Losing My Mind

I feel everything leaving my control. I am losing control, everything is slipping out from my hands. I feel like i'm trying to hold on to sand but it just keeps slipping through my fingers no matter how hard i try. The harder i grip to hold tighter, the more it slips right out of my hands through my fingers.

Is this suppose to be some sort of revelation? I was typing that with such frustration and started to have this mental picture of holding sand in my hands. It is so true, the harder or tighter you try to grip the more it slips right out through your fingers but if you hold it loosely it will stay, not fully, but it will stay. You are able to hold more sand when you are less anxious about losing it. Does this apply to people as well?

If i try to hold someone so tight, i might end up suffocating them, and they will run for the hills once they get the chance. If i hold securely enough that they know i'm always there but not too tight they will stay and not slip though. There is also more room to hold more because my hands would be more spread out rather than gripped. Gripped means there is less space.

Enough of this analogy stuff. I need to vent and this is right now is the only portal i am able to do that. I can;t talk to people, because people don't want to speak to me. Highly doubt will even want to speak to me. Never does anyway. All i want to hear is literally just those couple of things. Am i wrong? I don't think so. Is there anything wrong with telling someone they did a good job at the end of project or presentation. Yes they may know you are proud of them but there is nothing wrong with saying it. There is nothing wrong with wanting to hear it either! If a child wants to hear those type of praises from a parent, what makes me so different? Why am i not entitled to hear those same praises as well? Do i not deserve them? Am i just suppose to know and not wait or want to hear them? I'm human too! I have feelings too and right now my are hurt.

I just feel like crying right now. I really feel like i'm all alone and no one understands me. No one gets me or how i'm feeling right now. I feel alone, i feel deserted. I feel unwanted....unloved....