Questions?

Who's to blame for a child's mistakes? parents or the child himself? Guess it kind of goes back to the whole - which came first the chicken or the egg?

Both sides need to be examined and given thought. One can't solely be at fault while the other goes scott-free. It just doesn't work that way. Never has and never will. It just doesn't seem fair to judge only one side, or to even judge based on such a question. By default i know it would be most likely that the parent would be blamed. But why?

Parents are the ones who teach, nurture and raise the child. Till today i believe in this saying:

The hand that rocks the cradle, rules the world

Again, it is the parent or the caregiver who raises the child; develops them. However, now we need to move into a more practical mindset. Media! Social media, commercial media, all forms of media are to be blamed for the development of a child as well.

Are parent's to blame? Yes! Should we blame the child as well? Yes. Children make themselves susceptible to all forms of influence and the worse is the media and peers! It is the role of the parent to help filter that influence. But again, it is also up to the child to be comfortable enough to go to the parents and tell them about the pressures they face and seek advice from them. But which child does that nowadays? Near to none.

Somehow i do feel that maybe, just maybe, i should not say too much about who is to blame or who is not to blame since i don't exactly have any children. I do hope that when i do have kids, i and my husband will be able to nurture them in such a manner where they will feel comfortable enough to come to either of us with their problems. I do know that regardless, they will still seek advice from their friends and peers, but i just hope and pray they don't go to the internet for answers. That is officially the worst place to go looking for advice. Sadly enough, we live in a GOOGLE age and it's only going to get worse.

I mean think about it, children know how to use GOOGLE before they learn how to read, write or even walk..!! Sigh.

In my opinion and, also since this is my blog where my thoughts get penned down, i still say that both parties are to blame, but i will give it a ratio of  7:3 - Parent : Child

You can agree or disagree, i rather agree to disagree. Makes life a better more colorful place

swine influenza has everyone talking. worst still, hospitals on alert!

guess it's okay actually, just that in my case there is no way i'm going to be briefed on proper procedures for next month's PM.

there is always a ton of things that go through my mind on a daily basis but once i sit here to type an entry, my mind just goes blank and can only focus on work. make sure all emails are checked and replied, make sure i have all reports and FSR, checklists completed, and most importantly that every checklist has an ESA result slip.

work has been stressful. but what i am thankful for is yasmine and kelvin, the support i get from them is just wonderful. finally someone knows and understands what i go through and the amount of crap i have to put up with. all i need to do now is get mails (complaints) out like within the same day.

only problem is, i don't see it as a major issue...but jeff does so it gets blown out before i can raise the issuse..and then i get questioned why i didn't raise the issue..well i didn't believe there was any issue!! sigh...fustrating!!

well i got a new layout, new skin..blah blah..but yeah really just want to start pening everything down here. my pesonal portal to just let everything out and hopefully it helps me this year to handle all that will be thrown at me.

thankful to ivan and tom..both brothers are so supportive towards that youth..and tom is helping out his younger brother...it just amazes me! but i'm most thankful to their mom! aunt shirley was so ready and okay with her son's doing this, actively! and ivan is in JC1 and tom just entered NS so currently, 2 week confinement followed by 2 week outfield and get came for Achen's farewell youth session on the same day he first booked out from army! these are the youth we need to grab and hold on to...really need to get that youth service up and running!

now it's just wait for the new achen, go for guitar class, malaylam class and then get that BBQ up and going so we cna interact with achen and know where he stands with out monthly bible studies and youth service...

currently just need to get mother's day and father's day settled and then get started on another NOP (Night of Praise) love the name nina gave it! so meaningful! something no one will ever forget...i certainly won't ever forget our first NOP and our first ever musical Prince of Egypt.

Let's see how this year goes...so far so good =b

I'm back

After a much needed and much wanted rest, I am back!! Going to try to at least post one entry a week, the least! So much has happened this year alone. With church and work. It's just way too much to be typing here.

Firstly, caps will be out the window cause it's so much easier to type with all small letters. So yeah. Well, we'll see how that goes, getting use to work style.

Secondly, quick question, which should I look into? I need a new PC, so I'm like between building one and buying a iMac. Give feedback in tagboard! Thanks guys!

