Hiatus

Been like a month since i've last written anything and a lot as happened. needa see how can i place pics and videos in here. got a few good ones...damn hilarious too =D but now i needa watch my back whenever lesley or vicky is holding a cam. lolx!!

other then that enjoying IAP so so so so much!! gonna really miss it when i have to leave though. =( muz enjoy fully while i can!!! lolx!! hmm?? been kinda busy lately with the interim due next week and then with christmas and all. hehe!!! can't wait..rehersals are starting tomorrow for the variety program. and im acutally taking part!!! just pls dont have me be the mother, the frantic pareniod mother...sigh...rather be narrator but i can confirm it'll be taken and by whom. lolx!!

kk i just ordered food and my mom should be deliverying it to me pretty soon...then needa go to bed...becoming more and more like a panda...or maybe worse..sigh..need sleep!!! anywaz tomorrow is shy's and shuxin's bday so gotta stay up to wish them!!

hahaha just added shy online..got yahoo messenger...lolx kinda having fun just playing around with it. sigh...kk bed time...headers are done and im sleepy...gdnite!!

The Walls Have Ears

I am the wall!!!

but on a lighter note, IAP totally rox and im having a blast!! =D cool right?? i don't really miss school that much but i do miss my friends! =( jia ling and shy miss you both so much man!!! miss the laughing and talking crap and just hanging out and having a good time. but meeting at hairul's was fun. good to catch up and well we got to talk and laugh and yea meet up then rode in a car that amelia drove and that was a total experience man!! hahaha =p she's too tense but still a good driver man. uhm..nothing much going on..right now me just bored and can't play cause i have my mom lying right here complaining about the light being on. sigh i so needa find time to paint her room and fix that stupid cupboard. actually i would have done it sooner but when i tried that time it kinda collapsed on me and pinned me down. that was hilarious and thank goodness my mom wasn't around or all hell would have broken lose. haha!! =p anywaz im fine it was just funny and well a little painful lolx!!

just last saturday was ja's sweet 16 birthday party. man i wish i had that kinda stuff but then sigh not really my thing either. i mean the music and stuff but not the works...me not so into that big major party stuff. anywaz i was like the only adult to chaperoned a group of 15 and 16 year olds. well minus off that one 12 yr old who so didn't look her age man!! people thought she was me, cause she's very matured for her age. damn cool and sexy man!! and she's 12!!!! T.T don't know what to say man... anywaz since underage drinking wasn't allowed. hehe!! rule made by me thank you thank you thank you!! i know very mature of me to make that rule right?? =p anywaz that real adults all went for a wedding so yeah, me allow cause lionel and rina were only going to be arriving later. so i kinda confiscated all this beer and well...it was just sitting there and its not like i could leave it for the adults to see when the returned so when lionel and rina arrived and rina brought debbie along...we decided to drink tha beer ourselves since we're all of legal age. haha!!! stupid move man!!....the only ones who really drank was me and debbie and the worse it we kinda lost track of how much and turned out we both had about 12 cans each. we were damn high but at least i maintained my composure for surpervising. but man did my head hurt but the good thing is...i fell asleep so damn fast...faster then i probably ever had in my life man!! haha!!

but next morning....major hang-over and major headache....damn major...drank a banana milkshake cause i read somewhere that it helps...sigh..not by much...head kinda hurt all the way sunday and into monday. was advised to drink hot chinese tea...tried it and well feeling better...sigh...me wanna sleep... -.- zzZz

other then that uhm..let's see on friday i was on the phone and well i like queen's bohemian rhapsody and someone decided to sing it to me rather then just send me the song and i ended up laughing my head off and falling off my bed and knocking my head...but i still laughed till my mom came running wondering what the heck the loud sound was and saw me laughing so she knew i probably fell or banged some part of my body somewhere...told her where between breaths and she panicked and i had to put ice on my head which was kinda stupid cause i just had my shower and my hair was all wet....kinda redundant but oh well!! =D

long time since i've blogged and believe you me i got alot to tell....i kinda did a lota stupid things...great to write here and make all of you laugh at my stupidity and clumsiness but well you know me....me forgetful and well i don't remember all. hahaha!! =p but it was funny!!! not short term memory the info just kinda migrated from the front of my mind to the back. hahahaha!!! lame right but heck its late and im sleepy...i have the right to talk nonsensical crap...right?!?!?! of course!!!! =D

kk bed time!!!!! gdnite!!!!! hopefully i can update more frequently...but sigh...kinda busy with IAP and WoW!!! and now my new fav game!!! Text Twist!!!!! yahoo games...go and try it its fun..just now played and my highest score was 26,700!!!! im so happy its a record for me!!! =D kk GDNITE!!!!! =D

Change!!

Feel like changing the color of my layout...aint gonna be changin the layout but so gonna be changing the color theme...pink is just irking me...

today was like so cool...stayed in the hospital till like 7 then left..this week with Mr. Rossli so since he and les use to jam with the guitar and vocals me and vicky joined them. so it was like mr rossli played and then les sang, leader of the band and collin raye's love me. so nice....then i played a little tried to learn stumming but heck just cant seem to get it fully. haha can you imagine staying in the BME center till 7pm..mr rossli left earlier by like 6 something and the three if us left at 7.

the original plan was to just wait out the heavy rain that johnny claimed to be pouring down at 530. so sad, didn't wanna get wet so yeah wait. sigh. so we decided to play since i brought my tunner and lent to les. now just burning all those cranberries songs from the cds i borrowed from her. hahaha i love it there!!!!! =D

thought i'd probably be bored and not enjoy but i am i mean yeah i wish jia ling and shy were there...more fun to talk crap the whole day and just laugh all the time. miss that. but the atmosphere there is great and the people as well. down side...kasturi our admin assistant is going on a 2 week holiday!!!! OM-Goodness...so its like every afternoon we have to sit there and learn everything from her while she teaches us everything we need to know and believe me its alota!!! sigh...kk bed time gdnite!!1 =D

Update

Not much been going on...haha yeah right!! uhm where to begin?? first work is great and its fun just that there's alot of...very different characters around lolx!! other then that not much, now just been going around the A&E side and doing defibrillators..sigh..after doing them in general wards im like not too keen to be doing it again in A&E. kinda wanna do more on repairs then PM but apparently there's more PM to be done then repairs or BM...sigh...

last week tues had a little incident after lunch, left hand just went numb and froze, so was taken to TTSH A&E (ironic huh??) and since the doc didn't know what the problem was i was referred to the othopedic and since that doc doesn't know what's wrong either and since it still hurts, cant carry heavy things and cant bend it fast im going to be sent for duplex ultrasound (doppler) tomorrow and then on the 26th im scheduled for EMG (electromyograph; muscle)

but for now im going to write out today's report and then read my book and then sleep...i need sleep...gdnite!!!!

Fallen Out

Can you believe that on the first week of IAP i already had a two day MC because i passed out in the train to work, and now i have a 7 day MC from TTSH A&E because of my arm. can you believe it?!?!

it's like, ok les and vic went for commissioning at yew tee then i went to lunch with mr sng, johnny, mr yeow, john and mr david. then after eating and we were having drinks my arm just froze on me, it went numb and i couldn't feel anything and couldn't move it only could feel this sharp pain in my wrist. and as time went it moved up more and more towards the elbow side and the numbness also rose. ED doc said that it's either carpotunnel so a hardned muscle. sigh. have an appointment at clinic B1B next week tues but let's just hope that i don't need surgery and have it removed or cut away. scary thought.

other then that IAP is fun. so far i've done PM for defibs, ECG monitors, baxtor pumps, suction regulators, and lab scales. think i've finally learnt how to use theESA with much confidence. it's just the matter of getting use to the different TO's ESA. apparently john as this system for his. not too sure why and stuff but up to him so ok.

found out that im not exactly the best for admin work, im better off in the workshop and Not the font desk area. haha its like i screw up...still....cant seem to get those phone calls right and all the required details but so far ok. most everyone there is very helpful to help with the calls and the paging and everything.

still can't enter into my webfolder, foo says its cause im only in guest mode cause i haven't logged into NPNET yet...sigh...why so troublesome?? but for now i can't be bothered...i'l settle that over the weekend for now i wanna play WoW....only sad part is im sure to die alota and i can only use a mouse....sigh....how the hell to play like that!!?!? but still its better then not playing at all!!! just needa finish waiting for the patch to download, so slow.

nothing much to really say..nothing really interesting that i can write here but if you wanna hear click on me in msn and i'll tell you something hillarious!!! and then let you laugh at how stupid i can be like all the time!! [some people may write some of the time but not for me, must see individual hahahaahaha!!!!] kk time to play!!! =D

First Day of IAP

Overall it was fun and it was kinda boring. lolx!! September 26th was the first day and i got to do commissioning and safety testing for oxygen flowmeter. all 18 of them!! hahaha!! then it was lunch and we all went over to inland revenue building to eat and then headed back to BME center where me and vicky learnt how to use HECS (Hospital Equipment Control System) and then Ms. Kasturi taught me how to answer the phone and take down messages and how to page and all those other stuff...sigh..so much to remember and its like i have this phobia if she's not around and i have to answer the phone. hahaha!!

