Sometimes I wonder about people, what goes through their minds, what thoughts are being processed while certain events are taking place. It's like some will get so agitated so easily while others are not really fazed by what goes on. Whether or not they've noticed is another point altogether.

I feel really offended right now, kind of unwanted.

It has been like this for the longest time, me and my family ( referring to my cousins) are not exactly close at all. So whom am I close too? My eldest cousin and my third eldest cousin. I can talk to them, feel like we're on the same frequency, that kind of thing. With the others it's like we clash; thoughts, behaviour and definition of right and wrong!

Everyone usually always looks forward to family functions and I try to avoid them the best I can or I try to have Shuxin follow me. Just to have someone to talk too, to hang out with. Am I a loner? Not really, just that I need to have someone around that I click with and can sit and have a good time with and not worry about what is being said once i turn my back.

Sisterly bonding, whatever; my own sister doesn't even bother with me, I mean yeah I know she loves me blah blah; seriously she does just weird way of showing so yeah. But we're night and day and just see things totally different. So naturally she gets along better with my cousins and again I'm left alone, out of the circle.

To type this and not cry will not be possible, however I need to get it all out of my system and this is my channel. Who reads this? God only knows.....I only know of 2 people. Sad I know.

The worst part of it all isn't just the way I feel but more of not having anyone to talk to about everything. Yes, I can talk to Shuxin and pour everything out to him, but that would be like airing all my dirty laundry in a confined public place (it makes sense).

I don't know, every time I think I've found someone to talk to, to confide in, to just spill everything too, I'm proven wrong. JL, I would love to call and bug you and stuff but I can't really disturb you because you have your own things going on and a certain someone you want to be talking to. Time and place, time and place.

It's sad to know and to think about it though. I can start and hold a conversation with someone who's twice my age better then I can with one who is around my age. Should this be the case? I doubt so. I hate having to make new friends, never was any good at it. Always only made a couple and that was it. Never left my comfort zone and don't really want to. Me and crowds just don't go well. Try but it's not easy to do without being condemned for it.

It's easier to make friends with a guy than a girl; girls are way too bitchy and think too much! Guys just take what comes and don't think so much and it doesn't take long for them to figure out that I'm not dumb, just naive in certain areas of their expertise. However, it is still looked down upon, just wrong and seen as flirting.....I myself don't really know how it comes to being seen or judged as that but fine then, so be it.

It's all just so irritating!! And majorly frustrating!! Think I'm best off just doing things all by myself so that everyone has to keep their mouths shut because there's nothing for them to say, but then again it they really want to; and they do, they'd find ways and means to bring something up to gossip about. It's just hurtful when it's about you. Worst still when you know and have to carry on smiling pretending that you don't know because they don't know that you know. How nice are they to my face; total deception, it's pathetic!!

I miss my friends, my comfort zone, my everything that I once had. Now it just feels as though it's all been yanked away from me, like pulling a rug out from under my feet, knowing and watching my fall in the process and then walking off filled with satisfaction. That hurts the most, being kicked when you're already down, with no choice but struggle to get back up with everyone laughing and mocking and trying to push you right back down. Watching, to be made a fool of, a total mockery.

Who are true friends and how to find them amongst all these impostors? I don't know, I'm tired of searching trying to find them and being let down every time. I miss Ger, JL, Shai, Melia....Priscilla, I miss all of you, my actually friends, you're there more for me then my own family (my age group that is), which is sad you're right but what to do? I'm not going to change who I am!! But it still hurts, worst then most other things in life; to feel unwanted by people whom you should be close to, people who you should be trusting to have your back but are letting you fall. Being a helping hand in the process of pushing.....very hurtful....

When I first opened up my blog webpage and decided to type something here I had quite a few things on my mind to type. Now after logging in and getting a fresh page, I'm lost for words.

Well, overall been pretty ok, busy with work. Following Andy's style of filing so going to be busy re-doing all of that but not so bad because at least for December my PM is only like 17units; 7 loaner and 10 from the wards. Yayness!

Lately really into these slow songs whose lyrics are just overflowing with meaning. One Republic Apologize. The lyrics the melody and the beat; can't get enough of this song and it's not like those other songs that you fall in love with. This is different. Oh today this song was played while that male skater at Novena was skating. He's good-looking.... =p but enough of that. I do admire his skating though, really smooth and graceful. It was as though he was floating on the ice rather then gliding. Sounds lame and weird since they're similar but I don't know.