Wow! 2008 is gone! Church was a blast. Made so many new friends and am definitely more involved then I've ever been and I do have to admit that I like it. I have fun doing things for the church and with the youth, STYF totally rocks!! But then again all good things must come to an end, so we'll see how this year's elections for the new committee members go. I'm hoping for a good team of youth that can really lead the youth and move them forward! We've really took them all and made a great leap purely on faith! God is great, wonderful, awesome, amazing! Words can't fully describe Him. (by the way do check out my facebook account for video of the youth's item for christmas 2008)

Work has been stressful. Really feeling the politics now, feeling less and less protected by William. It's like he's just throwing us into the deep end and not bothering but more of mocking. More me than Andy I feel. It's like Andy gets more guidance and help and better assignments. Is it really because I am late for work sometimes, or at least when I schedule appointments with TTSH. I so know that Jeff is, and quite literally, reporting everything move i make to william. Irritating!! I swear he (jeff) keeps talking about just doing the pumps "temporary", i so don't believe that! Png just wants to make life harder for me and Baxter. If not he (png) won't be asking everytime he sees me, 'oh you're still with baxter?... you still enjoy working with baxter?'
Seriouly how irritating can this be? Everytime i see him!! But he so runs when he sees william. William feels that they all respect him and listen to him. Sigh if he could only hear what they say behind his back. Wouldn't doubt it if william and jeff are good friends. They seem to hit it off, just play with my head that they're not. So possibile. I remember he told dorothy once about jeff donating blood and how he would schedule same day and time with him just to meet and have conversation while donating blood. sickening if you ask me. to stoop to that level...sad..and now he wants a promotion and wants to use baxter's 10day, 30day, 60day breakdown to justify and he can acutally tell me to help him get his promotion! What's in it for me? I'm the one suffering under him, not you! irritating!

See so much to complain about work, nothing much about the totally awesome stuff we did at church and sigh. Prince of Eygpt was a blast, great show, Night of Praise 2008 wonderful! christmas, seriously go check out my facebook account. (moonshine_teardust@yahoo.com) add me if ur not my friend and would like to check it out. it's under videos of me. Im not really in the video but Nina and myself put that item together, the formations and timing and everything, amazing stuff!

Well, my hair's dry now so i need to be logging off and getting to bed, yes yes i know it's early but i have an early morning tomorrow to make up to mommy for what happened today. Sigh. Gdnite peepz!

WOW

Can't believe how long it has been since I was last here typing. Seriously, wow! July 14 and now it's end Oct. Wow!!

Okay, well I have been like super busy with everything, work is so stressful. Coming to a point were I just can't cope with the load. Yeah Andy has a lot on his plate but dude he gets to stay in the office and workshop and I'm like running around between NUH and TTSH. And honestly, I prefer TTSH. Jeff may be like this weird fanatic, way compulsive but seriously he's way better than Perumal....dummy..

He is like so damn lazy..doesn't bother to even collect the pumps at a steady rate, he collects one shot 20units kind of thing...major dummy!! Like hello, you honestly think that many can be done in like one day??!!! And all William as to say is YES, it needs to be done...fine whatever....
Don't like going to NUH now, that guy just freaks me out...he stands at the doorway of the commissioning room and asks totally personal questions!! Am i married? Is my husband and family here in Singapore? Do my parent's live here?

Told him I'm not married, which was probably the biggest mistake ever, cause he is like so harassing me now! Worst than N.O CK from TTSH ICL...sigh...i attract freaks..this is way sad....

On like a totally new note..nina's grandfather passed away. that was kind of excepted yet really shocking to hear. thought he was going to recover when i saw him that day at CGH. =( the funeral was sad...i just felt like it was all a dream..can only imagine how the family felt..sigh..
but it really made me think of daddy. i really wish i could go back and redo everything, the whole funeral and just everything. Everything went wrong and it just wasn't right, and it hurts to think that i had a part to play in having that happen to him, to his body, he last time here on earth was just like that...but if i could go back, i'd go to the time when he was still around and really force him to go for that check-up...but then again i know it is God's will that he is where he's at now, just wish it wasn't this soon....i wan to spend more time and days with him, more christmas', more birthdays, more fathers' days more everything....

okay this is getting depressing for me so i'm off till next time, hopefully that's soon =)

Stress, stress, stress

Stress can make you or just totally break you. I believe it has broken me as of right now but will make me that much stronger once everything is over.

First and foremost, Jeff. But then on the other hand i really can't blame him for his reactions or words. It was abusive and way too harsh but it was all truth and much needed i guess. Whether or not i deserved it, I'll just take it as i did and apologize for all faults that he views in me. I can try to change, but can only hope that all my attempts are not in vain...