so far evryone is really nice and friendly!! lesley is like so jovial all the time and then ms. kasturi is like a mother to evryone there, john is interesting to listen to and talk to. haha havent really talked to evryone but yeah they're all nice people!! =D

today was kinda boring though. mainly looked through contracts and then did some HECS then searched for files...sigh...and tomorrow still have to continue searching for all those files...and there's alot man!!! its like every room in that center is a cabinet for files. hahahaha!!

kk for now its time to play a little while. just got the card for WoW but havent even registered yet. haha!! but i shall do so now then read my overdue book a while hahahah!!!! =D

Charlene

didn't want to write this here but then the more i think of it the more i feel that everyone shoild hear about her, how great and adorable she is. she's the cutest, most loving and most adorable creature that probably walked this earth in a long time. not fussy just cute in every way possible. she's pudgy and cute with big round eyes that are alwaz looking for food. =) she happily walks around and had such a good life that she'd just open any closed door, enter and plop down on the floor; right in front of the fan/door or under the air-con. cute right?!? =D

she'd stride up and lay down looking at you and wait for you to pet her, if you don't then she'd get up and plop her head on your lap and look at you wait then plop back on the floor, by this time your already petting her, and she'd fall asleep and go kabongz right there next to you or on your lap with her drool penatrating through your skin/pants or all over the floor.

still remember everytime i went over she'd alwaz block your bedroom door and i couldn't walk through unless i stepped over her. lolx!! then that time i was studying DE she plopped right over all my notes and drooled hahaha that was funny!! and that time we were playing magic and she opened the door; i have no idea till today how she does it though lolx; then she walked over all the cards on the floor then you said, "charlene....." then she looked back and walked over and laid right over the cards in our libraries and graveyards. hahahaha!!! and she slept!! hahaha!!!

even though i was allergic to her i still fell in love with her man, how not too?? she's just so lovable!! only a little over a year i've known her and yet i feel so much. sigh.

7:30pm

shuxin messaged me saying to pray for his doggy...i knew that she was to be put to sleep cause she was suffering but still its very different to hear it and to know its being done. honestly im not anticipating any call from him tonight.

anywaz, at least this way doggy will be happy and healthy. God will carry her and hold her close in His arms and love her abundantly!! forever!!! for eternity!! and one day all will be reunited!! and yes she's family!!!

im prayer!! and will alwaz pray for her to be happy wherever it is that she is destined to go with the Father. but i pray she's healthy and is able to accept what is to be done to her.....sigh....

Alwaz Something Better To Do

Ever notice that there's alwaz something better to do whenever there's something important that needs to be done?? like right now, im suppose to be studying but im blogging. haha!! why is that?? i mean its not that i don't wanna study its just that im losing my mood for concentrating and reading these notes and honestly this whole thing on MRI, X-Ray and Ultrasound isnt exactly going through my head. sigh. worse still first paper...sigh.... needa get those tuts and minniproject in man. life sucks.

waiting for IAP to start but then still scared hahaha!! cant play!! hopefully can enjoy though. we'll see =D

for now...STUDY!!!!!!! T.T

New Colors

Like my blog colors?? hahaha actually i wanted a blue scheme bt then sigh..it didnt look that great and unfortunatly; i hate red and pink; it actually looked good so sigh..yeah decided to use it. not sure for how long exactly though.

anywaz project is over and now its exams. sigh again. but i don't worry about exams as much as project. but oh well. three papers then its all over. no more going over and hanging out at the BME center. no more finding seats and trying to decide what to eat at canteen 2. no more lunches with shy and jia ling and all. in a way im gonna miss it all but then im glad that it's attachment time. only one problem. fooL just might be and haha probably will be my LO..sigh...but what to do?? at least he's not a direct annoyance to me. hahahaha!! just hope i can get through these exams then not screw up IAP. lolx. kk CSI time!!! =D

Final Review

'How'd the review go?' most famous question this week..but ha!!! fooL sucks man!!!! oh yeah this blog entry contains alota anger and a whole lota cursing which shall not be put into symbols because it's harder to type like that. anywaz...like i was saying...

overall was prepared and ready for the review, went to school at 730am to go through the report gave mr chua to read (junior that is) then went for lessons and after class ended at 1130am we went and ate and clement and martin joined us, me and jia ling that is. then went back to class and rehearsed the slides with mr chua and he corrected some things and told us that it was ok. so we made the changes and then waited for the review time, 2pm.

printed out a copy of the final report and went down to the conference room, not ava but conference room which was already a little freaky as is. took a seat and talked amongst ourselves and mdm tan then learnt that since mdm tan had to leave for a lab test PB06, 07 and 08 would present first then it was PB09 cause jeremy had to leave for the hospital, then it would be PB01, 02, 03, 04 and finally us..PB05.

shy went first for presenting that amelia and once done that idiot of a fooL asked her right then and there to calculate out the gain...what the hell man!!!! i mean come on no person in their right mind does that but this bloody freakin' a**hole!!!! obviously like any of us she froze and was nervous and couldnt answer...foolL took it to be a way of defeat over her...sigh that moronic idiot of an unwanted species!!! and worse is he did this to practically ever group..with that stupid little smirk on his face that you literally i mea LITERALLY wanna just punch right off his god-for-saken face!!! stupid freakin' jerk!!!

came to the ending and it was afiq and zul's turn and their com didnt work, not their fault mind you but that moron just hasta comment..and know what he says..'this is why we open the room early, you should come here and check your computer and not make us wait like this..' idiot!! he thinks what!!! so me and jia ling went first then later passed jia ling's com to them to use...but first our presentation..

the presentation was going ok if you ask me and mr chua (junior) smiled and nodded his head so yeah we thought we were pretty ok and not gonna be that bad off so the nerves went off and we were presenting..then it came to the conclusion...ok it was stated that it wasn't available, the IrDA that is..but then it's true we haven't bought it because it wasn't available to us. then he was like how come we didn't buy earlier, then we told him about the wanting to use Bluetooth module but the PDA couldn't open the com port..then he was like sitting there smirking at us..wanted to just take the pointer and shove right into his eyes and gorge them out man!!

then he was like so can we show that the IrDA works, so naturally i said yes cause i thought he meant showing that SCI2 can send out and well yeah that's the whole point of the hyper terminal!!! but to him that wasn't valid..sigh idiot!!! then we were trying to ask whether he wants the IrDA module to work or the process of sending to work, you know show that it works? cause i mean code warrior is all programmed and working just well yeah like mr chee said later noisy but obviously..

then he was like sitting there resting back in the chair saying just answer then question yes or no...bloody freakin bastard man!! so we said yes/no!! then mr chua (senior) was saying that if we use a stacker its not possible...but we don't plan on using the stacker we plan on buying off the shelf...pre-done for the microP...just connect it'l run!! but then we just said no if that's what that little asshole wants then no obviously not possible!! then he was like 'fine' ok now afiq and zul you can start your presentation...uhm hello you idiot!! we weren't even done!!!

so we told afiq that we weren't done and he said ok and he and zul stood aside then we told that jerk that we weren't done and you know what that bastard has to say?!?! with a smirk that is '..from what i can see..there's no point in continuing..' ...freakin bloody bastard!!!!

so fine then we just walked off and let afiq use the com then closed our ppt to let them open there's...and then that moron just don't know when to shut his asshole of a mouth up..he comments on jia ling's desktop picture saying that it tells alot about her personality...saracticaly that is...so what if she likes romantic films....it was a pic of the movie first daughter with katie holmes...nothing wrong its personal..and it wasn't meant to be seen...she pissed at him both of us walked outta the room heck with that lame excuse of a person sitting there and went back the the BME center washroom and cursed like you wouldnt believe...i know jia ling was upset at his comment on her desktop...that was uncalled for...he could just keep his comments to himself..i mean its not like i go around telling him that wearing the same freakin shirt for a week tells a whole lot about his hygene!! not to mention his belt...hello!?! what not only is he a waste of space and breathe must we see his pathetic way of so-called tuckin in his tummy...the guy is so stupid he can't even wear a belt proporly...what the hell is that man!!! you see any of us complain?!? i think not...so he should start shuttin up too man...

later when it came to showing how the project really works me and jia ling sat there gave black face to that creature and only acknowledged mr chee...talked to mr chee and specifically said..'mr chee would u like to step on the scale or just run?' everything was just to mr chee and the worst part now is...outta my three chairs...one is now contaminated....how to sit!!!! i don't want the chair anymore the only thing i was happy about was that earlier when i was sitting on the table i put my feet on the chair and left a shoe print and that print went straight from my chair to his pants..hahahaha!!!! just wish the chair wasn't the medium of passing the print and it really was my foot to his ass man!!!

bloody idiot!! freakin jerk!!! asshole!!! freakin bastard!!!! cant wait for BPD to be over...and there's no ay in hell i want him as a supervisor but if it happens then haha im totally gonna ignore him....after all he did...friday at 8 plus he confiscate amelia's board but states that he took it to help her with the heart rate...yeah right that liar!! i wish i could just wring him man!!! amelia was right the only thing this thing is good for is bullshitting man!! all he does is talk crap and its irrelevant!! what the hell!!! argh!!!!! moronic idiot, freakin bastard jerkface!!!!! 2 more weeks to PROVE to him that we can get it working and interfaced!! stick it to him and make him havta shut up!! just keep that freakin mouth of his shut forever man....freakin idiot!!! full of lame excuses...nothing relevant and nothing meaningful...all crap..all nothing but crap!! bullshitter!!

