive as the others, but still it might be too early to say; know what I mean?

Read my friend's blog and he's mentioned that I've been quiet, guess I didn't realize it but I haven't exactly been replying his sms and stuff. Not a very good friend huh? From what I'm feeling is like he's been down about something but his portraying as though he's really up and perky, scary part would be it he fell for it himself.

My colleagues thought it would be a good laugh to hear about my most embarrassing moment and guess what? I don't regret telling it! Yeah they make fun, they laugh at me and what not but still its all with good intentions, none are harmful or spiteful so its OK! =D

Actually there's so much I want to post here, but my eyes are not permitting me; neither my hands. Too tired! Think I shall sleep now and hopefully get it typed and published soon. Hopefully!!

My KL Trip

2007-10-21T21:46:00.000+08:00

Well my trip to KL was one that I'll certainly never forget, especially the bus ride back; mom won't let me forget!

Okay so it started when going mom's leg rest was broken so she was totally uncomfortable the whole way till the pit stop. lolx!! So I had a good laugh out of that and some other events which took place in the bus going which mom would kill me for telling =b

The hotel was decent, Corus hotel right next to KLCC, great food there!! So the first day when we arrived BeeBee and Lesh met us outside the hotel, so we went to KLCC and ate at Chilli's. Great food!! Went back to the hotel bathed and then headed over to Nova hotel because oppositde the hotel is good food. Even though we were stuffed we made room for their famous BBQ chicken wings!! After that we took a cab down to Marion's place. She leaves in bungsa..however it's spelt, anyways, we were there till late just talking and stuff; she makes excellent crepes! =D

The next day we were able to go out and shop and stuff. Went to some street market to look around but it just felt so unsafe anywhere and everywhere I went. Sigh! Even at the mall, not sure of the name let alone the spelling so yeah, sorry!

People there are just really really agressive. The ride back to singapore was just plain scary, it could have been written as a suspence thriller; literally!! Standing at Putaraya waiting for a bus that never showed up and ended up taking some 'shared' bus service. Took about 4 hours to reach the rest stop and then the driver changed and we started off towards KL again, freaked alot of people out. Ended up turning off the highway to some small roads and wound up at a bus depot to drop this one guy off, guarantee he paid the second driver, first one refused; how I know? Driver was saying "You mathie, I mathie" this phrase I do understand you know!

But eventually we did make it to singapore, went through Woodlands rather then Tuas though, like we were suppose to. Think we were in the bus for a total of about 7-8 hours, travelling around Malaysia and being stuck in traffic.

Not that great an experience but still had fun and that's what matters the most! =D

Flattery

2007-09-20T00:22:00.000+08:00

I'm so screwed, or at least that's how I feel. Today at ICL, N.O CK was talking to me while I collected the final 2 pumps; single and triple, one each. So we started talking and he asked if I was married and I said no. He started telling me how beautiful I am and that he thought so from the first time he saw me last week when I went to collect the first PM pump. So that already was like, wow thanks! Know what I mean? After that he went on to how sweet he thinks I am and so on, so we started talking and he asked to be friends and to me that's fine. Guess i made friends all right, he got my number from my business card that I gave him the first time round. I guess it didn't really hit me till after the conversation was over I realized that I hadn't answered the question of whether I'm single or attached! Obviously I'm happily attached to a guy that I adore, if I didn't I wouldn't have stuck around for 3 over years. Now I feel like crap and I have no clue how to tell him nicely that I didn't answer the question and that I am attached. HELP!!!!!!

Flattery can be cruel.....

Anarchy

2007-09-14T23:25:00.000+08:00

Total and complete chaos is how I feel right now! Everything is just spirraling out of control, my control! In a way I want to just kind of step back and take a really good look at everything, but then I ask myself, why? And most importantly, whether I even know what I'm trying to look for in the first place. Sounds weird I know but I just can't help myself. It's like...I honestly have no clue how to describe this feeling or even the situtation. The whole scenario is just totally out of proportion. Everything that I thought was sane is now questionable for its reliability. what am I to do? In other words, messed up!

On the other hand, I met up with Kathy after work on thursday, after my coffee-talk with her I ran into Yasmine and then we went right back into Starbucks and I had yet another round of coffee-talk with her. But it was enjoyable and informative. She's so office politic-savy. I'm can so learn from her, but then if it comes and a cost or a price that requires friendship as the payment, then sorry I'm not ready nor will I probably ever be ready for something like that. Office politics is something i rather just ignore, listen to? Of course! It's so interesting! But I like the ways of Thomas, just float in, do your stuff and leave the mud-slinging to those who are willing to get dirty wtih it. No point standing in the way either.

I guess once i started prioritizing what is what and who is who, it's this total eye-opener as to who your real friends are. Who are the ones that are there for you, give you good advice and at the same time listen to you when you have things to let out. Those who chuck you, chuck them back! Slug 'em if you must!

To be honest, I have no clue to what this post is about. It's basically a jumbled up mess of everything that's playing back in my head and I'm just writing how it makes me feel and what I think of. How could something so simple turn out to be so complicated? I just don't get it! Since when did life have so many rules and regulations that I'm now only learning about. Man what happened to education in school, does school not prepare you for the real world? Ha! It does, the idealistic theoretical world we find in books and magazines and through wonderfully miraculous testimonies of others; but not in our worlds. Not till we're probably much older and what's the word...wiser? So lame! The oldest and lamest phrase ever, older and wise....older certainly does not mean wiser to me. wiser is something that is earned from experience and not from age. There are truck loads of young that suffer and learn fast to be tough from young...years of experience do it...not the years of your life. That phrase gives this false pretense that bad things only happen when your older and when you young everyone has such a great childhood...we're all equal!! Crap..all of it. Old is old; based on how many years you have added to your life, but wising up? This is certainly not defined by age!

Now about this whole age issue! Everyone in my company tells me that I'm so young, obviously I'm only 22. Now some of my friends and family; who are younger than me, tend to be like wow..you're getting old, everytime i birthday comes and I get a year older. Yeah, getting older has some down sides to it but overall it's a wonderful thing to go through. I'm not saying i spent my youthfullness doing all I wanted to, but i got a fair share of stuff done that I'm proud of. I Say you have to look at it like this device that is adding years to your life. Right now i have 22years there, on my life and in a few months I shall add yet another year to this device called my life. I know of a lot of people who look at it like some count down timer....people we aint cakes baking in any oven!! We're humans, you can't count down, you don't know where that finish line is. Just think of it as being right there in front of you at all times and at any one time you could cross it and that's it. Or you could continue to add years and push that line one year further away from you.

now I can name a ton of people who will read this and then start on me about being all optimistic and what not. I don't care, say as you please...tag me and then go write your blog to be all dark and dreary and exclaim that the world's going to end, it's your space to rant and this is mine...so back off!! Optism is what keeps us going strong and happily, certainly not anything else. just observe either yourself or someone around you and then come back here and argue with me!

I still have no clue as to why this post is being written. I'm not even too sure what it was that I wnted to type or even say. Sometimes it's like you just want to get a message out there to people, other times you just need a place to vent anger and all other forms of emotions, other times you need a place to write all you feel, or felt and saw. An experience you had, or maybe not just that but moreon how it made you feel what you thought of it. Just to pen it down and maybe later read it again and learn something about yourself. I find that typing about how certain events made you feel and reading throug those can be real eye-openers. it's like being third party, you play back that scene in your head and you can either agree with yourself or laugh at yourself or tell yourself, i should have done it differently. But who's to say what? This is just one girl and her thoughts about her life.

Back to Cyberspace

2007-09-12T21:40:00.000+08:00

Wasn't able to enter this website for a while as well as MSN and email accounts. My laptops keyboard decided to go kapootz right after the Commex Show. Sigh. So I wasn't able to use my computer for a while, but now that I've hooked up an external keyboard it's working fine now. Only problem would be the "fn" key. It doesn't exsist on a keyboard. Sigh, double-time! But I guess as long as I can access and use the net and all it's accessories, I shan't complain. =D

Works been getting stressful, more and more by the hour. Sigh. I still can't believe he wants a "spy"! And worst off it just has to be Kevin. Then to think of the new guy? I can bet my life and fully guarantee that the new guy was instructed not to talk to anyone other then James, Fredrick that gang. Sigh. Guess Kevin was a bit of a disappointment, but then again it's hard to say so I'll still watch my own back just to play safe here. I still need to survive there. PM this month and next month will kill, and March shall be worst than now.

Okay on a not so related note to the above, I want to discuss about authors and books that are nice to read and if anyone has a comment on what is preferred or any suggestions to a possible author or book title that I may like.

Okay so currently I'm reading Stephen King's A Bag of Bones. I love the phrases, "That's my dust catcher.." and "It's just another bag of bones...".

These two lines just really seemed to stand out especially the first, it's just so common....and so true...everything belongs to us, our past, out secrets and these things shall just sit there and collect dust...and it belongs to only us and no one else...

Overall the story's about this author, Michael Noonan; his wife passes away - very suddenly in a parking lot, and he kind of gets a writer's block or shall it say writer's walk. Towards the middle of the book; which is where I am currently, it seems more that it wasn't writer's block or walk but more of his wife's and his summer home was haunted. And it is these spirits that are controlling his actions or should I say thoughts. But I know that will come later. =)

Well once I finish withthe book or reach that portion of it where I'll either be right or wrong, I'll blog it here. Till then...Gdnite!!! =D

Retirement Age

2007-09-08T22:39:00.000+08:00

My laptop has finally reached it's retirement age. Most of my third row keys are not working. so if you T U I O are not working, you're going to face a lot of problems with typing. Especially user names and passwords, currently using my sister's computer just t clear my mailbox out. Guess from here on out my mailbox will only get cleared when I'm at my office. Which will be few and far between this month, way too many PM (preventive maintenance). Repairs are reasonable this month so far, but PM is getting way overloaded as well as commissioning. Therefore, my next schedule for this lot will be in March. PM inclusive of newly commissioned, I'm pretty much screwed. Furthermore, the BME manager wants me to collect my PM pumps. More problems are sure to arise, so not going to do that; and my manager totally sides this move! It's just ridiculous for me to run around like that, and what if history repeats itself? So likely to happen, then what? Who's going to be the one to take the blame? Who will the fingers start pointing to? Who will lose their reputation with the user? It's best that the current way of PM flow remains! But it's hard to say, let's just wait for the 'black and white' and then see how it all plays out.

Oh I got a new book yesterday, "The Stranger House" not sure of the author but the story line seemed interesting so I bought it. Actually it was a debate between Dan Brown's Angels and Demons and this one The Stranger House; I figured that being able to find a Dan Brown book is easier then this other author so I decided on the latter. Either way, once I've finished reading and of course if I remember, which I doubt..hehe...I'll write about it =D

Right now, I need to get to bed, I have my Malayalam class tomorrow! Gdnite!!

2007-08-26T23:44:00.000+08:00

Why am I even here typing this? I myself have no clue. I rather be working on my poem, but for some reason it's just not coming out right.

There is just so much I want to express, say, shout out! Unfortunately, well fortunately for those around, I can't! So everything is locked away inside of me and let me just say this, I have way too many things locked up as it is! I so need to sit down and sort through everything but as we all know; it ain't ever going to happen so no point dwelling on it.

Guess all I really want to get out for starters is Judgement Day; D-day. It came and left and has been celebrated ever since. Though, I kind of want another one of those days; just to change things up a little. Second was...something that I'm not sure how to phrase it into words let alone and sentence. Thrid is loyalty. Does loyalty rule over all matters! But does it still apply to family and friends? The people whom you love? Can you honestly, with full integrity chose loyalty over everything else; right or wrong? This is where the gray area falls.

The pivital moment is everyone's life; or at least I'm hoping it is, would be deciding where the barrier lies. Where is this line and how fine is it. And most importantly, how close is too close? Especially when it comes to wanting to; just for fun, teeter on this fine line. I do not know. And honestly, sometimes I do not wish to know and other times I long to know.

Anyone there?

2007-08-19T23:58:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I seriously wonder if this site een gets any visits. But then again it's not like I'm posting that often either, but still!

Work has been pretty ok, not everything went smoothly, but that's life. Most obstacles were faced and stuff, so yeah. What can I say? Oh I know! How about the topic of people who stick their nose's where it don't belong! Seriously and with all honesty, unless I mention something that would give that person; or anyone for that matter, the right to say something, I would really appreciate them just keepin their opinions to themselves.

Why the sudden outburst? Well, it started today in church, mom was talking and certain assumptions were made by the other party. Which I myself don't really appreciate! Observations are allowed to be made, no problem there, suggestions can be given, but when you start to get all, "you need this and that" kind of stuff going on; then we have a problem. Not everyone has the same problems and we can't just expect them to be because they sound or seem similar. We really need to analysize the situation as a whole in order to truely understand and give feedback. Not just whacking either, serious and whole-hearted constructive suggestions and remedies to these problems. . . .

Honestly I'm not too sure myself

2007-07-28T00:15:00.000+08:00

Ever found yourself sitting down and trying to sort everything that has or is happening in your life out? Apparently I do this on a daily basis, who it affects? Well I could name one but I'm hoping this person knows me well enough to let it blow over.

Been hooked to a few shows lately. Guess I'm starting to take note of the type of shows that I've become addicted to. Hehe!! I presume it's mainly because they can be reflected as reality. It's not hard or difficult or unreal for these type of plots to become realistic. Serious! So I've been getting home everyday to sit in front of the TV for like 2 hours, just watching these three different shows. Worth it to me but to rather be at home watching these shows rather then going out with family and friends is bad!

Everyone wants this typical normal, 'white picket fence' kind of life. Hard to obtain? Not really just whether you want to make things like this happen. Unfortunately, I feel like I'm a little too old for these thoughts. Of wanting something different from what I already have; more! More of everything, more opportunities to experience stuff, more guts to do stupid things and have a blast. Wish there were more years to poly then just three. Either that or I could re-live those days over and over again. No one should ever want to grow up fast. Savor youth, it's splendid!! There's so much that can be done and said and everything!!

Just feel like I'm stuck in this really tight cocoon and just can't get out. Suppression, depression...don't they go together? Sad =(

Please though, don't get me wrong. I really do love my life, my friends and family and everyone! Just sometimes I wish there was more, more of me and more my time!!! There just isn't enough and time sure isn't slowing down or waiting. It just keeps going and I'm running behind the wagon, yeah there are some highs when near and lows when in the process of chasing it all over again. So how to just get on board and stay there? Dictation surely doesn't help matters. My roof, my rules...such a famous saying by almost every parent out there. Either way understandable. Still sad though....

Honestly, I doubt anyone will really understand this entry. Think it's more of just jumbled words to readers, but it holds meaning for me, it holds inner feelings. So if you do get this, please don't mis-interpret. Thanks!

It's like fast pace it cool, fun, exciting.....but then again slow and steady is also equally fun and exciting...it's pure and that makes it even more precious. Know what I mean? Innocence is far better than anything else in this world, a world full of corruption and yet one can find something and hold on to it, something innocent and pure. Sweet serenity! Something that's so pure you never want to let it go, unfortunately when we have it, we want the fast lane, and when we have that we want the pure path again. Normal I guess, but I can say for certain that I only want the pure and innocent way, something that's so sweet and comfortable and pure.....like sitting by a lake and just enjoying the quietness and the view and the peace of being there all alone to enjoy and take in all of this at one time! To relax there and be at ease, with a peace of mind. Serenity! That's all I can ask for. Singapore is way to high-strung for this though....so what to do? Stick it out and maneuver around the system the best way possible. I'm half way there, just take the lake scenery and add a computer on your lap cause you have a deadline to meet. It's exactly like that. Peaceful with a hint of stress. One good thing is at least all you gotta do is lift your gaze and your stress is gone. It's okay now but not forever. Please understand. Purity is a viture....stress is a killer.

Once things are fully sorted out, there will be another entry that will hopefully be much more helpful than this one in understanding everything. So until then, find your peacefully serene place!!

Dismissed

2007-07-18T22:13:00.000+08:00

Every single time I look for you online, you're never there and when you are I feel like I'm being avoided by you. Why is this so? It has been like ages since the last conversation. Don't even bother with last meeting! That was like last year or something but what to do, what to say? Nothing, and I guess it's high time that I stop. But for some reason I just can't chuck everything one side and be all like, "that's the end of it!". Not ever going to work.

Okay maybe my plan wasn't fool-proof in what I wanted to accomplish but in the end it did work out. So maybe she got so pissed off at me and doesn't want to talk to me but that could be due to other reasons as well, which have very little to do with me directly! Either way, I feel screwed. Sigh.....

Irony

2007-06-29T16:44:00.000+08:00

Was chatting with a friend the other day about life and what not, and about being analyzed by others. Unfortunately, we should not judge let alone we ourselves be judged. Contrary to that; if not we ourselves who judge us then who will? Make sense? Didn't think so but heck that's life, never really did make much sense to me anyways.

Ever look around at the people around you, what they do, what's new and so on? Especially of those people that you know first hand? Sad part is everyone is an acquaintance but very few are friends, and fewer still our close or best friends. Irony? Written all over in this statement. If you don't get it just tag me I'll explain my point of view but I rather leave it for you guys to ponder on. Come up with your own understanding and interpretation!

Well, I'm sitting here and I'm bored out of my mind to clear out all these back-dated reports that need to be filed. Oh and to think I still have one of TTSH pumps with me. Sigh. Repaired and yet not returned. Can't exactly do an ESA (Electrical Safety Analysis), cause our ESA has gone bonkers ever since it became back from calibration. some error code kept popping up. Sigh, thought that maybe it was the grounding and stuff but it wasn't. Sigh. Yet again must borrow.

Okay, it's like this, borrowing from John, Rossli and Eeswarren is easy, hassle free. Cause they're nice, but when we come to Kevin, it's possible but permission is asked first. Which is fine but at the same time, a little uncalled for. I'm not exactly going to run-away with it, just use it to test my equipment and that's about all. That way it gets done and both side are happy! Unfortunately it's not seen that way. Pitiful i know. But what to do? Nothing, just feed sweets. The one thing I hate to do.

So far nothing major has occurred at work or at home that's actually worthy of being posted so, yeah. Still trying to search for some nice book to read once i finish this one that I'm current;y reading.