Nothing much going on except for maybe....I don't even know if I should be typing that here, sorry it's still in my head right now. It's like something that feels right to happen is just so wrong, and believe me; been there done that loads of times. JL always tells me "you'll just know", yeah not very helpful right now girl.

Feels as though Shai and Melia have been gone forever!! Miss them so much, when they come back we all need to get together and hang out like old times, well kind of. Lolx!

Can't type it here, can't risk certain people reading it and then questioning me, guess if you really want to know can always tag me and I just might tell you personally....feelings are so screwed up right now, thoughts not running clear, everything's just so jumbled and mirky it's hard to tell right from wrong and know my better judgement. Listen to that little voice? Tried but it's just as confused as I am right now. Head says one thing and the heart says another. Certain things i know and others can change but would it not be better to not change the individual but just the whole person, but than that's even more painful and harder.

Questions?

Who's to blame for a child's mistakes? parents or the child themselves?

If your girlfriend/boyfriend do something that you think is wrong but they thought was "just for fun", who's at fault to say sorry? You or them?

If your friend's cross moral boundaries, who's at fault? Who's moral boundaries were crossed and who crossed them?

So many times we ask similar questions, either about ourselves or others around us. People we see, people we hear about, but have we ever thought to question who is actually to blame? Or if there even is anyone to blame in the first place.


When we thing something is wrong, it's our own perception, if that particular person thought it was wrong I doubt they'd be doing it in the first place. The fact that they felt it was OK, or thought it was OK makes it harder for us to judge and place boundaries on what's right and what's wrong.

When raising a child the rules and regulations in household for different parents differ, as children we see this amongst our peers, and yes we question why some are so strict and some are so lenient. However, we must remember that parent's set boundaries and rules based on what they perceive to be the right way of doing things, or certain things that are OK to do; while others may agree or disagree it is up to them.

My point is that regardless of what is done, or who's to blame, or who's at fault the main thing is whether or not you can accept them for their faults knowing that although it may conflict with what you believe is right, it must might not be all that wrong either.

We make are own choices and decisions, parent's guide and nurture the best they know how and the best they can. Do we hold it against them if they mess up a little? No! We mess up too, way worse, just that they've been in that situation before and know how to handle it so you don't regret anything later on in life. Sometimes things seem so "cool" now but later on you're going to be thinking, "Oh my goodness what were we thinking?" and I'm serious! We will ask these questions because our parents have. They learn from experience and so do we.

Do not judge before you understand, and once you understand do not condemn, accept what they did as not wrong to them but wrong to you and do not follow or repeat what was done.

If actions affect you directly, then discussing what's right and what's wrong to the other party is always helpful. Know their stand point of things and get a better understanding of why it was done and not seen as something wrong in their eyes and only yours.

Remember the most powerful weapon we use is not our fist or any material thing we can grasp, it is our tongues, words can pierce so choose wisely!

Life

Just finished watching the Da Vinci Code for the second time, not going to go into details this time though. Guess it'll just kill the whole moment I have here!

Well, anyways, have you ever realized how people say one thing and then to another say something totally opposite? I've been noticing this happening a lot lately. Am I to be blamed as well? Or am I just to fall under such a category without even being aware of it? I surely hope not!

Now to the serious part of this entry. Is it possible to "give" your heart to someone and then find yourself having feelings for another? Okay first off let's clear the air; I'm not talking about myself here! I'm merely wondering and thinking out loud because though i listen and try to give good advice I still need a channel to load everything off too as well. So yeah.

Okay now back to business here. First off is it possible? Can you feel attracted to another? If so then does this not question your feelings and thoughts to the one whom you're with? How is this to be solved; split? Take a break? Separate? What?

Secondly, how do you know whether it's true feelings or just mere infatuation? Would it not be too risky to try and figure it out?What if both are lost? Gone? Then what happens? Sometimes it makes me wonder whether or not you really think things though before going out and taking action. though most the time your action is seen to be very rash and irrational! But then again I'm not one to meddle with matters of the heart, for these matters are one's that i fear most. With no comparison to creatures and creepy crawlies please!

I guess personally I'm against it because firstly I don't understand it and secondly I fear the risk of losing what you have been given. No? But then how to do come to terms with knowing which one? To be able to differentiate between the two.....gosh this is way beyond me..but I'll stick to my gut feeling of not taking risks unless you're certain that it is one which you won't regret. So as long as your uncertain don't risk it.