Blackout

Falling and stumbling in the darkness. that's exactly how i feel both literally and mentally.

blacked out in church today...three times...twice in the sacturary and once in the guest room...falling and stumbling...falling and stumbling..endless...eternal...

cant wait for project to be over. waiting for tuesday then all will be free...exams not that bad anymore...not as stressful as this...just two more days and we're all free....

24hrs just aint enough

24 hours in a day and there's 7 days a week and there's 4 weeks in a month, and we spend 6 months on a project that practically no one is near to finishing. sigh. 24 hours is not enough..therefore 4,032 hours in a 6-month period. sounds like a lot yeah i know but then its like ok first 6-weeks was VPP so that would then make it 3,024 hours as L3K1. so that's like 3,024 hours to do project research and hadware/software components and still manage classes and then mini-projects and assignments and mini-assingments..sigh. and its not like everyone really goes and studies 24/7 i mean e needa sleep or at least i know i do!! for goodness sake i've been late for classes lately cause can't wake and then if i stay late then haha i end up falling sick or something goes wrong. sigh...depressing man but what to do??

one week..just one more week and it's all over. in a way i'll miss it cause i'll miss some of the people and my friends but then i can't wait for the experience now. was scared but now im actually excited for it to come. lolx!! just hope i get where i want...therefore till now i don't know but i shall not say. =D really really want it so yeah. hahaha!! lame but heck!

kk time to start on the FINAL REPORT...the dreaded report of all time!!! sigh. write and compile...sigh 'me no wanna edit to third person' *sobz* lolx!! haha no jia ling like "what the hell" hahahaha!!! 'me bored, me no wanna write...me gonna go crazy soon' or maybe i already have...hahahahahaha!!!! =D kk report time...sigh...*sob sob sobz* ='(

.......

Don't really know what to say so decided not to say much. life can be so depressing and sad...but then again it can be so full of joy and happiness.

but for now its stress out with all the projects..sigh.. =D

When the Role is Called Up Yonder

Ever heard the song?? maybe in church?? maybe at a funeral, i don't know but i do know when i hear this song. everyone of us labour on this earth to strive for things that if you really look at it are all materialistic, some more then others but still. sigh. aunty mary george passed away today..peacefully from what i hear but still no the less. i can only imagine how uncle feels right now. depend on her in life and now with her gona i'd bet anything he's pretty much spiritually and mentally gone. only physically shall he remain but for how long??

sometimes i ask my mom that question. i know she's pretty much as gone as my dad is. it doesn't matter what you say or do its still the same because facts don't change to what you want them to be. facts are just facts. i know that when God calls us home we should be more then happy to go with no regrets or wanting to turn back cause He knows what's best for us and when, but then its alwaz the ones left behind that seem to suffer and leave more then the others. i just don't get it.

i know i should probably be over and done with this whole issue but its not that simple to just forget and chuck one side. ever since appachan passed away its been like this whole thing with me, something's missing and there was a hole then there was two but now it feels like so many more that i just can't count them anymore. it's not sadness where you want to cry, but its more of this emptiness that lies there once the news is told, later then thoughts and actual emotions flood. i mean i may not know her well or her husband but i know they are nice and that unlce is like my appachan so yeah that's all that i need to know, their good people!!

through life and death joy and pain still shared. ironic in a way yet enlightening. thinking more and pondering really gets me to think that maybe some people are just destined to be together to take care of each other and love one another. through good and bad and even when you're old, to take care of each other and continue to love in life and in death. to break the wedding vows of loving and honouring till death do them part, cause some people just can't stop loving someone even when they're gone. but then again life is full of these kind of things. promises made that hard just so hard to break but then it breaks you down completly inside.

sometimes i wish that death wouldnt occur but then maybe the only way to prevet it is to let it just take as much as you as possible until you just get so use to it. sigh..one solution maybe...i don't know but i hope not....i really really hope not....

Finally

Finally!! i was able to create a layout that i like and that's just me and well yeah its all my own. hahaha!! im so proud of me and well yeah i know im suppose to be studying but heck i totally screwed CE so what's MIIT..it can wait till tomorrow...hehe!! anywaz there will be more modifications so please bear with the its there and not its not kinda layout especially with the text. lolx!!

anywaz tomorrow gonna finally get my hair cut...well more like a trim but still haha then its study the whole day and maybe after the review i'l start on modifications and swapping things here and there. but for now...comments are well appreciated!! i wanna know what you guys think if my plain layout but heck i'l do something but how so far?? =D hahaha kk time for sleep...nite nite!!

Speechless

Hahahaha i had no clue that my dear jia ling still had time to come in and read my blog. haha i alwaz had this thinking where yeah url is given but hardly anyone really read this except shy cause she'd be complaining when i didn't write but then agreed that there was no time. hahaha!!

anywaz been reading through BI and i swear nothing i mean nothing is staying in my head..sigh..its like all memorize, everything memorize...CE pass or fail 60% mcq...sigh..MIIT i have some hope but BI is like this total gone case for me..i mean seriously these people think what?? we students have super brain power to memorize everything, i mean i know its important to know but geez...anywaz i better get back to reading, still got those case studies to look through. in mel right?? better go look and see if can save...sigh...

Stressed

Ever felt like you were being buried alive by work?? honestly i don't think i have, i mean yeah stressed and everything but not really buried cause it's alwaz been managable..but now its like there are so many projects that i've literally put on hold and its kinda pathetic. and makes me feel useless, i mean like i cant manage stuff and all that..sigh..

anywaz enough about project and Ct's and everything. interesting part of today..HDB inspection of windows haha and i never knew that our top windows weren't up to standard. hahaha!! i mean firstly we just bought the place and didnt pay attention to those kinda things and never really bothered to know who the contractor was so yeah it wasn't HDB...lolx but not our fault haha!! then cause we like never i mean never open those small windows on the top of the window so yeah never really noticed only kept up with the one's we alwaz open so now gotta change the screws, they're gettin' rusty. hahaha!! my mom was like "now what" and i was like "hahahahahah!!!!!!" so yeah think my neighbour thought we were like two crazy people cause most home owners would i don't know...panic but heck just change and its HDB doing and we get it free cause of everything that went on so yeah. hahaha!! i just think this is funny the guy was like " your top windows are potential killer windows" nice phrase man...

nothing much going on today, basically just stayed home and studied and well yeah didnt clean much either but then again, joke of the day..my mom's and my sis' cupboard..both broke. hahaha!! can you image both of them now have all their clothes on their beds and its like haha kk wait until can get a cupbaord and all will be cleaned..lolx..and im gona re-arrange my room yet again..thinking of shifting my desk to the corner where the head of my bed is now, facing the window and my bed still in the same direction but more to the middle of the room, then the keyboard under the shelf and the chair i have no idea yet..but how's it sound so far?? lolx, shy give answer!!! hahahaha!!

study break making me crazy?? nope BPD did a pretty good job of that already, hahaha!! laughing like no one would ever believe but heck..just for the heck of making people laugh i literally started mimicing shuxin's character in that game he plays, so i acted out the fight scene with sound effects until he made his character dance then haha yeah did that until he and i were laughing and my mom and neighbour just thought the two of us were crazy cause we were sitting on the couch me so called watching my korean drama and he playing..hahahaha!! worse then two little kids man. lolx!!!

just the other day at church achan came up to me and asked how my dad was, i was like huh?? and then he realized he asked the wrong preson the wrong question, he meant to ask my cousin cause my uncle just had surgery but achan was like...im so sorry...then even when i told him it was ok people sometimes still ask he was like...yeah but not from your achan and well yeah that's true. but then it was unintentional and innocent so yeah he's forgiven, its the banks who i can never forgive!! but anywaz..who am i to complain right?? right!! so be happy and smile like there's gona be no tomorrow, ok!! aja!!! hahahahahahahaha! =D

Hiatus

Been very long since i've last written and guess what, same old same old..been busy like you would never believe. i mean how ridiculous is this?? my other hotmail account was closed and all my mails were deleted!! just because i haven't exactly been online lately...sigh...bye bye autopy report.....=(

other than that, project is moving ever so slowly. serious final review on 16 of august and the final report is like not even half way done, software takes up like at least 6 pages of the report so far and then hardware i have no idea what to write and then there's the fact that this report is like a freaking user manual i have no clue how to really write it and its not like i can just continue on from the interium..sigh..again!! then now the PDA can export but its only in .txt format so yeah now i have to get the VB (visual basic) to read a text file within a database...sigh..databus can be created and the template is there but just can't get it to read. but at least can input the data but can't read the data from an outside file.

then there's still the IrDA (infra-red) to program to send out the information from the microP to the PDA. sigh. really hope jia ling can get the PDA to store and send over..and not forgetting the strain gauges...at least and hopefully mr chua will solve the LCD problem soon.

and not forgetting CT's is like starting in two weeks, next week study break so yeah gona cram like nobody's busniess!!! right now at least got a bit of time to write something here. there's a BME gathering over at LT61 so yea im gona be going over soon with shy for the food!! hahaha!! kk better be heading over catered for 120 students but then haha no clue how many are really gona show up so yeah fill tummy and then pack back and run off. just nice, home in time for crime night. =D

KaabongzZz

Been like ages since i've last written anything here, but its true been busy like you wouldn't believe. its fun yet so stressful and packed wit hwork. i mean its literally asssignment after assignment. sigh. final review coming in like 4weeks and then still needa get the final report done which if you ask me is more like a freaking user manual then anything else. sigh. what am i suppose to write; "just place your weight its a tac-switch which will auto turn on and then just enable infrared and send.." >.< like so what right?!?! i mean yeah i get the point of it and stuff but its just rediculous to an extent cause not everyone's is like user manual kind...its tough but sigh no choice right??

