Honestly I'm not too sure myself

Ever found yourself sitting down and trying to sort everything that has or is happening in your life out? Apparently I do this on a daily basis, who it affects? Well I could name one but I'm hoping this person knows me well enough to let it blow over.

Been hooked to a few shows lately. Guess I'm starting to take note of the type of shows that I've become addicted to. Hehe!! I presume it's mainly because they can be reflected as reality. It's not hard or difficult or unreal for these type of plots to become realistic. Serious! So I've been getting home everyday to sit in front of the TV for like 2 hours, just watching these three different shows. Worth it to me but to rather be at home watching these shows rather then going out with family and friends is bad!

Everyone wants this typical normal, 'white picket fence' kind of life. Hard to obtain? Not really just whether you want to make things like this happen. Unfortunately, I feel like I'm a little too old for these thoughts. Of wanting something different from what I already have; more! More of everything, more opportunities to experience stuff, more guts to do stupid things and have a blast. Wish there were more years to poly then just three. Either that or I could re-live those days over and over again. No one should ever want to grow up fast. Savor youth, it's splendid!! There's so much that can be done and said and everything!!

Just feel like I'm stuck in this really tight cocoon and just can't get out. Suppression, depression...don't they go together? Sad =(

Please though, don't get me wrong. I really do love my life, my friends and family and everyone! Just sometimes I wish there was more, more of me and more my time!!! There just isn't enough and time sure isn't slowing down or waiting. It just keeps going and I'm running behind the wagon, yeah there are some highs when near and lows when in the process of chasing it all over again. So how to just get on board and stay there? Dictation surely doesn't help matters. My roof, my rules...such a famous saying by almost every parent out there. Either way understandable. Still sad though....

Honestly, I doubt anyone will really understand this entry. Think it's more of just jumbled words to readers, but it holds meaning for me, it holds inner feelings. So if you do get this, please don't mis-interpret. Thanks!

It's like fast pace it cool, fun, exciting.....but then again slow and steady is also equally fun and exciting...it's pure and that makes it even more precious. Know what I mean? Innocence is far better than anything else in this world, a world full of corruption and yet one can find something and hold on to it, something innocent and pure. Sweet serenity! Something that's so pure you never want to let it go, unfortunately when we have it, we want the fast lane, and when we have that we want the pure path again. Normal I guess, but I can say for certain that I only want the pure and innocent way, something that's so sweet and comfortable and pure.....like sitting by a lake and just enjoying the quietness and the view and the peace of being there all alone to enjoy and take in all of this at one time! To relax there and be at ease, with a peace of mind. Serenity! That's all I can ask for. Singapore is way to high-strung for this though....so what to do? Stick it out and maneuver around the system the best way possible. I'm half way there, just take the lake scenery and add a computer on your lap cause you have a deadline to meet. It's exactly like that. Peaceful with a hint of stress. One good thing is at least all you gotta do is lift your gaze and your stress is gone. It's okay now but not forever. Please understand. Purity is a viture....stress is a killer.

Once things are fully sorted out, there will be another entry that will hopefully be much more helpful than this one in understanding everything. So until then, find your peacefully serene place!!

Dismissed

Every single time I look for you online, you're never there and when you are I feel like I'm being avoided by you. Why is this so? It has been like ages since the last conversation. Don't even bother with last meeting! That was like last year or something but what to do, what to say? Nothing, and I guess it's high time that I stop. But for some reason I just can't chuck everything one side and be all like, "that's the end of it!". Not ever going to work.

Okay maybe my plan wasn't fool-proof in what I wanted to accomplish but in the end it did work out. So maybe she got so pissed off at me and doesn't want to talk to me but that could be due to other reasons as well, which have very little to do with me directly! Either way, I feel screwed. Sigh.....