Some how I feel as though this entry came out a total mess. It's late and I have a full day of work tomorrow, yes a Saturday of 8-5 working. Stock take! Maybe I'll continue when my mind clears and I can arrange everything better to make more sense, till then this is me just blabbing away. Questioning and trying to reason without much success....

Just came back from JB, went there with some colleagues to have seafood dinner and just de-stress! I know that the sales and all the management levels are seriously busy and all but still I have to put up with the customer directly, and TTSH TOs aren't all that nice and friendly. So this dinner and break was a much needed and deserved one!

Lately I've been watching 'Witch Yu Hee' on veoh, shy introduced it to me and told me that she was watching this one and it seemed funny, so i checked it out and it is! So far it hasn't been as addictive as the others, but still it might be too early to say; know what I mean?

Read my friend's blog and he's mentioned that I've been quiet, guess I didn't realize it but I haven't exactly been replying his sms and stuff. Not a very good friend huh? From what I'm feeling is like he's been down about something but his portraying as though he's really up and perky, scary part would be it he fell for it himself.

My colleagues thought it would be a good laugh to hear about my most embarrassing moment and guess what? I don't regret telling it! Yeah they make fun, they laugh at me and what not but still its all with good intentions, none are harmful or spiteful so its OK! =D

Actually there's so much I want to post here, but my eyes are not permitting me; neither my hands. Too tired! Think I shall sleep now and hopefully get it typed and published soon. Hopefully!!

My KL Trip

Well my trip to KL was one that I'll certainly never forget, especially the bus ride back; mom won't let me forget!



Okay so it started when going mom's leg rest was broken so she was totally uncomfortable the whole way till the pit stop. lolx!! So I had a good laugh out of that and some other events which took place in the bus going which mom would kill me for telling =b



The hotel was decent, Corus hotel right next to KLCC, great food there!! So the first day when we arrived BeeBee and Lesh met us outside the hotel, so we went to KLCC and ate at Chilli's. Great food!! Went back to the hotel bathed and then headed over to Nova hotel because oppositde the hotel is good food. Even though we were stuffed we made room for their famous BBQ chicken wings!! After that we took a cab down to Marion's place. She leaves in bungsa..however it's spelt, anyways, we were there till late just talking and stuff; she makes excellent crepes! =D

The next day we were able to go out and shop and stuff. Went to some street market to look around but it just felt so unsafe anywhere and everywhere I went. Sigh! Even at the mall, not sure of the name let alone the spelling so yeah, sorry!

People there are just really really agressive. The ride back to singapore was just plain scary, it could have been written as a suspence thriller; literally!! Standing at Putaraya waiting for a bus that never showed up and ended up taking some 'shared' bus service. Took about 4 hours to reach the rest stop and then the driver changed and we started off towards KL again, freaked alot of people out. Ended up turning off the highway to some small roads and wound up at a bus depot to drop this one guy off, guarantee he paid the second driver, first one refused; how I know? Driver was saying "You mathie, I mathie" this phrase I do understand you know!

But eventually we did make it to singapore, went through Woodlands rather then Tuas though, like we were suppose to. Think we were in the bus for a total of about 7-8 hours, travelling around Malaysia and being stuck in traffic.

Not that great an experience but still had fun and that's what matters the most! =D

Flattery

I'm so screwed, or at least that's how I feel. Today at ICL, N.O CK was talking to me while I collected the final 2 pumps; single and triple, one each. So we started talking and he asked if I was married and I said no. He started telling me how beautiful I am and that he thought so from the first time he saw me last week when I went to collect the first PM pump. So that already was like, wow thanks! Know what I mean? After that he went on to how sweet he thinks I am and so on, so we started talking and he asked to be friends and to me that's fine. Guess i made friends all right, he got my number from my business card that I gave him the first time round. I guess it didn't really hit me till after the conversation was over I realized that I hadn't answered the question of whether I'm single or attached! Obviously I'm happily attached to a guy that I adore, if I didn't I wouldn't have stuck around for 3 over years. Now I feel like crap and I have no clue how to tell him nicely that I didn't answer the question and that I am attached. HELP!!!!!!

Flattery can be cruel.....