MIIT miniprojet i haven't started on anything but i know for sure that PDA portion is like so going to jia ling, i mean come on..hello!! then me and shy will split the imaging thing and the ultrasound, im so hoping to take the ultrasound part, hehe did MIIT report on it. lolx!! lame right??...which reminds me clem wants the WISP findings by next wed.."Cambodia Killing Fields" sigh..what a topic huh?? can't believe he wanted to do everything, stress man!!

BI still searching for a case that's kinda the reason why im still online at this hour and not in bed, i just got so sick of staring a screen that's not displaying info that i want. sigh. and my com is lagging when i type its like so ticking me off...everything today is just been getting on my nerves, i swear man im happier when im in school even though i'm stressed out. at least there's somewhat peace of mind. sad huh?? =p

so damn sleepy but then again....too much to do, unfortunately i left my MIIT lab sheets in class so i don't know the calculations nor the answers to some questions so tomorrow have to go in early and do then submit. so troublesome. oh yeah today's des' b-day!! =D and suraj's as well. one 30 one 18 not bad huh..=D hahaha!!

think i should get back to researching, next thurs is presentation and i'm like no where near even starting...sigh....totally sucks but oh well =D back to pullin an all nighter..

I'm back....but not for long

Wanted to change layout but then, sigh, no time and well wanted a break but since that didn't happen, and mc's don't exactly count, i guess i'm back somewhat..but not for long. basically nothing much to update...project project and even more project, i know it gives me a headache too..sigh. oh yeah brochitis is back..sigh to that too..

seriously this semester is like more packed then 2.2 which is like i so wish i kept my mouth shout half the time then so i can complain now but then again its not like it wasn't tough then cause it was and well i find now too but mainly cause of the assignments and how close and soon their deadlines are. sigh again.

apparently there's nothing cheerful about this entry just me sighing away and complaining more and more about project and classes. boring is my choice word but then again keeping sane these days sure ain't easy especially with people forever at you heels, alwaz having you running around on your toes. sigh. but what to do?? nothing so yeah...kk back to dreamweaver....sigh....this better turn out nice man!!

I Needa Break

I so needa break so think this just might be my last entry for awhile, the least. i need rest and i so needa get my butt moving on the project but heck im too lazy and tired. seriously no mood to open mr kou's book to read...sigh..maybe tomorrow? but if i keep saying that then nothing will ever get done. passport gonna expire soon, real soon and still nothing..sigh..thought this week could get done but then FOP and well i need the CCA points. literally!! but then again not like i can enter any university anytime soon, still have that bond to pay off. then its bye bye and off to university!! =D can't wait. i know its more stress and everything but i'm like so looking forward to it and not so much attachment, working life just ain't my life, school so is.

i love studying, i find it fun. am i crazy?? i don't believe so even though sometimes in my mind i hear those words form but then my heart says its all wrong and the more i come to think of attachment, 26 September, i get more scared then anything else. weird, or just plain freaky?? don't know and don't really care all i know is in my mind im ok with it but my heart and everything else is afraid. of what i have no clue, maybe if i just try it, it might not be as bad. worse fear: screwing up. i mean yeah i ask alota questions and it worries me that i can't do that at work, i'll be expected to just know. i'm go going to be holding every moment in school dear to me man!! so dear!!!

but still i need a break, i well deserved break and therefore no more blogging for a while, might even be a long while i don't know, maybe when i have time and actually change my blog skin i'll start up blogging again. hahaha!! so far just haven't seen anything i like. looking for something plain but nice...i want boarders and all that stuff but yea something real plain...but everything everywhere is like, pictures everywhere and there ain't no way in hell i'm using one of those, just not my current mood right now, or phase..maybe i'll go search a while the clothes soak before starting dinner. sounds like a plan. =D

Reflections

Well, VPP is officially over but now it's the start of the school term come tues 24th may. sigh. not that it's bad, i guess, just that after i look back on these past 6weeks it kinda makes me wonder how much was really done and learnt. haha!! i know for sure that i've learnt something just that not much was done. mainly the microP was programmed but even that's not fully completed, but pretty much done. =D yayness!!!

other then that started thinking about everything that's been going on and i realized something. ever noticed how when we try to hide something we end up making it more obvious then antisipated. yupz it's true!! but if we try to hide something but end up making it more obvious the only thing that's on our side would be the fact that everyone around will be blind to it. maybe that's the whole point i don't know. but then if we make it like so not obvious then people tend to "tease" more but then the more open we are the less "teasing" there is but then again..sigh..people minds can work wonders. im just thankful i don't have to bother with all that. i just palce it all there and see what you want and say what you want it don't bother me. its not like i don't have friends and well they don't mind so yeah. =D haha i love my friends. all of them. all of G2 man and not forgetting priscilla and geraldine!!! like best friends man. so close and comfortable to just anyhow talk crap and wack, can joke around and everything. =D rox man!!

kk everyone is here..gtg!!! =D

One Week Left

Just one week left and yay..finally VPP will be over and term will start. timetable aint that bad pretty ok, just need to find out which day BPD will be on (have a feeling it's mon and tues) but anywaz...sigh. IS selection was another major screw up by the IS department. damn hypocritical!! they screw up and then they make the students who the screw over take the blame and suffer from it. WTH!!! nothing better to do but push the blame here and there. and yes as students we have the right to argue and defend our rights!! we may be students and that lady might have been older then us but does that really matter when it comes down to being fair to people's right. supposedly we have the right to choose but when it comes down to it..we actually have no choice at all. doesn't it seem fimiliar?? this whole country's system is such. its all an illusion...democracy is not real..sad but true. not to be mean but if you really open your eyes the choice given isn't really a choice at all. just like IS, offered to choose but your choice is only a timeslot or just one option. what's the point?? seriously what's the point?? ok not everything is like that but it's about there.

seriously not wanting to offend anyone or anything but it's true i mean i was born and raised in a country where democracy is really practiced. practiced too as in way too much, and freedom is like literally allowing you to grow wings and fly wherever with all privelledges and all. so yeah i just can't understand it. and i seriously don't like nor agree with the system, i find it way too controlling and i miss the freedom, i rather have the freedom and bare with the consequences rather then be controlled and dictated all my moves. sigh. one day...one day....it's situations like this that make me regret being in this country but then when i think about appachin and ammachie and then all my friends yeah i'm glad i'm here and able to meet and know all of them and be able to love and enjoy their company. but then when i think of my dad...i revert back to the hate and resentment i feel towards the system for what it did and how it made him suffer...auffer till the day he left us. and i hate the country and the people and the government for it!!!!! i don't blame God i blame singapore!!!

you may think it's just a small case IS selection but to me it's so much more. so much more!! and i can't help but make it personal...it's just too many events...way too many events. nevermind..anywaz its bedtime...crime night is on..FBI files....

Structures...just hate 'em...

Sigh it's like ok program works now create a structure and i do that until it doesn't work when i do it but works when mr chua (senior) does it. and why is that?? because he sets a damn breakpoint!!! can you believe it?!?! i was like thinking and thinking what's the diff besides that breakpoint and worse is i had this belief that i couldn't set a breakpoint on the microP cause only in debugger mode can you do such a thing, and that's exactly right but that's also the reason why you need a breakpoint...to enter the interrupt within the debugger and debugger alone...that litter bugger...*grrrzz*

anywaz now it works, yayness!! but now its back to searching for tutorials and everything cause now i needa write a program in Visual C++ for the PC to store the data graphically. how the hell is that to be done...read..that's mr chua's (junior) response. sigh. back to square one. but think not as bad as jia ling who's sitting here using the sch's com in room 3 and having to read all of mr chua's notes hahaha!! hope she doesn't get tooo frustrated by it. but right now its like 5:30pm so we needa move back to the project room. sigh. don't really like it in there, first its freezing cold and so stressful cause everyone is quiet except me and jia ling...and sometimes shy joins in. hehe!!

nothing to write about, actaully that's a lie there's so much in my head but nah won't bore the people reading this so might as well just call shuxin and complain hahaha!! not that bad. but yeah works rather then typing so boring. yaote just came in and gave me a shock by pushing on the locked door behind me and jia ling. lolx anywaz needa be logging off to shift back over. =D

IT WORKS!!!!

