HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Hahaha i know its not new year's yet but still i'm in the mood for celebration and so not DTLE report. sigh. the research is killing me i mean seriously its damn hard to find anything on blood and fluid warming equipment. sigh. nevermind must continue trying. oh yeah haven't been blogging cause i've been way too busy with everything that's piling and worse thing is human com journal was all wrong. apparently none of us answered the question, provided you can even call it a question. so now i'm like racking my brain on how in the heck am i to answer that question. hopefully the two weeks i've written so far are correct. sad man. depressing too.

at least today was half a day and i actually stayed for DTLE lecture. chee not that bad at lest i lasted for the full two hours better then jia ling who fell asleep don't know how many times. lolx!! last time mi i just couldn't help but sleep or talk, way too boring and yeah didn't learn anything. but this semester must try harder, much harder. need to pull that GPA back up there man. can't afford it, at all literally. sigh.

anywaz, don't really wanna tlak about school. kinda depressing actaully. but what to do?? haha yet again the ever famous answer!! nothing!! hahaha!! ...know what?? i've noticed that lately i've been more and more outgoing and more of a joker and guess you could say. i'm alwaz joking and laughing and trying to make everyone around me laugh too. be it with a lame joke or reply or just being plain old me. =D hehe. maybe im starting to "come outta my shell??" i don't know but im not really complaining. i mean as i look back, i never had a class of friends. class of friends!! haha! but true. as i look back at this year..even though i lost my dad and things got a little rough, i still am happy and thank God for this year He gave me and for all the people that His introduced me to and all He's placed before me for this year, people included. this year has been a good one no matter how i complain. i know what happened was in 2003 but it was the end and carried into 2004 and now it has come to an end, closure. its sad and painful and yeah i still cry but at least i know now and understand. i just hope and pray that mommy does too, and soon. not to be mean but i would like to spend time with well yeah my friends and everything but that doesn't mean i'm neglecting my family or moreover her. sigh. i hope this coming year God will open her eyes and heart to everything and have more compassion and understanding towards all the thoughts and actions of myself and my sister. im also grateful that this year me and my sis have been the closest then we have ever been in our lives, literally!! and i pray that it will continue and that are bond will grow stronger and closer and that we will alwaz be there for each other no matter what.

afterall that's happened its finally sinking in i guess. blood's thicker then water and though we may not alwaz want to admit it, and though sometimes for me it doesn't alwaz hold true, at the very end of everything it does. but now its like blood and blood-water hold true for me. =p doesn't make sense?? does to me. =D makes perfect sense actually you know why? cause im a nut-case who is understood. =p thank you!!

++==im blessed!! im loved!! ===++

Merry Christmas!!

Merry Christmas everyone!! =D

yesterday and today was fun man but am i dead tired. started off with school then after that it was back home to help mom prepare for the evenings events. picked up all the food too. =D haha!! good food man. went for church service in the evening and it was seriously a wonderful service. liked the choir and everything but my favorite was the skit by the sunday school children *the lambs were adorable* haha!! so cute too, one stood up and started to cry and the other one started to get into things, especially the crib hahaha!! but anywaz the santa at the end was good too and the children loved him. very lively and everything. =D

after that we rushed home to prepare for the carollers, edwina came over to drop off lesh's gift and everything but since lesh went carolling she was a little pissed but heck. hahaha!! talked to her a bit before the carollers came and man when they came it was like practically the all the youth of the church were there, but it was lively and nice, the malaylam songs were the nicest or at least to me they were. tom and ivan pretty good with the drums =) everything just went prefect. after that we stayed up and watched some tv and opened christmas and everything. midnight started messaging everyone and receiving as well. it was fun and well yeah at that moment you don't really feel it though. anywaz stayed up watching this one movie, really good movie and everything but mom feel asleep, i should have slept too but hahaha was sms-ing someone i haven't spoken with like that at all. lolx!! last time *ahem* i would message and well yeah try to have a conversation but it was like it never happened but then lat night it did and it was kinda odd but the weird thing was i only messaged back as a reply cause well guess it was my turn to not be interested to engage in conversation but then its christmas so yeah. =p

anywaz by time the movie ended and i went to bed, after eveyone left that it, it was about 3:30am, but since i couln't fall alseep i laid there with my eyes closed till think it was 4 something then finally fell asleep but then had to wake at 5:45am to get ready for church, christmas morning service was at 7am. sigh. not many actually showed up though, lolx most of the carollers went home, they ended at around 5:30am and reached church at 6am then lesh had breakfast with some then her and alan came back to church for service, came home and she bathed and changed then we headed over to aunty lizzy's for lunch. lunch was good but heack we were all too tired to really enjoy anything. =p after eating we came back home and yeah everyone slept for i don't know how many hours. mom and lesh are still sleeping even though i woke up for dinner. hahaha!! tomorrow its back over to aunty shirly's for christmas dinner. sigh. my sleeping routine is gonna get so screwed and monday its back to school, full, long day....sigh...

anywaz think i should be getting back to bed but only after this movie, Pay it Forward. good movie actually, if only it were true then well yeah people would be better and more friendly and the world woule be much better to live in. but who?? lolx!!

kk gdnite people!! Merry Blesses Christmas!!!! =D

Too long..

Its been too long ago since i've written, since i've had time to get in here and type. been engrossed in either doing other things or trying to get work done that i don't even know how too cause it wasn't fully assigned yet. maybe im just way to anxious to get everything done as soon as possible? i don't know. but i do know that i fear this semester esa is turning out to be a lot like mi and its scary..

kk enough about school, outside stuff. nothing going on except with the girls, there's this whole thing with ja and ji ganging up on sue and i don't blame them, i support them!! aunty shirly favors way too much and listens even more way too much and yeah its not fair nor right but then after what happened here with lesh and mom who am i to say what's right of a daughter and what's not. sigh. but uncle henry agrees too, but then again can't really feel sorry for him after all said and done by him. sigh. what to do?? seriously i don't know so please tell me. both family but then again its like sue and lesh are alot alike yet totally different and then ji and lesh are alike yet so different as well, but i know that those two are close and know all details which i know that me and ja would both like to know but unfortunately don't. sigh. but then that whole thing with church and suraj..its like..hello!! i don't know. kinda mixed up. lesh too. lewin or justin..or someone else...make up your mind. even dino said the same thing and then everyone comes to me to do the talking here and there. yeah right like any of them is gonna listen to me? ha!! i know them all too well, and well yeah i know myself too. why make someone else listen if i wouldn't even listen myself? so conclusion there is..just keep your mouth shut as tight as possible and nod your head only where applicable.

can't feel sorry for any of these people though. but then again on the other hand they are family and bloods thicker then water...most of the time but not all of the time..kinda sad...but what to do? nothing so just have to sit back and watch the outcome. and pray its all good throughout.