Know what just dawned on me? My blog entry title says "Irony" and yet I have digressed to the topic of work, ESAs and now good books for leisure reading. Hmm, wonder what shall be next? It's not that I'm totally off point, just that i said what was pressing on my mind earlier in the entry so now I shall just rant and rave about everything and anything.

But I need to end my entry here and hopefully can continue later tonight. I am being beckoned by TTSH guys. =b

What was that for?

2007-06-05T23:03:00.000+08:00

There have been so many things in my life that have happened and I'm not really too sure what they were for, but for now another song! Lyrics that is...

Breathe - Hands To Heaven

So raise your hands to heaven and pray
That we'll be back together someday, hey...

Tonight I need your sweet caress, hold me in the darkness
Tonight you calm my restlessness, you relieve my sadness...

Okay that's the end of it, now it shall just continue playing for me to listen. If you would like it just leave me a tag and I'll send the mp3 version over. Now back to the above-I just can't help but be asking what that was actaully for? I mean, honestly, at first thought I knew but than it just sort of happened again and then there was this slight twist that it became something else with the same meaning behind it. I seriously don't get it and am totally lost! Yeah the thought was sweet and well yeah nice and all but really was it necessary? I doubt so. But thank you!

Long Week, Short Weekend

2007-05-06T21:44:00.000+08:00

Long week, short weekends; how true is this statement? Some will argue that of course it's true beause obviously there are 5 working days and 2 weekend days. Then ask yourself, during that 5 days how long does those 8 hours; sitting in the office, goes by? And how long does your 10hours on the weekend go by? Work is slow cause we find it boring to sit at the desk, especially after lunchtime, but then on the weekend when we're just sitting at home watching tv, slacking or going out time flies because you don't realize it. But in actual fact it's around the same, just a few more hours in the office but if you make your life in the office enjoyable (having the right colleagues and loving what you do) you'll find that this statement doesn't apply to you anymore. =D

It doesn't apply to me, only when I'm super packed with an overload of PMs. Other than that it's all good for me. I love my work, I love my colleagues (they're the greatest lot you could ever work with). Stress from work, whatever...it's all bearable, it's all good.

Speaing of which I need to get up early tomorrow for work, Gdnite!!

Why. . .

2007-05-01T22:33:00.000+08:00

Ever asked the question before? I have, a good number of times too! Had a friend ask me just now why God makes people with disabilities. At first I had no clue how to answer it, then i remembered this book that I read and that my friend has read too - Red Sky in the Morning. It was about this girl who's brother was born with down syndrome. But he taught her and others around him how to appreciate the little things, like enjoying a sweet and not just devouring it, but savouring everything about it.

We're made all different from each other so that we can learn from one another. That's what i believe and think. It's like this one parable about how things that we can't see we say doesn't exist even though it does through faith and by believing. May sound like I'm going off-track here but bear with me it does make sense.

When we can't see something we say it doesn't exist and that's why many people have a hard time understanding why Christians worship a God that no one has seen. True but love is never seen, it's just felt! Kind of like ghosts, everyone talks about it but who has really seen it (A sentence for the non-believers). God knows how the human mind works, after all HE created it! HE knows that we humans only like to believe what we can see, comprehend and understand. So HE sends us signs and HE comes down as beggars, as the disabled...as the lost..to teach us how we are meant to live our lives, to show us what it means to live! To show us how to love and what it means to say I Love You to someone! We can read the bible as much as we like but can we really ever understand it fully? Yes! But how many of us do? How many of us bother to take the time to understand what HE's trying to tell us, how many of us meditate on HIS word? Very few, a few that could be counted, which is sad to say and I too fall victim to this but that thing is HE's still there to teach and love, HE is patient...it takes time to learn things.

If someone you love is suffering without knowing the magnitude that you do and if you see someone being mean or cruel, arrogant and ignorant to your loved one who suffers...how do you feel? Now after knowing that, how it feels, would you do it in turn to someone else? Not necessarily to a disabled but even to an able person if you are in any way mean, cruel arrogant or ignorant to an other's thoughts and feelings than you are no better and haven't learnt fully!! They teach us about life, love and the meaning of helping one another.

Things my mom as always told me..

1) Always stretch out your hand to pick up the one who as fallen

2) If someone is to slap you, turn the other cheek to him for a slap

3) HE took the mighty from their thrones and the lowly HE has made of high estate (be humble and fearful)

4) Always give....give with two hands and receive with one (we should give more then we receive)

5) Love your neighbour as your brother (love, help and share; look down and judge no one, cause we are never judged by HIM just loved)

6) Never bite the hand that feeds you (Honour thy mother and father; and whoever else helps you in life)

Hopefully I didn't side-track and you understand...

Major Make-Over

2007-04-11T23:40:00.000+08:00

Got some new furniture in the house and new bedroom set. King-sized bed!! I'm so psyched!! It's a nice soft mattress!! Today I guess overall was a pretty okay day...only bad part was having to deal with Mr. Director of TTSH BME...sigh...

I mean come on, if I say that it is an arrangement made between two people than what does that mean? It means that I'm left out, i hear the third wheel roll that's all!! I just follow instructions and execute, that's my job when it comes to commissioning! But this smart fellow made a huge issue out of a very minor misunderstanding amongst the users themselves. What to do? Stand there and take the brunt end of it? Nope! Not I, I fought back and stood my ground, which caused him to just get more pissed off and now wants to meet my big boss...sigh.

Can't believe he just by-passed my manager though. Although he was informed by myself and this guy, my manager just told me, "...if he wants paper then we give him paper, he want toilet paper also can.." then he laughed. Everyone knows how this fellow is, but I do have to admit it is hurtful the way he speaks forcefully and worst he how head-strong he is and determined to be rihgt and make you in the wrong, it pisses me off but still, humiliated me. Couldn't take it so I just walked off, think that gave him a sense of victory, cause he came behind to remind me again to set the date and time for a meeting. Know what? I ain't gonna bother!! I can care less about what he has to say or think or feel or what he wants to persue. Go all the way...then go..go all the way to the top and jump I clap for you!!!

Man this guy just irritates the hell out of me!! But again what to do?? I am still the vendor and he is my client, thankfully there was the verbal agreement that this guy will be totally out and I only have to deal with my husband, I can deal with this arrangement!! So tomorrow have to make sure that this is inforced by making sure my manager is made aware of it and makes sure it comes true. In black and white!!! haha!! Stupid idiot of a guy!!!

God Bless the Broken Road

2007-04-10T22:16:00.000+08:00

I set out on a narrow road, many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two, wiped my brow kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream, lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms
This much I know is true, that God blessed the broken road that lead my straight to you

I think about the years I've spent, just passing through
I'd like the have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand, you've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream, lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms
This much I know is true, that God blessed the broken road that lead my straight to you

Now I'm just rolling home into my lovers arms
This much I know is true, that God blessed the broken road that lead my straigh to you

That God blessed the broken road that lead me straight to you........

By Rascal Flatts

Beautiful song that I just fell in love with. Question!!! Can this be our song?? Agree!! =D ...don't mind me here... =D

Cut 'n' Paste

2007-04-09T12:47:00.000+08:00

Man if only this could be done in real life, cut, paste, cut don't paste, delete! Been sitting here working, change dates, cut, paste, cut paste, copy paste, delete, enter new dates. It could be used on people (not that i want to cut or delete anyone from my life I'm just saying), special moments can be relived by just copying and pasting or something could happen later when you feel your more prepared or something. But this is only wish ful thinking and not reality. Sigh. Unfortunately.

Radio's playing a song that I do not quite like but I really love this one line from the song, "..if pages could burn, now it's your turn...". There is so much that can be said from just this one line but I shall not go there, midn went blank on what i wanted to write.

Man am I swamped with paperwork here. Worst is now I have to go back to TTSH tomorrow to collect my Service Repair Data Sheets, sigh, then have to pass everything back to every engineer that I owe paperwork too. Another major sigh there!

I want to go home, can't. Too much work that needs to be done here first....I so want to lie on my bed, drink something hot and watch tv. My back is killing me. Sigh. Back to work, enough talk here.... bye bye.

Black Monday?

2007-04-06T22:15:00.000+08:00

I know today's not Monday but my past Monday was totally not what i expected even from Monday blues and all that. Just imagine, Monday after lunch I was heading back to my work station. Was thinking of just going through the doors at B2 but then something told me to buy a water bottle; I was thirsty...and thought my colleague would be too. So I decided to back-track and go up the escalator to 7-11 then take the lift from there up. Anywaz, I went up the first escalator; no problem, but when it came to the second set one was under maintenance so only one was operating. Though stationary everyone kept to their left and walked either up or down. I was walking up, mind you left hand in a brace, was slightly higher then halfway up when this man comes running down with this huge backpack. His shoulder brushes against me and says sorry, still running, but his backpack ended up dragging my down backwards...all the way down the escalator. And get this?? He didn't even bother to stop to help or assist or at least ask if I was okay. Sigh. Young guy, late twenties to early thirties. Smacked the back of my head pretty bad, luckily no fractures or anything but alota bruises and red marks. And I'm so damn sore!!!! couldn't really walk or sit or anything just lay there on the bed for like two days straight. Finally but the third day was able to move around a bit. Now so much better but still need a lot of pillows behind me and all that.

Movement may be limited but heck I'm still "okay"! Hmm, oh yeah, ended up with this really bad throat infection as well, still suffering from it even now, lost my voice just yesterday, haha!! Fever's gone down but it still comes and goes as it pleases,sigh! Other than this..everything is good!!

Today's Good Friday and I didn't even go to church, feel back but there's no way I would have been able to participate for the whole thing, it's a long one, three parts! A lot of standing and kneeling involved so yeah would have had some problems there which would have been embarrassing to explain and all that.

Can't wait for Easter to come!! I love Easter!! I need to get to sleep now, can't sit for too long...Gdnite!!!

Overloaded

2007-03-28T10:31:00.000+08:00

Should I even be complaining? Doubt so, at least I have work to do. Haha!! But still I prefered the time around Feburary, not so packed and not so rushed for time. Either way, hehe.

So right now I'm sitting here in my office and guess what? I'm the only one here, not really sure why though. My manager called me this morning asking where I was, told him where I was at and that I'd be coming down here, came and there was no one. Kind of cool though. Never really was able to be here alone from the get-go, this is cool. Can blast music and what not, hehe!!

Kk, I better be getting back to my excel spreadsheet so I can head back to TTSH before lunchtime or at least during lunch. =D Tata!!

Migrain

2007-03-25T21:18:00.000+08:00

Just yesterday I was having this super painful migrain headache that just drained me fulling and worst was i couldn't really enjoy the movie! sigh!! It was a great movie though, 300. Really love the effects of blood splatter and all that. Superb!! Great show and the storyline of how anything can be done with passion adn determination. Numbers are irrelevant, it's all about the will and passion and love for one's country and people!!

Anyways, nothing much to type just wanted to chat on MSN a little and see how Lesley was, thought I'd enter a short post about the movie but yeah migrain's coming back so, tata!! Next entry I'll elaborate.

Big Burden

2007-03-22T23:49:00.000+08:00

Workload for March is catching up with me and I am now starting to feel it; either way I still enjoy what I do and at least had a call from a friend of mine which allowed me a few moments of a good needed laugh. Oh and I'm still curious as to why the lone just got cut, I'm going to guess that your battery went flat but yeah let me know!!

Tomorrow have to be at office early, get this feeling that my manager is starting to wonder why I'm never at the office anymore, literally it's as though I'm camping out at TTSH. Sigh. I'm not complaining though. I kind of like that room, it's a little cosy once you get use to it and believe you me if anyone is comfortable there it would be me!! I'm like forever in that room. So tomorrow there's commissioning, handled by my colleague and then the PM which is going to be done by me at the same time chasing after some of them for my pumps and then chasing them to sign service reports. Haha!! It's always fun to chase for my special "autograph session" because it's one report per pump!! Lolx!! Photocopying is the killer though. Good thing my office is comfy and cosy and nice ambience to work in. If not think I'd go insane!!

Right now just going to coast till this sunday, finally get to meet Shuxin after like how long?! Oh and my special day is coming!! Haha!! can't wait, only bad part is I'm working on that day but than again it's not really that bad cause I have this feeling that I just might enjoy going to work that day!! But I need to be at two places that day, office and TTSH BME!! So want to have lunch with all those guys on that day, will definetly have more fun!! No offence to my colleagues they're great people but BME even more fun cause I've known them longer and well yeah....but I really do wish to get to know all my colleagues and develope bonds of friendship with them and my clients!! Meaning all the other BMEs out there and not just TTSH's.

Right now listening to Lifehouse Family, great band love all their songs!! Unfortunately i need to shut-down and get my butt to bed, need to be at office by 9am, which means I have to leave my house at 7am to reach just nice on time, my office is way too far from my place. Just imagine I travel to Pasir Panjang everyday from the nortnern tip of Singapore!!! North to South literally!! but I'm near Vivo so can't really complain too much, just the travelling kills me, I'm not a traveling kind of person, I prefer nearby things. Me lazy, haha i know!!

kk Gdnite people!!! =D

New Look

2007-03-21T22:41:00.000+08:00

Not really sure why I decided to change my blog's layout, just was going through stuff and then came across this file and i guess i just liked the name; Simple Colors. Sounds nice huh? lolx! Unfortunately, I find this color scheme too light and the colors blend way to easily, it's kind of hard to really view and see the difference. But the background color is really nice so I have decided to keep it for a while. Prefer these light colors; not white, just light colors rather than the black that i had. Too dark, too gloomy.

Now, on a lighter note, things at office seem to be going well. Alot of new things going on, alot of changes too; things should turn out for the better!! I hope!! Hmm, workload as increased but i think that I've handled it pretty well so far. but still needed Andy to come down and help me. Repairs ended up being my killer!! Sigh. Guess I got so caught up in my PM that i just couldn't get my repairs done on time. Good thing he's pretty free this month to help me out. =D

Other then that, I've been having this, new addiction?? If you could call it that..lolx!! with Korean dramas. haha!! So far I have seen (and own), Lovers in Paris, My Girl and most recently watched (just an hour ago) Full House. My next aim to to get the DVD Princess Hour, I hear that it's really good! Joy has the DVD so I might borrow from her first if I like it then I'm so going to buy it!! haha!! There's this one TS shop at Square 2 over at Novena next to TTSH and they're having this sale cause of opening or something like that. Prices very reasonable!!! I sound like JL hahaha!!!!!

Kk bedtime!!! Gdnite people!! =D

=.=

2007-03-15T00:20:00.000+08:00

Nothing much to post...today was a very eventful day if i should say so myself!! had a great laugh today while in A&E repairing a pump. lolx!! if you wanna know more please IM me and I'll tell you about it!! shy and JL you guys will love this and laugh your heads off as well!! =D seriously!!

lately been feeling really down, not sure why. i mean its not like I'm depressed or anything just really down and i myself don't know why. maybe because of further studies maybe because of work or family....i have no clue..sigh...this sux big time!!

probably should be getting to bed but i don't exactly feel sleepy but tomorrow is another day full of PM and running around to find people...still trying to figure out a solution for ED pumps. i know i need to get the list of S/N's first but still need a plan after that!! see how it goes, see whether this boon kwang will call me or I'll have to call him. the name sounds so familiar, think I've met him during attachment just don't remember the face. apparently Michael's face comes to mind, hahahas!!!! not good!! lolx!! =p

been listening to Nelly Furtardo's songs a lot recently, especially All Good Things Come To An End and Say It Right. not very helpful to the mood thing i got going but i find the lyrics very meaningful...just not sure how....well not in their literal context of course...that subliminal message that's being sent out. it's hitting my conscience pretty hard...sigh...nevermind please don't get that and i might be a happier person!

I need sleep and a whole lot of other stuff, need to figure out why, first of all I'm so down then the rest can be dealt with...either that or it'll just solve itself, that would make me even happier!! haha!! kk I'm off for now, it's bedtime!!

WHY DO ALL GOOD THINGS COME TO AN END........!!!

=D

2007-03-01T22:56:00.000+08:00

Have no idea what to type or say, nothing really going through my head but this song....

Rascal Flatts - My Wish

i hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow

and each road lead you to where you wanna go

and if your faced with a choice and you have to choose

i hope you choose the one that means the most to you

and if one door opens to another door closed

i hope you keep on walking till you find the window

if its cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile

but more than anything, more than anything

my wish for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it too

your dreams stay big, your worry stays small

you never need a care more than you can hold

and while you're out there getting where you're getting to

i hope you know somebody loves you,and wants the same things too

yeah this, is my wish

i hope you never look back but you never forget

all the ones who love you and the place you live

i hope you always forgive and you never regret

and you help somebody every chance you get

oh you find God's grace in every mistake, and always give more than you take

but more then anything, yeah more then anything

my wish for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to

your dreams stay big, your worry stays small

you never need a care more then you can hold

and while you're out there getting to where you're getting to

i hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too

yeah this, is my wish.......(x2)

i hope you know somebody loves you, may all your dreams come true....

Judgement Day

2007-02-04T22:49:00.001+08:00

Nothing special about this post just thought of talking about the one thing that i dreaded for the longest time, well actually it wasn't that long of a time but because it was so precious to me and vital a day just felt like eternity. anywaz, it's been three years since judgment day, three years ago this very day 22.02.03 that was a good day for me, or shall i say evening. and right now its a good one too. i mean yeah its not exactly ideal and all but it's as good as it can get for the moment.

this just might be back-dated to i have no idea what day, but i just put in the title then and am writing this now. haha!! hope that made sense to you people. still wonder if anyone really reads this, doubt it so yeah whatever! =D

now back to my judgement day! it was alwaz so passive the way it was written and expressed but when i read back on it and really start to ponder i realize how deep it was, how much i longed for the day and yet ironically how much i was scared and didn't ever want the day to come. scared and frightened i was, rejection, betrayal, mocking...everything....just scared and fearful of it all. am i still? no! not at all...i've past that day and have now arrived at the future of that day and i am glad that i went through it because the grass is so much more greener on this side!! =p it's a combination!!! haha!! i LOVE the moon!!! my moon....judgement is over and believe me after that one anything else that's thrown at me is much, excuse me, so much easier to handle! i can face anything i can do anything i can be anyone!! i can have it all!! the world and beyond...no limitations for anything, it's like i own the world!! and so much more!! its a great feeling and to know that it went the way i wanted it too and everything! i didn't expect that but then how many of us really are confident with high self-esteem? not many...especially not me! honestly, i felt like my question was going to be probed at...i felt like it would have been laughed at and mocked...i felt like it would have suffered from ridicule and so much more...but it didn't; i thought it did at first but then when my head cleared and i read through everything again i realized that my prayers were answered and i felt like it was just meant to be such....it was suppose to be that way....messed up but still true to the answer i seeked and desired...i got it!!! i got it and am still receiving...more and more everyday...and i am so thankful!! so very thankful to everyone and anyone who played a part in it and well yeah..thanks!! thank you for everything!! for the right answer, the treatment, the ease, the peace just everything...perfect timing..perfect beautiful timing.....couldn't have asked for it any better and i thank God for it....everything was perfect just like His plan for me..perfectly beautiful!!! =D

now it's bedtime and i needa get some sleep so im not late for work tomorrow...sigh cleaning 6D TTSH....needa pack and get outta there before renovations start....cyaz!! gdnite!