Anarchy

Total and complete chaos is how I feel right now! Everything is just spirraling out of control, my control! In a way I want to just kind of step back and take a really good look at everything, but then I ask myself, why? And most importantly, whether I even know what I'm trying to look for in the first place. Sounds weird I know but I just can't help myself. It's like...I honestly have no clue how to describe this feeling or even the situtation. The whole scenario is just totally out of proportion. Everything that I thought was sane is now questionable for its reliability. what am I to do? In other words, messed up!

On the other hand, I met up with Kathy after work on thursday, after my coffee-talk with her I ran into Yasmine and then we went right back into Starbucks and I had yet another round of coffee-talk with her. But it was enjoyable and informative. She's so office politic-savy. I'm can so learn from her, but then if it comes and a cost or a price that requires friendship as the payment, then sorry I'm not ready nor will I probably ever be ready for something like that. Office politics is something i rather just ignore, listen to? Of course! It's so interesting! But I like the ways of Thomas, just float in, do your stuff and leave the mud-slinging to those who are willing to get dirty wtih it. No point standing in the way either.

I guess once i started prioritizing what is what and who is who, it's this total eye-opener as to who your real friends are. Who are the ones that are there for you, give you good advice and at the same time listen to you when you have things to let out. Those who chuck you, chuck them back! Slug 'em if you must!

To be honest, I have no clue to what this post is about. It's basically a jumbled up mess of everything that's playing back in my head and I'm just writing how it makes me feel and what I think of. How could something so simple turn out to be so complicated? I just don't get it! Since when did life have so many rules and regulations that I'm now only learning about. Man what happened to education in school, does school not prepare you for the real world? Ha! It does, the idealistic theoretical world we find in books and magazines and through wonderfully miraculous testimonies of others; but not in our worlds. Not till we're probably much older and what's the word...wiser? So lame! The oldest and lamest phrase ever, older and wise....older certainly does not mean wiser to me. wiser is something that is earned from experience and not from age. There are truck loads of young that suffer and learn fast to be tough from young...years of experience do it...not the years of your life. That phrase gives this false pretense that bad things only happen when your older and when you young everyone has such a great childhood...we're all equal!! Crap..all of it. Old is old; based on how many years you have added to your life, but wising up? This is certainly not defined by age!

Now about this whole age issue! Everyone in my company tells me that I'm so young, obviously I'm only 22. Now some of my friends and family; who are younger than me, tend to be like wow..you're getting old, everytime i birthday comes and I get a year older. Yeah, getting older has some down sides to it but overall it's a wonderful thing to go through. I'm not saying i spent my youthfullness doing all I wanted to, but i got a fair share of stuff done that I'm proud of. I Say you have to look at it like this device that is adding years to your life. Right now i have 22years there, on my life and in a few months I shall add yet another year to this device called my life. I know of a lot of people who look at it like some count down timer....people we aint cakes baking in any oven!! We're humans, you can't count down, you don't know where that finish line is. Just think of it as being right there in front of you at all times and at any one time you could cross it and that's it. Or you could continue to add years and push that line one year further away from you.

now I can name a ton of people who will read this and then start on me about being all optimistic and what not. I don't care, say as you please...tag me and then go write your blog to be all dark and dreary and exclaim that the world's going to end, it's your space to rant and this is mine...so back off!! Optism is what keeps us going strong and happily, certainly not anything else. just observe either yourself or someone around you and then come back here and argue with me!

I still have no clue as to why this post is being written. I'm not even too sure what it was that I wnted to type or even say. Sometimes it's like you just want to get a message out there to people, other times you just need a place to vent anger and all other forms of emotions, other times you need a place to write all you feel, or felt and saw. An experience you had, or maybe not just that but moreon how it made you feel what you thought of it. Just to pen it down and maybe later read it again and learn something about yourself. I find that typing about how certain events made you feel and reading throug those can be real eye-openers. it's like being third party, you play back that scene in your head and you can either agree with yourself or laugh at yourself or tell yourself, i should have done it differently. But who's to say what? This is just one girl and her thoughts about her life.