Depressing yet..fun =)

Today had to wake up early for church even though it was a malyalam service *think spelling is wrong* but anywaz yesterday the area prayer meeting was held at our house and yupz it was packed. think we had more people the most north area people do for their prayers. it was nice and kinda in memory or daddy as well, very nice. even though aunty mary was late and got lost and went to the wrong block and everything, the songs sung were still beautiful and to get God sent is Son and Battle Hymn of the Republic sung was great. was nice too that the song sung for both daddy's and appachan's funeral was sung yesterday and dad's favorit was sung last. =D over all it was nice and yeah i enjoyed and the message was good too, very meaningful and appropriate. now as for today's service, ha ha i was lost during the Holy Communion part, lolx achen totally lost me man. but it was in malyalam so can't really complain. still bugging mom to teach me but so far haven't see and effort in that department. actaully think i agree with ajit, people need to know of their decent and be able to carry forth with it and that includes the language, im only half but yet its still a part of me and i really wanna learn. think i should ask that one ammachie if she's willing to teach, =p *hehe*

had to help sell food today after service. its vinaya's way of getting the youth to come for malyalam services but the outcome wasn't too great. kinda only found out yesterday after the prayer, kinda sad. so yeah no time to prepare anything or bring anything so i just helped sell what joanne and vinaya had there to sell. think we did pretty goood taking into consideration the circumstances. lolx!! think the north area youth rep. needs be to be more dutiful ith her tasks of informing all of us. sigh. but overall had fun. =D

now just tired and worn and tomorrow is the first day back to school for a new sememster. sigh. so fast school's starting and i honestly didn't really get any holiday, at all. there wasn't even just one day i just sat and did nothing but lazy around or rest, even if i did sit is was probably for only a really short while, except when i was sick that time, but still. sigh. and now with school starting i can say bye-bye to sleep. even now i wanted to take a nap after coming back from church, seriously i was so tired that when achen was praying i feel asleep ,thankfully ja woke me up. =p hahaha!! but mom wants help with all the dishes cause of all the big pots. sigh. bye-bye sleep yet again. nevermind maybe can sleep early tonight. ha ha....

Bored..

Nothing interesting has happened today, only yesterday and the day before. kk let's recall.

27/11
Lesh's birthday celebration, she's finally 21 and yeah she's happy and got some really cool gifts man, but heck she's exactly the same but i say give her some time and all will show. =) the night before my and her stayed up watching twilight zone, so ended up sleeping around 1am. haha!! and cause mom's bed was made so nicly with the comforter and everything and yeah after all that hard work no way did we have the heart to remove it to sleep so we both bunked in with lesh. hahaha!! and the mom woke me at 7am to get the deco up and just some last minute clearing for the tables and everything and the fridge for the food and stuff like that. then had to follow lesh in the aftnoon over to sunplaza then came back after that and then everyone got ready before people started coming. lolx!! the first few to show up was aunty sue and des, joy and dino. actaully before that aunty shirly and the two girls came over to drop off the coolers and all that then left and came again later. food only came around 630pm, but shy had to leave before that so only managed to pack chicken wings, curry puffs and potaotes salad for her. lolx!! but it was fun justr sitting there, myself, shy, shuxin and dino and just talked then did nothing. hahaha!! so sad shy couldnt stay longer she would have had fun, and maybe could have helped me to keep the devil child away from me. hehe. =p lesh's friends started coming around like 7 something in the evening. overall it was fun and yeah lotsa food. scary part was saying the prayer before eating at before cutting of the cake. but guess it was ok. after that was just mainly everyone, me, ja and ji and shuxin sitting around and talking and trying our best to avoid that "child" but dang its not easy. hahaha!! slept around 1am that night. lolx!!

28/11
Lesh's actually birthday as well as aunty shirly. so we all wake at around like i think 10am or so and then get ready and go over to aunty shirly's for her celebration but was cancelled in the end. don't ask. sigh. then it was go there nothing much to do so i went and took a nap, lolx!! =p and when i woke and went down there was pizza on the table and all the ones we brought over were throw. =( then after eating we all went over to the front and turned the table into a table tennis thing. haha!! and played that till it was night. then it was like aunty lizzy and reena came back after buying a new car then aunty shirly cut her cake and we all, excluding the girls, went out for drinks and orchid country club. haha!! red wine. lolx!! but guess it wasn't that bad but heck i was bored to death but it did start to get interesting towards the end when everyone was telling ghost stories, be it experience or whatever but yeah that was kinda cool. then it was back home and to crash out yet again. lolx!!

29/11
Did some laundry and vacuumed and yeah then played RO for awhile then yeah that was about it, cause now im writing an entry. hahaha!! hopefully tomorrow is a little more interesting. and to come to think of it, school's gonna be starting soon, kinda happy but then when i think of the homework and then the exams and the waking up early, sigh. but then at least i have something to do and people to talk too and yeah have fun. lolx!! but for now its bed time. =D

Changes

Had this blog skin for some time now but never really wanted to use it but today all of a sudden i went into my blog and started fiddling with the template and then looking through all those that i downloaded before to make changes to my blog like last time, but then for some reason this time i just decided to change the whole thing. hope its nice. =)

lately just been doing alota cleaning and getting everything ready for saturday. lesh's 21st birthday, and mom wants it grand cause that's what her and dad had wanted to do for both of us. sigh. expensive but guess when you look at it as a whole, it aint that bad actaully. all these things will last for the rest of our lives except the food. =D but its still a needed neccessity. =p lolx!! joy came over again and helped with the curtains in lesh's and mom's room and she helped with the kitchen. so yeah this place is getting pretty cleaned up, not forgetting that the last time this place was like fully cleaned was when dad did it every weekend. -.- sad i know. but never really had to do much of anything so its like just carry on and then wam..so much needs to be done at once and yeah its a little tough and very tiring but its gotta be done.

going to shy's place tomorrow. needa pass her back her tape so she can watch her show and then do some other stuff but mainly just talk crap and have a good laugh. =D

but for now i must wait for my hair to dry before i can sleep, so till then i shall just chat and then eat some more *greedy smile* mom made chicken strew. pretty good except the fact that it aint that thick and not enough salt or pepper for my liking, but joy liked it and mom cant have too much salt, so guess in the end..it was just right. =D

Finally got the rods and everything today but then still didnt get a hamper and all that. there's still so much that needs to be done. sigh. but heck needs to be done. lesh wants to go down to ikea but its like she's got such bad timing. i know she hasn't been there and would like to go since me and mom's been there a few times and she never has but then she goes around pretty much everywhere else around singapore. lolx!! but its like she's never free to go anywhere or do anything with us and when she is free there's alwaz something on otherwise. what to do?? haha!! good luck with a solution to that!!

today joy was cute. after going chong pang for the rods we were walking back over to the bus stop along yishun ave 5 when a shuttle for sembawang shopping centre came and she was like let's take this free shuttle then walk from SSC, at first we were like uhm..ok but after being in the bus we thought about it and realized that heck its pretty worth it. saves like 80cents on travelling. hahaha!!

other then that went to united square at novena there for the first time ever in my life. lolx!! after how many years of being in this country. hahaha!! and another thing that happened this morning that was funny. mom order for this dresser on saturday from her 'buddies' shop and he said that they'd deliver it at 1030am, but they came at 930am!!! and i was like sleeping and just woke up reluctantly and then the dorr bell rang when i was coming outta the bathroom after brushing my teeth. it was like so..arg!! still sleepy but must open the door and clear the way and direct them to my mom's room. lolx and we didnt even finish cleaning the area before the dresser went there. =p hahaha!! nice one huh?? kk gota go finish putting things in for my mom. =)

So much as been going on. sigh. so much to do and no time for it, and to make matters worse that bruise on my foot is getting worse and more and more painful and the vein turned red again. kinda scary looking, mom wants to take me to the doc but i don't wanna go and aunty sue says give it another couple of days and see if it gets better. i don't know. =( all i do know is that i don't wanna be seeing any doc anytime soon, but what to do??

other then that got my room all cleaned up and everything but now its a disaster again but at least this is easily cleaned as all it needs to do it be taken out and placed in my mom's new dresser. =D and that's another thing. honestly i don't get it with these older people and everything having to be done in the morning. sigh. anywaz there's nothing wrong sleeping till 10am. its the hols for goodness sake. i mean ok i know there's only 4 more days to get everything done but come on..tell me to rest and then make me do work, someone please explain this to me..