A Cold Heart

2007-02-04T22:31:00.000+08:00

Nope it's not that i'm in a bad mood or heartbroken or anything, it's just this new book i'm reading; this is the title! i'll tell you this though, it's one confusing book. the plot is good, real good but the lead characters and storyline changes with the characters and it's confusing because there are different characters solving different cases only later in the book do they merge into one case, one Cold Case (another good show btw).

i mean i have nothing against change in lead characters, just don't write it as "I" and then i'm left to continue reading confusing which "I" it is. sometimes the chapters continue with the same character and others change and it's not clearly defined but still overall a good book. haha!! i guarantee that you would be confused reading it as well, but still a good book!

actaully i did want to type something here yesterday but i forgot what it was...and now i remember but it's suppose to be a entry on its own and not combined with others. nevermind i'll just create it later then save it as a draft first, otherwise i just might forget it again.

shy is leaving for aussie soon, so that's one less friend to have around. and speaking of friends i think and feel as though i have already lost one. it's like wow! made a friend pretty close very fast then all of a sudden it's like nothing! just like that a friend is gone...lost...it's like they just fell off the face of earth, sigh! really did like that friend, a good friend that you can just be yourself with and tell everything, joke and laugh and really enjoy yourself, but oh well at least i still have my old friends, and my new ones from office!

so far i've made friends with andy my direct colleague and then there's all those temp and contract staff that are also my friends, din, jackson, yani! so fun to hang out with yani last friday, had fun eating KFC and talking at chinatown (the wrong place to be at this time of the year) haha but thomas was going there so we decided to get a lift from him to there and eat. lolx!!

kk i need to be getting to bed and sleep, this weekend has been pretty packed for me so not much rest got up early for both days and slept late both days. can't keep doing this because i don't want to be late for work too often. so off to bed i go!! Gdnite people...whoever really reads this..lolx!!! =D

At Office

2007-01-11T17:10:00.000+08:00

Just sitting here in the office right now and well there's no one here besides jackson and he's in the workshop so yeah, no one's here with me. im bored outta my mind!! been trying to clear out my filing and get it done before too late, not sure when the audit will be and sure don't wanna fail that! hmm..should probably write about my trip to Perth, believe you me there's a whole lot to write about, from the full of turbulence flight going there, the river cruise dinner (beautiful view, spectacular!!) , the vineyard, shopping area and lastly the yatch sailing!! oh the atch sailing was my favorite and i was pretty good at steering the yatch, it was only 36'. but still haha!! the view there was fantastic!! skipper was really cute, i almost fell out of the yatch and uhm there were alot of box jellyfish in the water, we came in second last for the race but heck it was overall fun!! first time i had corona too. =D didn't like it that much but it wasn't that bad..still prefer breezers. haha!!!

well it's hard to write about the trip, it's more of the experience then anything else, you just had to have been there. maybe i'll try to upload pictures, but till then i'm off to get my little behind home for dinner!!! =p

2007

2007-01-02T22:26:00.000+08:00

Hmm?? been so long since i've last written anything here and im so tempted to just type in the lyrics to Hinder's song By the Way. bought the Cd because of their hit Lips of an Angel then discovered that i love almost every song on this album. haha!! the lyrics just seem to describe me right now so well, where im at in life, how i feel; especially the bridge and chorus. seems like a depressing song but actaully its not! to me that is, im morbid..maybe? haha!! doubt it just a little crazy and psychotic at times. but still!

nothing much been going on, Christmas was fun, enjoyed caroling but not the falling ill part. was like on MC for the past one week and tomorrow is like my first day back from MCs. lolx!! that's pretty bad i know. anyways, New Year's was alright, not that greatest had better but then again being in pain doesn't make anything better. fingers still sore and a little charred but now its more of a white blister rather than the black is was! oh did i mention that i burnt myself by grabbing the metal part of the soldering iron while tryin' to repair a pump? guess not.

actually its a funny story so let me tell it then im off to bed. it goes like this....

between the 23rd and 24th Dec: went to church for the christmas variety program and then went home to prepare for the carolers, after the carolers came and broke a picture of the Praying Hands, lolx! after that i was suppose to follow in the bus to guide them to uncle matthew's place, so all of us followed haha!! but then after that i was fun and dino was there and then everyone (aunty mary, soma...and so on) asked us to continue and well i wanted to so we did! =D man it was fun but long hours..whole night!! after the last house on our way back to church i so knocked out in the bus, didn't even hear uncle alex blow the whistle for prayer..haha!! after that we came home and slept a little then i went out with shuxin to buy some totally last minute gifts!!

came home and then everyone came over and we opened christmas at our place, by the end of the day i was shot and wasn't feeling to well so i took a nap and at midnight was woken to toast in christmas and say a prayer. then it was bedtime!! the next day which was christmas day ijust felt so lousy...so mom took my temperature and it was high so she gave me meds and i went back to sleep then we all went over to uncle matthew's for streamboat but i just felt worse and worse. that night was up with a blocked/running nose (don't ask it was tormenting one nostril blocked the other running non-stop) sigh. so 26th was suppose to be back to work but i messaged in that i was having a fever so yeah was getting MC, slept in a little then went to the doctor's and yeah was sick, got 2days MC for it. major sigh!!

this is the best part!! on thursday i went back to work and had a warranty pump to repair for my "fav" engineer!! lolx!! so was doing that i still wasn't feeling well, felt real giddy. anywaz, i was soldering and thought of swapping hands cause my left hand is more nimble then my right, obviously! so i hekd the wires with my left and went to reach for the soldering iron with my right and did so, brought it infront of me to solder and saw smoke coming from the iron, realized it was my fingers that were smoking so i let go and just dropped the iron on the static mat and ran my hand under cold water. called it in and went straight home!! ended up back at the doctor's and well yeah, second degree burns...sigh... index, middle and thumb...

apparently, since its like over 400°C the first layer of epidermis is burnt as well as the nerves, that's why i didn't feel anything! but on the bright side at least i didn't wait till i smelt smoke before letting go! =D if i did then it would have been so much more worse! haha!!

well that's the story, so after a long break im off to work for two days before i fly off to Perth for our company's sales meeting. hope my nose and ears will unblock before the flight, if not its gonna hurt so bad......

Gdnitez!!

Home Sweet Home

2006-11-14T21:45:00.000+08:00

Finally back here to write yet another entry and guess what, my computer's space-bar key totally broke on me like about a week again or so. Sigh. But so far so good with typing and all, I mean it may not be as fast as last time but managable since it's just one pathetic little push tactile button there to press. Most of the time I actaully end of missing. LOL

Work? So far been pretty okay and managable, sometimes; okay most of the time I'm way to lazy to really get out of bed and all but still I enjoy going to work every morning! It's like hello, i have yet another family to go to every day, and that includes Tan Tock Seng Hospital Staff as well.

Apart from that, things at home seem to going pretty smoothly; no like major problems or anything. Been really busy though these past few days trying to settle things and all that. I'm like so stuck in the middle right now. It's not like it's a bad thing or anything, just that it makes life harder when you're being squashed by people whom you thought would always be there to help you - true friends and not just more acquantices, but then again who am I to say any of this?

Man, never thought that pouring out your thoughts onto a website free for just about anyone to read would actaully feel this personal. It's like I feel I'm free to write whatever I feel or think without having to think twice, only downside is that names need to be refrained from use here. But then again come to think about it, it's easier to get over something or to deal with something when it becomes third-party to you; or me. On top of that, it's as though it never happened. You can get it off your chest and still feel as though you're the one reading this and not really experiencing it first-hand. Wrong? Maybe, but still helps a great deal for me and hopefully everyone out there too. A journal that can be used to let things out and to release built up tension and all and your friends can read it and help you through but indirectly.

Making Peace With God

2006-10-25T22:58:00.000+08:00

'But' can be such a great word! 'There's been a car accident but no one has been hurt.' 'I lost my wallet but it was returned with all the money still in it.' 'My alarm didn't go off but I still caught the bus.' The word 'but' often introduces some good news when things are looking bleak. Thank God that Ephesians 2:4 starts with a 'but'!

In verses 1-3, Paul describes the desperate situation of not knowing Christ. It is a picture of death, slavery and condemnation. Paul then goes on to systematically show how each of these things is reversed in Christ.

Whereas we were dead in sin and transgression, now we have become alive (v.5). Whereas we weremenslaved and held captive by evil forces, now we sit on thrones alongside Jesus (v.6). Whereas we were condemned, now we ahve been saved from condemnation (v.4-5).

It is exciting and dramatic picture of what happens when we respond to the gospel. Our spiritual rags of death , slavery and condemnation are replaced with spiritual riches of life, enthronement and salvation.

Paul keeps the most unbelievable thing for last. This rags to riches story is like no other you'll hear. Most rags to riches stories revolve around someone succeeding because of his or her own hard work and determination. But (there's that word again) the amazing message of the gospel is that we are taken from spiritual rags to richies for free. We contribute nothing. It is not our efforts that achieve it; it is God's efforts through Jesus. It is a free gift out of God's sheer mercy and love and grace (v.8-10)

There's even more to be said. In verses 11-22, Paul gives another perspective on our spiritual rags to richies story. This time he is not so much concerned with our reconciliation with God as with our reconciliation with each other.

*i found this while in Australia for training, we were going to use this sheet of paper as a rough paper to place under the pump head mechanism while appliying loctite. anyways, i don't know what made me want to open this folded piece of paper and read it's contents, but i did and i'm glad that i did. i found this passage written on it. after reading through it, i found it to be so true and relative to what i was going through at that point of time. God's timing and way of showing us things is perfect, just right! after arriving back in Singapore i read through Ephesians, the whole book. the passage made more sense to me, and hopefully to you guys too.

May God's Blessing and Perfect Timing Always Be With You and Upon You!

One Week

2006-09-17T23:16:00.000+08:00

So far it has been one week that shuxin is in camp and whether anyone wants to read this or not i'm still going to type it. i miss him!!! and he gets out on friday, can't wait till friday!! saturday i'm going over and think i just might cook mash potatoes for him. lolx!! he loves mash potatoes!!

today was out for like the whole day. went to church enjoyed that then there was a AGM so we left and then i remember half way in the bus that i forgot my umbrella so i went back to church to get it and ended up running into Soma and haven't really spoken to her so was talking to her and mom was rushing me, then ajay came and called for a quick youth meeting with just the few of us. Octoberfest is going to be happening and i'm on the committee and this time i really do want to participate and get involved, just can't spread myself too thin. and most importantly can't back out at all!! then mom came in and bugged me about leavin' because of meeting reshu but he was late and i was later, ok that's like not a good excuse but it is the truth. anywaz ate at swenson's then went over to starbucks were we had coffee and talked and laughed for hours before heading home for me and to his sis' place for him to study for tomorrow's exam. lolx!!

oh yeah worked has confirmed me a permanent staff but i have yet to talk about pay and benefits and all that. soon i hope! i love work though, it is fun and i enjoy everyday with those guys. which brings me back to my original TGIF lolx!! was doing filing on friday and found out from tina first hand that TTSH has 159 pumps for commissioing this coming monday and an additional 85 from MOH for all NHG hospitals. sigh. NUH has 50 pumps and i thought that was alot now it's like near to triple that number over at TTSH. but as long as i have the room and my hammy is still there it is all good and fun, once gone then going to be a little more weird and ackward i feel, not sure yet though.

sivam's been messaging and calling me recently, he's nice and friendly, i'm blessed literally to have a friend like him in my life and i only wish and hope and pray that he sees that too! he books out on thursday so might meet with him on friday and then going to shuxin's place saturday morning!! =D but for now i need to sleep, tomorrow is yet another working day and i really need to try not to be late...... lolx =p

Shuxin's Going NS TMR!!!!!

2006-09-07T22:52:00.000+08:00

Last minutes checks are being made, making sure all things are packed. hehe!! on the phone now actaully with shuxin and well yeah im sad that he's going in and i wont be able to talk to him or anything like that but then in a way its a good experience for him i just hope he doesnt change too much. honestly i doubt he'll change in character or personality and all that but then again its hard to say now.

well everything is packed and there's nothing much for me to write here. works been going good and well im in the process of being converted to permanent and today i brought back all the service books for all the hospitals to tally the PHMs and Batteries that have been used. sigh. nothing tallies properly. at least i got tomorrow off cause im following shuxin and his parents to tekong!! lolx!! just might see andy there since his brother is enlisting tomorrow as well. old man going in too. lolx!! all one shot. hehe.

a certain someone's been away for a while and well i've kinda missed seeing them at the office. i mean yeah i got more freedom when they're not around but then again its self-entertaining to have "them" around. haha!! oh and today i was joking around with andy and jackson and i was making them laugh from what happened earlier in the day actaully more like just that morning and then i told jackson that tomorrow he should spin around in 3 circles everytime he crossed a road, he said i was crazy and we were all laughing hysterically and then Soo (big big boss) walks in and we couldn't stop laughing! i know it sounds lame but at that time it was just hillarious! but he was telling us that it was okay cause you should be able to have fun at work and enjoy yourself at work otherwise what's the point in working. haha! i agree but then i felt bad cause it gives this impression that we're not working and just playing but then we did have the books and papers everywhere. andy was calculating and jackson was reading the results for the HomeChoice and well i was just going through all the books. but it was classic!!! after that all three of us had the same reaction, OM-Goodness we just laughed at the boss' face man!!! it was like "nice one man" but yeah it was too funny and we couldnt stop cause he came in once we like started laughing. haha!

anywaz i gotta go cause even though im not working i still gotta get up early shuxin's dad's picking me up from my place here to go to pasir ris terminal to that the shuttle to get to the ferry to go tekong. gdnite!!!!!

Changing

2006-08-25T20:33:00.000+08:00

Change is a good thing as long as you're ready for it. that's why i ask myself that like everyday, "am i really ready for this?" usually the answer is no but there is that occasional yes every now and then. but overall change is a good thing and well yeah im learning that, slowly but surly. hehe!!

i rearranged my room recently, more like just yesterday and well yeah i like it very much. its something different and all that. lolx!!

hmm let's see?? there's isn't really much of anything else going on. work then come home and well yeah bath, eat then sleep. haha haven't really even had time for friends and family. sigh. that's actually very bad, but then its like not really something that can be helped. kinda. oh oh i bought a new book that im reading cause i finished my other one. don't think i posted about this...hmm???

anywaz, i've started becoming a more avid reader so im buyong books one after the other once i finihs reading them. borrowing..nah don't really like the condition of the book but some i wouldnt mind reading again after some time. serious. ok anywaz, i just finsihed Painted House by John Grisham (good book and good author) now im reading City of Falling Angels by John Benette another good book. about Venice (places and people are all non-fictional) a good historical book that makes you feel like you're right there walking through the streets or sitting on one of the gondalas going through the many canals or the vaporette beautifully written and the descritpion is just wow. its not like some of those others that are like totally off the point, this one will make you think or feel that way at first but as you read on you find out it's all linked and intertwined together. so cool. anywaz my show's gonna be starting soon. honestly i don't see anything so great about this new show Ghostwhisperer but then i'm like just transfixed and i have to watch it. if i miss it its like ..man!!! haha. but there's one thing i can't miss and that's my Crimenight which comes on every Friday at 11pm. hehe lolx!! i know it goes till really late but heck i just love those crime scene investigation/detective work stuff.

man would i love to be a detective but then you have to start off as a patrol officer (yeah right to me) i won't last. sigh. still wanna do pathology though. forensic pathologist for homicide cases. way cool but sigh my bio's not that strong. but in any case it's hard to say cause if there's awill there's a way and there is definately a Will!!!!

O.T ..... T.T

2006-07-16T22:11:00.000+08:00

Use to love OT cause it meant Operating Thearter but now it just means over-time and that sux!!! its that i totally mind working like, round the clock or anything but if so the pay better be good, which its not and then i should be allowed to come in slightly later...but that's not even negotiable because the whole point of over-time is that you work after hours...at your own free will. but its not totally my own free will anymore. sigh

but at least overall i enjoy work. i like what i do besides the rush for time part of it. and empy promises that i find are being made...seriously..i really do think they're empty but then they need to be said cause its what the higher-ups like to hear. and that's all that matters.

was suppose to go out today but that got cancelled, didnt even go to church today nor was i able to attend the youth meeting with achen. sigh. really wanted to. achen is like so knowledgable, he like knows the whole history of the bible. major cool and wow... then there was that whole thing with checking out on those malaylam classes...didnt happen either. sigh. jz slept and watched tv most of the day. feel like i jz wasted a whole day doing nothing...well i did do nothing..sigh. so wasted!!

had a pretty bad fall the other day so still sore and bruised from that...sprained my wrist today while sleeping so now i have two injured wrists. one sprained and the other bruised. hahaha!!! nice huh??? lolx!! knees bruised and shoulders sore too. haha!! still can manage working but it hurts like hell to carry those pumps from the trolly to the bed. sigh. and then from the repair side to the testing side. worse is those triple channel one. damn heavy!! but good thing that if colin is around he'll do the carrying and shifting for me. =D he's nice!!

gona be watching pirates of the caribbean on wed...kinda wanna catch that one..mystry of spices think thats what its called. haha doubt shuxin will go with me though. lolx!! but still worth a shot on asking. hehe!!

actaully had a post that i've been writing for like the longest time but then for some reason today when i read through it just before posting i decided not too. why?? i have no clue...hmm..anywaz i needa be getting to bed cause there's work tomorrow and its garunteed over-time for me.

bye bye!! =D

Penny for Thoughts

2006-06-13T18:48:00.000+08:00

hard to escape, tried numerous times and yet none of them worked. life is so stress-filled its amazing and ironic that the young cant wait to grow up and here the grown-ups are longing for their youth. sigh. personally i find it too taxing, growing up that is. the older you get the heavier the weight on your shoulders and the starting weight depends on each individual's life. i hate responibility, well not exactly hate but its not exactly a walk in the park. sigh.

