CSI

Right now watching CSI and starting to think and wonder about some stuff. where and what am i destined to do or become?? alwaz thought i knew the answer to that question, when i was 4 it was an astronomer, then at 8 and forensic criminal and then when i was 16 is changed to a forensic pathologist. what else it will change too i yet to wait and see. i can only hope that whatever it is its something that i will enjoy and be happy doing. but then i don't know and no one will know. sigh. sometimes i wonder what it would be like if only it were known. if only. but its not, so no point dwelling on it.

it's like i don't know what the heck to think anymore as well. it's like so many things are coming all at once and there's no answers for anything yet everyone comes looking for answers, and they all come to me. sometimes i really feel like changing my hp number but then for some reason i can't bear too. just can't bear to just chuck it one side and then not bother with it and let it become forgotten. soetimes i really feel that no matter how many times people say that the understand and everthing, they don't, they really don't. everything thinks they know exactly what its like, how it feels, everything that comes along with it, but they know nothing. nothing at all. what its like everyday, how much there's to do and get done but no mood and more so no heart to do it. only problem is that no one will ever know cause its not as though you go around broadcasting everything to everyone, but then one person thinks so. apparently she thinks that all privacy is gone and all that's left is no trust between any of us. but that's not true and can't totally be blamed on me nor anyone else but herself and herself only. how hypocritical can it be for you to tell everyone but once one thing is told by another then all hell breaks lose. im really losing it ain't i?? just totally losing it.

however when known to be in the wrong an apology isn't even given. but then again, apologies are nothing more then words and words only. and yet that's the one thing that we seek from others when they are in the wrong. but then again how many people are actaully sincere in what the say when apologizing?? i say a few out of the many. i mena why say your sorry when you know you don't really mean it. if one were to do something or say something then why should an apology saying "i said it outta anger" be any form or reason of an excuse for an apology?? then why bother in the first place?? as a formality?? sickening if you ask me. but then again who am i to say anything, right?? what i say or think is but a mere suggestion that is posed as a little more then something to be discarded, but is in the end. pity aint it. sad and pathetic too. what has this world come too? or better still its people. hopeless man. pathetic hypocrits.