vinaya wants me to take part in the Christmas musical but doubt i can once school starts and then cant even go for the camp cause of school. sigh. major bummer. and want to go caroling but doubt i can do that either. won't be able to make the practice but i really kinda wanted to cause it'd be the first time, but nevermind this time i shall listen to mommy dearest and not go this year and go next year. and believe you me there's no stopping me next year from going. should be comfortable to be there alone with mom and lesh =) *hehe*

needa to be going, mom wants all the clothes washed and hung by tonight so tomorrow they'd be dry and can be put away. but i just feel like sleeping. didn't sleep much last night. went to bed around 10pm but then was hungry so got up and mom heated up some prata and i had that with whatever it was joy made and then it was off to bed around 1130pm and then i slept but kept having to go to the bathroom so yeah not much sleep and then the last i went was around 540am and after that i couldn't sleep and i knew that if i did fall asleep i wouldn't be able to sleep much cause the alarm would sound in an hours time, so i just kinda laid there but then around not sure what time i finally did fall asleep, about 20min before the alarm would go off. hahaha!! talk about your perfect timing!! then when the alarm went off neither me nor my mom could wake up so we decided to let it snooze till 7am then we woke up. and honestly i didn't feel like going to church this morning. felt more like staying home and sleeping. but in the end i went and guess it was ok but came home and crashed out till i think 5pm. but then we only came back home after 1pm. haha!! so not much but still something better then nothing. but now im sleepy again, think its all that medicine. sigh. kk clothes are done so gona hang those then its off to bed for me. nitey-nite.

Today sucks. went to see the doc today and yeah got tons of medicine and antibiotics and what not. sigh. then from there went over to NTUC to buy groceries. met the neighbour at the counter and then we all came back together so when we got back i took some of my medicine and went to lie down and mom talked to the neighbor lady. then when the neighbor left my sis came back and then mom went to lay down and i started on my room. its a total mess from yesterday, been clearing everything out to re-arrange my room hopefully can make it more spacious so yeah everything is everywhere but just until the shelves can be put up.

suppose to be cleaning and yeah was until mom woke and saw me laying down and then i got in trouble for not cleaning cause she wants the kitchen cleaned and the claundy done and the chicken fried cause my sis came home complaing hungry. sigh. but what to do?? nothing just either listen or ignore and right now im choosing to ignore. mean rude whatever i honestly don't care right now cause im that frustrated with her!! anywaz room needs cleaning so yeah i'll do that but that's about it. talk about wrong timing and what not but sigh. still!!

Bored....ZzzzZzzzzzZzzzzZzz.....

Nothing much going on except for studying and doing more work then i ever have in my entire life. honestly speaking i've never worked so hard for any subject before, and i've never stressed over one as much as i do this one. and worse part is i have no clue as to why. weird...

had this really weird dream last night and kinda freaked me this morning into not wanting to take the train to school today. and when i got to school i learned that shuxin saw a dead dog that was run over by a car i believe. i honestly and seriously feel like im developing a phobia of taking the train. its like im so afraid of what will happen and with jurong east getting from bad to worse, im scared and all panicky like you wouldn't believe!! sounds stupid i know but cant help the feeling. no matter how much i try to unfold and figure out all that surrounds me, i can't seem too. its confusing and fustrating but...i know its for a reason. i mean if Man could unlock the so called secrets of the universe and what not, what would the world come to?? chaos comes to mind. sigh. but seriously, if only we could, i'd try to figure out what and why is it that we can experience de'jeeva and what not. get certain feelings and emotions and see things in our heads and then have it become a reality. its like your soul literally leaves your body and teleports itself to the furture and leaves you standing there to watch the whole thing. a thrid party, an outsider to your very own body. weird?? abnormal?? or very normal just that there's no one to speak aloud about what they experience or feel. thinking that this is jsut some kinda thinkg that can just be pushed aside and not given a second thought. sigh. can't make people talk or think even though you never know who is the one who's just bursting to tell something to someone yet there's no one there to listen.

and speaking about no one to listen, that gets me thinking, how many people are pushed aside and not even given a second thought?? how many people are there who just want someone to talk to or who'd listen to them, but unfortunetly there's no one ever there and when there is, its not sincere nor is it that they want to listen to you in the first place. and im not tripping over anything or anyone but yeah it really got me to think. there's so many things that i wish to talk to someone about, anyone. just someone who'll listen, but never found that nd have kept quiet for so long that now that there are people who are willing to listen and not judge i feel so weird and ackward to appoarch and tell them all i feel and think. and even when i want to once the time comes i just cant bring myself to say anything. and i don't know why, the only thing i can think of is because i've kept quiet and have figured so much in my head that i cant seem to convey that out to words and haha to become logical and systematic in thought.

noticed so many times that i've talked but its i talk and the other listens but not much of any help cause its like i talk and yeah solve everything by going on and on and that person who doesn't even need to listen will be like, probably laughing at me for basically just talking nonesensically and not making any sense. but not much can really be done so yeah, just deal!! hahaha!!

probably not the greatest of an ending but guess when you read everything and then go through it again you come to realize that even though it still sucks, you come to except things just the way they are and they way that the unfold and reveal themselves. even though its not the way you'd want to to be. =D its the right way and the only way. =)

Just finished doing the homework and now tired like you wouldn't believe. sigh. but what to do?? no choice just do what can be done and hand that up, but so confusing and yeah don't really know how to do but at least i tried what i know and did what i think is right and hopefully that works out well. sigh. what to do?? nothing. absolutely nothing... sigh.

Hey people, please comment on my new layout tell me what you like and what you don't and what you think i should change. lolx!! took me a long time just to get this but still working on it so feedback would be great. thanks!! =D

Can't believe i messed up the CT, sigh, but it was kinda tough. tougher then the other past papers, but then again im to blame for not studying and sleeping most the day but heck cramps hurt. =) lolx!!

anywaz, not much going on, CT's over and exam on next friday along with the release of NP exam results 2.1!! sigh. why all on the same day?? to give us students more pressure. =D... =( but what to do?? just hope i don't do that badly. sigh.

not much going on lately, actually in a way there's been too much going on. haven't been doing much of anything but for some reason just feel so totally drained and yet the lawyer hasn't called or anything and im soo sick of chasing after him. i mean come on, it's your job to get this done and you sit on your butt!! damn annoying!! but what to do?? call and he's not there or he's busy and stuff, worse is when he's in the court room. sigh. kk enough about this, the more i talk about it or anything, it just fustrates me. argh!!

for some reason been thinking and feeling like reading one of shakespeare books, but have no clue why though. Tempest!! lolx!! weird but when i look at his work and writings its like..he's such a master at it. his plays really are a work of art and have become novels, many of them in fact i think all of them!! the language catches my interest the most. the form and the eloquence of it all. so formal yet so barbaric. very appealing!! maybe im weird or maybe given the ability to appreciate things of ancient times. appealing i find that none-the-less its all to find of one but yet to none as well. lolx!! that kinda makes more sense in my head but after writing and now reading it back, its a little confusing, but no worries for all my days to come i shall understand the ways in which my mind works. particular as it may seem its a maze full of ideas and thoughts all woven and weaved so tightly that i myself find it tiring to unwind, yet never once boring to slowly undo the knots. i just seem to find it interesting and yeah amazing. kinda like one of those never-ending stories.

just finshed dawing the graph for the formal report which i just remembered so yeah, kinda lost my train of thought and im too lazy to read back through and get back on so im just gonna leave it be as is and probably continue later. if things in my head are continuous then why not that of my writing for what's in my head?? tomorrow shall be a new thought, of a continuation of what is. =D

