Nothing much going on except for studying and doing more work then i ever have in my entire life. honestly speaking i've never worked so hard for any subject before, and i've never stressed over one as much as i do this one. and worse part is i have no clue as to why. weird...
had this really weird dream last night and kinda freaked me this morning into not wanting to take the train to school today. and when i got to school i learned that shuxin saw a dead dog that was run over by a car i believe. i honestly and seriously feel like im developing a phobia of taking the train. its like im so afraid of what will happen and with jurong east getting from bad to worse, im scared and all panicky like you wouldn't believe!! sounds stupid i know but cant help the feeling. no matter how much i try to unfold and figure out all that surrounds me, i can't seem too. its confusing and fustrating but...i know its for a reason. i mean if Man could unlock the so called secrets of the universe and what not, what would the world come to?? chaos comes to mind. sigh. but seriously, if only we could, i'd try to figure out what and why is it that we can experience de'jeeva and what not. get certain feelings and emotions and see things in our heads and then have it become a reality. its like your soul literally leaves your body and teleports itself to the furture and leaves you standing there to watch the whole thing. a thrid party, an outsider to your very own body. weird?? abnormal?? or very normal just that there's no one to speak aloud about what they experience or feel. thinking that this is jsut some kinda thinkg that can just be pushed aside and not given a second thought. sigh. can't make people talk or think even though you never know who is the one who's just bursting to tell something to someone yet there's no one there to listen.
and speaking about no one to listen, that gets me thinking, how many people are pushed aside and not even given a second thought?? how many people are there who just want someone to talk to or who'd listen to them, but unfortunetly there's no one ever there and when there is, its not sincere nor is it that they want to listen to you in the first place. and im not tripping over anything or anyone but yeah it really got me to think. there's so many things that i wish to talk to someone about, anyone. just someone who'll listen, but never found that nd have kept quiet for so long that now that there are people who are willing to listen and not judge i feel so weird and ackward to appoarch and tell them all i feel and think. and even when i want to once the time comes i just cant bring myself to say anything. and i don't know why, the only thing i can think of is because i've kept quiet and have figured so much in my head that i cant seem to convey that out to words and haha to become logical and systematic in thought.
noticed so many times that i've talked but its i talk and the other listens but not much of any help cause its like i talk and yeah solve everything by going on and on and that person who doesn't even need to listen will be like, probably laughing at me for basically just talking nonesensically and not making any sense. but not much can really be done so yeah, just deal!! hahaha!!
probably not the greatest of an ending but guess when you read everything and then go through it again you come to realize that even though it still sucks, you come to except things just the way they are and they way that the unfold and reveal themselves. even though its not the way you'd want to to be. =D its the right way and the only way. =)
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