Bleak XD

I'm like so suppose to be studying ESA but i like so have no mood for it. worse of all i feel so bad for not going to church today. i mean i service was at 9am so it's not that bad, but then i went to sleep only at like 2?? 3?? something in the morning!! so well yeah i just kinda so totally turned the alarm off and slept. woke at 9am and felt kinda guilty about it. lesh so needs to start getting home at decent hours, i just really can't take it anymore. worse is, BPD is like 8:30-5 everyday single day!! OM-goodness!!! but the again from what i hear IAP is tougher so guess i shouldn't be complaining and should be haha grateful?? =)

one sad part and this one i just have to wine!! PORTABLE MEDICAL RECORDER!!!!! i mean yeah i did write it down but me and jia ling really really really wanted to do the Portable ECG Recorder. sigh. efin got that, hope she has fun and enjoys it though. and i hope shy and amelia will enjoy their's as well and not be so depressed, but honestly and no offence, i kinda had this feeling that if i too were to write it down, just might have gotten it so just to play safe i chose not to write it in. and im like so thankful. sorry shy but yeah truthfully. now im so thankful to jia hui for the ESA book caues well yeah i so needa know about microprocessors and what not. ha ha ha!! i struggle the most with ESA then anything else. but oh well i'm know for being a dark horse so guess we'll jsut see. =p

now the question of my day!! what to get?!?! headphones?? mouse?? tank?? what?? it has to be nice and well yeah something that will be liked and not chucked. that would just so suck if it were to be though. though i kinda doubt it cause well yeah, so yeah!! hahaha!! im like so stuck and nothing is coming to mind except what i got so yeah it's gotta be really nice what i give, just what?!? sigh. so sucky man!! totally open for any suggestions!!! actually this is kinda bad but heck im like down to my last resort. lolx!!

guess i'll start "studying" tomorrow. but for now i have my mom and my sis laughing at me. i mean ok i thought since today was Good Friday i would sacrifice watching my FBI files and Crime Night, but then my sis and my mom just stared at me and broke out laughing and then know what my sis replied with. i was like standing there thinking what's wrong with that?? i don't see anything wrong....*shrugz* anywaz my sis, through her laughter said, 'on daddy's funeral day you can tell mommy that you wanna be the one to do autopy when she goes too but you don't think watching those shows are?...hmm?? now let's think about that??...' then she and my mom started laughing again. don't know whether im just like this slow idiot who don't get things or what but i just stood there asking, well what's wrong with that before i actually got it. it's not what i said but more of when i said it but that didn't dawn on me then cause well i was talking to my dad and coming his hair at that time and well yeah just kinda blurted out. anywaz it's true i was so pissed with the way everything was done. i mean you shouldn't be able to see any of the scars but i couldn't and my sis said no one else could it was just i knew where to look, but then come on his hair was all wet and embalming fluid was coming outta his ears!! so well yeah, i rather it me so that way it's properly done for obvious reasons and i would know and be able to complain properly to whoever does that kida lousy job to anyone else!!

anywaz guess this is something that'll just have to take care of one day but for now. ESA!!! hahaha!! hopefully i'd be able to update more often. sigh. hope man right now still a little stressed with everything but don't really wanna be writting entries of nothing but complaints and condemnations i'll leave that to lie within my poems. =D

for some reason i so feel like reading Red Rose again but then i know what happens and everything, just needa so get stephen king's movies and everything. watch the movie like it read the book that how i do it so yeah, first it's Red Rose-Diary of Ellen Rimbaurer then it's Red Rose. so cool and get this it's all about a house. even cooler!! haunted buildings are like so much more...scary then people and things. way scary!! kk think i should get back to studying and not scary movies or i'll like go on forever. lolx!!
=D

Mind Your Words

Every one of us knows what this phrase means and what the outcome should be from either us or the other party. however, how many of us know it's figurative meaning rather then the literal?? not many. though many of us believe we can "read" between the lines and what may be written on anothers face i find it more then just that. sometimes it's like whatever you may "read" you can just see and no one sees it. but everyone tries to read it. that's what i don't get. if you can you can leave it at that and if you can't then just open your eyes and look around. it's not that difficult.