18 years of no worries or burdens and now its all dumped right there and it aint moving to anywhere anytime soon. man, to think in just one instant on that day it all changed. matured beyond years capable at that time. and yet men are raises to become the "head" of a house. sometimes i wonder if its really that they're raised to be or just by nature they take that role. i mean when parents raise their kinds i doubt there's any main differences between how they raise a daughter compared to a son?? o.O??? i doesnt know!! haahaha =p

watched the Da Vinci Code like a couple of weeks ago. and found that contrary to what everyone is saying, I LOVED THE MOVIE!!! hehe =p
it had a great plot and storyline. a really good "who-done-it" murder mystery movie, yes religion - mainly christianity was at expense and placed in a questionable state but only the faithless will question. a religion is a belief and a relationship one makes with God, therefore who am i to question? i do not doubt His love and that's all that is necessary for a Christian. love plants itself in one's heart and roots from there to spread.

loved the whole history vibe it had to it. kinda happy that i like history and was able to understand what was going on. lolx! but not everything i can comprehend so yeah gonna have to read up on some stuff and double check hehe. kk tv time!!!! =D

Reality Check

2006-06-12T22:29:00.000+08:00

Depression is just a state of mind, just like fustration and all those other kinda stuff. sigh. its like i feel something and can't express it. angry and fustrated, upset!! more in disbelief then anything else. can't understand and just dont get it. why am i not understood or believed?? over-reaction! ha! one simple compound word...starting to hate that word man. so lost my mood for like everything. graduation is just on wednesday and yet im excited yet bleah! but at least i get away from work for a couple of days. but then again i love work, hate the agency, can't stand some of the people, well more like just one person. so thankful its just a few more weeks then bye bye. unfortunate part is that that person wants a job here, applying for an opening and there's one. sigh. anyone but him would be great but i doubt it. i really do. but still. sigh.

kk dont wanna think about it too much so im off to get some sleep. need it haven't had a good rest in the longest time these past few days.

TG

2006-05-26T21:55:00.000+08:00

What does that mean?? i myself still figuring that out. well i know what it stands for but what it means to me is hard to say.

actaully wanted to type here but just now my mom came in so mood kinda changed, gonna be getting a headache soon, nag nag nag...forever man. sigh.

nevermind, let me figure out what it means first then maybe i'll type it here for you to read... hmm?? maybe...maybe....

but i know one thing, cant help watch or look or wait or worst still be in the workshop most of the time..... i so needa gather my thoughts then sort them all out by priority but mabumby stands alone that's for sure....where do the others like TG fit im still figuring that out....or should i say debating?? sigh...i don't know...

Sydney

2006-05-08T09:57:00.000+08:00

Just came back from sydney this past saturday. lolx left on monday for a business trip, needed to be certified to continue with the job im currently doing. it was fun. the plane ride was a little bumpy, there was turbulence man, but overall a good ride. watched Big Momma's House 2 then fell asleep lolx!! reached sydney at like 6am and was picked up by one of the directors of baxter, mr. martin and he took us to have coffee and get something to eat cause andy didnt wake me to have breakfast in the plane. after breakfast he took us over to training and that's where we met vinh (he's from vietnam). then he told us to get in his car and he drove us to his place because he needed to pick up his daughter and take her to school. lolx school starts at about 9am there and ends at like 3pm.

the weather was beautiful!! nice and cool but cold at night haha. training was from about 10am to 430pm and then we were taken back to our hotel. since it was really dark out at like 7pm (looked like 11pm) we decided to order room service and watch a movie. just like heaven totally recommended by me to watch!!!

the hotel was pretty nice as well but was mainly there only to bath and sleep? lolx!! was out most of the evenings, taken for dinner by our trainer and director(s). but overall the weather and the scenery is totally breath-taking...anywaz the second day was pretty much the same except for Charlie picking us up in the morning (he is one of the directors of Baxter in sydney). he drove us over to Baxter to check out the place and show us around. the place is freakin' huge!!! AND it was the first time i got to sit in a Honda-CRV (my dream car!!!!! ah...so cool and nice lolx!!) then it was off to training and then again sent back to the hotel to have a quick shower then we went with vihn and charlie for dinner at this one italian restaurant. the servings are so big!! but good man. first time i got to eat oysters. hehe!!

kinda went on like this for the rest of the week except for thursday vihn took us to macquiere mall, again it was huge!! man the more i was like there walking around the more and more i missed home man...everyone was so friendly and nice and the weather and the space!! the open space and fields and sky with the sun. man felt so sad to leave. friday we ventured into the city on our own. probably not the greatest given the fact of everything that happened which i shall not type out here..

anywaz reached the hotel late on friday, which means that i slept late and then overslept the next morning. missed my cab which was suppose to be there at 5am and i was suppose to be at the airport at like 6am but i only woke up at like 6am and panicked like nobody's business!! totally freaked me out man. then it was like total rush and was so thankful for packing friday evening after returning back from training.

anywaz reached the airport just in time to check-in and then just nice got the plane. so thankful we didnt miss it. would have been totally screwed if we did. the ride back was a total disater but again shall not type that here, so not nice. lolx!! actually just don't wanna talk about it nor remember it, not a good experience at all!! anywaz got back and now its busy busy busy. sigh....

=D

Update

2006-04-24T21:00:00.000+08:00

Been yet another while since i've last written anything here. trying to get myself to write more often but just can't get myself to actually do that.

again nothing much really going on. im just sitting here right now typing this, typing whatever comes to my head. doubt this will be long cause im like chatting while i write this. haven't really been thinking much so yeah no thoughts or anything for today. not that there's nothing on my mind its just that its like so much and i don't know how to get it all out and into words. easier said than done. sigh.

lately things don't surprise me that much, nothing really amazing going on lately either. heard about some stuff but eh...sigh. can't wait for friday, amelia's 21st birthday, finally get to catch up with shy and jia ling. been wanting to talk to them but its like, i don't wanna talk on the phone for long and when im online its like they're not. sigh.

just last sunday was achen's last service with this church in singapore. kinda sad to see him leave, never seen anyone so involved with the youth before like he was, never really seen anyone just say yes and encourage and never say 'no'. wonderful man, a cheerful, joyous man. i still remember the first time i met him was here at the house the day my dad's body was brought back. he just stood there and when i came out smiled at me and shook my hand.
he just smiled.....

april's coming to an end soon, and that means the months are going by fast and they're gonna be getting faster in just another week. everything is counted, everything has a time and a number. don't ask too much you don't wanna know.

i miss the normal days. when things were perdictable and i knew what i was doing and who i would be with for the days to come, but now its like all up in the air at all times and im not liking it very much. nothing ventured, nothing gained. i don't really like that saying when its applicable to me. anyway, i just had something pop up in my head so gonna go and write that all down. for some reason i find it not meant to be posted here. =D hehe!! if you wanna know (shy, jia ling) just sms me or msn ok?!
bye-bye!!!

New

2006-04-09T21:27:00.000+08:00

Everything is new now. new layout, new year, new job new everything. just hope it stays as new after a few months. lolx!!!

so far work is a little boring. i started on monday april 3rd, had training for like the first 2 days after that it was to the field. did a couple PM at NUH and then 3 pumps at TTSH. i miss is there, les is the same and kasturi as well. everything with those two was just do. colin was the same. miss those days of attachment there. stressed about it so much but now i miss it like crazy. anywaz im working with baxter healthcare and i was employed for their upgrading project. heck a jobs a job, i mean it does get boring and stressful but overall it is fun. i love the actual working on the pumps. taking them apart and then putting them back together, love the sense of doing something right when i actually get to repair and rectify a problem with it. so cool. but the fact of knowing what's exactly wrong with the equipment aint that simple. it takes experience to know those faults.

miss poly life, miss my frenz more then anything!! we so needa meet up and hang out!!!!! that's an order not a suggestion. lolx!! =p but yeah miss that laughing and the joking around just talking crap and laughing till my stomach hurts. =D

not really in the mood to write out a proper entry or anything. not like anything major's gone on. today is Palm Sunday...and this is passion week !!!! which means service throughout the week as well as a holiday ( i know its a sad day but its a day off from work but its spent in church) and then there's Easter!!! i love this holiday. easter and christmas. the birth and ressurection of Christ)

guess i'l end it here. maybe i'l post my long entry eventually. not done with it yet but still debating whether or not to post it publicly...have to check with shy and jL first tho. lolx!!

gdnite!!

Bored

2006-03-16T00:38:00.000+08:00

Bored outta my mind but heck it's a short break that i get. anywaz had an interview with Baxter on tuesday and from what was told to me...i got the job and i start in April. training first then yeah. hehe cant wait. im all excited now!!

gonna be learning how to swim..so needa learn that. like hello!! cant swim hahaha lame man.. =D actually im more afraid of drowning then anything else....kinda scared of water. haha weird right?? but i love the water when it comes to bathing hahahaha!!

nothing much going on nowadays....guess once work starts it's gonna be like no posts for a long while but there might be one in the first or second week....hahaha!!

but for now its bedtime for me...gdnite!!!

IAP Presentation

2006-02-22T17:12:00.000+08:00

Today was IAP students presentation day so yea i had to present today. it was pretty ok, i mean was a little nervous about the content and such but i guess it was actually ok. anywaz first was shawn, then hairul, then jia ling, then efin, then deon and finally me!!! haha!! not very nice to go after those two....scary...anywaz i just went up there and began and then yea i think it went pretty good. the only problem was fooL and his stupid questions about strain gauges....WTH!!! really don't get it with him and strain gauges...same thing..exactly the same thing happned for FYP!!!! sigh

but after all presented it was fun just hanging out with everyone again. we all had lunch over at the cafe then parted from there. some went back to BME and some left from there. most of us went back. paid for prom then left.

the before eating and after presentation photo-taking session was fun. haha lionel made a literal 360° hahahaha took amelia and shy, myself and jia ling, vicky and yiting, shuxin and elmi...then i forgot who. hahaha but it was fun and apparently someone!!! yea everyone knows who decided to take a video of my presentation so yea...sigh...hopefully its nice...and hopefully all the pics turn out nice...there's one wtih us girls and jonathan our junior. he's nice man...gonna miss everyone there. lecturers and classmates....classmates more then anything else...but there are alwaz reunions just hopefully they're singapore based and we can All go for it. hahaha

anywaz now at home, bored as usual...and kinda hungry..... o.o....kk gonna go ran-sack for food!!! bye bye!!! =D

We've graduated!!!!!!

Happy Chinese New Year!!

2006-01-28T21:57:00.000+08:00

Okay i know it aint exactly new year yet but heck i aint gonna be writing for a while. so busy and just argued with my mom. she doesn't get it man. i plan my time for me to cater to me myself..not her and everyone else....so troublesome and yet im anti-social. heck!!

anywaz its the year of the dog. dogs are cute...i love doggies...anywaz long holiday!!!! im happy for that but man its gonna be cut short because of final report. can't believe attachment is gonna be ending soon. so gonna miss it and everyone there. sigh. final report and then presentation..more worried of the presentation then anything else.

kk its time for dinner. lolx!!! then bed tomorrow there's church.. =D gdnite!!!

MCs

2006-01-17T21:02:00.000+08:00

Hate those two letters....had way too many lately...sigh but what can i do?? hmm....im bored right now. tomorrow its back to TTSH yay!!! bully lesley!!!! hehe!! no but really and honestly i enjoy and love working there, its great really!! dont want it to end man. especially so quickly. just like how many more weeks left?? 5 weeks!! just 5 weeks that's all.... =( im so sad!!!! i needa get those videos from lesley and put them in my hardrive for memories....sigh.. hahahaha!!! they're damn hilarious!!! i love the ones that i take...im just good..what can i say! haha!!

sigh now sine everything is coming to an end its like yeah final report...just finished putting in the extra headers for my chapters but havent written anything yet, let alone do the corrections. the worst part of everything is that after IAP is over...then that means poly is over and that's even more sad....i LOVE my class...had a blast man. all the lame jokes and the crap talking and the laughing..the laughing i'l never forget or the squeezing into the left and then zul trying to jump inside. hahaha!! freaky but damn hilarious or when he posed infront of the lift door from the inside as though he was squashed inside. hahahaha!!! think he gave that guy on the third floor a shock man. hahahahah!!! think that was on our way home from BRE lab. sigh. hopefully those memories never leave me but stay and more get added on. =D

kk i needa go shower and sleep got work tomorrow. hahaha!!! gdnite!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

2006-01-02T18:27:00.000+08:00

Ok so i know that today is not exactly the 1st but heck cut me some slack here. anywaz, new year was fun, celebrated zack's birthday on the 31st and then rode home in the back of des' truck, with uncle thomas driving of course then came home toasted at midnight then talked to shuxin for a while then went to bed. didn't really get to sleep late though cause my mom woke me up for breakfast, well i mean for good reasons but still...sigh...anywaz let me tell the whole story of my christmas come new year.

started with me wanting to take part in the christmas show at church, so i did!! yay im so glad i did it was fun and hilarious!! ivan was really good as achen and then the little sheep were cute but kinda...sigh...did their own things..lolx!!!

christmas day everyone came over here to our place for dinner, but i think something was wrong with the prawn sambal...everyone suffered man...except me i was pretty ok..miraculously!! but then on the 26th it was at aunty shirly's..dinner there. so we went oh i forgot to mention that on the 25th night my wrist started hurting again after carrying the jug of orange juice, sigh. then i took my severe pain tablet for that and went to sleep and slept for pretty much all of the 26th, woke at like 3pm i think?? hahaha!! new record for me man!!

we went over to aunty shirly's in the evening and i ate a bit there...wasn't really that hungry though. then it was like yeah went to the girl's room and just sat there and talked to dino and ji, didn't wanna play with the little ones cause i knew i wouldnt be able to like carry or anything cause of the pain so yeah didnt even wanna start. but we didnt stay late either cause i needed to take my medicine. sigh

then on the morning of 27th, early morning i had really bad stomach pains...ambulance was called and i was rushed to TTSH, yupz same place i do my IAP!! for care. lolx!! can you just imagine that i was there suffering in pain and vomitting for 10hours before there was a bed that was avalible for me...sigh...doc wanted to ward me cause he said i had a blood infection. sigh. but overall i suffered from Gasterointestinal flu.

les, vic, kasturi and johnny came to visit like everyday..haha that was nice and les and vic came like twice everyday!! that was really nice. overall my stay was ok...but still i suffered...and not all the nurses are nice..some are really really mean..=(

worse was the drips..damn painful and yes my hands still swollen from it..and bruised!! in two places!!! sigh. the first day i couldnt eat any solids..by the second i could take porridge and soft foods by the third i could have solids..but no lactose!!! and this lady kept asking if i wanted milo..sigh...what can i say??

achan visited twice, aunty deepa (a.k.a dr. anna) came everyday in the morning and the thrid day she bought a book for me, the 1 Minute Bible for Students. i love it!!! then my family was there pretty much throughout...uhm...church youth visited me, philin, trisha and vinaya..they gave me a stuff bear from Precious Thots, its so soft and nice, and there's a beautiful card with it. les and kasturi and vicky came with a soft flower that has a sad face saying Missing You, and they came with a basket of fresh flowers and fruits..the fruits were good...the third day then gave me a get well card...its also another beautiful card...with a big surprise that shocked me!! hahaha!! aunty jolly and uncle alex and jovita came to visit me as well. all my collegues came and saw me...that was nice of them. some even brought me food and others just really made me laugh...espescially colin...no one could top him man!!! haahahah!!!! that was like the funniest thing i ever heard in like the longest time!!! that cheered me up for the day.

the food was ok, but the begining when i couldnt have solids it was disguisting!! mushy food...eeeewwwww!!!! the bed was kinda hard...not very comfortable either..man am i glad to be home!!! only sad part is once i came home next day ended up at the dentists' thinking i needed a filling to find out that i had an ear infection!! sigh!! but thankfully it was the lobe and not the inner ear. so yeah got medicine for that and because of the antibiotic i had to get up early to have breakfast in order to take it. sigh.

cant wear earrings for about a week...so sad..i love earrings...hahahahah!!!! uhm..what else?? i think that's about all then. oh yeah..now my mom's totally on my case about eating proper meals at proper times...major sigh...but then again..yeah man!! i dont wanna suffer like that again!!

kk time for dinner!!! cyaz!!! hopefully can post more frequently..hahahaha!!!!! think jia ling and shy get bored coming in and there's no changes and nothing to read about IAP..hahahahaha!!! but uhm uhm....you guys should know right? =p

Hiatus

2005-12-15T23:32:00.000+08:00

Been like a month since i've last written anything and a lot as happened. needa see how can i place pics and videos in here. got a few good ones...damn hilarious too =D but now i needa watch my back whenever lesley or vicky is holding a cam. lolx!!

other then that enjoying IAP so so so so much!! gonna really miss it when i have to leave though. =( muz enjoy fully while i can!!! lolx!! hmm?? been kinda busy lately with the interim due next week and then with christmas and all. hehe!!! can't wait..rehersals are starting tomorrow for the variety program. and im acutally taking part!!! just pls dont have me be the mother, the frantic pareniod mother...sigh...rather be narrator but i can confirm it'll be taken and by whom. lolx!!

kk i just ordered food and my mom should be deliverying it to me pretty soon...then needa go to bed...becoming more and more like a panda...or maybe worse..sigh..need sleep!!! anywaz tomorrow is shy's and shuxin's bday so gotta stay up to wish them!!

hahaha just added shy online..got yahoo messenger...lolx kinda having fun just playing around with it. sigh...kk bed time...headers are done and im sleepy...gdnite!!