Chages

Decided to do something new to my blog, so went through some skins off the web but instead of using a whole new layout i decided to just save whatever i liked and then i just kinda cut and paste from all the different one's i liked and tada!! =D not much of a change still trying to get some of the other stuff to show and work. but i think i needa another little box or whatever for it. i don't know. but i like this with the stars and finally the html at the bottom. =D

other then that, no mood to study and this moring wasn't feeling very well. still feel like just sleeping but needa study so can't. but how to study when there's no mood?? sigh. what can i do?? nothing just read through and do some of the questions that i have more trouble understanding. but i don't think i'll do that badly. but then again you never know. that's kinda the scary part. sigh. oh well...

think i should be taking a nap soon. but for some reason just don't feel like doing anything, nevermind i shall rest a bit then get to studying then if i have time i'll work on my blog again. wanted to do so much during the holidays to my blog cause it's been like so long, too long since i've done anything to it or whatever. still more i wanna put to it and add on. lolx!! in due time, all in due time.

think i just might be back later to write another but for now....NAP TIME!! =D

Sigh, hols are gone... but nevermind at least i get like a few more hours to spare when school starts. just wonder who'll keep jia ling company through lecture and what not, kinda a boring subject you know.

just chatting to violet now. wanted to go for the class gathering, but now with summer school, sigh. been awhile since i've seen any of my sec 4 classmates. been awhile since i've even seen ger, but oh well..haven't talked to her in awhile either. been too busy and think she might just be doing her attachment but then again she would have messaged or called me or something if so, and if not still so. hmm?? i don't know..?? anywaz, think i might just go for that. anywaz it'll be fun but i must get hold of ger and then we go together or i'm not going.

don't know why but its alwaz been like that. we've alwaz done things together and go for things together unless its cca then no choice cause our cca's wer very very different. =D but there were still certain things we were still together with. like fonder's day, and cca awards. lolx. miss those days and yeah hanging out at the study area before school, and the library during lunch and everything we did. really miss those times of just sitting class and the chinese teacher over there flashing transparencies to copy words down from but i'd go and sit by ger and we'd talk and i'd do math homework while she copied and we'd sit there and talk and work. =)

and as much as i'd love to remember all those days, i needa be getting to bed. been i don't know how long since i've had a good nights rest and yeah its really starting to show. so worn and run down. nevermind sleep early is the key for me. and not forgetting FOOD!! =D lolx!! but for now its time to sleep. so need it man....

Eye sore and swollen, back is hurting me. sigh, im just a mess, i need rest...

EXAMS!!! ...sigh...

Exams have all started and yeah..so far not so good. made some careless mistakes for the last question but other then that math was ok. MI was a total gone case for me. honestly i stared at the paper and didn't really know how to do at all. God is great man!! for not studying much cause of aunty shirly's house prayers and everything, yeah, prayed in the exam hall. =) and it just kinda came to me. everything from the notes that i remember reading and writing out i remembered and was able to do those questions, of course there are some that will be wrong and yeah but heck still!! =D don't think i'll fail but yeah won't to do well either. sigh. oh well. =)

wanna thank amelia for the sms after school today and the email add!! thank you!! i emailed and now can only pray that its accepted. really want to go and yeah kinda really want it but then again i don't know whether its meant for me to have. do i need it?? i don't know only God does and He'll settle everything for both of us. i have faith even if you don't =)

kk i need sleep. practically didn't sleep the whole of the weekend, don't ask....sigh..sleepy but hair is all wet. nevermind there's alwaz a blow drier. =p nitey-nite!! =)

Wonder why everything keeps writing out many times. hmm?? weird but ah what the heck. sis just came back with something for me. a carabiner!! with my name on it. only down side...its purple..=( bu still its a carabiner!! =D

wanted to start studying today and everything but ended up not feel the greatest and took medicine that made me so drowsy that i slept the whole afternoon and just woke not long ago, ate and now went to get my exam timetable and decided to write a quick entry as well.

nothing much going on except exams are coming and with everything that's going on..sigh, just hope i can buckle down and study and do well. anywaz think that's all i feel up to writing for today. gdnite!!

Hahahaha!!! didnt realize that my previous entry was written 3 times. hahaha!! sorry!! for those who were confused or wandering why i did that?? i didnt!! hahaha. anywaz today was CMB paper and to believe it or not it was all MSQ and one yes one short answer question. i know some like to say and yeah for them it was probably easy but heck it was managable and i was so thankful that it was mainly MCQ, haha CMB is tough studied like mad and nothing went it which scared me so much and the teacher sent this relief through me when i asked and he said "there are MCQ and 1 short answer question" hahaha!! me and jia ling were like "we love u teacher" and yeah shy too was happy. =D

made careless mistakes that i know but im not worried cause i know that dr. forday alwaz tries to pass us no matter what. =) he's a great teacher!! =D after that was nothing and yeah could have went home but decided to be nice and wait, unfortunately it wasn't followed by thankfulness which i thought i'd get, instead i was stripping wires for clarence and well ocme on (no offence clarence) but if i could sit there and just strip wires i might as well go home so i stripped what i thought would be enough for 26 vias and yeah left. and no i was not rude or whatever else. i did say bye, and yeah asked nicely and got that kinda answer back so what the heck. why the hell even waste my time standing there so yeah walk off. and don't say i didnt do something whe i know i did!! whether received or not i don't really bother, honestly didn't even feel like messaging in the first place. not very nice to be tearing in the bus you know!! sometimes i really don't get it?? did i do something or what?? am i unreasonable?? or are you just that spaced out that you never see or realize anything??!! don't know why i even ask, but i garuntee this no more!!! and im serious no more asking anything. i fly solo!! i don't need anyone to follow me or accompany me. alwaz been by myself and so i'll continue and it's fine by me. so from now on, you can forget my asking of anything of the sort cause i won't!!! EVER!!!

so not in the mood to keep mom company. how can i?? she'll know something's wrong and yeah she'll ask and i don't wanna tell. that'll just add more fuel to the fire that's burning and for te many days its been going on, no way man, i don't wanna see no explosion here.

guess in a way i feel like talking to someone but then again i feel like just letting it be and not caring. sometimes when you care too much you end up getting screwed over and yeah everything goes wrong. sigh. but either way who can i talk too?? one's on the other side of the world and yeah the other is sleeping and the last one, no way im pissed at them.......

nevermind i shall try to clear my mind and put myself in a better mood.