Now its come to the point of trying to live up to all that is accepted. 12pumps a day. Sounds like a lot, it is and worst since i only have my trolley to work with, and two solution bags...two accuracy at a time and that's all....what more could he expect....sigh...

Church youth musical, i love every single one of them...but there are those few who just know exactly what buttons to push to just really piss me off. it's so offensive what they say...their actions...one thing I'm so glad to say is that although i take a backseat to everything, i know where i stand with everyone. i know who i can talk to, who i can trust. Everyone has worked hard, put in so much effort, that an achievement on its own and i love every single one of them for it. really i do.

Right now, I'm like reading through this, and I've noticed one thing. a very major, big, huge thing...this year as been the year that god has called me for His mission. He is now training me and moulding me for what lies ahead for me...i do find it tough as of now, but one thing I'm so grateful for is that no matter what happens, after like 15-20min in prayer with God, i feel so much better and i just fall in love with every single person i have ever come in contact with all over again. its like i just understand what the bigger picture is. its a wonderful feeling, and a beautiful picture. to just sit there and watch how everything fits together and to see that bigger picture right before my eyes...how beautiful is that!? it just gives me that much more strength to keep going, because i really want to see that even bigger picture!! it just gets more and more beautiful!!

My strength comes only from Him!! I would fail at all things if i ever even attempt to stand on my own...He holds me up, He gives me energy and strength for all my tasks. Be it work, church or just in life as a whole. He grants all things through grace...how great is that? how can you not be happy knowing that? that just makes me smile and allows me to take on even bigger and greater tasks...what is there that i cannot accomplish if i have Christ with me? NOTHING!!! =)

Wow, last time i came here and typed anything was in Feb. That's like 3 whole months ago.

Nothing much has happened, the usual busy with my beloved pumps. Man, are they ever demanding. Although they don't ask for much. Just 6monthly maintenance oh and repairs every other month. Haha!!

Work has been pretty good though, honestly. Busy of course! And what with church and all, man do I have a ton of thigns going for me right now. Night of Praise '08 is coming this July. Can't wait! =D The musical will surely be a big hit and much loved. I'm just so pleased and happy at the response so far. At times I will admit that i feel very down because I think that the turn out from the youth will be bad, but to my surprise it is usually quite a good one. And I am ever so thankful to God for that =)

Haven't really met any new people, besides that porter dude. He's not exactly young but I wouldn't classify him as old either, middle-age older end of the time-line =b He's really friendly, but sometimes a little too friendly. Oh and then there's that ISS Pest Control guy. He's malay and I will have to say he is friendly as well. First and foremost are the formalities, after which small talk; usually related to cockroaches or insects or rats, something common. Okay, here let me explain myself.

It all started when Kevin was still downstairs in BME. I was helping him to repair one of the pumps and while opening to investigate, a cockroach ran out and all over the workbench. Obviously this is not something that I tolerate! I mean come on..it is a hospital for one and secondly they have pest controllers going around! So anyways, I made a verbal complaint to Kasturi about it and she called ISS. So this guy came by and I explained what happened and what I saw. So he placed some glue traps around to capture and kill the roaches as well as allow him to monitor how severe the case at this particular workbench was.

So the next week he came by for inspection and all was okay, so he left and that was that! So this continued for quite some time but there were no signs of any cockroaches, so he explained that it was probably just some random roach wandering around. Fair enough. But a couple of days later, I saw another one. Worst part of this whole scenario is that only I see and encounter these roaches. Kevin not once saw any except that first time. And when Cai took over the workbench, he didn't see any either.

so after Kevin left and I surrendered the workbench to Cai, he moved his things over and low and behold I saw another small, light-brown cockroach! So I killed it and kept it as proof! I wanted to show that I wasn't just seeing things! So I let Kasturi know and she called for this ISS guy to come and have a look, he did and well it just kind of progressed into me seeing a roach and complaining about it, and this guy coming down to inspect.

Eventually, more so now, he just stops by periodically to check the place. And that's fine, don't get my wrong here! It's just that while he was there one day, I was seriously curious as to why these roaches were even here! So we chatted a little and I enquired about something that would help with lizards, he gave me 3 strips of 'glue' to just tap the lizard with then throw. Yeah right like I'm gonna do that!! Hello!! I'm like so scared of them think I'm honestly gonna get that close and be like...tap...no way!! But I took it anyways 'cause I didn't want to look like some scared prissy girl. Pride man, purely pride...