Back to Cyberspace

Wasn't able to enter this website for a while as well as MSN and email accounts. My laptops keyboard decided to go kapootz right after the Commex Show. Sigh. So I wasn't able to use my computer for a while, but now that I've hooked up an external keyboard it's working fine now. Only problem would be the "fn" key. It doesn't exsist on a keyboard. Sigh, double-time! But I guess as long as I can access and use the net and all it's accessories, I shan't complain. =D

Works been getting stressful, more and more by the hour. Sigh. I still can't believe he wants a "spy"! And worst off it just has to be Kevin. Then to think of the new guy? I can bet my life and fully guarantee that the new guy was instructed not to talk to anyone other then James, Fredrick that gang. Sigh. Guess Kevin was a bit of a disappointment, but then again it's hard to say so I'll still watch my own back just to play safe here. I still need to survive there. PM this month and next month will kill, and March shall be worst than now.

Okay on a not so related note to the above, I want to discuss about authors and books that are nice to read and if anyone has a comment on what is preferred or any suggestions to a possible author or book title that I may like.

Okay so currently I'm reading Stephen King's A Bag of Bones. I love the phrases, "That's my dust catcher.." and "It's just another bag of bones...".

These two lines just really seemed to stand out especially the first, it's just so common....and so true...everything belongs to us, our past, out secrets and these things shall just sit there and collect dust...and it belongs to only us and no one else...

Overall the story's about this author, Michael Noonan; his wife passes away - very suddenly in a parking lot, and he kind of gets a writer's block or shall it say writer's walk. Towards the middle of the book; which is where I am currently, it seems more that it wasn't writer's block or walk but more of his wife's and his summer home was haunted. And it is these spirits that are controlling his actions or should I say thoughts. But I know that will come later. =)

Well once I finish withthe book or reach that portion of it where I'll either be right or wrong, I'll blog it here. Till then...Gdnite!!! =D

Retirement Age

My laptop has finally reached it's retirement age. Most of my third row keys are not working. so if you T U I O are not working, you're going to face a lot of problems with typing. Especially user names and passwords, currently using my sister's computer just t clear my mailbox out. Guess from here on out my mailbox will only get cleared when I'm at my office. Which will be few and far between this month, way too many PM (preventive maintenance). Repairs are reasonable this month so far, but PM is getting way overloaded as well as commissioning. Therefore, my next schedule for this lot will be in March. PM inclusive of newly commissioned, I'm pretty much screwed. Furthermore, the BME manager wants me to collect my PM pumps. More problems are sure to arise, so not going to do that; and my manager totally sides this move! It's just ridiculous for me to run around like that, and what if history repeats itself? So likely to happen, then what? Who's going to be the one to take the blame? Who will the fingers start pointing to? Who will lose their reputation with the user? It's best that the current way of PM flow remains! But it's hard to say, let's just wait for the 'black and white' and then see how it all plays out.

Oh I got a new book yesterday, "The Stranger House" not sure of the author but the story line seemed interesting so I bought it. Actually it was a debate between Dan Brown's Angels and Demons and this one The Stranger House; I figured that being able to find a Dan Brown book is easier then this other author so I decided on the latter. Either way, once I've finished reading and of course if I remember, which I doubt..hehe...I'll write about it =D

Right now, I need to get to bed, I have my Malayalam class tomorrow! Gdnite!!

Why am I even here typing this? I myself have no clue. I rather be working on my poem, but for some reason it's just not coming out right.

There is just so much I want to express, say, shout out! Unfortunately, well fortunately for those around, I can't! So everything is locked away inside of me and let me just say this, I have way too many things locked up as it is! I so need to sit down and sort through everything but as we all know; it ain't ever going to happen so no point dwelling on it.

Guess all I really want to get out for starters is Judgement Day; D-day. It came and left and has been celebrated ever since. Though, I kind of want another one of those days; just to change things up a little. Second was...something that I'm not sure how to phrase it into words let alone and sentence. Thrid is loyalty. Does loyalty rule over all matters! But does it still apply to family and friends? The people whom you love? Can you honestly, with full integrity chose loyalty over everything else; right or wrong? This is where the gray area falls.

The pivital moment is everyone's life; or at least I'm hoping it is, would be deciding where the barrier lies. Where is this line and how fine is it. And most importantly, how close is too close? Especially when it comes to wanting to; just for fun, teeter on this fine line. I do not know. And honestly, sometimes I do not wish to know and other times I long to know.

Anyone there?

Sometimes I seriously wonder if this site een gets any visits. But then again it's not like I'm posting that often either, but still!