The Walls Have Ears

2005-11-14T22:30:00.000+08:00

I am the wall!!!

but on a lighter note, IAP totally rox and im having a blast!! =D cool right?? i don't really miss school that much but i do miss my friends! =( jia ling and shy miss you both so much man!!! miss the laughing and talking crap and just hanging out and having a good time. but meeting at hairul's was fun. good to catch up and well we got to talk and laugh and yea meet up then rode in a car that amelia drove and that was a total experience man!! hahaha =p she's too tense but still a good driver man. uhm..nothing much going on..right now me just bored and can't play cause i have my mom lying right here complaining about the light being on. sigh i so needa find time to paint her room and fix that stupid cupboard. actually i would have done it sooner but when i tried that time it kinda collapsed on me and pinned me down. that was hilarious and thank goodness my mom wasn't around or all hell would have broken lose. haha!! =p anywaz im fine it was just funny and well a little painful lolx!!

just last saturday was ja's sweet 16 birthday party. man i wish i had that kinda stuff but then sigh not really my thing either. i mean the music and stuff but not the works...me not so into that big major party stuff. anywaz i was like the only adult to chaperoned a group of 15 and 16 year olds. well minus off that one 12 yr old who so didn't look her age man!! people thought she was me, cause she's very matured for her age. damn cool and sexy man!! and she's 12!!!! T.T don't know what to say man... anywaz since underage drinking wasn't allowed. hehe!! rule made by me thank you thank you thank you!! i know very mature of me to make that rule right?? =p anywaz that real adults all went for a wedding so yeah, me allow cause lionel and rina were only going to be arriving later. so i kinda confiscated all this beer and well...it was just sitting there and its not like i could leave it for the adults to see when the returned so when lionel and rina arrived and rina brought debbie along...we decided to drink tha beer ourselves since we're all of legal age. haha!!! stupid move man!!....the only ones who really drank was me and debbie and the worse it we kinda lost track of how much and turned out we both had about 12 cans each. we were damn high but at least i maintained my composure for surpervising. but man did my head hurt but the good thing is...i fell asleep so damn fast...faster then i probably ever had in my life man!! haha!!

but next morning....major hang-over and major headache....damn major...drank a banana milkshake cause i read somewhere that it helps...sigh..not by much...head kinda hurt all the way sunday and into monday. was advised to drink hot chinese tea...tried it and well feeling better...sigh...me wanna sleep... -.- zzZz

other then that uhm..let's see on friday i was on the phone and well i like queen's bohemian rhapsody and someone decided to sing it to me rather then just send me the song and i ended up laughing my head off and falling off my bed and knocking my head...but i still laughed till my mom came running wondering what the heck the loud sound was and saw me laughing so she knew i probably fell or banged some part of my body somewhere...told her where between breaths and she panicked and i had to put ice on my head which was kinda stupid cause i just had my shower and my hair was all wet....kinda redundant but oh well!! =D

long time since i've blogged and believe you me i got alot to tell....i kinda did a lota stupid things...great to write here and make all of you laugh at my stupidity and clumsiness but well you know me....me forgetful and well i don't remember all. hahaha!! =p but it was funny!!! not short term memory the info just kinda migrated from the front of my mind to the back. hahahaha!!! lame right but heck its late and im sleepy...i have the right to talk nonsensical crap...right?!?!?! of course!!!! =D

kk bed time!!!!! gdnite!!!!! hopefully i can update more frequently...but sigh...kinda busy with IAP and WoW!!! and now my new fav game!!! Text Twist!!!!! yahoo games...go and try it its fun..just now played and my highest score was 26,700!!!! im so happy its a record for me!!! =D kk GDNITE!!!!! =D

Change!!

2005-10-25T22:00:00.000+08:00

Feel like changing the color of my layout...aint gonna be changin the layout but so gonna be changing the color theme...pink is just irking me...

today was like so cool...stayed in the hospital till like 7 then left..this week with Mr. Rossli so since he and les use to jam with the guitar and vocals me and vicky joined them. so it was like mr rossli played and then les sang, leader of the band and collin raye's love me. so nice....then i played a little tried to learn stumming but heck just cant seem to get it fully. haha can you imagine staying in the BME center till 7pm..mr rossli left earlier by like 6 something and the three if us left at 7.

the original plan was to just wait out the heavy rain that johnny claimed to be pouring down at 530. so sad, didn't wanna get wet so yeah wait. sigh. so we decided to play since i brought my tunner and lent to les. now just burning all those cranberries songs from the cds i borrowed from her. hahaha i love it there!!!!! =D

thought i'd probably be bored and not enjoy but i am i mean yeah i wish jia ling and shy were there...more fun to talk crap the whole day and just laugh all the time. miss that. but the atmosphere there is great and the people as well. down side...kasturi our admin assistant is going on a 2 week holiday!!!! OM-Goodness...so its like every afternoon we have to sit there and learn everything from her while she teaches us everything we need to know and believe me its alota!!! sigh...kk bed time gdnite!!1 =D

Update

2005-10-19T20:26:00.000+08:00

Not much been going on...haha yeah right!! uhm where to begin?? first work is great and its fun just that there's alot of...very different characters around lolx!! other then that not much, now just been going around the A&E side and doing defibrillators..sigh..after doing them in general wards im like not too keen to be doing it again in A&E. kinda wanna do more on repairs then PM but apparently there's more PM to be done then repairs or BM...sigh...

last week tues had a little incident after lunch, left hand just went numb and froze, so was taken to TTSH A&E (ironic huh??) and since the doc didn't know what the problem was i was referred to the othopedic and since that doc doesn't know what's wrong either and since it still hurts, cant carry heavy things and cant bend it fast im going to be sent for duplex ultrasound (doppler) tomorrow and then on the 26th im scheduled for EMG (electromyograph; muscle)

but for now im going to write out today's report and then read my book and then sleep...i need sleep...gdnite!!!!

Fallen Out

2005-10-12T20:18:00.000+08:00

Can you believe that on the first week of IAP i already had a two day MC because i passed out in the train to work, and now i have a 7 day MC from TTSH A&E because of my arm. can you believe it?!?!

it's like, ok les and vic went for commissioning at yew tee then i went to lunch with mr sng, johnny, mr yeow, john and mr david. then after eating and we were having drinks my arm just froze on me, it went numb and i couldn't feel anything and couldn't move it only could feel this sharp pain in my wrist. and as time went it moved up more and more towards the elbow side and the numbness also rose. ED doc said that it's either carpotunnel so a hardned muscle. sigh. have an appointment at clinic B1B next week tues but let's just hope that i don't need surgery and have it removed or cut away. scary thought.

other then that IAP is fun. so far i've done PM for defibs, ECG monitors, baxtor pumps, suction regulators, and lab scales. think i've finally learnt how to use theESA with much confidence. it's just the matter of getting use to the different TO's ESA. apparently john as this system for his. not too sure why and stuff but up to him so ok.

found out that im not exactly the best for admin work, im better off in the workshop and Not the font desk area. haha its like i screw up...still....cant seem to get those phone calls right and all the required details but so far ok. most everyone there is very helpful to help with the calls and the paging and everything.

still can't enter into my webfolder, foo says its cause im only in guest mode cause i haven't logged into NPNET yet...sigh...why so troublesome?? but for now i can't be bothered...i'l settle that over the weekend for now i wanna play WoW....only sad part is im sure to die alota and i can only use a mouse....sigh....how the hell to play like that!!?!? but still its better then not playing at all!!! just needa finish waiting for the patch to download, so slow.

nothing much to really say..nothing really interesting that i can write here but if you wanna hear click on me in msn and i'll tell you something hillarious!!! and then let you laugh at how stupid i can be like all the time!! [some people may write some of the time but not for me, must see individual hahahaahaha!!!!] kk time to play!!! =D

First Day of IAP

2005-09-28T20:10:00.000+08:00

Overall it was fun and it was kinda boring. lolx!! September 26th was the first day and i got to do commissioning and safety testing for oxygen flowmeter. all 18 of them!! hahaha!! then it was lunch and we all went over to inland revenue building to eat and then headed back to BME center where me and vicky learnt how to use HECS (Hospital Equipment Control System) and then Ms. Kasturi taught me how to answer the phone and take down messages and how to page and all those other stuff...sigh..so much to remember and its like i have this phobia if she's not around and i have to answer the phone. hahaha!!

so far evryone is really nice and friendly!! lesley is like so jovial all the time and then ms. kasturi is like a mother to evryone there, john is interesting to listen to and talk to. haha havent really talked to evryone but yeah they're all nice people!! =D

today was kinda boring though. mainly looked through contracts and then did some HECS then searched for files...sigh...and tomorrow still have to continue searching for all those files...and there's alot man!!! its like every room in that center is a cabinet for files. hahahaha!!

kk for now its time to play a little while. just got the card for WoW but havent even registered yet. haha!! but i shall do so now then read my overdue book a while hahahah!!!! =D

Charlene

2005-09-08T19:35:00.000+08:00

didn't want to write this here but then the more i think of it the more i feel that everyone shoild hear about her, how great and adorable she is. she's the cutest, most loving and most adorable creature that probably walked this earth in a long time. not fussy just cute in every way possible. she's pudgy and cute with big round eyes that are alwaz looking for food. =) she happily walks around and had such a good life that she'd just open any closed door, enter and plop down on the floor; right in front of the fan/door or under the air-con. cute right?!? =D

she'd stride up and lay down looking at you and wait for you to pet her, if you don't then she'd get up and plop her head on your lap and look at you wait then plop back on the floor, by this time your already petting her, and she'd fall asleep and go kabongz right there next to you or on your lap with her drool penatrating through your skin/pants or all over the floor.

still remember everytime i went over she'd alwaz block your bedroom door and i couldn't walk through unless i stepped over her. lolx!! then that time i was studying DE she plopped right over all my notes and drooled hahaha that was funny!! and that time we were playing magic and she opened the door; i have no idea till today how she does it though lolx; then she walked over all the cards on the floor then you said, "charlene....." then she looked back and walked over and laid right over the cards in our libraries and graveyards. hahahaha!!! and she slept!! hahaha!!!

even though i was allergic to her i still fell in love with her man, how not too?? she's just so lovable!! only a little over a year i've known her and yet i feel so much. sigh.

7:30pm

shuxin messaged me saying to pray for his doggy...i knew that she was to be put to sleep cause she was suffering but still its very different to hear it and to know its being done. honestly im not anticipating any call from him tonight.

anywaz, at least this way doggy will be happy and healthy. God will carry her and hold her close in His arms and love her abundantly!! forever!!! for eternity!! and one day all will be reunited!! and yes she's family!!!

im prayer!! and will alwaz pray for her to be happy wherever it is that she is destined to go with the Father. but i pray she's healthy and is able to accept what is to be done to her.....sigh....

Alwaz Something Better To Do

2005-09-08T16:32:00.000+08:00

Ever notice that there's alwaz something better to do whenever there's something important that needs to be done?? like right now, im suppose to be studying but im blogging. haha!! why is that?? i mean its not that i don't wanna study its just that im losing my mood for concentrating and reading these notes and honestly this whole thing on MRI, X-Ray and Ultrasound isnt exactly going through my head. sigh. worse still first paper...sigh.... needa get those tuts and minniproject in man. life sucks.

waiting for IAP to start but then still scared hahaha!! cant play!! hopefully can enjoy though. we'll see =D

for now...STUDY!!!!!!! T.T

New Colors

2005-09-06T22:00:00.000+08:00

Like my blog colors?? hahaha actually i wanted a blue scheme bt then sigh..it didnt look that great and unfortunatly; i hate red and pink; it actually looked good so sigh..yeah decided to use it. not sure for how long exactly though.

anywaz project is over and now its exams. sigh again. but i don't worry about exams as much as project. but oh well. three papers then its all over. no more going over and hanging out at the BME center. no more finding seats and trying to decide what to eat at canteen 2. no more lunches with shy and jia ling and all. in a way im gonna miss it all but then im glad that it's attachment time. only one problem. fooL just might be and haha probably will be my LO..sigh...but what to do?? at least he's not a direct annoyance to me. hahahaha!! just hope i can get through these exams then not screw up IAP. lolx. kk CSI time!!! =D

Final Review

2005-08-17T22:25:00.000+08:00

'How'd the review go?' most famous question this week..but ha!!! fooL sucks man!!!! oh yeah this blog entry contains alota anger and a whole lota cursing which shall not be put into symbols because it's harder to type like that. anywaz...like i was saying...

overall was prepared and ready for the review, went to school at 730am to go through the report gave mr chua to read (junior that is) then went for lessons and after class ended at 1130am we went and ate and clement and martin joined us, me and jia ling that is. then went back to class and rehearsed the slides with mr chua and he corrected some things and told us that it was ok. so we made the changes and then waited for the review time, 2pm.

printed out a copy of the final report and went down to the conference room, not ava but conference room which was already a little freaky as is. took a seat and talked amongst ourselves and mdm tan then learnt that since mdm tan had to leave for a lab test PB06, 07 and 08 would present first then it was PB09 cause jeremy had to leave for the hospital, then it would be PB01, 02, 03, 04 and finally us..PB05.

shy went first for presenting that amelia and once done that idiot of a fooL asked her right then and there to calculate out the gain...what the hell man!!!! i mean come on no person in their right mind does that but this bloody freakin' a**hole!!!! obviously like any of us she froze and was nervous and couldnt answer...foolL took it to be a way of defeat over her...sigh that moronic idiot of an unwanted species!!! and worse is he did this to practically ever group..with that stupid little smirk on his face that you literally i mea LITERALLY wanna just punch right off his god-for-saken face!!! stupid freakin' jerk!!!

came to the ending and it was afiq and zul's turn and their com didnt work, not their fault mind you but that moron just hasta comment..and know what he says..'this is why we open the room early, you should come here and check your computer and not make us wait like this..' idiot!! he thinks what!!! so me and jia ling went first then later passed jia ling's com to them to use...but first our presentation..

the presentation was going ok if you ask me and mr chua (junior) smiled and nodded his head so yeah we thought we were pretty ok and not gonna be that bad off so the nerves went off and we were presenting..then it came to the conclusion...ok it was stated that it wasn't available, the IrDA that is..but then it's true we haven't bought it because it wasn't available to us. then he was like how come we didn't buy earlier, then we told him about the wanting to use Bluetooth module but the PDA couldn't open the com port..then he was like sitting there smirking at us..wanted to just take the pointer and shove right into his eyes and gorge them out man!!

then he was like so can we show that the IrDA works, so naturally i said yes cause i thought he meant showing that SCI2 can send out and well yeah that's the whole point of the hyper terminal!!! but to him that wasn't valid..sigh idiot!!! then we were trying to ask whether he wants the IrDA module to work or the process of sending to work, you know show that it works? cause i mean code warrior is all programmed and working just well yeah like mr chee said later noisy but obviously..

then he was like sitting there resting back in the chair saying just answer then question yes or no...bloody freakin bastard man!! so we said yes/no!! then mr chua (senior) was saying that if we use a stacker its not possible...but we don't plan on using the stacker we plan on buying off the shelf...pre-done for the microP...just connect it'l run!! but then we just said no if that's what that little asshole wants then no obviously not possible!! then he was like 'fine' ok now afiq and zul you can start your presentation...uhm hello you idiot!! we weren't even done!!!

so we told afiq that we weren't done and he said ok and he and zul stood aside then we told that jerk that we weren't done and you know what that bastard has to say?!?! with a smirk that is '..from what i can see..there's no point in continuing..' ...freakin bloody bastard!!!!

so fine then we just walked off and let afiq use the com then closed our ppt to let them open there's...and then that moron just don't know when to shut his asshole of a mouth up..he comments on jia ling's desktop picture saying that it tells alot about her personality...saracticaly that is...so what if she likes romantic films....it was a pic of the movie first daughter with katie holmes...nothing wrong its personal..and it wasn't meant to be seen...she pissed at him both of us walked outta the room heck with that lame excuse of a person sitting there and went back the the BME center washroom and cursed like you wouldnt believe...i know jia ling was upset at his comment on her desktop...that was uncalled for...he could just keep his comments to himself..i mean its not like i go around telling him that wearing the same freakin shirt for a week tells a whole lot about his hygene!! not to mention his belt...hello!?! what not only is he a waste of space and breathe must we see his pathetic way of so-called tuckin in his tummy...the guy is so stupid he can't even wear a belt proporly...what the hell is that man!!! you see any of us complain?!? i think not...so he should start shuttin up too man...

later when it came to showing how the project really works me and jia ling sat there gave black face to that creature and only acknowledged mr chee...talked to mr chee and specifically said..'mr chee would u like to step on the scale or just run?' everything was just to mr chee and the worst part now is...outta my three chairs...one is now contaminated....how to sit!!!! i don't want the chair anymore the only thing i was happy about was that earlier when i was sitting on the table i put my feet on the chair and left a shoe print and that print went straight from my chair to his pants..hahahaha!!!! just wish the chair wasn't the medium of passing the print and it really was my foot to his ass man!!!

bloody idiot!! freakin jerk!!! asshole!!! freakin bastard!!!! cant wait for BPD to be over...and there's no ay in hell i want him as a supervisor but if it happens then haha im totally gonna ignore him....after all he did...friday at 8 plus he confiscate amelia's board but states that he took it to help her with the heart rate...yeah right that liar!! i wish i could just wring him man!!! amelia was right the only thing this thing is good for is bullshitting man!! all he does is talk crap and its irrelevant!! what the hell!!! argh!!!!! moronic idiot, freakin bastard jerkface!!!!! 2 more weeks to PROVE to him that we can get it working and interfaced!! stick it to him and make him havta shut up!! just keep that freakin mouth of his shut forever man....freakin idiot!!! full of lame excuses...nothing relevant and nothing meaningful...all crap..all nothing but crap!! bullshitter!!

Blackout

2005-08-14T20:27:00.000+08:00

Falling and stumbling in the darkness. that's exactly how i feel both literally and mentally.

blacked out in church today...three times...twice in the sacturary and once in the guest room...falling and stumbling...falling and stumbling..endless...eternal...

cant wait for project to be over. waiting for tuesday then all will be free...exams not that bad anymore...not as stressful as this...just two more days and we're all free....