As you can tell my program finally works but still there are some flukes here and there. but over all it works!! im like so freakin' happy!! can you believe i like sat here reading and going through that stupid datasheet (M68DEMO908GB60) over and over again and finally i understand how it works and roughly how to define certain things, man am i happy it works, LEDs (light emitting diodes) light and everything. only problem now is that the LEDs only light when i step rather then when i run (in debugger mode of Code Warrior IDE[software program for programming microprocessors]). if i run the debugger it doesn't work and mr chua (senior) says its because of my sampling frequency but heck i just maxed it all out to PRESCALAR 0xFF and MODULUS 0xFF (F=1111(binary) & 15(decimal)). hahahaha!!! but now i was told to create a subroutine for the ATD (analog to digital converter) why i'm not too sure yet but all i know is that it was linked to why i had to enable interrupt.

according to mr chua(senior) im suppose to interrupt by using SW1(switch1) and then from when SW1 is pressed it'll enable interrupt then it'll go into my ADT_start(my subroutine) and then from there it should run and light the LEDs but it doesn't!!! and if i step then it doesn't even go into the subroutine and now im like so...argh!! but since its 5:30pm im so outta here!! hahaha!!

Can it get any more boring??

Ok it's like the ending of the second week and im like bored outta my mind reading about M68DEMO908GB60. and yes i wrote that without refering to anything..just typed it out and its like so totally not like me to remember things like that unless its well you know. =p but i've been reading and searching for tutorials and then typing out header files with this as the file name and its like so...OM-Goodness....im totally going..whats the phrase?...?..bonkers!! nuts!! wacked out and crazy!! way totally for all the former mentioned. sigh. and now im sitting here in the class room near to falling asleep, was only woken by lionel placing a box of chocolate under my nose. sigh. apparently he wanted to offer but i as sleeping so opened and as happy there was a smell and yeah waved it under my nose and woke me. then jia ling combed my hair cause to her it was an apparent mess and she couldn't stand it. but heck i aint gonna complain if someone wants to comb my hair, i'll prompt myself up and enjoy. hahaha!!

still needa read through the data sheet and learn as much as possible about ATD(analog to digital) aka ADC. in a way i find what we're doing interesting and everything cause of its simplicity and yet its so complicated. yesterday shuxin was going through the schematic and haha looked more dumbfounded then me. but then again i've been staring and the color coded ports =D for about a week now so for just looking at it for 5 min i doubt i should complain.

oh yeah pics are out and not many of us actually like our pics that will be displayed outside the project room so mr kou agreed to let us change our pics just that we have to give him by latest tomorrow cause he needs to make changes to the supervisors in charge anywaz. he kinda messed up the supervisors in charge, not major or anything but the main was mixed with the supporting.

and now there's a somewhat "class outing" outside the class with some food and drinks, think coffee and stuff. kk off i go to join them. =D

First Day of VPP

The first day of VPP and i was bored outta my mind. it was like bad enough with the AEM exam which was like managable yet sigh, tough i'll be damn happy just to pass and get those 6 cca points and no more advanced moduels (for now) *grinz*

then it was head back in the rain over to BME center and then met jia ling and had to wait as in like really wait for mr chua (tji leng) cause he was having his lunch. sigh. so after waiting for like what seemed eternity, we finally met him and he explained everything to us so now it's research and get familar with all the specs and everything. so far so good i guess, but no way are we memorizing it man.

after that we ate and then did some research and got all those programs that mr chua said to download, downloaded. then we went to have a look to see where'd we be sitting for the next 6 months. it's filthy, and the whole room smells musty. i know im so totally going early to clean and wipe the chairs and table, i need a clean working area man. so me and jia ling will be there to clean our tables and everything. =) and no we're not weird at all.

finished printing and specs and reading all those papers mr chua gave so now time for a break and gonna go watch Desperate Housewives now. if there's time i'll update more tomorrow. i'm only grateful tomorrow starts at 9am. -.- *sleepy* kk time to watch tv and fall asleep!!! =)

Pope John Paul II (1920-2005)

Nothing can ever compare to a man of God's holy word!! today marks the passing of his Holiness Pope John Paul II. though he was a chatholic he was still a man of God and for that and his works i shall honour and praise him. not only did he help in the progresssion of the church but also the minds of people and their ways of belief. he nutured and raised the people's hearts and minds to be closer to God's. i really thank God for placing such a man here on earth, to touch and help the lives of so many around the world. he truely was an instrument of God and all His works, forever more able to, now and forever, praise and reign.

a man of such humbleness and kindness, God-fearing and loving. as i watched the tv this morning i couldn't help but really see how even children would just reach out to hug him. to me, even he seemed like a child with his smile and light in his eyes. a flame that will never go out as his impression in all our minds will remain etched forever carved in stone within our hearts as well. grace, honour, salvation!! only a mere few of all he stood for and tried to reach out and share, allowing us the people to have what he had as well. he blessed and he shared, whole-heartedly.

all of yesterday me and my mom watched the tv and everything and even though his condition was bad it did not hit me as anything major, in fact not much usually does and i thank God for that. as i sat there my mom was asking me how come i have no reaction to anything?? and all i could answer to her was, "Doesn't God alwaz take care of things in His own perfect time?" then she just looked at me like she was in disbelief but it's true. even this morning when i flicked on the tv to watch my morning program and then this announcement was being shown across the bottom of the screen when my mom came out and i told her he passed away, she made me turn it to CNN and she sat watching it, 9:37pm Rome time, he passed. even now she's still watching it. but i have now come to my room to study for tomorrow's test. but just can't help to walk out every now and then just to see what's going on.

"Even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me, Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me."
Psalm 23:4

Time to Play?? o.O??

Thought that ESA would be tough but not that tough, but it turned out to be tough, as in tough!! sigh. now i'm scared to start my year 3 project. it's like ESA practical all over again, sigh. the only good thing i can see so far is that no matter what, i'll have fun and a good laugh cause well put me and jia ling together and what'da got?? *grinz* hehe!!

anywaz, suppose to be have taken my mom out today as well but then it started raining and well haha everyone got lazy then mom wanted to clean the whole house so yeah started helping with that and that was the first time that i've mopped two days in a row. waoh!! shocking huh?? especially from me. clean? fine! but just no mopping and dishes...laundry depends. actaully i don't mind it's just my sis, hate that she leaves everything inside out and i have to turn it back to right out side. damn frustrating no matter how many times you tell her she still does it. and now that stupid window in he room. come on working or not working she can cock a damn crack in the wall, but no..she has to complain and wine and worse is my mom gives in and for the past few weeks now she's been sleeping in my room making it a total mess like her's and now it's like every morning i have to clean my room. last time i just had to straighten it once a week but now it's every single day and im sick if it. i can't even change in my own room in the morning when i wanna get ready for school and i can't turn the light on to get my things or pack my bag. so my mom makes me, and literally, pack my bag and place it on the couch before my sis goes to bed, pick out my clothes and hang them behind my mom's room door, now this is just pathetic!!! it's my room not her's. she's already got one and i want mine back!! and i refuse to give in and cock the window for her but i will somehow kick her outta my room. just how??

and till now i haven't even eaten any of my birthday chocolates but my sis almost did open it cause she wanted it and my mom made me open it for her to eat and i didn't get any...sigh. so what if she works, so what if she comes back everday late that doesn't mean she can do and get whatever she wants because of it. mom just wants the family and i can understand that but then instead of doing thigs like this she should just make her make time for the family but then she never wants to bother so what's the point?? seriously tell me what's the point??? a family is only a family when the members are willing to sacrifice things and time for each other. i'm trying my best to make time to take my mom out as much as possible lately and to spend time with her and everything and then i'm just studying in the night and then falling asleep while studying. lolx!! but i'm still trying before monday comes casue the way the schedule is looking, ain't gonna be having much free time either this coming semester. sigh. but what to do?? just hope that atachment is more fun then project but for now hope that the project isn't that tough and that it's fun as well. kinda really hoping for year 3 to be fun. but then with practically the whole class gonna be gone. sigh. still hoping!!

think i should go through AEM a bit since ain't really do much of anything now. sigh. last paper before start of BPD......

Bleak XD

I'm like so suppose to be studying ESA but i like so have no mood for it. worse of all i feel so bad for not going to church today. i mean i service was at 9am so it's not that bad, but then i went to sleep only at like 2?? 3?? something in the morning!! so well yeah i just kinda so totally turned the alarm off and slept. woke at 9am and felt kinda guilty about it. lesh so needs to start getting home at decent hours, i just really can't take it anymore. worse is, BPD is like 8:30-5 everyday single day!! OM-goodness!!! but the again from what i hear IAP is tougher so guess i shouldn't be complaining and should be haha grateful?? =)

one sad part and this one i just have to wine!! PORTABLE MEDICAL RECORDER!!!!! i mean yeah i did write it down but me and jia ling really really really wanted to do the Portable ECG Recorder. sigh. efin got that, hope she has fun and enjoys it though. and i hope shy and amelia will enjoy their's as well and not be so depressed, but honestly and no offence, i kinda had this feeling that if i too were to write it down, just might have gotten it so just to play safe i chose not to write it in. and im like so thankful. sorry shy but yeah truthfully. now im so thankful to jia hui for the ESA book caues well yeah i so needa know about microprocessors and what not. ha ha ha!! i struggle the most with ESA then anything else. but oh well i'm know for being a dark horse so guess we'll jsut see. =p

now the question of my day!! what to get?!?! headphones?? mouse?? tank?? what?? it has to be nice and well yeah something that will be liked and not chucked. that would just so suck if it were to be though. though i kinda doubt it cause well yeah, so yeah!! hahaha!! im like so stuck and nothing is coming to mind except what i got so yeah it's gotta be really nice what i give, just what?!? sigh. so sucky man!! totally open for any suggestions!!! actually this is kinda bad but heck im like down to my last resort. lolx!!