Work has been pretty ok, not everything went smoothly, but that's life. Most obstacles were faced and stuff, so yeah. What can I say? Oh I know! How about the topic of people who stick their nose's where it don't belong! Seriously and with all honesty, unless I mention something that would give that person; or anyone for that matter, the right to say something, I would really appreciate them just keepin their opinions to themselves.

Why the sudden outburst? Well, it started today in church, mom was talking and certain assumptions were made by the other party. Which I myself don't really appreciate! Observations are allowed to be made, no problem there, suggestions can be given, but when you start to get all, "you need this and that" kind of stuff going on; then we have a problem. Not everyone has the same problems and we can't just expect them to be because they sound or seem similar. We really need to analysize the situation as a whole in order to truely understand and give feedback. Not just whacking either, serious and whole-hearted constructive suggestions and remedies to these problems. . . .

Honestly I'm not too sure myself

Ever found yourself sitting down and trying to sort everything that has or is happening in your life out? Apparently I do this on a daily basis, who it affects? Well I could name one but I'm hoping this person knows me well enough to let it blow over.

Been hooked to a few shows lately. Guess I'm starting to take note of the type of shows that I've become addicted to. Hehe!! I presume it's mainly because they can be reflected as reality. It's not hard or difficult or unreal for these type of plots to become realistic. Serious! So I've been getting home everyday to sit in front of the TV for like 2 hours, just watching these three different shows. Worth it to me but to rather be at home watching these shows rather then going out with family and friends is bad!

Everyone wants this typical normal, 'white picket fence' kind of life. Hard to obtain? Not really just whether you want to make things like this happen. Unfortunately, I feel like I'm a little too old for these thoughts. Of wanting something different from what I already have; more! More of everything, more opportunities to experience stuff, more guts to do stupid things and have a blast. Wish there were more years to poly then just three. Either that or I could re-live those days over and over again. No one should ever want to grow up fast. Savor youth, it's splendid!! There's so much that can be done and said and everything!!

Just feel like I'm stuck in this really tight cocoon and just can't get out. Suppression, depression...don't they go together? Sad =(

Please though, don't get me wrong. I really do love my life, my friends and family and everyone! Just sometimes I wish there was more, more of me and more my time!!! There just isn't enough and time sure isn't slowing down or waiting. It just keeps going and I'm running behind the wagon, yeah there are some highs when near and lows when in the process of chasing it all over again. So how to just get on board and stay there? Dictation surely doesn't help matters. My roof, my rules...such a famous saying by almost every parent out there. Either way understandable. Still sad though....

Honestly, I doubt anyone will really understand this entry. Think it's more of just jumbled words to readers, but it holds meaning for me, it holds inner feelings. So if you do get this, please don't mis-interpret. Thanks!

It's like fast pace it cool, fun, exciting.....but then again slow and steady is also equally fun and exciting...it's pure and that makes it even more precious. Know what I mean? Innocence is far better than anything else in this world, a world full of corruption and yet one can find something and hold on to it, something innocent and pure. Sweet serenity! Something that's so pure you never want to let it go, unfortunately when we have it, we want the fast lane, and when we have that we want the pure path again. Normal I guess, but I can say for certain that I only want the pure and innocent way, something that's so sweet and comfortable and pure.....like sitting by a lake and just enjoying the quietness and the view and the peace of being there all alone to enjoy and take in all of this at one time! To relax there and be at ease, with a peace of mind. Serenity! That's all I can ask for. Singapore is way to high-strung for this though....so what to do? Stick it out and maneuver around the system the best way possible. I'm half way there, just take the lake scenery and add a computer on your lap cause you have a deadline to meet. It's exactly like that. Peaceful with a hint of stress. One good thing is at least all you gotta do is lift your gaze and your stress is gone. It's okay now but not forever. Please understand. Purity is a viture....stress is a killer.

Once things are fully sorted out, there will be another entry that will hopefully be much more helpful than this one in understanding everything. So until then, find your peacefully serene place!!

Dismissed

Every single time I look for you online, you're never there and when you are I feel like I'm being avoided by you. Why is this so? It has been like ages since the last conversation. Don't even bother with last meeting! That was like last year or something but what to do, what to say? Nothing, and I guess it's high time that I stop. But for some reason I just can't chuck everything one side and be all like, "that's the end of it!". Not ever going to work.

Okay maybe my plan wasn't fool-proof in what I wanted to accomplish but in the end it did work out. So maybe she got so pissed off at me and doesn't want to talk to me but that could be due to other reasons as well, which have very little to do with me directly! Either way, I feel screwed. Sigh.....