24hrs just aint enough

2005-08-07T19:45:00.000+08:00

24 hours in a day and there's 7 days a week and there's 4 weeks in a month, and we spend 6 months on a project that practically no one is near to finishing. sigh. 24 hours is not enough..therefore 4,032 hours in a 6-month period. sounds like a lot yeah i know but then its like ok first 6-weeks was VPP so that would then make it 3,024 hours as L3K1. so that's like 3,024 hours to do project research and hadware/software components and still manage classes and then mini-projects and assignments and mini-assingments..sigh. and its not like everyone really goes and studies 24/7 i mean e needa sleep or at least i know i do!! for goodness sake i've been late for classes lately cause can't wake and then if i stay late then haha i end up falling sick or something goes wrong. sigh...depressing man but what to do??

one week..just one more week and it's all over. in a way i'll miss it cause i'll miss some of the people and my friends but then i can't wait for the experience now. was scared but now im actually excited for it to come. lolx!! just hope i get where i want...therefore till now i don't know but i shall not say. =D really really want it so yeah. hahaha!! lame but heck!

kk time to start on the FINAL REPORT...the dreaded report of all time!!! sigh. write and compile...sigh 'me no wanna edit to third person' *sobz* lolx!! haha no jia ling like "what the hell" hahahaha!!! 'me bored, me no wanna write...me gonna go crazy soon' or maybe i already have...hahahahahaha!!!! =D kk report time...sigh...*sob sob sobz* ='(

.......

2005-07-24T21:57:00.000+08:00

Don't really know what to say so decided not to say much. life can be so depressing and sad...but then again it can be so full of joy and happiness.

but for now its stress out with all the projects..sigh.. =D

When the Role is Called Up Yonder

2005-07-22T22:10:00.000+08:00

Ever heard the song?? maybe in church?? maybe at a funeral, i don't know but i do know when i hear this song. everyone of us labour on this earth to strive for things that if you really look at it are all materialistic, some more then others but still. sigh. aunty mary george passed away today..peacefully from what i hear but still no the less. i can only imagine how uncle feels right now. depend on her in life and now with her gona i'd bet anything he's pretty much spiritually and mentally gone. only physically shall he remain but for how long??

sometimes i ask my mom that question. i know she's pretty much as gone as my dad is. it doesn't matter what you say or do its still the same because facts don't change to what you want them to be. facts are just facts. i know that when God calls us home we should be more then happy to go with no regrets or wanting to turn back cause He knows what's best for us and when, but then its alwaz the ones left behind that seem to suffer and leave more then the others. i just don't get it.

i know i should probably be over and done with this whole issue but its not that simple to just forget and chuck one side. ever since appachan passed away its been like this whole thing with me, something's missing and there was a hole then there was two but now it feels like so many more that i just can't count them anymore. it's not sadness where you want to cry, but its more of this emptiness that lies there once the news is told, later then thoughts and actual emotions flood. i mean i may not know her well or her husband but i know they are nice and that unlce is like my appachan so yeah that's all that i need to know, their good people!!

through life and death joy and pain still shared. ironic in a way yet enlightening. thinking more and pondering really gets me to think that maybe some people are just destined to be together to take care of each other and love one another. through good and bad and even when you're old, to take care of each other and continue to love in life and in death. to break the wedding vows of loving and honouring till death do them part, cause some people just can't stop loving someone even when they're gone. but then again life is full of these kind of things. promises made that hard just so hard to break but then it breaks you down completly inside.

sometimes i wish that death wouldnt occur but then maybe the only way to prevet it is to let it just take as much as you as possible until you just get so use to it. sigh..one solution maybe...i don't know but i hope not....i really really hope not....

Finally

2005-07-20T23:57:00.000+08:00

Finally!! i was able to create a layout that i like and that's just me and well yeah its all my own. hahaha!! im so proud of me and well yeah i know im suppose to be studying but heck i totally screwed CE so what's MIIT..it can wait till tomorrow...hehe!! anywaz there will be more modifications so please bear with the its there and not its not kinda layout especially with the text. lolx!!

anywaz tomorrow gonna finally get my hair cut...well more like a trim but still haha then its study the whole day and maybe after the review i'l start on modifications and swapping things here and there. but for now...comments are well appreciated!! i wanna know what you guys think if my plain layout but heck i'l do something but how so far?? =D hahaha kk time for sleep...nite nite!!

Speechless

2005-07-14T16:55:00.000+08:00

Hahahaha i had no clue that my dear jia ling still had time to come in and read my blog. haha i alwaz had this thinking where yeah url is given but hardly anyone really read this except shy cause she'd be complaining when i didn't write but then agreed that there was no time. hahaha!!

anywaz been reading through BI and i swear nothing i mean nothing is staying in my head..sigh..its like all memorize, everything memorize...CE pass or fail 60% mcq...sigh..MIIT i have some hope but BI is like this total gone case for me..i mean seriously these people think what?? we students have super brain power to memorize everything, i mean i know its important to know but geez...anywaz i better get back to reading, still got those case studies to look through. in mel right?? better go look and see if can save...sigh...

Stressed

2005-07-12T18:00:00.000+08:00

Ever felt like you were being buried alive by work?? honestly i don't think i have, i mean yeah stressed and everything but not really buried cause it's alwaz been managable..but now its like there are so many projects that i've literally put on hold and its kinda pathetic. and makes me feel useless, i mean like i cant manage stuff and all that..sigh..

anywaz enough about project and Ct's and everything. interesting part of today..HDB inspection of windows haha and i never knew that our top windows weren't up to standard. hahaha!! i mean firstly we just bought the place and didnt pay attention to those kinda things and never really bothered to know who the contractor was so yeah it wasn't HDB...lolx but not our fault haha!! then cause we like never i mean never open those small windows on the top of the window so yeah never really noticed only kept up with the one's we alwaz open so now gotta change the screws, they're gettin' rusty. hahaha!! my mom was like "now what" and i was like "hahahahahah!!!!!!" so yeah think my neighbour thought we were like two crazy people cause most home owners would i don't know...panic but heck just change and its HDB doing and we get it free cause of everything that went on so yeah. hahaha!! i just think this is funny the guy was like " your top windows are potential killer windows" nice phrase man...

nothing much going on today, basically just stayed home and studied and well yeah didnt clean much either but then again, joke of the day..my mom's and my sis' cupboard..both broke. hahaha!! can you image both of them now have all their clothes on their beds and its like haha kk wait until can get a cupbaord and all will be cleaned..lolx..and im gona re-arrange my room yet again..thinking of shifting my desk to the corner where the head of my bed is now, facing the window and my bed still in the same direction but more to the middle of the room, then the keyboard under the shelf and the chair i have no idea yet..but how's it sound so far?? lolx, shy give answer!!! hahahaha!!

study break making me crazy?? nope BPD did a pretty good job of that already, hahaha!! laughing like no one would ever believe but heck..just for the heck of making people laugh i literally started mimicing shuxin's character in that game he plays, so i acted out the fight scene with sound effects until he made his character dance then haha yeah did that until he and i were laughing and my mom and neighbour just thought the two of us were crazy cause we were sitting on the couch me so called watching my korean drama and he playing..hahahaha!! worse then two little kids man. lolx!!!

just the other day at church achan came up to me and asked how my dad was, i was like huh?? and then he realized he asked the wrong preson the wrong question, he meant to ask my cousin cause my uncle just had surgery but achan was like...im so sorry...then even when i told him it was ok people sometimes still ask he was like...yeah but not from your achan and well yeah that's true. but then it was unintentional and innocent so yeah he's forgiven, its the banks who i can never forgive!! but anywaz..who am i to complain right?? right!! so be happy and smile like there's gona be no tomorrow, ok!! aja!!! hahahahahahahaha! =D

Hiatus

2005-07-08T17:56:00.000+08:00

Been very long since i've last written and guess what, same old same old..been busy like you would never believe. i mean how ridiculous is this?? my other hotmail account was closed and all my mails were deleted!! just because i haven't exactly been online lately...sigh...bye bye autopy report.....=(

other than that, project is moving ever so slowly. serious final review on 16 of august and the final report is like not even half way done, software takes up like at least 6 pages of the report so far and then hardware i have no idea what to write and then there's the fact that this report is like a freaking user manual i have no clue how to really write it and its not like i can just continue on from the interium..sigh..again!! then now the PDA can export but its only in .txt format so yeah now i have to get the VB (visual basic) to read a text file within a database...sigh..databus can be created and the template is there but just can't get it to read. but at least can input the data but can't read the data from an outside file.

then there's still the IrDA (infra-red) to program to send out the information from the microP to the PDA. sigh. really hope jia ling can get the PDA to store and send over..and not forgetting the strain gauges...at least and hopefully mr chua will solve the LCD problem soon.

and not forgetting CT's is like starting in two weeks, next week study break so yeah gona cram like nobody's busniess!!! right now at least got a bit of time to write something here. there's a BME gathering over at LT61 so yea im gona be going over soon with shy for the food!! hahaha!! kk better be heading over catered for 120 students but then haha no clue how many are really gona show up so yeah fill tummy and then pack back and run off. just nice, home in time for crime night. =D

KaabongzZz

2005-06-23T23:45:00.000+08:00

Been like ages since i've last written anything here, but its true been busy like you wouldn't believe. its fun yet so stressful and packed wit hwork. i mean its literally asssignment after assignment. sigh. final review coming in like 4weeks and then still needa get the final report done which if you ask me is more like a freaking user manual then anything else. sigh. what am i suppose to write; "just place your weight its a tac-switch which will auto turn on and then just enable infrared and send.." >.< like so what right?!?! i mean yeah i get the point of it and stuff but its just rediculous to an extent cause not everyone's is like user manual kind...its tough but sigh no choice right??

MIIT miniprojet i haven't started on anything but i know for sure that PDA portion is like so going to jia ling, i mean come on..hello!! then me and shy will split the imaging thing and the ultrasound, im so hoping to take the ultrasound part, hehe did MIIT report on it. lolx!! lame right??...which reminds me clem wants the WISP findings by next wed.."Cambodia Killing Fields" sigh..what a topic huh?? can't believe he wanted to do everything, stress man!!

BI still searching for a case that's kinda the reason why im still online at this hour and not in bed, i just got so sick of staring a screen that's not displaying info that i want. sigh. and my com is lagging when i type its like so ticking me off...everything today is just been getting on my nerves, i swear man im happier when im in school even though i'm stressed out. at least there's somewhat peace of mind. sad huh?? =p

so damn sleepy but then again....too much to do, unfortunately i left my MIIT lab sheets in class so i don't know the calculations nor the answers to some questions so tomorrow have to go in early and do then submit. so troublesome. oh yeah today's des' b-day!! =D and suraj's as well. one 30 one 18 not bad huh..=D hahaha!!

think i should get back to researching, next thurs is presentation and i'm like no where near even starting...sigh....totally sucks but oh well =D back to pullin an all nighter..

I'm back....but not for long

2005-06-04T00:10:00.000+08:00

Wanted to change layout but then, sigh, no time and well wanted a break but since that didn't happen, and mc's don't exactly count, i guess i'm back somewhat..but not for long. basically nothing much to update...project project and even more project, i know it gives me a headache too..sigh. oh yeah brochitis is back..sigh to that too..

seriously this semester is like more packed then 2.2 which is like i so wish i kept my mouth shout half the time then so i can complain now but then again its not like it wasn't tough then cause it was and well i find now too but mainly cause of the assignments and how close and soon their deadlines are. sigh again.

apparently there's nothing cheerful about this entry just me sighing away and complaining more and more about project and classes. boring is my choice word but then again keeping sane these days sure ain't easy especially with people forever at you heels, alwaz having you running around on your toes. sigh. but what to do?? nothing so yeah...kk back to dreamweaver....sigh....this better turn out nice man!!

I Needa Break

2005-05-17T17:40:00.000+08:00

I so needa break so think this just might be my last entry for awhile, the least. i need rest and i so needa get my butt moving on the project but heck im too lazy and tired. seriously no mood to open mr kou's book to read...sigh..maybe tomorrow? but if i keep saying that then nothing will ever get done. passport gonna expire soon, real soon and still nothing..sigh..thought this week could get done but then FOP and well i need the CCA points. literally!! but then again not like i can enter any university anytime soon, still have that bond to pay off. then its bye bye and off to university!! =D can't wait. i know its more stress and everything but i'm like so looking forward to it and not so much attachment, working life just ain't my life, school so is.

i love studying, i find it fun. am i crazy?? i don't believe so even though sometimes in my mind i hear those words form but then my heart says its all wrong and the more i come to think of attachment, 26 September, i get more scared then anything else. weird, or just plain freaky?? don't know and don't really care all i know is in my mind im ok with it but my heart and everything else is afraid. of what i have no clue, maybe if i just try it, it might not be as bad. worse fear: screwing up. i mean yeah i ask alota questions and it worries me that i can't do that at work, i'll be expected to just know. i'm go going to be holding every moment in school dear to me man!! so dear!!!

but still i need a break, i well deserved break and therefore no more blogging for a while, might even be a long while i don't know, maybe when i have time and actually change my blog skin i'll start up blogging again. hahaha!! so far just haven't seen anything i like. looking for something plain but nice...i want boarders and all that stuff but yea something real plain...but everything everywhere is like, pictures everywhere and there ain't no way in hell i'm using one of those, just not my current mood right now, or phase..maybe i'll go search a while the clothes soak before starting dinner. sounds like a plan. =D

Reflections

2005-05-14T19:40:00.000+08:00

Well, VPP is officially over but now it's the start of the school term come tues 24th may. sigh. not that it's bad, i guess, just that after i look back on these past 6weeks it kinda makes me wonder how much was really done and learnt. haha!! i know for sure that i've learnt something just that not much was done. mainly the microP was programmed but even that's not fully completed, but pretty much done. =D yayness!!!

other then that started thinking about everything that's been going on and i realized something. ever noticed how when we try to hide something we end up making it more obvious then antisipated. yupz it's true!! but if we try to hide something but end up making it more obvious the only thing that's on our side would be the fact that everyone around will be blind to it. maybe that's the whole point i don't know. but then if we make it like so not obvious then people tend to "tease" more but then the more open we are the less "teasing" there is but then again..sigh..people minds can work wonders. im just thankful i don't have to bother with all that. i just palce it all there and see what you want and say what you want it don't bother me. its not like i don't have friends and well they don't mind so yeah. =D haha i love my friends. all of them. all of G2 man and not forgetting priscilla and geraldine!!! like best friends man. so close and comfortable to just anyhow talk crap and wack, can joke around and everything. =D rox man!!

kk everyone is here..gtg!!! =D

One Week Left

2005-05-06T23:00:00.000+08:00

Just one week left and yay..finally VPP will be over and term will start. timetable aint that bad pretty ok, just need to find out which day BPD will be on (have a feeling it's mon and tues) but anywaz...sigh. IS selection was another major screw up by the IS department. damn hypocritical!! they screw up and then they make the students who the screw over take the blame and suffer from it. WTH!!! nothing better to do but push the blame here and there. and yes as students we have the right to argue and defend our rights!! we may be students and that lady might have been older then us but does that really matter when it comes down to being fair to people's right. supposedly we have the right to choose but when it comes down to it..we actually have no choice at all. doesn't it seem fimiliar?? this whole country's system is such. its all an illusion...democracy is not real..sad but true. not to be mean but if you really open your eyes the choice given isn't really a choice at all. just like IS, offered to choose but your choice is only a timeslot or just one option. what's the point?? seriously what's the point?? ok not everything is like that but it's about there.

seriously not wanting to offend anyone or anything but it's true i mean i was born and raised in a country where democracy is really practiced. practiced too as in way too much, and freedom is like literally allowing you to grow wings and fly wherever with all privelledges and all. so yeah i just can't understand it. and i seriously don't like nor agree with the system, i find it way too controlling and i miss the freedom, i rather have the freedom and bare with the consequences rather then be controlled and dictated all my moves. sigh. one day...one day....it's situations like this that make me regret being in this country but then when i think about appachin and ammachie and then all my friends yeah i'm glad i'm here and able to meet and know all of them and be able to love and enjoy their company. but then when i think of my dad...i revert back to the hate and resentment i feel towards the system for what it did and how it made him suffer...auffer till the day he left us. and i hate the country and the people and the government for it!!!!! i don't blame God i blame singapore!!!

you may think it's just a small case IS selection but to me it's so much more. so much more!! and i can't help but make it personal...it's just too many events...way too many events. nevermind..anywaz its bedtime...crime night is on..FBI files....

Structures...just hate 'em...

2005-04-25T17:35:00.000+08:00

Sigh it's like ok program works now create a structure and i do that until it doesn't work when i do it but works when mr chua (senior) does it. and why is that?? because he sets a damn breakpoint!!! can you believe it?!?! i was like thinking and thinking what's the diff besides that breakpoint and worse is i had this belief that i couldn't set a breakpoint on the microP cause only in debugger mode can you do such a thing, and that's exactly right but that's also the reason why you need a breakpoint...to enter the interrupt within the debugger and debugger alone...that litter bugger...*grrrzz*

anywaz now it works, yayness!! but now its back to searching for tutorials and everything cause now i needa write a program in Visual C++ for the PC to store the data graphically. how the hell is that to be done...read..that's mr chua's (junior) response. sigh. back to square one. but think not as bad as jia ling who's sitting here using the sch's com in room 3 and having to read all of mr chua's notes hahaha!! hope she doesn't get tooo frustrated by it. but right now its like 5:30pm so we needa move back to the project room. sigh. don't really like it in there, first its freezing cold and so stressful cause everyone is quiet except me and jia ling...and sometimes shy joins in. hehe!!

nothing to write about, actaully that's a lie there's so much in my head but nah won't bore the people reading this so might as well just call shuxin and complain hahaha!! not that bad. but yeah works rather then typing so boring. yaote just came in and gave me a shock by pushing on the locked door behind me and jia ling. lolx anywaz needa be logging off to shift back over. =D

IT WORKS!!!!