guess i'll start "studying" tomorrow. but for now i have my mom and my sis laughing at me. i mean ok i thought since today was Good Friday i would sacrifice watching my FBI files and Crime Night, but then my sis and my mom just stared at me and broke out laughing and then know what my sis replied with. i was like standing there thinking what's wrong with that?? i don't see anything wrong....*shrugz* anywaz my sis, through her laughter said, 'on daddy's funeral day you can tell mommy that you wanna be the one to do autopy when she goes too but you don't think watching those shows are?...hmm?? now let's think about that??...' then she and my mom started laughing again. don't know whether im just like this slow idiot who don't get things or what but i just stood there asking, well what's wrong with that before i actually got it. it's not what i said but more of when i said it but that didn't dawn on me then cause well i was talking to my dad and coming his hair at that time and well yeah just kinda blurted out. anywaz it's true i was so pissed with the way everything was done. i mean you shouldn't be able to see any of the scars but i couldn't and my sis said no one else could it was just i knew where to look, but then come on his hair was all wet and embalming fluid was coming outta his ears!! so well yeah, i rather it me so that way it's properly done for obvious reasons and i would know and be able to complain properly to whoever does that kida lousy job to anyone else!!

anywaz guess this is something that'll just have to take care of one day but for now. ESA!!! hahaha!! hopefully i'd be able to update more often. sigh. hope man right now still a little stressed with everything but don't really wanna be writting entries of nothing but complaints and condemnations i'll leave that to lie within my poems. =D

for some reason i so feel like reading Red Rose again but then i know what happens and everything, just needa so get stephen king's movies and everything. watch the movie like it read the book that how i do it so yeah, first it's Red Rose-Diary of Ellen Rimbaurer then it's Red Rose. so cool and get this it's all about a house. even cooler!! haunted buildings are like so much more...scary then people and things. way scary!! kk think i should get back to studying and not scary movies or i'll like go on forever. lolx!!
=D

Mind Your Words

Every one of us knows what this phrase means and what the outcome should be from either us or the other party. however, how many of us know it's figurative meaning rather then the literal?? not many. though many of us believe we can "read" between the lines and what may be written on anothers face i find it more then just that. sometimes it's like whatever you may "read" you can just see and no one sees it. but everyone tries to read it. that's what i don't get. if you can you can leave it at that and if you can't then just open your eyes and look around. it's not that difficult.

people know what you really wanna say from actions displayed so no point lying either. remember actions do speak much louder then words. it's like you know what someone is thinking before they can even say anything and you can know whether they say is what they really feel as well. so what's the point of, "just keeping quiet" ?? sigh. i don't know anymore the world or the people in it have come too. stooping so low it's pathetic!! and all i want is to go to school. the one thing that i may complain about now and then but never ever said i hate or can't wait to leave. cause i never wanna leave school, i love schooling so much and the whole learning process...im just totally amazed by it. it just takes me to a place of awe! but i fear that because of certain circumstances i may not be able to continue my priviledge, oh yes a priviledge it is to study, and i fear more then anything now that i just might have to give it up. sad. but saddest of all is not just school but family as well. ever heard of can't cope too many commitments??

well i can't argue there cause my only commitments are my dad, mom and sis. and i can't complain cause everyone deals too. just differently, much much differently. no one does what i do and goes through what i do but everyone deals with it. just that they can turn to them and i can't. i only have my sister and my mom and even then i wonded. but if you ever hear me talk about my dad, just let it be and don't try and give me a reality check cause i already know it's just that to me he's only asleep to awhile and soon we'll all be together again. a family. one day. maybe sooner maybe later that i leave to God to decide. but a family once again. =D

i miss mine so much, i want it back to normal but it'll never be. never!! but one can alwaz create a normal one in their heads now can't they, so again i repeat no reality checks, please!!!?

somtiems wonder whether people mean what they say and what they do?? yes?, then no complaints from me, but if no?, then guess i'll leave that for another entry. just remember, sticks and stones may break bones but words hurt more, much much more!!! sticks and stones only hit the body, but words are a direct target to your soul and heart, and those scars never heal, may become forgotten by some but never really do heal. big or small, young or old. never!!

Not the Best of Days

Ever wondered why some people can get away with certain things and some people just get totally slammed. i mean it's like a total slap in the face and yet some ca get away with it like it's nothing. sigh. but who am i to say anything. it's like all around me there's more to worry about and deal with and all is worse off then anything i could possible have gone through. but what can i do?? no way am i about to go around broadcasting and airing out dirty laundry rather then that i shall just let things go in one ear and out the other and not take things to heart anymore. can't believe i nearly cried while in the train going home. lame?? maybe. but then again im like that and well yeah kinda hard to change that.

and it doesn't matter how hard i or others try to change that it just aint working. and the worse part is i have no clue what goes through these people's minds when they yell at me thinking that'll actually help. i mean..hello!! my goodness doubt they'd know anything even it if smacked them on the butt!! it's like people alwaz complain that im too sensitive and sentimental and then what do they do?? yell their head's off at me. sigh. in a way i feel like laughing and in a way i feel like no one would ever understand or get it. and then that's just down right depressing. sigh. damn depressing....

Yayness!!

Kinda like so happy that there are no more projects due till like year 3. hahahaha!! but then again that's in like another what..??...another month. sigh but then again it's like everything is going so fast. i mean all of us are gonna be year 3's in like..no time. sigh. gonna miss everyone so much. i mean never had a class of friends before. kinda reminds me of what chin hou asked me during the ACSI event. he asked whether i regret being in BME. well, in a way yes. it's like so much harder for me to fo forensic pathology now but then again i made great friends. awsome people man!! my open house next year still stands!! and i think that'll be fun. =D

anywaz, trying to organize a class outing and it's actually tougher then i thought but then again the response as been pretty good so far. guess when it's in the afternoon more can make it rather then after school. anywaz, so far everything's going ok just have to wait and see how the actual day goes.

ok now a slight digression from school and stuff like that. firstly sorry about the 2nd and then well yeah Feb 22nd as well. sigh. don't know what else to say, just hope you read this and well yeah, im sorry!! haven't been out muc lately and feel like i've missed so much with everything that's going on in this family. sigh. and then all those shows and documentries i wanna watch. but then for some reason i just keep forgetting and i have no idea why im like becoming more and more forgetful. sigh. but for some reason i just wanna laugh and be happy and carefree. like last time, play and play and play. =D i like playing...guess im just this fun-loving playful person. =) good thing my class is about the same. like nick trying to make jia ling "squeak" hahahaha!! kinda funny when he just comes up saying "poke!!" hahaha!! damn hilarious!! and then with the laughing and the "think we're becoming crazy" or "one day when mr. chee ask a question and we'll just laugh at him" it's like i don't know what's becoming of us. but either way it's funny and well at least we can all laugh and be somewhat joyful and happy. =D

anywaz, guess i might update tomorrow, see how the BRE assignments go. ...=)..=(

Freedom??

BRE and POM projects/reports are all done and now left with that stupid!! human com...kinda hate that teacher.. irene...*grr* can't believe here and her.."too wide, skimpy report.." WTH!!! and then we narrow it and she tells us what?! .."..too narrow widen it, make it more broad.." i'll tell her what broad!! damn her. and what im most mad at is her definition of "skimpy" report. hello!! me, jia ling and shy don't give slip shot work ok!! never in my life has anyone told that to me or in that matter any of us. WTH!!!! and then later when having lunch found out she said about the same thing to someone else in the earlier class. sometimes i jst wonder about these teacher nerves and how they really judge us as students. by our work?? attidtude?? contributions?? what?? either that or she's just really bias to the ECE students cause she use to teach them, apparently they're the best. ha!! the ECE's in our class, the guys damn perverted its sickening!!! literally!! just irritating man. and then she's like never talking about us as BME students or anything. sigh. can't wait to get wednesday's presentation over and done with. don't needa see her face or hear that voice anymore. yayness!!!

Buried Under

Ever felt like the load you carry is just way too much that the weight on your check weighs you down so much that you feel as though you can't even breathe?? well i do and i feel that way right now. i know there's like so much work that needs to be done but as of now i have no mood and that's one reason why i'm here writing this when i should be typing out POM. i mean it's like just this small part and yet i just can't seem to get it done. sigh

oh and yesterday during human com lesson, i so tell you that that lady is totally unreasonable man!! hello!! BME don't repoduce slip-shot work and we sure in hell don't do "skimpy reports" !! i tell you all of us was like !!! how dare she even think of saying that, i mean yeah we're kinda last minute people but please!! and then tell us that we can't present for 5min. oh please like hell we can't. DTLE that time was already 8min and everyone did well there for timing and some even went over. so yeah man!! too broad, too narrow not broad enough... c'mon what the hell kinda explaination is that. and the best part was after discussing with others in that class, she did the same. so can't believe her. can't wait till next wednseday then hopefully i don't needa see her face or hear that annoying voice. it's like squeaky, and high yet kinda hoarse..ah i don't know, a little freaky and very annoying!!

next week is a full and packed week. can't believe it just 3 more weeks till study break then it's exam week and then hello year three project. sigh. bye-bye hols..*sobz* was kinda really looking forward to them. had like so much planned and everything but now it's like there's so much to go around cancelling. sigh. kinda pathetic man. but what to do?? sadly nothing.

anywaz needa be getting back to POM. sigh.....

