Stress, stress, stress

Stress can make you or just totally break you. I believe it has broken me as of right now but will make me that much stronger once everything is over.

First and foremost, Jeff. But then on the other hand i really can't blame him for his reactions or words. It was abusive and way too harsh but it was all truth and much needed i guess. Whether or not i deserved it, I'll just take it as i did and apologize for all faults that he views in me. I can try to change, but can only hope that all my attempts are not in vain...

Now its come to the point of trying to live up to all that is accepted. 12pumps a day. Sounds like a lot, it is and worst since i only have my trolley to work with, and two solution bags...two accuracy at a time and that's all....what more could he expect....sigh...

Church youth musical, i love every single one of them...but there are those few who just know exactly what buttons to push to just really piss me off. it's so offensive what they say...their actions...one thing I'm so glad to say is that although i take a backseat to everything, i know where i stand with everyone. i know who i can talk to, who i can trust. Everyone has worked hard, put in so much effort, that an achievement on its own and i love every single one of them for it. really i do.

Right now, I'm like reading through this, and I've noticed one thing. a very major, big, huge thing...this year as been the year that god has called me for His mission. He is now training me and moulding me for what lies ahead for me...i do find it tough as of now, but one thing I'm so grateful for is that no matter what happens, after like 15-20min in prayer with God, i feel so much better and i just fall in love with every single person i have ever come in contact with all over again. its like i just understand what the bigger picture is. its a wonderful feeling, and a beautiful picture. to just sit there and watch how everything fits together and to see that bigger picture right before my eyes...how beautiful is that!? it just gives me that much more strength to keep going, because i really want to see that even bigger picture!! it just gets more and more beautiful!!

My strength comes only from Him!! I would fail at all things if i ever even attempt to stand on my own...He holds me up, He gives me energy and strength for all my tasks. Be it work, church or just in life as a whole. He grants all things through grace...how great is that? how can you not be happy knowing that? that just makes me smile and allows me to take on even bigger and greater tasks...what is there that i cannot accomplish if i have Christ with me? NOTHING!!! =)