Hahahaha!!! didnt realize that my previous entry was written 3 times. hahaha!! sorry!! for those who were confused or wandering why i did that?? i didnt!! hahaha. anywaz today was CMB paper and to believe it or not it was all MSQ and one yes one short answer question. i know some like to say and yeah for them it was probably easy but heck it was managable and i was so thankful that it was mainly MCQ, haha CMB is tough studied like mad and nothing went it which scared me so much and the teacher sent this relief through me when i asked and he said "there are MCQ and 1 short answer question" hahaha!! me and jia ling were like "we love u teacher" and yeah shy too was happy. =D

made careless mistakes that i know but im not worried cause i know that dr. forday alwaz tries to pass us no matter what. =) he's a great teacher!! =D after that was nothing and yeah could have went home but decided to be nice and wait, unfortunately it wasn't followed by thankfulness which i thought i'd get, instead i was stripping wires for clarence and well ocme on (no offence clarence) but if i could sit there and just strip wires i might as well go home so i stripped what i thought would be enough for 26 vias and yeah left. and no i was not rude or whatever else. i did say bye, and yeah asked nicely and got that kinda answer back so what the heck. why the hell even waste my time standing there so yeah walk off. and don't say i didnt do something whe i know i did!! whether received or not i don't really bother, honestly didn't even feel like messaging in the first place. not very nice to be tearing in the bus you know!! sometimes i really don't get it?? did i do something or what?? am i unreasonable?? or are you just that spaced out that you never see or realize anything??!! don't know why i even ask, but i garuntee this no more!!! and im serious no more asking anything. i fly solo!! i don't need anyone to follow me or accompany me. alwaz been by myself and so i'll continue and it's fine by me. so from now on, you can forget my asking of anything of the sort cause i won't!!! EVER!!!

so not in the mood to keep mom company. how can i?? she'll know something's wrong and yeah she'll ask and i don't wanna tell. that'll just add more fuel to the fire that's burning and for te many days its been going on, no way man, i don't wanna see no explosion here.

guess in a way i feel like talking to someone but then again i feel like just letting it be and not caring. sometimes when you care too much you end up getting screwed over and yeah everything goes wrong. sigh. but either way who can i talk too?? one's on the other side of the world and yeah the other is sleeping and the last one, no way im pissed at them.......

nevermind i shall try to clear my mind and put myself in a better mood.

Bout time i actually logged in and wrote some stuff. know its been such a long while but heck been piled with other stuff to do, and yeah..blogging just didn't seem as important.

anywaz, nothing much happening, exams round the corner and then sigh, i don't know anymore. kinda fed up with everything but then its like i feel as though im not doing anything. i don't even go for cca anymore and its not like i don't wanna or anything it's just that with everything going on, how too?? guess i was wrong to think that things could only get better later on. turns out the opposites been happening and its been getting worse and worse as time goes by. kinda sad and depressing but that's the direction it's heading in and i can't in any way yield it, let alone stop it. sigh. sometimes i wonder how many people actually understand? how many can truley understand what it's like and how difficult and tiring it really is?? compare school work and cca is nothing to what i do and yeah i have to admit i gave up. i couldn't handle it so i just gave up. i regret the decision cause i just kinda proved to myself that i can't but worse of all that i didnt even really try. so maybe i should just get right back on and try again?? not that simple. ha!! if only life were, i'd be living a fairy tale man, but since this is reality i just have to face all that's thrown in my direction and try my best to handle it as it comes. but i can still garuntee that i'll suck at it. lolx!!

can't wait for the hols. man, if everything goes well then it's bye-bye singapore for a while. yay!! hahaha!! im sorry but seriously its a nightmare here for me. its like everyday wake only to be miserable. find it harder and harder each day to wake with a smile. use to be so easy but now its like some kinda chore to do so. sigh. hp must stay close by and slide-show must work!! need some sorta reason and yeah remind myself why in the first place, then remember appachin and yeah its all worth it. =D

still can remember the look in his eyes and that smile on his face, his voice and just everything. its like only yesterday he was sitting there at the dining table eating and watching all of us go about our stuff. and the lying on his bed in the room, waiting and asking when i'll be home from school. =) miss him. kinda wish i was able to meet ammachie. from what i hear she was a great person. kind, loving, caring and giving. think i would have really liked her alot. sigh. if only. but then again things happen for a reason, but what my reason was for not meeting her nor getting to know her??...i have no clue... wonder what it would have been like though..?? *thinking*

bleah..mind too full of things right now, kinda lost my mood to write anymore. and on top of that im sleepy which means when im sleepy and mind is racing with things in it, i tend it get cranky and yeah, getting there now so i'll end here and go lay down now.

Bout time i actually logged in and wrote some stuff. know its been such a long while but heck been piled with other stuff to do, and yeah..blogging just didn't seem as important.

anywaz, nothing much happening, exams round the corner and then sigh, i don't know anymore. kinda fed up with everything but then its like i feel as though im not doing anything. i don't even go for cca anymore and its not like i don't wanna or anything it's just that with everything going on, how too?? guess i was wrong to think that things could only get better later on. turns out the opposites been happening and its been getting worse and worse as time goes by. kinda sad and depressing but that's the direction it's heading in and i can't in any way yield it, let alone stop it. sigh. sometimes i wonder how many people actually understand? how many can truley understand what it's like and how difficult and tiring it really is?? compare school work and cca is nothing to what i do and yeah i have to admit i gave up. i couldn't handle it so i just gave up. i regret the decision cause i just kinda proved to myself that i can't but worse of all that i didnt even really try. so maybe i should just get right back on and try again?? not that simple. ha!! if only life were, i'd be living a fairy tale man, but since this is reality i just have to face all that's thrown in my direction and try my best to handle it as it comes. but i can still garuntee that i'll suck at it. lolx!!

can't wait for the hols. man, if everything goes well then it's bye-bye singapore for a while. yay!! hahaha!! im sorry but seriously its a nightmare here for me. its like everyday wake only to be miserable. find it harder and harder each day to wake with a smile. use to be so easy but now its like some kinda chore to do so. sigh. hp must stay close by and slide-show must work!! need some sorta reason and yeah remind myself why in the first place, then remember appachin and yeah its all worth it. =D

still can remember the look in his eyes and that smile on his face, his voice and just everything. its like only yesterday he was sitting there at the dining table eating and watching all of us go about our stuff. and the lying on his bed in the room, waiting and asking when i'll be home from school. =) miss him. kinda wish i was able to meet ammachie. from what i hear she was a great person. kind, loving, caring and giving. think i would have really liked her alot. sigh. if only. but then again things happen for a reason, but what my reason was for not meeting her nor getting to know her??...i have no clue... wonder what it would have been like though..?? *thinking*

bleah..mind too full of things right now, kinda lost my mood to write anymore. and on top of that im sleepy which means when im sleepy and mind is racing with things in it, i tend it get cranky and yeah, getting there now so i'll end here and go lay down now.

Bout time i actually logged in and wrote some stuff. know its been such a long while but heck been piled with other stuff to do, and yeah..blogging just didn't seem as important.

anywaz, nothing much happening, exams round the corner and then sigh, i don't know anymore. kinda fed up with everything but then its like i feel as though im not doing anything. i don't even go for cca anymore and its not like i don't wanna or anything it's just that with everything going on, how too?? guess i was wrong to think that things could only get better later on. turns out the opposites been happening and its been getting worse and worse as time goes by. kinda sad and depressing but that's the direction it's heading in and i can't in any way yield it, let alone stop it. sigh. sometimes i wonder how many people actually understand? how many can truley understand what it's like and how difficult and tiring it really is?? compare school work and cca is nothing to what i do and yeah i have to admit i gave up. i couldn't handle it so i just gave up. i regret the decision cause i just kinda proved to myself that i can't but worse of all that i didnt even really try. so maybe i should just get right back on and try again?? not that simple. ha!! if only life were, i'd be living a fairy tale man, but since this is reality i just have to face all that's thrown in my direction and try my best to handle it as it comes. but i can still garuntee that i'll suck at it. lolx!!

can't wait for the hols. man, if everything goes well then it's bye-bye singapore for a while. yay!! hahaha!! im sorry but seriously its a nightmare here for me. its like everyday wake only to be miserable. find it harder and harder each day to wake with a smile. use to be so easy but now its like some kinda chore to do so. sigh. hp must stay close by and slide-show must work!! need some sorta reason and yeah remind myself why in the first place, then remember appachin and yeah its all worth it. =D

still can remember the look in his eyes and that smile on his face, his voice and just everything. its like only yesterday he was sitting there at the dining table eating and watching all of us go about our stuff. and the lying on his bed in the room, waiting and asking when i'll be home from school. =) miss him. kinda wish i was able to meet ammachie. from what i hear she was a great person. kind, loving, caring and giving. think i would have really liked her alot. sigh. if only. but then again things happen for a reason, but what my reason was for not meeting her nor getting to know her??...i have no clue... wonder what it would have been like though..?? *thinking*

bleah..mind too full of things right now, kinda lost my mood to write anymore. and on top of that im sleepy which means when im sleepy and mind is racing with things in it, i tend it get cranky and yeah, getting there now so i'll end here and go lay down now.