2005-04-22T17:30:00.000+08:00

As you can tell my program finally works but still there are some flukes here and there. but over all it works!! im like so freakin' happy!! can you believe i like sat here reading and going through that stupid datasheet (M68DEMO908GB60) over and over again and finally i understand how it works and roughly how to define certain things, man am i happy it works, LEDs (light emitting diodes) light and everything. only problem now is that the LEDs only light when i step rather then when i run (in debugger mode of Code Warrior IDE[software program for programming microprocessors]). if i run the debugger it doesn't work and mr chua (senior) says its because of my sampling frequency but heck i just maxed it all out to PRESCALAR 0xFF and MODULUS 0xFF (F=1111(binary) & 15(decimal)). hahahaha!!! but now i was told to create a subroutine for the ATD (analog to digital converter) why i'm not too sure yet but all i know is that it was linked to why i had to enable interrupt.

according to mr chua(senior) im suppose to interrupt by using SW1(switch1) and then from when SW1 is pressed it'll enable interrupt then it'll go into my ADT_start(my subroutine) and then from there it should run and light the LEDs but it doesn't!!! and if i step then it doesn't even go into the subroutine and now im like so...argh!! but since its 5:30pm im so outta here!! hahaha!!

Can it get any more boring??

2005-04-14T15:10:00.000+08:00

Ok it's like the ending of the second week and im like bored outta my mind reading about M68DEMO908GB60. and yes i wrote that without refering to anything..just typed it out and its like so totally not like me to remember things like that unless its well you know. =p but i've been reading and searching for tutorials and then typing out header files with this as the file name and its like so...OM-Goodness....im totally going..whats the phrase?...?..bonkers!! nuts!! wacked out and crazy!! way totally for all the former mentioned. sigh. and now im sitting here in the class room near to falling asleep, was only woken by lionel placing a box of chocolate under my nose. sigh. apparently he wanted to offer but i as sleeping so opened and as happy there was a smell and yeah waved it under my nose and woke me. then jia ling combed my hair cause to her it was an apparent mess and she couldn't stand it. but heck i aint gonna complain if someone wants to comb my hair, i'll prompt myself up and enjoy. hahaha!!

still needa read through the data sheet and learn as much as possible about ATD(analog to digital) aka ADC. in a way i find what we're doing interesting and everything cause of its simplicity and yet its so complicated. yesterday shuxin was going through the schematic and haha looked more dumbfounded then me. but then again i've been staring and the color coded ports =D for about a week now so for just looking at it for 5 min i doubt i should complain.

oh yeah pics are out and not many of us actually like our pics that will be displayed outside the project room so mr kou agreed to let us change our pics just that we have to give him by latest tomorrow cause he needs to make changes to the supervisors in charge anywaz. he kinda messed up the supervisors in charge, not major or anything but the main was mixed with the supporting.

and now there's a somewhat "class outing" outside the class with some food and drinks, think coffee and stuff. kk off i go to join them. =D

First Day of VPP

2005-04-04T21:50:00.000+08:00

The first day of VPP and i was bored outta my mind. it was like bad enough with the AEM exam which was like managable yet sigh, tough i'll be damn happy just to pass and get those 6 cca points and no more advanced moduels (for now) *grinz*

then it was head back in the rain over to BME center and then met jia ling and had to wait as in like really wait for mr chua (tji leng) cause he was having his lunch. sigh. so after waiting for like what seemed eternity, we finally met him and he explained everything to us so now it's research and get familar with all the specs and everything. so far so good i guess, but no way are we memorizing it man.

after that we ate and then did some research and got all those programs that mr chua said to download, downloaded. then we went to have a look to see where'd we be sitting for the next 6 months. it's filthy, and the whole room smells musty. i know im so totally going early to clean and wipe the chairs and table, i need a clean working area man. so me and jia ling will be there to clean our tables and everything. =) and no we're not weird at all.

finished printing and specs and reading all those papers mr chua gave so now time for a break and gonna go watch Desperate Housewives now. if there's time i'll update more tomorrow. i'm only grateful tomorrow starts at 9am. -.- *sleepy* kk time to watch tv and fall asleep!!! =)

Pope John Paul II (1920-2005)

2005-04-03T11:00:00.000+08:00

Nothing can ever compare to a man of God's holy word!! today marks the passing of his Holiness Pope John Paul II. though he was a chatholic he was still a man of God and for that and his works i shall honour and praise him. not only did he help in the progresssion of the church but also the minds of people and their ways of belief. he nutured and raised the people's hearts and minds to be closer to God's. i really thank God for placing such a man here on earth, to touch and help the lives of so many around the world. he truely was an instrument of God and all His works, forever more able to, now and forever, praise and reign.

a man of such humbleness and kindness, God-fearing and loving. as i watched the tv this morning i couldn't help but really see how even children would just reach out to hug him. to me, even he seemed like a child with his smile and light in his eyes. a flame that will never go out as his impression in all our minds will remain etched forever carved in stone within our hearts as well. grace, honour, salvation!! only a mere few of all he stood for and tried to reach out and share, allowing us the people to have what he had as well. he blessed and he shared, whole-heartedly.

all of yesterday me and my mom watched the tv and everything and even though his condition was bad it did not hit me as anything major, in fact not much usually does and i thank God for that. as i sat there my mom was asking me how come i have no reaction to anything?? and all i could answer to her was, "Doesn't God alwaz take care of things in His own perfect time?" then she just looked at me like she was in disbelief but it's true. even this morning when i flicked on the tv to watch my morning program and then this announcement was being shown across the bottom of the screen when my mom came out and i told her he passed away, she made me turn it to CNN and she sat watching it, 9:37pm Rome time, he passed. even now she's still watching it. but i have now come to my room to study for tomorrow's test. but just can't help to walk out every now and then just to see what's going on.

"Even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me, Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me."
Psalm 23:4

Time to Play?? o.O??

2005-04-02T15:45:00.000+08:00

Thought that ESA would be tough but not that tough, but it turned out to be tough, as in tough!! sigh. now i'm scared to start my year 3 project. it's like ESA practical all over again, sigh. the only good thing i can see so far is that no matter what, i'll have fun and a good laugh cause well put me and jia ling together and what'da got?? *grinz* hehe!!

anywaz, suppose to be have taken my mom out today as well but then it started raining and well haha everyone got lazy then mom wanted to clean the whole house so yeah started helping with that and that was the first time that i've mopped two days in a row. waoh!! shocking huh?? especially from me. clean? fine! but just no mopping and dishes...laundry depends. actaully i don't mind it's just my sis, hate that she leaves everything inside out and i have to turn it back to right out side. damn frustrating no matter how many times you tell her she still does it. and now that stupid window in he room. come on working or not working she can cock a damn crack in the wall, but no..she has to complain and wine and worse is my mom gives in and for the past few weeks now she's been sleeping in my room making it a total mess like her's and now it's like every morning i have to clean my room. last time i just had to straighten it once a week but now it's every single day and im sick if it. i can't even change in my own room in the morning when i wanna get ready for school and i can't turn the light on to get my things or pack my bag. so my mom makes me, and literally, pack my bag and place it on the couch before my sis goes to bed, pick out my clothes and hang them behind my mom's room door, now this is just pathetic!!! it's my room not her's. she's already got one and i want mine back!! and i refuse to give in and cock the window for her but i will somehow kick her outta my room. just how??

and till now i haven't even eaten any of my birthday chocolates but my sis almost did open it cause she wanted it and my mom made me open it for her to eat and i didn't get any...sigh. so what if she works, so what if she comes back everday late that doesn't mean she can do and get whatever she wants because of it. mom just wants the family and i can understand that but then instead of doing thigs like this she should just make her make time for the family but then she never wants to bother so what's the point?? seriously tell me what's the point??? a family is only a family when the members are willing to sacrifice things and time for each other. i'm trying my best to make time to take my mom out as much as possible lately and to spend time with her and everything and then i'm just studying in the night and then falling asleep while studying. lolx!! but i'm still trying before monday comes casue the way the schedule is looking, ain't gonna be having much free time either this coming semester. sigh. but what to do?? just hope that atachment is more fun then project but for now hope that the project isn't that tough and that it's fun as well. kinda really hoping for year 3 to be fun. but then with practically the whole class gonna be gone. sigh. still hoping!!

think i should go through AEM a bit since ain't really do much of anything now. sigh. last paper before start of BPD......

Bleak XD

2005-03-25T22:30:00.000+08:00

I'm like so suppose to be studying ESA but i like so have no mood for it. worse of all i feel so bad for not going to church today. i mean i service was at 9am so it's not that bad, but then i went to sleep only at like 2?? 3?? something in the morning!! so well yeah i just kinda so totally turned the alarm off and slept. woke at 9am and felt kinda guilty about it. lesh so needs to start getting home at decent hours, i just really can't take it anymore. worse is, BPD is like 8:30-5 everyday single day!! OM-goodness!!! but the again from what i hear IAP is tougher so guess i shouldn't be complaining and should be haha grateful?? =)

one sad part and this one i just have to wine!! PORTABLE MEDICAL RECORDER!!!!! i mean yeah i did write it down but me and jia ling really really really wanted to do the Portable ECG Recorder. sigh. efin got that, hope she has fun and enjoys it though. and i hope shy and amelia will enjoy their's as well and not be so depressed, but honestly and no offence, i kinda had this feeling that if i too were to write it down, just might have gotten it so just to play safe i chose not to write it in. and im like so thankful. sorry shy but yeah truthfully. now im so thankful to jia hui for the ESA book caues well yeah i so needa know about microprocessors and what not. ha ha ha!! i struggle the most with ESA then anything else. but oh well i'm know for being a dark horse so guess we'll jsut see. =p

now the question of my day!! what to get?!?! headphones?? mouse?? tank?? what?? it has to be nice and well yeah something that will be liked and not chucked. that would just so suck if it were to be though. though i kinda doubt it cause well yeah, so yeah!! hahaha!! im like so stuck and nothing is coming to mind except what i got so yeah it's gotta be really nice what i give, just what?!? sigh. so sucky man!! totally open for any suggestions!!! actually this is kinda bad but heck im like down to my last resort. lolx!!

guess i'll start "studying" tomorrow. but for now i have my mom and my sis laughing at me. i mean ok i thought since today was Good Friday i would sacrifice watching my FBI files and Crime Night, but then my sis and my mom just stared at me and broke out laughing and then know what my sis replied with. i was like standing there thinking what's wrong with that?? i don't see anything wrong....*shrugz* anywaz my sis, through her laughter said, 'on daddy's funeral day you can tell mommy that you wanna be the one to do autopy when she goes too but you don't think watching those shows are?...hmm?? now let's think about that??...' then she and my mom started laughing again. don't know whether im just like this slow idiot who don't get things or what but i just stood there asking, well what's wrong with that before i actually got it. it's not what i said but more of when i said it but that didn't dawn on me then cause well i was talking to my dad and coming his hair at that time and well yeah just kinda blurted out. anywaz it's true i was so pissed with the way everything was done. i mean you shouldn't be able to see any of the scars but i couldn't and my sis said no one else could it was just i knew where to look, but then come on his hair was all wet and embalming fluid was coming outta his ears!! so well yeah, i rather it me so that way it's properly done for obvious reasons and i would know and be able to complain properly to whoever does that kida lousy job to anyone else!!

anywaz guess this is something that'll just have to take care of one day but for now. ESA!!! hahaha!! hopefully i'd be able to update more often. sigh. hope man right now still a little stressed with everything but don't really wanna be writting entries of nothing but complaints and condemnations i'll leave that to lie within my poems. =D

for some reason i so feel like reading Red Rose again but then i know what happens and everything, just needa so get stephen king's movies and everything. watch the movie like it read the book that how i do it so yeah, first it's Red Rose-Diary of Ellen Rimbaurer then it's Red Rose. so cool and get this it's all about a house. even cooler!! haunted buildings are like so much more...scary then people and things. way scary!! kk think i should get back to studying and not scary movies or i'll like go on forever. lolx!!
=D

Mind Your Words

2005-03-12T11:50:00.000+08:00

Every one of us knows what this phrase means and what the outcome should be from either us or the other party. however, how many of us know it's figurative meaning rather then the literal?? not many. though many of us believe we can "read" between the lines and what may be written on anothers face i find it more then just that. sometimes it's like whatever you may "read" you can just see and no one sees it. but everyone tries to read it. that's what i don't get. if you can you can leave it at that and if you can't then just open your eyes and look around. it's not that difficult.

people know what you really wanna say from actions displayed so no point lying either. remember actions do speak much louder then words. it's like you know what someone is thinking before they can even say anything and you can know whether they say is what they really feel as well. so what's the point of, "just keeping quiet" ?? sigh. i don't know anymore the world or the people in it have come too. stooping so low it's pathetic!! and all i want is to go to school. the one thing that i may complain about now and then but never ever said i hate or can't wait to leave. cause i never wanna leave school, i love schooling so much and the whole learning process...im just totally amazed by it. it just takes me to a place of awe! but i fear that because of certain circumstances i may not be able to continue my priviledge, oh yes a priviledge it is to study, and i fear more then anything now that i just might have to give it up. sad. but saddest of all is not just school but family as well. ever heard of can't cope too many commitments??

well i can't argue there cause my only commitments are my dad, mom and sis. and i can't complain cause everyone deals too. just differently, much much differently. no one does what i do and goes through what i do but everyone deals with it. just that they can turn to them and i can't. i only have my sister and my mom and even then i wonded. but if you ever hear me talk about my dad, just let it be and don't try and give me a reality check cause i already know it's just that to me he's only asleep to awhile and soon we'll all be together again. a family. one day. maybe sooner maybe later that i leave to God to decide. but a family once again. =D

i miss mine so much, i want it back to normal but it'll never be. never!! but one can alwaz create a normal one in their heads now can't they, so again i repeat no reality checks, please!!!?

somtiems wonder whether people mean what they say and what they do?? yes?, then no complaints from me, but if no?, then guess i'll leave that for another entry. just remember, sticks and stones may break bones but words hurt more, much much more!!! sticks and stones only hit the body, but words are a direct target to your soul and heart, and those scars never heal, may become forgotten by some but never really do heal. big or small, young or old. never!!

Not the Best of Days

2005-03-07T22:15:00.000+08:00

Ever wondered why some people can get away with certain things and some people just get totally slammed. i mean it's like a total slap in the face and yet some ca get away with it like it's nothing. sigh. but who am i to say anything. it's like all around me there's more to worry about and deal with and all is worse off then anything i could possible have gone through. but what can i do?? no way am i about to go around broadcasting and airing out dirty laundry rather then that i shall just let things go in one ear and out the other and not take things to heart anymore. can't believe i nearly cried while in the train going home. lame?? maybe. but then again im like that and well yeah kinda hard to change that.

and it doesn't matter how hard i or others try to change that it just aint working. and the worse part is i have no clue what goes through these people's minds when they yell at me thinking that'll actually help. i mean..hello!! my goodness doubt they'd know anything even it if smacked them on the butt!! it's like people alwaz complain that im too sensitive and sentimental and then what do they do?? yell their head's off at me. sigh. in a way i feel like laughing and in a way i feel like no one would ever understand or get it. and then that's just down right depressing. sigh. damn depressing....

Yayness!!

2005-03-05T22:40:00.000+08:00

Kinda like so happy that there are no more projects due till like year 3. hahahaha!! but then again that's in like another what..??...another month. sigh but then again it's like everything is going so fast. i mean all of us are gonna be year 3's in like..no time. sigh. gonna miss everyone so much. i mean never had a class of friends before. kinda reminds me of what chin hou asked me during the ACSI event. he asked whether i regret being in BME. well, in a way yes. it's like so much harder for me to fo forensic pathology now but then again i made great friends. awsome people man!! my open house next year still stands!! and i think that'll be fun. =D

anywaz, trying to organize a class outing and it's actually tougher then i thought but then again the response as been pretty good so far. guess when it's in the afternoon more can make it rather then after school. anywaz, so far everything's going ok just have to wait and see how the actual day goes.

ok now a slight digression from school and stuff like that. firstly sorry about the 2nd and then well yeah Feb 22nd as well. sigh. don't know what else to say, just hope you read this and well yeah, im sorry!! haven't been out muc lately and feel like i've missed so much with everything that's going on in this family. sigh. and then all those shows and documentries i wanna watch. but then for some reason i just keep forgetting and i have no idea why im like becoming more and more forgetful. sigh. but for some reason i just wanna laugh and be happy and carefree. like last time, play and play and play. =D i like playing...guess im just this fun-loving playful person. =) good thing my class is about the same. like nick trying to make jia ling "squeak" hahahaha!! kinda funny when he just comes up saying "poke!!" hahaha!! damn hilarious!! and then with the laughing and the "think we're becoming crazy" or "one day when mr. chee ask a question and we'll just laugh at him" it's like i don't know what's becoming of us. but either way it's funny and well at least we can all laugh and be somewhat joyful and happy. =D

anywaz, guess i might update tomorrow, see how the BRE assignments go. ...=)..=(

Freedom??

2005-02-28T23:55:00.000+08:00

BRE and POM projects/reports are all done and now left with that stupid!! human com...kinda hate that teacher.. irene...*grr* can't believe here and her.."too wide, skimpy report.." WTH!!! and then we narrow it and she tells us what?! .."..too narrow widen it, make it more broad.." i'll tell her what broad!! damn her. and what im most mad at is her definition of "skimpy" report. hello!! me, jia ling and shy don't give slip shot work ok!! never in my life has anyone told that to me or in that matter any of us. WTH!!!! and then later when having lunch found out she said about the same thing to someone else in the earlier class. sometimes i jst wonder about these teacher nerves and how they really judge us as students. by our work?? attidtude?? contributions?? what?? either that or she's just really bias to the ECE students cause she use to teach them, apparently they're the best. ha!! the ECE's in our class, the guys damn perverted its sickening!!! literally!! just irritating man. and then she's like never talking about us as BME students or anything. sigh. can't wait to get wednesday's presentation over and done with. don't needa see her face or hear that voice anymore. yayness!!!