Irony

Was chatting with a friend the other day about life and what not, and about being analyzed by others. Unfortunately, we should not judge let alone we ourselves be judged. Contrary to that; if not we ourselves who judge us then who will? Make sense? Didn't think so but heck that's life, never really did make much sense to me anyways.

Ever look around at the people around you, what they do, what's new and so on? Especially of those people that you know first hand? Sad part is everyone is an acquaintance but very few are friends, and fewer still our close or best friends. Irony? Written all over in this statement. If you don't get it just tag me I'll explain my point of view but I rather leave it for you guys to ponder on. Come up with your own understanding and interpretation!

Well, I'm sitting here and I'm bored out of my mind to clear out all these back-dated reports that need to be filed. Oh and to think I still have one of TTSH pumps with me. Sigh. Repaired and yet not returned. Can't exactly do an ESA (Electrical Safety Analysis), cause our ESA has gone bonkers ever since it became back from calibration. some error code kept popping up. Sigh, thought that maybe it was the grounding and stuff but it wasn't. Sigh. Yet again must borrow.

Okay, it's like this, borrowing from John, Rossli and Eeswarren is easy, hassle free. Cause they're nice, but when we come to Kevin, it's possible but permission is asked first. Which is fine but at the same time, a little uncalled for. I'm not exactly going to run-away with it, just use it to test my equipment and that's about all. That way it gets done and both side are happy! Unfortunately it's not seen that way. Pitiful i know. But what to do? Nothing, just feed sweets. The one thing I hate to do.

So far nothing major has occurred at work or at home that's actually worthy of being posted so, yeah. Still trying to search for some nice book to read once i finish this one that I'm current;y reading.

Know what just dawned on me? My blog entry title says "Irony" and yet I have digressed to the topic of work, ESAs and now good books for leisure reading. Hmm, wonder what shall be next? It's not that I'm totally off point, just that i said what was pressing on my mind earlier in the entry so now I shall just rant and rave about everything and anything.

But I need to end my entry here and hopefully can continue later tonight. I am being beckoned by TTSH guys. =b

What was that for?

There have been so many things in my life that have happened and I'm not really too sure what they were for, but for now another song! Lyrics that is...

Breathe - Hands To Heaven

So raise your hands to heaven and pray
That we'll be back together someday, hey...

Tonight I need your sweet caress, hold me in the darkness
Tonight you calm my restlessness, you relieve my sadness...

Okay that's the end of it, now it shall just continue playing for me to listen. If you would like it just leave me a tag and I'll send the mp3 version over. Now back to the above-I just can't help but be asking what that was actaully for? I mean, honestly, at first thought I knew but than it just sort of happened again and then there was this slight twist that it became something else with the same meaning behind it. I seriously don't get it and am totally lost! Yeah the thought was sweet and well yeah nice and all but really was it necessary? I doubt so. But thank you!

Long Week, Short Weekend

Long week, short weekends; how true is this statement? Some will argue that of course it's true beause obviously there are 5 working days and 2 weekend days. Then ask yourself, during that 5 days how long does those 8 hours; sitting in the office, goes by? And how long does your 10hours on the weekend go by? Work is slow cause we find it boring to sit at the desk, especially after lunchtime, but then on the weekend when we're just sitting at home watching tv, slacking or going out time flies because you don't realize it. But in actual fact it's around the same, just a few more hours in the office but if you make your life in the office enjoyable (having the right colleagues and loving what you do) you'll find that this statement doesn't apply to you anymore. =D

It doesn't apply to me, only when I'm super packed with an overload of PMs. Other than that it's all good for me. I love my work, I love my colleagues (they're the greatest lot you could ever work with). Stress from work, whatever...it's all bearable, it's all good.

Speaing of which I need to get up early tomorrow for work, Gdnite!!

Why. . .

Ever asked the question before? I have, a good number of times too! Had a friend ask me just now why God makes people with disabilities. At first I had no clue how to answer it, then i remembered this book that I read and that my friend has read too - Red Sky in the Morning. It was about this girl who's brother was born with down syndrome. But he taught her and others around him how to appreciate the little things, like enjoying a sweet and not just devouring it, but savouring everything about it.