OMG!!! i just wrote so much and no its all lost, don't know what the heck happened all i know is that i was writting and yeah pop-up blocker was on and i turned it off and everything went 'bye-bye' on me. sigh. anywaz cant be writting out the whole thing agian kinda wanted to do something else after writting but since that's gone i'll just be brief here and go do that. sigh..maybe next time when i have more time i'll write in more and yeah not touch anything...
=(

Been a while since i've written and yeah kinda been thinking that i oughtta get something written in here. watching Dreamcatcher now but yeah kinda boring so thinking of sleeping early cause tomorrow is a morning class.

so bored and yeah nothing much to do anywaz. tomorrow is mom's b-day and apparently the cd i bought..its the wrong one. sigh. so tomorrow gotta look for another. sigh. 3 hours of searching for charlie pride. just really hopeing that tomorrow goes well. so don't want anyone or anything to mess anything up. and hopefully lesh gets everything wrapped nice and neatly by tomorrow, but think that might be difficult cause she's like walking around and banging on the door and she just might walk in. don't really know why she's been like that lately. walking in and outta everyone's room and wantin to know what everyone is doing and alwaz wanting to talk. don't know why but lately its like she wants to talk even more. its like every night i can go to bed at 11pm and have her talk until like after 12am or even 1am. sigh. sometimes i amaze myself at my ability to just get up in the morning and get to school. kinda learnt something though. the earlier i go to bed the earlier she finishes talking. like her 1 to 2 hrs of talking ends at a decent time to sleep. so...think i should be getting to sleep soon so i can get enough sleep for tomorrow's morning calss. but at least i end at 12pm tomorrow. =D but then havta wait so yeah i end at 3pm tomorrow!! =D

think i should be getting to sleep. eyes are closing and yeah..morning class!! sigh...but at least thurs and fris are kinda fun. haha!! lolx!! =D

Didn't feel like wasting 2 hrs in school, soo?? i didn't go!! =D haha!! but eh not like its anything major or at least i don't think so. no more pqs so what's the point there and then that leaves ep which is just hand in final report.

anywaz spent the day out with my mom. wasn't that bad either. got a new pair of shoes that i don't really feel like wearing cause i like the ones i have now even though its all like torn and worn and dirty and yeah gets water inside everytime it rains. lolx!! but i like those shoes, damn comfortable!! =) haha!! other then that we just kinda walked around then came home cause mom wasn't feeling well. lesh it back now and that's a whole other thing. sigh. but what to do?? she's related by blood. unfortunetly sometimes.

kinda not having much of a mood for writting anything here so think i'll just write what's on my mind elsewhere. too much to write here and yeah not really meant for reading by people. sigh. sad man!! =(

Wanted to write an nice entry about what's been going one but now kinda lost my mood. and its all thanks to Mother!! sometimes i just wanna hate her but then i cant...sigh..i know its a sin but i really can't help it. its like what's so wrong with me staying up late?? i seriously have stuff to do!! i really Don't have time to print that stuff out cause i Don't have time to clean the printer. seriously don't know what's any of your people's problems and worse of all, lesh doesn't help at all. sigh. but what to do??

so what if i wanna spend my time doing other things?? is it a crime?? don't think so!! but might as well just forget it, not like anything i say can redeem me from their accusatiosn so might as well just not be trippin' over it and let it go. but i so feel like wringing her neck out!!!

seriously lost my mood for writting anything, and it would be appreciated if this wasn't asked, i don't wanna talk about it i just wanna get it out and then forget all about it.

Been a while since i've updated. been busy and now not feeling the greatest so gonna be getting some rest, just wanna submit my PDP and get all that settled then im off to bed. just thought of of saying something here, been like i don't know how many days or even weeks since i've last written. alots happened, some that i cant write here but most i can. just not now, maybe later when i have time. still have pp2 mini-project and then studying and revising to get done. sigh. hopefully i can update everything by wednesday. =D but for now, i sleep!!

There as been so much to do and like so little time to do any of it. sigh. honestly feel really bad for having someone else help me with like all my printing for all my assignments and projects and all that. =( sorry!!!! but still thank you very much!! =D

think i should get back to PP2 lab 8. missed monday's lesson and now im like sooo lost for this structure structure thing. oh well. kk gotta be going. think maybe when i have more free time i'll write so much more cause alot has been going on and yeah head's getting full again, hasn't happened in a very long so yeah kinda happy but its like such bad timing. anywaz, that'll all just have to wait till i have more time on my hands. =)

How much more worse can today get?? firstly, its like i get cramps that hurt like hell and then yeah go and do a stupid thing which was to drink cold stuff, better still can ask shuxin to buy it for me. =P hahaha!! jia ling was like...!!...that was very smart of on my part. lolx!! anywaz was feeling a little better while sitting there looking at pics from jia ling's com when i felt like throwing-up and rushed off to the bathroom. sigh. started feeling light-headed after that. sometimes i really hate my health but must still think God for my life and health and healing. =D yeah!!

tommorow is TP lab test and i so needa study lab 2 and still needa get that formal report done and handed in. sigh. must be done by this friday otherwise it'll be damn late before i finally do hand it in. what else is there?? lolx!! nothing much mainly just tutorials and stuff. oh yeah and studying for the finals. so needa score better this time 'round. so much to do but all i feel like doing is sleeping, so thankful i got the projects halfway outta the way. =) for now just concentrate on tomorrow's lab test and wednesday's PQS CT. 8:20am must be in school, sigh, i wanna sleep in..!!! nevermind at least other days its at 9am and not 8am. =D

kk time for me to log off and get reading through the lab sheet then its off to bed for me. =D nitey-nite!!

Been a while since i've written, works been piling up on me, but sigh just needa cope and Do. anywaz besides getting tutorials done and that EP and PQS projects. sigh. still need to let her have a look at the new picutres that jia ling took and see if she approves of that more willingly, and then write out what we wanna talk about for 5 minutes!! i couldn't believe it when she said that we were to talk about one picture for 5 minutes each. don't know what i'm gonna say, really needa start reading through the notes and all those slides so at least i have a rough idea of what to say or look out for. anywaz we're gonna split it so hopefully it works out well.

other then work nothing much. went to the cemetry yesterday for appachin's death anniversary and then went to eat at the one place, the food there is pretty good actually and they serve so much of rice on the leaf. it was so much more then any of us could eat, lolx!! i was so thankful when i was able to choose not only what kinda rice i wanted but how much of it. =D hehe!!

after that went over to aunty shirly's, fought with alycia for a while then that was that. did some research for our EP project and found some pictures too. =) sent all of those over except what i've written out. needa get that sent over to chin hou and im pretty much set. =) cool!! then its PQs but i have no clue as to how to start and what. but nevermind later shall just dump all queries unto my group's leader. =D that should be fun. kinda have alota ideas but not too sure how to express them out, know what i mean?? guess not. no one really gets it that's the worst part of it all. anywaz, later the girls should be coming over but for now sharon is coming and i have no clue what to make of it but hopefully its all good. don't think it would be very nice to be trippin' over all that happened so yeah guess i'll just let it be and let mom deal with it and i shall continue with my work and what not. still have alota stuff to settle with my com before i can fully call it mine again.
sigh. still a little bumbed that i didn't get all my music backed-up nor my sample picutre, so i lost my london brdge picture and the moutain terrains and everything. sigh. really liked all those pics of scenes and stuff. and not forgetting the zodiac signs. wonder if anyone has those and is willing to send it over to me?? it would be greatly appreciated =D

