Freedom??

BRE and POM projects/reports are all done and now left with that stupid!! human com...kinda hate that teacher.. irene...*grr* can't believe here and her.."too wide, skimpy report.." WTH!!! and then we narrow it and she tells us what?! .."..too narrow widen it, make it more broad.." i'll tell her what broad!! damn her. and what im most mad at is her definition of "skimpy" report. hello!! me, jia ling and shy don't give slip shot work ok!! never in my life has anyone told that to me or in that matter any of us. WTH!!!! and then later when having lunch found out she said about the same thing to someone else in the earlier class. sometimes i jst wonder about these teacher nerves and how they really judge us as students. by our work?? attidtude?? contributions?? what?? either that or she's just really bias to the ECE students cause she use to teach them, apparently they're the best. ha!! the ECE's in our class, the guys damn perverted its sickening!!! literally!! just irritating man. and then she's like never talking about us as BME students or anything. sigh. can't wait to get wednesday's presentation over and done with. don't needa see her face or hear that voice anymore. yayness!!!

Buried Under

Ever felt like the load you carry is just way too much that the weight on your check weighs you down so much that you feel as though you can't even breathe?? well i do and i feel that way right now. i know there's like so much work that needs to be done but as of now i have no mood and that's one reason why i'm here writing this when i should be typing out POM. i mean it's like just this small part and yet i just can't seem to get it done. sigh

oh and yesterday during human com lesson, i so tell you that that lady is totally unreasonable man!! hello!! BME don't repoduce slip-shot work and we sure in hell don't do "skimpy reports" !! i tell you all of us was like !!! how dare she even think of saying that, i mean yeah we're kinda last minute people but please!! and then tell us that we can't present for 5min. oh please like hell we can't. DTLE that time was already 8min and everyone did well there for timing and some even went over. so yeah man!! too broad, too narrow not broad enough... c'mon what the hell kinda explaination is that. and the best part was after discussing with others in that class, she did the same. so can't believe her. can't wait till next wednseday then hopefully i don't needa see her face or hear that annoying voice. it's like squeaky, and high yet kinda hoarse..ah i don't know, a little freaky and very annoying!!

next week is a full and packed week. can't believe it just 3 more weeks till study break then it's exam week and then hello year three project. sigh. bye-bye hols..*sobz* was kinda really looking forward to them. had like so much planned and everything but now it's like there's so much to go around cancelling. sigh. kinda pathetic man. but what to do?? sadly nothing.

anywaz needa be getting back to POM. sigh.....

Stress!!ail

I am like so stressed out i seriously think im going crazy. anywaz friday was fun. it was like dr. raj ended class like half an hour early so mark was like let's go play table-tennis and well yeah we had nothing much to do so it was like ok let's all go and play. but then they were having S&W in the hall, badmiton so we couldn't use it and then that security guy downstairs said that he won't lend the paddle till after 5pm so it was like sigh, ok. then we went over to the BME center to wait and stuff but then it was like so crowded with the year one's but then at 4pm they all cleared and then myself, mark, lionel, shuxin, chin hou and efin all went into the room and was just having fun and goofing off then it was like bad-pong was invented. hahaha!! one person hits the ping-pong ball with a paddle and the other with a badmiton racket. it was so damn hilarious. but the ball really flies with the racket man. haha!! it was like bouncing off of everything, literally!! and then they put two tables together in the center and then used eddie's IC sockets in that plastic casing for a net and that container to prop it up. hahaha!! it was so funny!! i know im not a very good story teller and well you just kinda have to had been there to see it. =D

other then that, schools been pretty much the same stressful. and i was like in total shock when mdm tan came up to all of us talking about who's pairing who and going where and stuff like that, but then that was when i found out that mdm tan didn't receive her email about swapping from the second sem to the first for IAP but then since mdm tan couldn't find me a place and jia ling was like put for sem two i got moved over so now its like we so needa coordinate fast and select a topic and get that back to that one guy. and worse is it's starts on 4th april. sigh. no hols for me. =( but heck it's all kinda worth it. lolx!! anywaz think i shold get back to everything that's left to do. sigh. God give me strength man!!

Penny for a thought

Nothing much going on just trying to write that letter for human com class but its a killer. can't seem to get it done. sigh. kinda stuck at the second part. the letter writing part was pretty simple.

honestly i feel like im rotting away at home and well yeah not exactly doing much of anything. its like the more i try to think the more i actually miss out. so i guess i should just stop trying so hard and just relax a little. promised mark something so gotta be doing that and then there's shy, yupz your way to innocent and don't mind but a little "blind" to what is happening all around. honestly i find it scary and very appaling. why should one have to stoop so low just to obtain something?? is there no justice or has everyone just lost a sense of their own conscience?? i'd feel damn guilty if that were me!! but i guess some are just too thick skinned to feel anything cause they feel that this is the most important thing in the world. but you know what?!? news flash!! ...IT AINT!!!! there's so much more to look forward to then just that. i mean isn't all about one's self and one's own ability and not of others in comparsion to yourself?? but then again who am i to really say. sometimes its like you think that person should or would know better but then they don't and the worse part is they don't know who all sees what they are and have done. wish it could be blocked and forgotten but it just aint that simple. why?? cause life's not that simple!! and if it were then we'd all be living idiots. literally!! there'd be no obstacles to overcome and make someone think on a different level but rather they'd just stay where they were content. kinda pathetic if you ask me.