So, I guess it just kind of went from there. He gave me his number the other time, said if I saw anything just call him directly. the thing that gets me is that when he comes round for his inspections, he greets me, but the way he looks makes me uncomfy. It's just a normal smile yeah, but his eyes are smiling too, and that makes me feel weird...So now he comes around every other week, says, "Hello! Haven't seen you in a while? How've you been?" So I answer politely that I was there in TTSH just probably in the WDs and that I'm doing fine, and then I ask how he is doing. Then it goes to how busy I am and must be..very career focused and such....sigh.

Terumo came on a little stronger though. I know for ISS it's weird but it's just his eyes and the way he asks questions that make me uncomfortable. But Pableto was like so straighforward about it. The week after Valentine's Day, he was doing PM for one of Cai's units, and I was doing my own PM. So we chatted about stuff and then he asked about my Valentine's Day. told him it was okay, had dinner with my mom. Then he asked about having dinner with a special someone and getting a rose. Told him I didn't have a special dinner with a special someone and nope no rose either. Get this!! The next day when he came, he gave me a rose!! Stunned me and I didn't know what to say or do. Sometimes I think and feel that it's not anything other then that fact that in BME it's dominated by men, so when they see a female around; guess appearance doesn't matter, they get all weird and stuff! Sigh...just work...I'm just thankful that the BME guys are cool with me being there all the time and they don't get all weird on me. That would be like doubly weird....

Okay this is one of those posts that I ramble just a little too much in. But heck I haven't been here for so long don't have anything else to write about. This is the only thing in my head since Tuesday's conversation with that ISS dude...help me!!! Think I'm too nice to people, so I get bullied......

Man has it been ages since I've last typed anything here. New layout, new format to things, this is interesting!



Well, alot has been going on since I lasted wrote an entry. Work has been okay, getting more and more stressful but manageable so far. Deployment will be starting soon..and I'm so not looking forward to it. Seriously, why can't Baxter ever just have a software that works well fora good number of years before the next upgrade...sigh. Church has been pretty good so far taking into consideration I'm the new secretary for the youth! Haha!! But I have Nina to help and we make an excellent team I believe! =D



Okay now time to complain about work!

It's been hectic and that's putting it nicely. TTSH is like so into having me go around the wards and do my PM/BM. PM I'm reluctant but okay with it...BM is just a major nono!! Keep thinking how am I actually going to do the PM and worst case I haven't even prepared for it and I did know about it a while ago but it was never confirmed till my brilliant QA Director decided it was ok to go to the care centres and work. Major sigh!! But all in all work's been pretty ok actually.

Church, well so far so good as well. Everyone has been really helpful and supportive to Nina and myself with everything that we're trying to put together. Never know how much work and effort went into it till now. I have a new found respect to all those who have done this before me, and that includes Dino man! Our first bible study was a blow but the second one, we really put most of our efforts into it and it went superbly! And not to mention the food sale just last Sunday? A north area food sale became a Youth food sale and although we thought that we may not have enough food and the coffee did run out it went really well overall, and we did manage to raise a good sum of profits that are going towards the church building fund! I'm so proud of myself, Nina and the STYF!! =D

Well, I do need to get back to work now. Got loads to do and yes I brought it all home to get it done. Tomorrow reporting directly back to TTSH. If anyone reading this can get their hands on BBraun's new infusion pump manual, please do let me know!!! =b

Sometimes I wonder about people, what goes through their minds, what thoughts are being processed while certain events are taking place. It's like some will get so agitated so easily while others are not really fazed by what goes on. Whether or not they've noticed is another point altogether.

I feel really offended right now, kind of unwanted.

It has been like this for the longest time, me and my family ( referring to my cousins) are not exactly close at all. So whom am I close too? My eldest cousin and my third eldest cousin. I can talk to them, feel like we're on the same frequency, that kind of thing. With the others it's like we clash; thoughts, behaviour and definition of right and wrong!

Everyone usually always looks forward to family functions and I try to avoid them the best I can or I try to have Shuxin follow me. Just to have someone to talk too, to hang out with. Am I a loner? Not really, just that I need to have someone around that I click with and can sit and have a good time with and not worry about what is being said once i turn my back.

Sisterly bonding, whatever; my own sister doesn't even bother with me, I mean yeah I know she loves me blah blah; seriously she does just weird way of showing so yeah. But we're night and day and just see things totally different. So naturally she gets along better with my cousins and again I'm left alone, out of the circle.

To type this and not cry will not be possible, however I need to get it all out of my system and this is my channel. Who reads this? God only knows.....I only know of 2 people. Sad I know.