people know what you really wanna say from actions displayed so no point lying either. remember actions do speak much louder then words. it's like you know what someone is thinking before they can even say anything and you can know whether they say is what they really feel as well. so what's the point of, "just keeping quiet" ?? sigh. i don't know anymore the world or the people in it have come too. stooping so low it's pathetic!! and all i want is to go to school. the one thing that i may complain about now and then but never ever said i hate or can't wait to leave. cause i never wanna leave school, i love schooling so much and the whole learning process...im just totally amazed by it. it just takes me to a place of awe! but i fear that because of certain circumstances i may not be able to continue my priviledge, oh yes a priviledge it is to study, and i fear more then anything now that i just might have to give it up. sad. but saddest of all is not just school but family as well. ever heard of can't cope too many commitments??

well i can't argue there cause my only commitments are my dad, mom and sis. and i can't complain cause everyone deals too. just differently, much much differently. no one does what i do and goes through what i do but everyone deals with it. just that they can turn to them and i can't. i only have my sister and my mom and even then i wonded. but if you ever hear me talk about my dad, just let it be and don't try and give me a reality check cause i already know it's just that to me he's only asleep to awhile and soon we'll all be together again. a family. one day. maybe sooner maybe later that i leave to God to decide. but a family once again. =D

i miss mine so much, i want it back to normal but it'll never be. never!! but one can alwaz create a normal one in their heads now can't they, so again i repeat no reality checks, please!!!?

somtiems wonder whether people mean what they say and what they do?? yes?, then no complaints from me, but if no?, then guess i'll leave that for another entry. just remember, sticks and stones may break bones but words hurt more, much much more!!! sticks and stones only hit the body, but words are a direct target to your soul and heart, and those scars never heal, may become forgotten by some but never really do heal. big or small, young or old. never!!

Not the Best of Days

Ever wondered why some people can get away with certain things and some people just get totally slammed. i mean it's like a total slap in the face and yet some ca get away with it like it's nothing. sigh. but who am i to say anything. it's like all around me there's more to worry about and deal with and all is worse off then anything i could possible have gone through. but what can i do?? no way am i about to go around broadcasting and airing out dirty laundry rather then that i shall just let things go in one ear and out the other and not take things to heart anymore. can't believe i nearly cried while in the train going home. lame?? maybe. but then again im like that and well yeah kinda hard to change that.

and it doesn't matter how hard i or others try to change that it just aint working. and the worse part is i have no clue what goes through these people's minds when they yell at me thinking that'll actually help. i mean..hello!! my goodness doubt they'd know anything even it if smacked them on the butt!! it's like people alwaz complain that im too sensitive and sentimental and then what do they do?? yell their head's off at me. sigh. in a way i feel like laughing and in a way i feel like no one would ever understand or get it. and then that's just down right depressing. sigh. damn depressing....

Yayness!!

Kinda like so happy that there are no more projects due till like year 3. hahahaha!! but then again that's in like another what..??...another month. sigh but then again it's like everything is going so fast. i mean all of us are gonna be year 3's in like..no time. sigh. gonna miss everyone so much. i mean never had a class of friends before. kinda reminds me of what chin hou asked me during the ACSI event. he asked whether i regret being in BME. well, in a way yes. it's like so much harder for me to fo forensic pathology now but then again i made great friends. awsome people man!! my open house next year still stands!! and i think that'll be fun. =D

anywaz, trying to organize a class outing and it's actually tougher then i thought but then again the response as been pretty good so far. guess when it's in the afternoon more can make it rather then after school. anywaz, so far everything's going ok just have to wait and see how the actual day goes.

ok now a slight digression from school and stuff like that. firstly sorry about the 2nd and then well yeah Feb 22nd as well. sigh. don't know what else to say, just hope you read this and well yeah, im sorry!! haven't been out muc lately and feel like i've missed so much with everything that's going on in this family. sigh. and then all those shows and documentries i wanna watch. but then for some reason i just keep forgetting and i have no idea why im like becoming more and more forgetful. sigh. but for some reason i just wanna laugh and be happy and carefree. like last time, play and play and play. =D i like playing...guess im just this fun-loving playful person. =) good thing my class is about the same. like nick trying to make jia ling "squeak" hahahaha!! kinda funny when he just comes up saying "poke!!" hahaha!! damn hilarious!! and then with the laughing and the "think we're becoming crazy" or "one day when mr. chee ask a question and we'll just laugh at him" it's like i don't know what's becoming of us. but either way it's funny and well at least we can all laugh and be somewhat joyful and happy. =D

anywaz, guess i might update tomorrow, see how the BRE assignments go. ...=)..=(