anywaz back to people. society is pathetic and all of us living here is pathetic too. you know why?? because we give in to society too much and its down to the very few who are brave enough to be themselves but then arent they the ones ridiculed by you and others?? but then who is or are these others?? people!! but then who makes up the people?? me and you. sigh. so what is there left to say?? nothing...and that's the most pathetic part of it all. all is seen but none is dealt with. what a waste and a pity. don't you agree?? but then im only one person what i say doesn't exactly matter to anyone and no one would even care to listen. sigh.

either way guess all i can really say is that if you wanna survive in this world and school, then the race is on. and good luck everyone for i am about to take a back seat and just watch. watch as everyone fights and scrambles to get to their goals. and all i'll do is watch and believe me i'll have people there to join me. probably less as times goes but then again next sem is already year 3. it'll either get worse or a little better. but lets see how everything fairs this sem first before we say or make any assumptions, shall we?? =)

Food for the soul

I think i've side tracked my life so much that i lost touch of what is really meaningful and what's not. and for some reason i feel like im moving further from God rather then nearer. i mean its like most people who start back up with going to church and becoming active for some reason find themselves nearer to Him, yet i find that i'm drifting further. sigh. but then i don't know what to do besides pray.

i feel lost, like i'm some wandering soul not knowing where or what to do next. i know i'm not exactly lost but my soul is and it's wandering and waiting, but i just don't know what it's waiting for. sometimes people say that your dreams and thoughts are ways out for your soul and mind, do i..no should i believe it?? there's so many possibilities and ways of explaination but then for some reason i still conclude to me being a person who's oblivious to the obvious. people around me hurting and i'm to blame in a way, for i added to that pain, hurt and rejection. not on purpose no. by accident, but knowing well what i was doing and saying, misunderstood?? nope. understood perfectly fine but then its just hard and painful. over and over again. pain never goes away and i know it. oh do i know it so well. think maybe it's my other best friend.

crying has even become something of routine i guess you could say for me. it's like crying helps, yes its therapuetic and everything but then its so scheduled that it's a little scary. no?? i certainly think so. it's like im losing all control and i cant get it back. i try so hard but it just gets further and further away from me. sometimes i cry cause im scared, i don't know what to do. i cry cause i'm mad, angry; i don't know what to do. for all i feel, lost and abandoned i don't know what to do. for each emotion i feel im lost for words and actions. the only one that come to mind it tears to my eyes. how lost am i?? how deserted am i?? how alone am i?? though every day i have people all around me, surrounding me, yet im all by myself.

how to cope?? how to deal?? i wish i knew that way i can answer myself and help others as well. am i meant to feel this way until i know what it is of me that is required?? that too i do not know. if i could go on and on i will contemplate on all that i don't know and wonder about but i have no time, i only have time to focus on what is as of now and that's school and loads of projects. back to the shallowness of everyday life....

Can it get any worse?? =.=

Seriously can my day get any worse?? wanted to write earlier but ha couldn't. it was like one thing after another like that it was like so damn pathetic. firstly i can so kick myself over the DTLE paper. i so screwed the paper and its not like BRE or ESA its way way worse!! i mean way!! sigh. so depressed. seriously...can mad and depressed and yeah i just don't know. i mean studies is like the only thing that i feel im good at or can even do for that matter. i mean lesh is like good with children and everything and she's creative and outgoing so she's a people person and then there's me. all i ever do is read and study and keep to myself. sigh. the one thing i can do i screwed up and don't go telling me its only one outta four cause it still sucks and yeah only makes me feel worse. =(

anywaz woke up this morning with mom complaining about getting the cleaning all done cause achen is coming today but so far no calls, but since its in the bulletin then yeah. so i woke and helped clean cleaned the whole house got all laundry done and everything. just finished mopping three times so mom can't complain in anyway that there's no shine and what not. but i got hungry and asked to eat the chicken that was bought yesterday after everything was done except for the straightening and moving of the microwave. but then somehow while picking the plate up to put it in the microwave i dropped it right on my foot and everything landed on the floor in, i think 3 or 4 pieces and then yeah i too was on the floor with a minor cut and a major bruise. sigh. cant exactly walk now and in so much pain. but then i was so sorry for dropping the food and everything. i don't know anymore.

anywaz, i don't want to be sitting here in front of the com at my desk for long cause my toes really really hurt. even though its elavated on my bed its like..owww....=( anywaz i think i rather just take a couple of pain tablets then sleep. just can't believe all that happened. sigh. even mom bonked her head while teaching me how to clean the bathroom. i know..lolx!! i don't know how to clean a bathroom, but heck i've never done it before so..yeah.haha!! but for now...gdnite!!

Almost there

CT almost over. one problem. ESA was a disater and BSPA which i thought was ok turned out i made careless mistakes so guess a loss a confirmed 9/10 marks. sigh. depressing. and there's still DTLE. sigh. but overall so far i guess i have a good feeling..so far...but then kinda said the same thing about FCS and saw what happened there. damn depressing. funny part is when you talk to other people from other poly's and stuff their like, "are you crazy!!" hahaha!! not crazy just that all the peepz in my class are really really smart man. serious no joke. but still as long as im passing with my A's and B's think i'll just keep my mouth shut.

anywaz not much going on. oh yeah that bump at the back of my head, got that check turns out its just this infection that popped out cause of stress and the infection gave me a fever and the fever caused my headahces. its just so complicated. i'll just be thankful i don't end up in the hospital again like last year. scary you know. it's like you have no clue of what's really happening, it just happens so fast and then its like, over and over again. kk nevermind with that. not very nice to talk about or remember for that matter.

sometimes its like i don't know what to thinkany more. its like..don't even know if i should be writing this here. baby understands but then again...sometimes you really can't help but wonder. don't think i should elaborate, anywaz its late and there's still BRE to study. maybe after everything i'll exaplain. or maybe not. *shrugs*