CT'S ARE FINALLY OVER!!! =D

CT's are finally over and ha-ha not much of a diff cause mark informed me on the first day back to school that we only have 4 or 5 weeks of school before the finals. sigh. ah well. *shrugs* didn't do too well this CT but at least i haven't fail...yet...still needa get back CMB so yeah. anywaz, not much now except lessons resuming and yeah new topics being taught. other then that school's a bore. lately lectures, or should i say, this year lectures are just so dull. no life and no interest. sigh. oh well. but think i should be getting use to it cause from what i hear its only gonna get harder, like most things. tomorrow is my meeting with the EP teacher, both group and pair. hope she doesn't complain about our pics. i mean its not everyday someone takes photos of a cemetery but it was just somehow very appealing to us, so yeah!!

other then school, haven't been going to church for a few weeks, that's bad, but i've just been way too tired to get up and go, even when im at aunty shirly's still can't get up and go. i need rest and lots of it!! but with school back on and homework and assignments and everything where do i have the time to just crash and sleep for like at least.....10hours??

enough about school, kinda dull anywaz. yesterday was the first time i went to Swenson's and ate, last time i did go was with mom and dad for their anniversary. but it was still nice and well yeah memorable too. =D food was good too!! =D hahaha!! but now kinda hungry..lolx!! i liked that branch. thanks for taking me there, nice and yeah good food and very very good ice cream even though i ended up freezing while eating thank you for holding the glass so i wouldn't freeze and turn to an icicle. =) the grilled chicken yesterday that my sis and her bf cooked was good!! haha!! i know i know i eat alot sometimes but heck food is good for you and yeah i needa gain weight!! lolx!!

kk im gonna end here and go heat up some of that chicken and stuff my face some more, later think i'll get some work done. sigh.

• EM3A tutorial 3
• MI tutorial
• TP tutorial, lab, formal report, quiz 3
• EP project
• PQS project

So bored. finished revision. oh yeah shy if you read this and im not online, i figured out that last question so tomorrow i'll show it to you. i'll be in school at 7:30am, so yeah just come and i'll be there to show you. =)

i know i should probably be studying CMB and stuff but i just have no mood for anything. just feel like sleeping, but have to wait till 8:30pm to at least start the tape for recording. sigh. so now just gonna waste time here typing and writting probably another long entry. well not really another cause i haven't written one like that for so long now. honestly don't think i've been thinking that much lately. sometimes it makes me wonder whether im becoming less of person who thinks freely and openly cause it's like lately, there's nothing much in my head. and for some reason i feel weird and empty. like its abnormal or something. something should be there yet its nothing. kinda creepy. it was like when i went through the MI paper. it was like i know nothing and i didn't exactly read the text but the MCQ's and certain questions i was just answering them. damn creepy. its like i do know what im doing yet there is nothing in my head at all but yet its all there. see what i mean. creepy...

i know some will say its cool and what not but to me, a person who's mind never rest its like, just weird. its totally empty lately and its like no matter how hard i try to think of something i just cant. its weirding me out man!!

but not only that, even at night. usually i dream continuously and its like some kinda continuous story or something cause wherever it is i wake i will continue from there when i fall back to sleep. sometimes they link but sometimes they don't but they do just not so direct. its like its underlying or something. just the other night had a dream of wandering around some estate and stuff, then there was this guy in a yellow shirt and he was creepy and somewhat "dangerous". he walked around holding knives to the throat and stuff. then it was like after walking i was downstairs of this place and there were other people there, people that i don't recognize yet the face stays in my mind so vividly. weird huh?? its like i know them cause im not afraid and very comfortable but i just don't know who, never even met anyone that ever looked like them before. don't know. after that i was back upstairs in front of these two huge light brown doors, then once i walked through it was as if i walked into some parellel dimension or something cause the people that i do know and recognize just totally ignored me like they honestly don't know me, and yet i have these like total strangers coming to me as though i've known them my whole life. woke up thinking about it and trying to figure it out. some say that dreams are a window into our sub-conscience minds. how true it is, i have no clue. but i've been wanting it to end so i can figure things out but its always changing. the people are the same but the surroundings are always changing and the number of people changes too. if this is a window to mine sub0conscience im pretty eager to figure it all out. how true is it that dreams portray our past, present and furture. can't really argue cause i have experienced that whole deja vu thing. kinda creepy. i mean its like you feel as though you've experienced, ok!! no prob. but if like me and you not only feel it but remember it and cna predict what will happen next. damn scary. able of premenition?? maybe but i hope not, anyways God didn't give man that ability, only He possess that kinda power. i don't know, all i know is its not something that like scares me or what ever but it makes me curious and another thing is..lately i have had nothing much on my mind. no thoughts, no phrase, no rhyms nor rhythmes. weird and with all honesty i miss it. i miss having my mind go beyond what i can comprehensivly answer myself and i like thinking beyond one's limits and possessing the ability of inquistitivness. its pleasant and all too familar to me and now its all gone. i feel empty, but worse is i feel empty and without a thought. sigh. kinda depressing actually once you really get down to it. sigh.

now my main concern is, how will anything stay in my mind when its forever blank lately and yeah during CT week somemore...that's bad. really bad!! sigh. but yet again its something that i have absolutely no control over and must just let it be as it is. maybe stress could be a cause. for some reason i cant rest until i can figure out something, make sense of everything. i know this may sound really weird to read and might not even make sense but to me it does. im piecing all parts and only some where placed openly here but not all. if all then everyone would think im crazy. anyways somethings are personal. just don't know what it means but im determinded to figure it out so maybe i'll just knock myself out for tonight and see what happens. *shurgs* oh well. things should fall into place pretty soon, hopefully.

kk think i should be ending here cause this window is giving probs. kinda like its reached its max or something so yeah i'll go and get the tape ready for that show i need to tape. =D and then i'll be off to bed, for yet another night of trying to make sense of what little does and much that doesn't. sigh.

SMILE PEOPLE!! =D

Exam week

Exam week is finally here and yupz must start cramming like no bosy's business. started revision and what not but still. sigh. anywaz, today was PP2 and haha, made some really careless mistakes for the last question. sigh. what to do?? hahaha!! laugh!! hehe...=)

tomorrow is EM3A and yeah not totally prepared either and was doing but found out that the first common test paper, alot of my answers are different. kinda scary... sigh. just hope can do well this semester. oh well most is do really well for the finals. ha-ha yeah right. =P

anywaz, getting hungry and very sleepy, guess that whatever tablet does make you drowsy after some time. think its about time i took a short nap that way i'll feel better by tomorrow's paper and the rest of the week. so can't afford to get sick now man. could you just imagine if i did, i'd be such a gone case, it'll be pathetic!!

wasted man..just feel so wasted....