The worst part of it all isn't just the way I feel but more of not having anyone to talk to about everything. Yes, I can talk to Shuxin and pour everything out to him, but that would be like airing all my dirty laundry in a confined public place (it makes sense).

I don't know, every time I think I've found someone to talk to, to confide in, to just spill everything too, I'm proven wrong. JL, I would love to call and bug you and stuff but I can't really disturb you because you have your own things going on and a certain someone you want to be talking to. Time and place, time and place.

It's sad to know and to think about it though. I can start and hold a conversation with someone who's twice my age better then I can with one who is around my age. Should this be the case? I doubt so. I hate having to make new friends, never was any good at it. Always only made a couple and that was it. Never left my comfort zone and don't really want to. Me and crowds just don't go well. Try but it's not easy to do without being condemned for it.

It's easier to make friends with a guy than a girl; girls are way too bitchy and think too much! Guys just take what comes and don't think so much and it doesn't take long for them to figure out that I'm not dumb, just naive in certain areas of their expertise. However, it is still looked down upon, just wrong and seen as flirting.....I myself don't really know how it comes to being seen or judged as that but fine then, so be it.

It's all just so irritating!! And majorly frustrating!! Think I'm best off just doing things all by myself so that everyone has to keep their mouths shut because there's nothing for them to say, but then again it they really want to; and they do, they'd find ways and means to bring something up to gossip about. It's just hurtful when it's about you. Worst still when you know and have to carry on smiling pretending that you don't know because they don't know that you know. How nice are they to my face; total deception, it's pathetic!!

I miss my friends, my comfort zone, my everything that I once had. Now it just feels as though it's all been yanked away from me, like pulling a rug out from under my feet, knowing and watching my fall in the process and then walking off filled with satisfaction. That hurts the most, being kicked when you're already down, with no choice but struggle to get back up with everyone laughing and mocking and trying to push you right back down. Watching, to be made a fool of, a total mockery.

Who are true friends and how to find them amongst all these impostors? I don't know, I'm tired of searching trying to find them and being let down every time. I miss Ger, JL, Shai, Melia....Priscilla, I miss all of you, my actually friends, you're there more for me then my own family (my age group that is), which is sad you're right but what to do? I'm not going to change who I am!! But it still hurts, worst then most other things in life; to feel unwanted by people whom you should be close to, people who you should be trusting to have your back but are letting you fall. Being a helping hand in the process of pushing.....very hurtful....

When I first opened up my blog webpage and decided to type something here I had quite a few things on my mind to type. Now after logging in and getting a fresh page, I'm lost for words.

Well, overall been pretty ok, busy with work. Following Andy's style of filing so going to be busy re-doing all of that but not so bad because at least for December my PM is only like 17units; 7 loaner and 10 from the wards. Yayness!

Lately really into these slow songs whose lyrics are just overflowing with meaning. One Republic Apologize. The lyrics the melody and the beat; can't get enough of this song and it's not like those other songs that you fall in love with. This is different. Oh today this song was played while that male skater at Novena was skating. He's good-looking.... =p but enough of that. I do admire his skating though, really smooth and graceful. It was as though he was floating on the ice rather then gliding. Sounds lame and weird since they're similar but I don't know.

Nothing much going on except for maybe....I don't even know if I should be typing that here, sorry it's still in my head right now. It's like something that feels right to happen is just so wrong, and believe me; been there done that loads of times. JL always tells me "you'll just know", yeah not very helpful right now girl.

Feels as though Shai and Melia have been gone forever!! Miss them so much, when they come back we all need to get together and hang out like old times, well kind of. Lolx!

Can't type it here, can't risk certain people reading it and then questioning me, guess if you really want to know can always tag me and I just might tell you personally....feelings are so screwed up right now, thoughts not running clear, everything's just so jumbled and mirky it's hard to tell right from wrong and know my better judgement. Listen to that little voice? Tried but it's just as confused as I am right now. Head says one thing and the heart says another. Certain things i know and others can change but would it not be better to not change the individual but just the whole person, but than that's even more painful and harder.

Questions?

Who's to blame for a child's mistakes? parents or the child themselves?

If your girlfriend/boyfriend do something that you think is wrong but they thought was "just for fun", who's at fault to say sorry? You or them?

If your friend's cross moral boundaries, who's at fault? Who's moral boundaries were crossed and who crossed them?

So many times we ask similar questions, either about ourselves or others around us. People we see, people we hear about, but have we ever thought to question who is actually to blame? Or if there even is anyone to blame in the first place.