We're made all different from each other so that we can learn from one another. That's what i believe and think. It's like this one parable about how things that we can't see we say doesn't exist even though it does through faith and by believing. May sound like I'm going off-track here but bear with me it does make sense.

When we can't see something we say it doesn't exist and that's why many people have a hard time understanding why Christians worship a God that no one has seen. True but love is never seen, it's just felt! Kind of like ghosts, everyone talks about it but who has really seen it (A sentence for the non-believers). God knows how the human mind works, after all HE created it! HE knows that we humans only like to believe what we can see, comprehend and understand. So HE sends us signs and HE comes down as beggars, as the disabled...as the lost..to teach us how we are meant to live our lives, to show us what it means to live! To show us how to love and what it means to say I Love You to someone! We can read the bible as much as we like but can we really ever understand it fully? Yes! But how many of us do? How many of us bother to take the time to understand what HE's trying to tell us, how many of us meditate on HIS word? Very few, a few that could be counted, which is sad to say and I too fall victim to this but that thing is HE's still there to teach and love, HE is patient...it takes time to learn things.

If someone you love is suffering without knowing the magnitude that you do and if you see someone being mean or cruel, arrogant and ignorant to your loved one who suffers...how do you feel? Now after knowing that, how it feels, would you do it in turn to someone else? Not necessarily to a disabled but even to an able person if you are in any way mean, cruel arrogant or ignorant to an other's thoughts and feelings than you are no better and haven't learnt fully!! They teach us about life, love and the meaning of helping one another.

Things my mom as always told me..

1) Always stretch out your hand to pick up the one who as fallen

2) If someone is to slap you, turn the other cheek to him for a slap

3) HE took the mighty from their thrones and the lowly HE has made of high estate (be humble and fearful)

4) Always give....give with two hands and receive with one (we should give more then we receive)

5) Love your neighbour as your brother (love, help and share; look down and judge no one, cause we are never judged by HIM just loved)

6) Never bite the hand that feeds you (Honour thy mother and father; and whoever else helps you in life)

Hopefully I didn't side-track and you understand...

Major Make-Over

Got some new furniture in the house and new bedroom set. King-sized bed!! I'm so psyched!! It's a nice soft mattress!! Today I guess overall was a pretty okay day...only bad part was having to deal with Mr. Director of TTSH BME...sigh...

I mean come on, if I say that it is an arrangement made between two people than what does that mean? It means that I'm left out, i hear the third wheel roll that's all!! I just follow instructions and execute, that's my job when it comes to commissioning! But this smart fellow made a huge issue out of a very minor misunderstanding amongst the users themselves. What to do? Stand there and take the brunt end of it? Nope! Not I, I fought back and stood my ground, which caused him to just get more pissed off and now wants to meet my big boss...sigh.

Can't believe he just by-passed my manager though. Although he was informed by myself and this guy, my manager just told me, "...if he wants paper then we give him paper, he want toilet paper also can.." then he laughed. Everyone knows how this fellow is, but I do have to admit it is hurtful the way he speaks forcefully and worst he how head-strong he is and determined to be rihgt and make you in the wrong, it pisses me off but still, humiliated me. Couldn't take it so I just walked off, think that gave him a sense of victory, cause he came behind to remind me again to set the date and time for a meeting. Know what? I ain't gonna bother!! I can care less about what he has to say or think or feel or what he wants to persue. Go all the way...then go..go all the way to the top and jump I clap for you!!!

Man this guy just irritates the hell out of me!! But again what to do?? I am still the vendor and he is my client, thankfully there was the verbal agreement that this guy will be totally out and I only have to deal with my husband, I can deal with this arrangement!! So tomorrow have to make sure that this is inforced by making sure my manager is made aware of it and makes sure it comes true. In black and white!!! haha!! Stupid idiot of a guy!!!

God Bless the Broken Road

I set out on a narrow road, many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two, wiped my brow kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream, lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms
This much I know is true, that God blessed the broken road that lead my straight to you


I think about the years I've spent, just passing through
I'd like the have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand, you've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream, lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms
This much I know is true, that God blessed the broken road that lead my straight to you

Now I'm just rolling home into my lovers arms
This much I know is true, that God blessed the broken road that lead my straigh to you

That God blessed the broken road that lead me straight to you........

By Rascal Flatts

Beautiful song that I just fell in love with. Question!!! Can this be our song?? Agree!! =D ...don't mind me here... =D