Stress!!ail

I am like so stressed out i seriously think im going crazy. anywaz friday was fun. it was like dr. raj ended class like half an hour early so mark was like let's go play table-tennis and well yeah we had nothing much to do so it was like ok let's all go and play. but then they were having S&W in the hall, badmiton so we couldn't use it and then that security guy downstairs said that he won't lend the paddle till after 5pm so it was like sigh, ok. then we went over to the BME center to wait and stuff but then it was like so crowded with the year one's but then at 4pm they all cleared and then myself, mark, lionel, shuxin, chin hou and efin all went into the room and was just having fun and goofing off then it was like bad-pong was invented. hahaha!! one person hits the ping-pong ball with a paddle and the other with a badmiton racket. it was so damn hilarious. but the ball really flies with the racket man. haha!! it was like bouncing off of everything, literally!! and then they put two tables together in the center and then used eddie's IC sockets in that plastic casing for a net and that container to prop it up. hahaha!! it was so funny!! i know im not a very good story teller and well you just kinda have to had been there to see it. =D

other then that, schools been pretty much the same stressful. and i was like in total shock when mdm tan came up to all of us talking about who's pairing who and going where and stuff like that, but then that was when i found out that mdm tan didn't receive her email about swapping from the second sem to the first for IAP but then since mdm tan couldn't find me a place and jia ling was like put for sem two i got moved over so now its like we so needa coordinate fast and select a topic and get that back to that one guy. and worse is it's starts on 4th april. sigh. no hols for me. =( but heck it's all kinda worth it. lolx!! anywaz think i shold get back to everything that's left to do. sigh. God give me strength man!!

Penny for a thought

Nothing much going on just trying to write that letter for human com class but its a killer. can't seem to get it done. sigh. kinda stuck at the second part. the letter writing part was pretty simple.

honestly i feel like im rotting away at home and well yeah not exactly doing much of anything. its like the more i try to think the more i actually miss out. so i guess i should just stop trying so hard and just relax a little. promised mark something so gotta be doing that and then there's shy, yupz your way to innocent and don't mind but a little "blind" to what is happening all around. honestly i find it scary and very appaling. why should one have to stoop so low just to obtain something?? is there no justice or has everyone just lost a sense of their own conscience?? i'd feel damn guilty if that were me!! but i guess some are just too thick skinned to feel anything cause they feel that this is the most important thing in the world. but you know what?!? news flash!! ...IT AINT!!!! there's so much more to look forward to then just that. i mean isn't all about one's self and one's own ability and not of others in comparsion to yourself?? but then again who am i to really say. sometimes its like you think that person should or would know better but then they don't and the worse part is they don't know who all sees what they are and have done. wish it could be blocked and forgotten but it just aint that simple. why?? cause life's not that simple!! and if it were then we'd all be living idiots. literally!! there'd be no obstacles to overcome and make someone think on a different level but rather they'd just stay where they were content. kinda pathetic if you ask me.

anywaz back to people. society is pathetic and all of us living here is pathetic too. you know why?? because we give in to society too much and its down to the very few who are brave enough to be themselves but then arent they the ones ridiculed by you and others?? but then who is or are these others?? people!! but then who makes up the people?? me and you. sigh. so what is there left to say?? nothing...and that's the most pathetic part of it all. all is seen but none is dealt with. what a waste and a pity. don't you agree?? but then im only one person what i say doesn't exactly matter to anyone and no one would even care to listen. sigh.

either way guess all i can really say is that if you wanna survive in this world and school, then the race is on. and good luck everyone for i am about to take a back seat and just watch. watch as everyone fights and scrambles to get to their goals. and all i'll do is watch and believe me i'll have people there to join me. probably less as times goes but then again next sem is already year 3. it'll either get worse or a little better. but lets see how everything fairs this sem first before we say or make any assumptions, shall we?? =)

Food for the soul

I think i've side tracked my life so much that i lost touch of what is really meaningful and what's not. and for some reason i feel like im moving further from God rather then nearer. i mean its like most people who start back up with going to church and becoming active for some reason find themselves nearer to Him, yet i find that i'm drifting further. sigh. but then i don't know what to do besides pray.

i feel lost, like i'm some wandering soul not knowing where or what to do next. i know i'm not exactly lost but my soul is and it's wandering and waiting, but i just don't know what it's waiting for. sometimes people say that your dreams and thoughts are ways out for your soul and mind, do i..no should i believe it?? there's so many possibilities and ways of explaination but then for some reason i still conclude to me being a person who's oblivious to the obvious. people around me hurting and i'm to blame in a way, for i added to that pain, hurt and rejection. not on purpose no. by accident, but knowing well what i was doing and saying, misunderstood?? nope. understood perfectly fine but then its just hard and painful. over and over again. pain never goes away and i know it. oh do i know it so well. think maybe it's my other best friend.

crying has even become something of routine i guess you could say for me. it's like crying helps, yes its therapuetic and everything but then its so scheduled that it's a little scary. no?? i certainly think so. it's like im losing all control and i cant get it back. i try so hard but it just gets further and further away from me. sometimes i cry cause im scared, i don't know what to do. i cry cause i'm mad, angry; i don't know what to do. for all i feel, lost and abandoned i don't know what to do. for each emotion i feel im lost for words and actions. the only one that come to mind it tears to my eyes. how lost am i?? how deserted am i?? how alone am i?? though every day i have people all around me, surrounding me, yet im all by myself.

how to cope?? how to deal?? i wish i knew that way i can answer myself and help others as well. am i meant to feel this way until i know what it is of me that is required?? that too i do not know. if i could go on and on i will contemplate on all that i don't know and wonder about but i have no time, i only have time to focus on what is as of now and that's school and loads of projects. back to the shallowness of everyday life....

Can it get any worse?? =.=

Seriously can my day get any worse?? wanted to write earlier but ha couldn't. it was like one thing after another like that it was like so damn pathetic. firstly i can so kick myself over the DTLE paper. i so screwed the paper and its not like BRE or ESA its way way worse!! i mean way!! sigh. so depressed. seriously...can mad and depressed and yeah i just don't know. i mean studies is like the only thing that i feel im good at or can even do for that matter. i mean lesh is like good with children and everything and she's creative and outgoing so she's a people person and then there's me. all i ever do is read and study and keep to myself. sigh. the one thing i can do i screwed up and don't go telling me its only one outta four cause it still sucks and yeah only makes me feel worse. =(

anywaz woke up this morning with mom complaining about getting the cleaning all done cause achen is coming today but so far no calls, but since its in the bulletin then yeah. so i woke and helped clean cleaned the whole house got all laundry done and everything. just finished mopping three times so mom can't complain in anyway that there's no shine and what not. but i got hungry and asked to eat the chicken that was bought yesterday after everything was done except for the straightening and moving of the microwave. but then somehow while picking the plate up to put it in the microwave i dropped it right on my foot and everything landed on the floor in, i think 3 or 4 pieces and then yeah i too was on the floor with a minor cut and a major bruise. sigh. cant exactly walk now and in so much pain. but then i was so sorry for dropping the food and everything. i don't know anymore.

anywaz, i don't want to be sitting here in front of the com at my desk for long cause my toes really really hurt. even though its elavated on my bed its like..owww....=( anywaz i think i rather just take a couple of pain tablets then sleep. just can't believe all that happened. sigh. even mom bonked her head while teaching me how to clean the bathroom. i know..lolx!! i don't know how to clean a bathroom, but heck i've never done it before so..yeah.haha!! but for now...gdnite!!

Almost there

CT almost over. one problem. ESA was a disater and BSPA which i thought was ok turned out i made careless mistakes so guess a loss a confirmed 9/10 marks. sigh. depressing. and there's still DTLE. sigh. but overall so far i guess i have a good feeling..so far...but then kinda said the same thing about FCS and saw what happened there. damn depressing. funny part is when you talk to other people from other poly's and stuff their like, "are you crazy!!" hahaha!! not crazy just that all the peepz in my class are really really smart man. serious no joke. but still as long as im passing with my A's and B's think i'll just keep my mouth shut.

anywaz not much going on. oh yeah that bump at the back of my head, got that check turns out its just this infection that popped out cause of stress and the infection gave me a fever and the fever caused my headahces. its just so complicated. i'll just be thankful i don't end up in the hospital again like last year. scary you know. it's like you have no clue of what's really happening, it just happens so fast and then its like, over and over again. kk nevermind with that. not very nice to talk about or remember for that matter.

sometimes its like i don't know what to thinkany more. its like..don't even know if i should be writing this here. baby understands but then again...sometimes you really can't help but wonder. don't think i should elaborate, anywaz its late and there's still BRE to study. maybe after everything i'll exaplain. or maybe not. *shrugs*

Stress

Think all this studying is getting to me especially ESA. i mean while studying and asking questions i made so many typo's its ridiculous and the typos were OM-Goodness way off and OM!!! first for LSR=Logical Right Shift, my shift became a "shit" and then when asking about shift left multiple and right divide i wrote out the equation as one ADD and the other "ASS" then wanted to write "typo!!" but instead starting writing "poty" hahaha!! i need a real break and not a so called study break. sigh. -.- i don't know what to say anymore except im so so sorry for th typos and yeah OM-Goodness!!!! after all that thought i needed a break break so here i am writing an entry and in a way can't believe what i wrote just now above but then its like, yea stress man. either that or my typing is getting bad. sigh.