Buried Under

2005-02-24T19:45:00.000+08:00

Ever felt like the load you carry is just way too much that the weight on your check weighs you down so much that you feel as though you can't even breathe?? well i do and i feel that way right now. i know there's like so much work that needs to be done but as of now i have no mood and that's one reason why i'm here writing this when i should be typing out POM. i mean it's like just this small part and yet i just can't seem to get it done. sigh

oh and yesterday during human com lesson, i so tell you that that lady is totally unreasonable man!! hello!! BME don't repoduce slip-shot work and we sure in hell don't do "skimpy reports" !! i tell you all of us was like !!! how dare she even think of saying that, i mean yeah we're kinda last minute people but please!! and then tell us that we can't present for 5min. oh please like hell we can't. DTLE that time was already 8min and everyone did well there for timing and some even went over. so yeah man!! too broad, too narrow not broad enough... c'mon what the hell kinda explaination is that. and the best part was after discussing with others in that class, she did the same. so can't believe her. can't wait till next wednseday then hopefully i don't needa see her face or hear that annoying voice. it's like squeaky, and high yet kinda hoarse..ah i don't know, a little freaky and very annoying!!

next week is a full and packed week. can't believe it just 3 more weeks till study break then it's exam week and then hello year three project. sigh. bye-bye hols..*sobz* was kinda really looking forward to them. had like so much planned and everything but now it's like there's so much to go around cancelling. sigh. kinda pathetic man. but what to do?? sadly nothing.

anywaz needa be getting back to POM. sigh.....

Stress!!ail

2005-02-19T22:57:00.000+08:00

I am like so stressed out i seriously think im going crazy. anywaz friday was fun. it was like dr. raj ended class like half an hour early so mark was like let's go play table-tennis and well yeah we had nothing much to do so it was like ok let's all go and play. but then they were having S&W in the hall, badmiton so we couldn't use it and then that security guy downstairs said that he won't lend the paddle till after 5pm so it was like sigh, ok. then we went over to the BME center to wait and stuff but then it was like so crowded with the year one's but then at 4pm they all cleared and then myself, mark, lionel, shuxin, chin hou and efin all went into the room and was just having fun and goofing off then it was like bad-pong was invented. hahaha!! one person hits the ping-pong ball with a paddle and the other with a badmiton racket. it was so damn hilarious. but the ball really flies with the racket man. haha!! it was like bouncing off of everything, literally!! and then they put two tables together in the center and then used eddie's IC sockets in that plastic casing for a net and that container to prop it up. hahaha!! it was so funny!! i know im not a very good story teller and well you just kinda have to had been there to see it. =D

other then that, schools been pretty much the same stressful. and i was like in total shock when mdm tan came up to all of us talking about who's pairing who and going where and stuff like that, but then that was when i found out that mdm tan didn't receive her email about swapping from the second sem to the first for IAP but then since mdm tan couldn't find me a place and jia ling was like put for sem two i got moved over so now its like we so needa coordinate fast and select a topic and get that back to that one guy. and worse is it's starts on 4th april. sigh. no hols for me. =( but heck it's all kinda worth it. lolx!! anywaz think i shold get back to everything that's left to do. sigh. God give me strength man!!

Penny for a thought

2005-02-10T15:30:00.000+08:00

Nothing much going on just trying to write that letter for human com class but its a killer. can't seem to get it done. sigh. kinda stuck at the second part. the letter writing part was pretty simple.

honestly i feel like im rotting away at home and well yeah not exactly doing much of anything. its like the more i try to think the more i actually miss out. so i guess i should just stop trying so hard and just relax a little. promised mark something so gotta be doing that and then there's shy, yupz your way to innocent and don't mind but a little "blind" to what is happening all around. honestly i find it scary and very appaling. why should one have to stoop so low just to obtain something?? is there no justice or has everyone just lost a sense of their own conscience?? i'd feel damn guilty if that were me!! but i guess some are just too thick skinned to feel anything cause they feel that this is the most important thing in the world. but you know what?!? news flash!! ...IT AINT!!!! there's so much more to look forward to then just that. i mean isn't all about one's self and one's own ability and not of others in comparsion to yourself?? but then again who am i to really say. sometimes its like you think that person should or would know better but then they don't and the worse part is they don't know who all sees what they are and have done. wish it could be blocked and forgotten but it just aint that simple. why?? cause life's not that simple!! and if it were then we'd all be living idiots. literally!! there'd be no obstacles to overcome and make someone think on a different level but rather they'd just stay where they were content. kinda pathetic if you ask me.

anywaz back to people. society is pathetic and all of us living here is pathetic too. you know why?? because we give in to society too much and its down to the very few who are brave enough to be themselves but then arent they the ones ridiculed by you and others?? but then who is or are these others?? people!! but then who makes up the people?? me and you. sigh. so what is there left to say?? nothing...and that's the most pathetic part of it all. all is seen but none is dealt with. what a waste and a pity. don't you agree?? but then im only one person what i say doesn't exactly matter to anyone and no one would even care to listen. sigh.

either way guess all i can really say is that if you wanna survive in this world and school, then the race is on. and good luck everyone for i am about to take a back seat and just watch. watch as everyone fights and scrambles to get to their goals. and all i'll do is watch and believe me i'll have people there to join me. probably less as times goes but then again next sem is already year 3. it'll either get worse or a little better. but lets see how everything fairs this sem first before we say or make any assumptions, shall we?? =)

Food for the soul

2005-02-05T22:00:00.000+08:00

I think i've side tracked my life so much that i lost touch of what is really meaningful and what's not. and for some reason i feel like im moving further from God rather then nearer. i mean its like most people who start back up with going to church and becoming active for some reason find themselves nearer to Him, yet i find that i'm drifting further. sigh. but then i don't know what to do besides pray.

i feel lost, like i'm some wandering soul not knowing where or what to do next. i know i'm not exactly lost but my soul is and it's wandering and waiting, but i just don't know what it's waiting for. sometimes people say that your dreams and thoughts are ways out for your soul and mind, do i..no should i believe it?? there's so many possibilities and ways of explaination but then for some reason i still conclude to me being a person who's oblivious to the obvious. people around me hurting and i'm to blame in a way, for i added to that pain, hurt and rejection. not on purpose no. by accident, but knowing well what i was doing and saying, misunderstood?? nope. understood perfectly fine but then its just hard and painful. over and over again. pain never goes away and i know it. oh do i know it so well. think maybe it's my other best friend.

crying has even become something of routine i guess you could say for me. it's like crying helps, yes its therapuetic and everything but then its so scheduled that it's a little scary. no?? i certainly think so. it's like im losing all control and i cant get it back. i try so hard but it just gets further and further away from me. sometimes i cry cause im scared, i don't know what to do. i cry cause i'm mad, angry; i don't know what to do. for all i feel, lost and abandoned i don't know what to do. for each emotion i feel im lost for words and actions. the only one that come to mind it tears to my eyes. how lost am i?? how deserted am i?? how alone am i?? though every day i have people all around me, surrounding me, yet im all by myself.

how to cope?? how to deal?? i wish i knew that way i can answer myself and help others as well. am i meant to feel this way until i know what it is of me that is required?? that too i do not know. if i could go on and on i will contemplate on all that i don't know and wonder about but i have no time, i only have time to focus on what is as of now and that's school and loads of projects. back to the shallowness of everyday life....

Can it get any worse?? =.=

2005-02-04T21:00:00.000+08:00

Seriously can my day get any worse?? wanted to write earlier but ha couldn't. it was like one thing after another like that it was like so damn pathetic. firstly i can so kick myself over the DTLE paper. i so screwed the paper and its not like BRE or ESA its way way worse!! i mean way!! sigh. so depressed. seriously...can mad and depressed and yeah i just don't know. i mean studies is like the only thing that i feel im good at or can even do for that matter. i mean lesh is like good with children and everything and she's creative and outgoing so she's a people person and then there's me. all i ever do is read and study and keep to myself. sigh. the one thing i can do i screwed up and don't go telling me its only one outta four cause it still sucks and yeah only makes me feel worse. =(

anywaz woke up this morning with mom complaining about getting the cleaning all done cause achen is coming today but so far no calls, but since its in the bulletin then yeah. so i woke and helped clean cleaned the whole house got all laundry done and everything. just finished mopping three times so mom can't complain in anyway that there's no shine and what not. but i got hungry and asked to eat the chicken that was bought yesterday after everything was done except for the straightening and moving of the microwave. but then somehow while picking the plate up to put it in the microwave i dropped it right on my foot and everything landed on the floor in, i think 3 or 4 pieces and then yeah i too was on the floor with a minor cut and a major bruise. sigh. cant exactly walk now and in so much pain. but then i was so sorry for dropping the food and everything. i don't know anymore.

anywaz, i don't want to be sitting here in front of the com at my desk for long cause my toes really really hurt. even though its elavated on my bed its like..owww....=( anywaz i think i rather just take a couple of pain tablets then sleep. just can't believe all that happened. sigh. even mom bonked her head while teaching me how to clean the bathroom. i know..lolx!! i don't know how to clean a bathroom, but heck i've never done it before so..yeah.haha!! but for now...gdnite!!

Almost there

2005-02-01T22:30:00.000+08:00

CT almost over. one problem. ESA was a disater and BSPA which i thought was ok turned out i made careless mistakes so guess a loss a confirmed 9/10 marks. sigh. depressing. and there's still DTLE. sigh. but overall so far i guess i have a good feeling..so far...but then kinda said the same thing about FCS and saw what happened there. damn depressing. funny part is when you talk to other people from other poly's and stuff their like, "are you crazy!!" hahaha!! not crazy just that all the peepz in my class are really really smart man. serious no joke. but still as long as im passing with my A's and B's think i'll just keep my mouth shut.

anywaz not much going on. oh yeah that bump at the back of my head, got that check turns out its just this infection that popped out cause of stress and the infection gave me a fever and the fever caused my headahces. its just so complicated. i'll just be thankful i don't end up in the hospital again like last year. scary you know. it's like you have no clue of what's really happening, it just happens so fast and then its like, over and over again. kk nevermind with that. not very nice to talk about or remember for that matter.

sometimes its like i don't know what to thinkany more. its like..don't even know if i should be writing this here. baby understands but then again...sometimes you really can't help but wonder. don't think i should elaborate, anywaz its late and there's still BRE to study. maybe after everything i'll exaplain. or maybe not. *shrugs*

Stress

2005-01-30T16:30:00.000+08:00

Think all this studying is getting to me especially ESA. i mean while studying and asking questions i made so many typo's its ridiculous and the typos were OM-Goodness way off and OM!!! first for LSR=Logical Right Shift, my shift became a "shit" and then when asking about shift left multiple and right divide i wrote out the equation as one ADD and the other "ASS" then wanted to write "typo!!" but instead starting writing "poty" hahaha!! i need a real break and not a so called study break. sigh. -.- i don't know what to say anymore except im so so sorry for th typos and yeah OM-Goodness!!!! after all that thought i needed a break break so here i am writing an entry and in a way can't believe what i wrote just now above but then its like, yea stress man. either that or my typing is getting bad. sigh.

want to play NFS2U but then yeah can't needa study ESA can't afford to do badly like what happened for MI last semester. hopefully neither ESA or DTLE follow after that. sigh. i don't know what else to say or do but sigh. i mean even church this morning went bad. it was like. sigh. dragged on and instead of standing i had to sit and everyone around me was standing except for the little kids who sit after a while. i don't know today's just so not my day man. sigh. hopefully tomorrow's paper will be managable and i can at least get a B, just a B it ain't asking for much just a mere B. and if i get higher i'll laugh man. seriously laugh. BRE and BSPA im at least aiming a little higher at an A or B+ the least. i hope i don't do badly. kk time to get back and study!! study study!!

no more updates till after exams!! please help pray with me pray that no one screws up, gets sick or makes careless mistakes for any of the papers this week including the FCS students as well. thanks!! all of us need it. =D

ESA?? DTLE?? BRE?? BSPA?? T.T

2005-01-28T11:00:00.000+08:00

I have no idea where to start now. it's like everything that could and would possibly go wrong went wrong. still can't believe what i did yesterday, i am sorry for it but only to an extend. it's like everything is getting way to much for me to cope with anymore. im lagging so behind in everything and i so can't afford another screw up in my exams. its getting way to stressfuk nowadays. sigh. but then again life can't be made easy right??

kk away from that subject. kinda feel like playing now but then there's still so much that needs to be done. let's see. there's DTLE, ESA and finishing up BRE. and BSPA i'll just have to leave to a little last minute. think i might have to do that with BRE as well. actually everything is ok with BSPA and BRE except chapter 3 for both. sigh. needa really read through and start doing all those things. just hoping that it's not that tough.

so far i've started to notice a lot of people getting blogs and using blogspot as their host. =) kinda cool, wonder how many there are exactly, people i know of course, using blogspot that i have yet to discover. =) lolx!! maybe after i finish off my 2.2 then i'll have the time to just go through. but for now, there's still so much i needa get done. sigh.

CSI

2005-01-25T23:25:00.000+08:00

Right now watching CSI and starting to think and wonder about some stuff. where and what am i destined to do or become?? alwaz thought i knew the answer to that question, when i was 4 it was an astronomer, then at 8 and forensic criminal and then when i was 16 is changed to a forensic pathologist. what else it will change too i yet to wait and see. i can only hope that whatever it is its something that i will enjoy and be happy doing. but then i don't know and no one will know. sigh. sometimes i wonder what it would be like if only it were known. if only. but its not, so no point dwelling on it.

it's like i don't know what the heck to think anymore as well. it's like so many things are coming all at once and there's no answers for anything yet everyone comes looking for answers, and they all come to me. sometimes i really feel like changing my hp number but then for some reason i can't bear too. just can't bear to just chuck it one side and then not bother with it and let it become forgotten. soetimes i really feel that no matter how many times people say that the understand and everthing, they don't, they really don't. everything thinks they know exactly what its like, how it feels, everything that comes along with it, but they know nothing. nothing at all. what its like everyday, how much there's to do and get done but no mood and more so no heart to do it. only problem is that no one will ever know cause its not as though you go around broadcasting everything to everyone, but then one person thinks so. apparently she thinks that all privacy is gone and all that's left is no trust between any of us. but that's not true and can't totally be blamed on me nor anyone else but herself and herself only. how hypocritical can it be for you to tell everyone but once one thing is told by another then all hell breaks lose. im really losing it ain't i?? just totally losing it.

however when known to be in the wrong an apology isn't even given. but then again, apologies are nothing more then words and words only. and yet that's the one thing that we seek from others when they are in the wrong. but then again how many people are actaully sincere in what the say when apologizing?? i say a few out of the many. i mena why say your sorry when you know you don't really mean it. if one were to do something or say something then why should an apology saying "i said it outta anger" be any form or reason of an excuse for an apology?? then why bother in the first place?? as a formality?? sickening if you ask me. but then again who am i to say anything, right?? what i say or think is but a mere suggestion that is posed as a little more then something to be discarded, but is in the end. pity aint it. sad and pathetic too. what has this world come too? or better still its people. hopeless man. pathetic hypocrits.

Studying's....boring....

2005-01-23T17:20:00.000+08:00

So far i haven't studied at all. wanted to start yesterday but then that's another long story between mom and me and then with lewin interceding...sigh. anywaz, not much except for cramming for exams yet again. kinda of starting to dislike exams but the one good part is that after going through the papers and the text, it's not that bad the only bad one is ESA. sigh. that's the killer!!

anywaz besides that i finally went blading on friday with my cousins at bishan park. yay!! so happy i finally started blading again. was a little unstable at first then after awhile i got pretty good at balancing and braking and everything. another was starting to learn how to play badmiton, the proper way and not just anyhow wack the shuttlecock. lolx!! fun!!! laughed more then i played i think =) but if was fun and i want to play every week ok?! and i wanna blade at least once every one to two weeks. ok?! please say yes. haha pleaing with mom ain't that easy either. but oh well. it's exercise so no one can complain that im putting on weight and doing nothing about it. lolx!! kinda mean but heck!

before going blading we were at aunty shirly's and we watch Kal Ho Naa Ho (think that's how it's spelt) i love that movie, and i cried throughout the movie. it was sad man. think i cried that most, haha but seriously its a very touching story. hindi movies quite nice, i like but others a little ha ha. but hindi us either about love or family and sometimes both and i like films like that. meaningful and touching and you learn something from it at the same time. =D

still so much to do and im writing an entry and looking through people's blogs. sigh. really no mood to study but think that if im not gona study at least print out the PDP stuff that way i won't forget later to get it done. off to print then....

Sigh...

2005-01-08T23:50:00.000+08:00

Got a bit of my report for DTLE done but not much, like only two paragraphs are done. sigh. then there's still AEM test tomorrow. sigh. so much with no time. in a way i feel like pulling outta AEM but then $30 bucks is wasted and so is the education but then i really can't handle the hours even if its not as bad as others for me its bad enough. immune system can't build up at this rate.

anywaz the church program was today and not to sound bias but am i glad my mom aint no tamil. OMGoodness they don't know how to behave in church and well yeah.... it was like so typical and everything. not corrdinated at all and you don't go up and dance that kinda dance in church for christmas and memebers complained about the banghera dance the guys did. but what do say or do. my favorite though was our church choir and the clowns from the NJ-Center. they were good!! and funny and as a whole it was meaningful. very true that the one thing that all of us can give that will forever remain with its value is our hearts and our love. uncle george gave a wonderful message at the end of it all. im proud of lesh, in many ways im proud of her. no matter how much she irritates me..i still love her and all. one day...one day..!!

suppose to be doing DTLE now so i can get some AEM revision done tomorrow after church but kinda have no mood for writing or studying now. so yeah thought i'd drop by with a few words and let out some frustration and then dry my hair and get to bed. i need sleep!!! call it wining or complaining i don't care but i need sleep.

achen will be making house visits and north is this tuesday and i'll only be home after 8pm so sigh...i might not be there...i like talking to achen its fun and interesting he's not like most achen's, he's different..he actaully listens to us the people of the church and really hears what we have to say. another thing i like is that to him the church grounds, all around, is sacred and should be respected. but he's understanding to the way the youth are and their likes and dislikes. but he keeps us in line. not sure how he does it but he's good. =D after his three years and he goes back to india...think i'll miss him around the church and for the services. but that's just the way it goes and i guess i'll have to just get use to it.

made more friends too. talked to SR a little and learnt more about him beside the fact that he's just really really big for his age. couldn't believe that he's a weight-lifter off the top of my head just like that. saw a picture of him when he was younger but not that much younger and well yeah he came a long way to lose all that so yeah. basically he's a child at heart and everything and gets along great with his sis, which i find absolutely great. those two together is cute and funny.

kk think its about time i got to bed myself. tomorrow is another long day and yeah have to get up early again. sigh..