Sometimes i really wonder why i bother so much. is it because im some total idiot or what?? i mean i'd so like to really know why. sometimes i really wonder what's the point. i mean its like yeah i know its exam week next week and this is study break and everything but still, am i not to study?? just don't understand people sometimes. sigh. just that right now i don't know whether i should be angry or just upset and hurt by it .... ?? not too sure...maybe im the one who just doesn't get it?? wish i knew and wasn't so baffled by it all. but then again i feel like just belting out and yelling at someone. someone who seems as though they deserve it yet don't. am i that unreasonable?? didn't think so. maybe im just too brash at times?? don't really know about that either.

just that..how busy can one be?? that is if they're even busy at all!! lolx!! maybe i should just brush everything aside, how i feel and what i think and just let it be at that. but then every other time i've done that things just get worse. sigh. so what am i to do?? just let it be once more. for some reason it seems like that's the right thing to do, even though it seems to sux so much. = (

Been a while since i've written and that's because i've started cramming for CT's. sigh. and it sux big time, im such a lost case but yupz got bored after studying MI so decided to have a peek into my blog. =) thanks mark!! haha. first time you dropped by and said something. =P

yesterday was that graduation thing and all of us were like standing the whole day and yeah all were tired and worn. kinda funny watching everyone walking around. especially mark, every time he passed by with those VIP people, i wanted to laugh. =D but the songs they played were nice, inside the auditorium that is. after everyone was seated and the VVIP's were in we had to go up and get ready to stand in front of the stairs so the graduates won't go down to where their parents and friends were seating. both me and jia ling were bored with sore legs and haha, yeah we were kinda watching what everyone was wearing too. =P it was damn hilarious what some people were wearing. there was this one girl whose skirt was soo tight fitting she couldn't even walk. haha. and this other one with really high platform, flip-flops, and she was having difficulty walking. hmm?? wonder why?? lolx!! then there was this guy with a cute tweety and sylvester tie and another one with really high pants and wearing brown shoes, talk about bad combination!! and many more but to write all down here would take forever. =D

after that we took some pictures together with shuxin's camera. i have a picture of me and jia ling in our blazer. wanted amelia too but couldn't find her and once we did, she already changed and everything. *sobz* =( but there are some of the rest of us which is still pretty cool.

oh yes!! i think i finally know what im gonna buy lesh for her 21st b-day. a digital camera. she's wanted one for like ever and yeah think she really wants one and well kinda does deserve it after all this time. lolx.. just hope that im able to top up my savings in time for december. why must everyone be born so close?? its like once you celebrate one's birthday, its yet another's birthday as well. sigh. as long as i don't go bankrupt, hehe, its all good.

mom's still on my case about my room being a complete mess. and yes i know it is, my goodness i aint blind you know. just no time. and that's not an excuse just that when i do get the time i rather sleep. =P i know that's bad and blah blah but heck!! my room and at least i roughly know where everything is as long as no one touches anything. so its still orangized!! *hmpt!!*

i should probably get back to doing the tutorials for MI but i seriously have no mood anymore. sigh. only good part....its finally making some sense to me!! hahahaha!! but still no mood top finish up the tutorials. =P hmm?? let's see..maybe i should change the song for my blog?? oh and about the virus?? nevermind at least the music plays. =D hahaha!!!! im sorry but can't be that bad, or isit?? please say no.....=(...... should be ok after the first time of going in. the rest were like that, so should be ok. =D

anywaz i really needa get back to doing some work. sigh. anywaz tomorrow is another long day in school and else where as well. sigh. hate it when things clash with study break. oh well, what to do, no mood to trip now so yeah just heck-care with it all. =D
SMILE!!! =D

Was trying to play around with putting music in my blog but apparently its not working now and i have only a short time to try to fix it. according to jia ling it was an i don't know what thing. haha!! but i can copy everything over and all that stuff but it just aint working. well it was then it stopped. sigh. and i like this song. *sobz* nevermind kinda thankful to chin hou for giving me the song cause he had it!! thanks!! =D

other then that, last day was today and now its study week, but des is getting married tomorrow and that's another thing all together. and then monday is the graduation thing i offered to help in but im really hoping that it'll be somewhat fun. =) then starting from tuesday onwards its bury myself in my books and and study and try my best to make sense of all i've been taught so far. sigh. cant believe im so lost in class. lolx!! but starting from after common test its pay attention in class and try to understand regardless of how boring lecture may be or how monotonous the teahcer is as well. cause i know for sure that EP teacher is damn pissed off with all of us and well yeah, just don't get her sometimes, actually at all!!

and now because of des' wedding, its like total chaos with my mom, she's like so into getting everything done and getting after me to get this and that done. sigh. so now its get something in my stomach then get everything else that she's yelling at me to do, done!! ....sigh.....

Today was a little boring and yeah had a lot to do but not so bad. had to stay back and wait from 12pm all the way till 5pm for a briefing for monday's graduation thing. sigh. the whole day i'll be there but yeah i get cca points outta it so i ain't really gonna complain. =)

briefing was boring and after that we tried on blazers and everything. by time everything finished it was like, think 6:30pm or so. sigh. then walked over to the bus stop then yeah bus went by so we ran for the bus. lolx!! 961 takes forever to come and is alwaz, forever jam packed so yeah no lappy means RUN!!! hahaha!! but yeah it wasn't that packed and after a while got a seat. fell asleep after a while. lolx!! couldn't keep my eyes open. mom called a few times to make sure i wouldn't miss my stop. this morning she did the same thing calling me when i was in the train cause i was so sleepy this morning that i woke up much much later then i was suppose to. sigh. just couldn't get up. honestly i don't know how you can do it but i certainly can't. and yeah sorry too about all those times that you went home late and yeah it was kinda my fault for that. sorry!!

reached home kinda late too. sigh. and then by time got everything done, late man!! worse is, CMB assignment 4 needs to be submitted by tomorrow's lesson but ha-ha i did half way then saved it and for some reason haven't found the time to go back. but today once i write this, i'm gonna just search for the answers and read the notes another time. way too tired now.

think i'll just end here and get some sleep, anywaz for some reason com's making weird beeping sounds. kinda freaking and a little scary cause i don't know what i did and if it's suppose to be doing that, but i highly doubt it!!

Got a little bored and was finally able to fix everything and now....its working!! =D haha!!

anywaz nothing much going on lately, excpet the fact that mom's been sick for the past few days and now she's feeling much better. much much better!! =) now at least she's able to sit up and get around on her own. kinda scary when she couldn't even walk to the bathroom and i had to support her but, well yeah kinda scary cause im like so small and she's not and i was like so afraid of her falling and i not being able to suppport her. sigh. know she missed dad alot, cause she would have been there to help her and just lay there on the bed next to her and staying with her throughout. sigh. i tried that so yeah brought all my work in there and sat on the bed next to her and did my work while she slept. thought it was kinda cute the way she'd open her eyes just a little to make sure i was still there. felt kinda bad though. but at least she's much better now.

other then that?? hmm...let's see. told lesh about jia ling comong over to bake and she flipped and started yelling. at first i just got pissed at her cause i thought she was being unreasonable but after she told mom why and mom told me, i totally understood. came out and asked her why she didn't just say how she really felt instead of yelling and her response was, "cause i like yelling better!!"...sigh..what to do??

anywaz think i better stop here. firstly, tired and yeah kinda wanna get to bed early. second is i wanna try putting in music to my blog. just not too sure what song i want yet.. hmm?? lolx!!

SMILE =D

So cool!! new blog and everything!! just hope it works fine and slowly but surely i'll get the hang of this and how it works. still need to put in all the links and everything then should be ok. for now this will have to do. i like it!! think its pretty cool!! for some reason feel like i have more control and can personalize better with this one even if i am a little of a lost case right now. =P lolx!!

kk now to go back and mess around with the pic size so its not so big...=)

Testing

just testing out to see what it looks like..=)