want to play NFS2U but then yeah can't needa study ESA can't afford to do badly like what happened for MI last semester. hopefully neither ESA or DTLE follow after that. sigh. i don't know what else to say or do but sigh. i mean even church this morning went bad. it was like. sigh. dragged on and instead of standing i had to sit and everyone around me was standing except for the little kids who sit after a while. i don't know today's just so not my day man. sigh. hopefully tomorrow's paper will be managable and i can at least get a B, just a B it ain't asking for much just a mere B. and if i get higher i'll laugh man. seriously laugh. BRE and BSPA im at least aiming a little higher at an A or B+ the least. i hope i don't do badly. kk time to get back and study!! study study!!

no more updates till after exams!! please help pray with me pray that no one screws up, gets sick or makes careless mistakes for any of the papers this week including the FCS students as well. thanks!! all of us need it. =D

ESA?? DTLE?? BRE?? BSPA?? T.T

I have no idea where to start now. it's like everything that could and would possibly go wrong went wrong. still can't believe what i did yesterday, i am sorry for it but only to an extend. it's like everything is getting way to much for me to cope with anymore. im lagging so behind in everything and i so can't afford another screw up in my exams. its getting way to stressfuk nowadays. sigh. but then again life can't be made easy right??

kk away from that subject. kinda feel like playing now but then there's still so much that needs to be done. let's see. there's DTLE, ESA and finishing up BRE. and BSPA i'll just have to leave to a little last minute. think i might have to do that with BRE as well. actually everything is ok with BSPA and BRE except chapter 3 for both. sigh. needa really read through and start doing all those things. just hoping that it's not that tough.

so far i've started to notice a lot of people getting blogs and using blogspot as their host. =) kinda cool, wonder how many there are exactly, people i know of course, using blogspot that i have yet to discover. =) lolx!! maybe after i finish off my 2.2 then i'll have the time to just go through. but for now, there's still so much i needa get done. sigh.

CSI

Right now watching CSI and starting to think and wonder about some stuff. where and what am i destined to do or become?? alwaz thought i knew the answer to that question, when i was 4 it was an astronomer, then at 8 and forensic criminal and then when i was 16 is changed to a forensic pathologist. what else it will change too i yet to wait and see. i can only hope that whatever it is its something that i will enjoy and be happy doing. but then i don't know and no one will know. sigh. sometimes i wonder what it would be like if only it were known. if only. but its not, so no point dwelling on it.

it's like i don't know what the heck to think anymore as well. it's like so many things are coming all at once and there's no answers for anything yet everyone comes looking for answers, and they all come to me. sometimes i really feel like changing my hp number but then for some reason i can't bear too. just can't bear to just chuck it one side and then not bother with it and let it become forgotten. soetimes i really feel that no matter how many times people say that the understand and everthing, they don't, they really don't. everything thinks they know exactly what its like, how it feels, everything that comes along with it, but they know nothing. nothing at all. what its like everyday, how much there's to do and get done but no mood and more so no heart to do it. only problem is that no one will ever know cause its not as though you go around broadcasting everything to everyone, but then one person thinks so. apparently she thinks that all privacy is gone and all that's left is no trust between any of us. but that's not true and can't totally be blamed on me nor anyone else but herself and herself only. how hypocritical can it be for you to tell everyone but once one thing is told by another then all hell breaks lose. im really losing it ain't i?? just totally losing it.

however when known to be in the wrong an apology isn't even given. but then again, apologies are nothing more then words and words only. and yet that's the one thing that we seek from others when they are in the wrong. but then again how many people are actaully sincere in what the say when apologizing?? i say a few out of the many. i mena why say your sorry when you know you don't really mean it. if one were to do something or say something then why should an apology saying "i said it outta anger" be any form or reason of an excuse for an apology?? then why bother in the first place?? as a formality?? sickening if you ask me. but then again who am i to say anything, right?? what i say or think is but a mere suggestion that is posed as a little more then something to be discarded, but is in the end. pity aint it. sad and pathetic too. what has this world come too? or better still its people. hopeless man. pathetic hypocrits.

Studying's....boring....

So far i haven't studied at all. wanted to start yesterday but then that's another long story between mom and me and then with lewin interceding...sigh. anywaz, not much except for cramming for exams yet again. kinda of starting to dislike exams but the one good part is that after going through the papers and the text, it's not that bad the only bad one is ESA. sigh. that's the killer!!

anywaz besides that i finally went blading on friday with my cousins at bishan park. yay!! so happy i finally started blading again. was a little unstable at first then after awhile i got pretty good at balancing and braking and everything. another was starting to learn how to play badmiton, the proper way and not just anyhow wack the shuttlecock. lolx!! fun!!! laughed more then i played i think =) but if was fun and i want to play every week ok?! and i wanna blade at least once every one to two weeks. ok?! please say yes. haha pleaing with mom ain't that easy either. but oh well. it's exercise so no one can complain that im putting on weight and doing nothing about it. lolx!! kinda mean but heck!

before going blading we were at aunty shirly's and we watch Kal Ho Naa Ho (think that's how it's spelt) i love that movie, and i cried throughout the movie. it was sad man. think i cried that most, haha but seriously its a very touching story. hindi movies quite nice, i like but others a little ha ha. but hindi us either about love or family and sometimes both and i like films like that. meaningful and touching and you learn something from it at the same time. =D

still so much to do and im writing an entry and looking through people's blogs. sigh. really no mood to study but think that if im not gona study at least print out the PDP stuff that way i won't forget later to get it done. off to print then....

Sigh...

Got a bit of my report for DTLE done but not much, like only two paragraphs are done. sigh. then there's still AEM test tomorrow. sigh. so much with no time. in a way i feel like pulling outta AEM but then $30 bucks is wasted and so is the education but then i really can't handle the hours even if its not as bad as others for me its bad enough. immune system can't build up at this rate.

anywaz the church program was today and not to sound bias but am i glad my mom aint no tamil. OMGoodness they don't know how to behave in church and well yeah.... it was like so typical and everything. not corrdinated at all and you don't go up and dance that kinda dance in church for christmas and memebers complained about the banghera dance the guys did. but what do say or do. my favorite though was our church choir and the clowns from the NJ-Center. they were good!! and funny and as a whole it was meaningful. very true that the one thing that all of us can give that will forever remain with its value is our hearts and our love. uncle george gave a wonderful message at the end of it all. im proud of lesh, in many ways im proud of her. no matter how much she irritates me..i still love her and all. one day...one day..!!

suppose to be doing DTLE now so i can get some AEM revision done tomorrow after church but kinda have no mood for writing or studying now. so yeah thought i'd drop by with a few words and let out some frustration and then dry my hair and get to bed. i need sleep!!! call it wining or complaining i don't care but i need sleep.

achen will be making house visits and north is this tuesday and i'll only be home after 8pm so sigh...i might not be there...i like talking to achen its fun and interesting he's not like most achen's, he's different..he actaully listens to us the people of the church and really hears what we have to say. another thing i like is that to him the church grounds, all around, is sacred and should be respected. but he's understanding to the way the youth are and their likes and dislikes. but he keeps us in line. not sure how he does it but he's good. =D after his three years and he goes back to india...think i'll miss him around the church and for the services. but that's just the way it goes and i guess i'll have to just get use to it.

made more friends too. talked to SR a little and learnt more about him beside the fact that he's just really really big for his age. couldn't believe that he's a weight-lifter off the top of my head just like that. saw a picture of him when he was younger but not that much younger and well yeah he came a long way to lose all that so yeah. basically he's a child at heart and everything and gets along great with his sis, which i find absolutely great. those two together is cute and funny.

kk think its about time i got to bed myself. tomorrow is another long day and yeah have to get up early again. sigh..

2005!!!!! =D

Didn't think i'd be writing today so yeah i wrote a happy new year entry yesterday. found that lion has a blog too so yeah added him, hope he doesnt mind but more and likely he won't. =)

jia ling and shy came over today to get the props done and man did we have fun laughing and talking and most of all eating. but to them i ate like a bird, sigh, i dont know i was just full i dont know. anywaz got a new video in my com now Simply Irrisitible. good show and funny and yeah overall nice. as a whole, the day was fun and i laughed alot so yeah =) . as of now the neighbor is here with her demon child. in the words of ja, pysco mom, pysco child, now just wait for creepy dad. hahaha!! and well yeah have to admit he is a little creepy looking but i guess we shouldn't judge by appearance but if taking wife's and daughter's behaviour...its scary...seriously!!!

thinking of chaing my blog skin again to something else but not too sure whether i should or not. i mean it is a new year and everything and well i find that the depression of the skin doesn't match my cheerfulness in my entries. don't you agree?? lolx!! anywaz will be going over to aunty shirly's soon so yeah might as well get it all done now that way i can use the net while i can. still got so much work to do. let's list maybe then i'll get things done.

1) DTLE report/presentaion
2) BRE report
3)PDP *can't route* =(
4)BSPA *don't understand the ECG data*
5)human com journal *again* =(
6)BRE assignment

all i can think of for now, still have the CT's round the corner, sigh...Happy New Year!!!! =p