When we thing something is wrong, it's our own perception, if that particular person thought it was wrong I doubt they'd be doing it in the first place. The fact that they felt it was OK, or thought it was OK makes it harder for us to judge and place boundaries on what's right and what's wrong.

When raising a child the rules and regulations in household for different parents differ, as children we see this amongst our peers, and yes we question why some are so strict and some are so lenient. However, we must remember that parent's set boundaries and rules based on what they perceive to be the right way of doing things, or certain things that are OK to do; while others may agree or disagree it is up to them.

My point is that regardless of what is done, or who's to blame, or who's at fault the main thing is whether or not you can accept them for their faults knowing that although it may conflict with what you believe is right, it must might not be all that wrong either.

We make are own choices and decisions, parent's guide and nurture the best they know how and the best they can. Do we hold it against them if they mess up a little? No! We mess up too, way worse, just that they've been in that situation before and know how to handle it so you don't regret anything later on in life. Sometimes things seem so "cool" now but later on you're going to be thinking, "Oh my goodness what were we thinking?" and I'm serious! We will ask these questions because our parents have. They learn from experience and so do we.

Do not judge before you understand, and once you understand do not condemn, accept what they did as not wrong to them but wrong to you and do not follow or repeat what was done.

If actions affect you directly, then discussing what's right and what's wrong to the other party is always helpful. Know their stand point of things and get a better understanding of why it was done and not seen as something wrong in their eyes and only yours.

Remember the most powerful weapon we use is not our fist or any material thing we can grasp, it is our tongues, words can pierce so choose wisely!

Life

Just finished watching the Da Vinci Code for the second time, not going to go into details this time though. Guess it'll just kill the whole moment I have here!

Well, anyways, have you ever realized how people say one thing and then to another say something totally opposite? I've been noticing this happening a lot lately. Am I to be blamed as well? Or am I just to fall under such a category without even being aware of it? I surely hope not!

Now to the serious part of this entry. Is it possible to "give" your heart to someone and then find yourself having feelings for another? Okay first off let's clear the air; I'm not talking about myself here! I'm merely wondering and thinking out loud because though i listen and try to give good advice I still need a channel to load everything off too as well. So yeah.

Okay now back to business here. First off is it possible? Can you feel attracted to another? If so then does this not question your feelings and thoughts to the one whom you're with? How is this to be solved; split? Take a break? Separate? What?

Secondly, how do you know whether it's true feelings or just mere infatuation? Would it not be too risky to try and figure it out?What if both are lost? Gone? Then what happens? Sometimes it makes me wonder whether or not you really think things though before going out and taking action. though most the time your action is seen to be very rash and irrational! But then again I'm not one to meddle with matters of the heart, for these matters are one's that i fear most. With no comparison to creatures and creepy crawlies please!

I guess personally I'm against it because firstly I don't understand it and secondly I fear the risk of losing what you have been given. No? But then how to do come to terms with knowing which one? To be able to differentiate between the two.....gosh this is way beyond me..but I'll stick to my gut feeling of not taking risks unless you're certain that it is one which you won't regret. So as long as your uncertain don't risk it.

Some how I feel as though this entry came out a total mess. It's late and I have a full day of work tomorrow, yes a Saturday of 8-5 working. Stock take! Maybe I'll continue when my mind clears and I can arrange everything better to make more sense, till then this is me just blabbing away. Questioning and trying to reason without much success....

Just came back from JB, went there with some colleagues to have seafood dinner and just de-stress! I know that the sales and all the management levels are seriously busy and all but still I have to put up with the customer directly, and TTSH TOs aren't all that nice and friendly. So this dinner and break was a much needed and deserved one!

Lately I've been watching 'Witch Yu Hee' on veoh, shy introduced it to me and told me that she was watching this one and it seemed funny, so i checked it out and it is! So far it hasn't been as addictive as the others, but still it might be too early to say; know what I mean?

Read my friend's blog and he's mentioned that I've been quiet, guess I didn't realize it but I haven't exactly been replying his sms and stuff. Not a very good friend huh? From what I'm feeling is like he's been down about something but his portraying as though he's really up and perky, scary part would be it he fell for it himself.

My colleagues thought it would be a good laugh to hear about my most embarrassing moment and guess what? I don't regret telling it! Yeah they make fun, they laugh at me and what not but still its all with good intentions, none are harmful or spiteful so its OK! =D

Actually there's so much I want to post here, but my eyes are not permitting me; neither my hands. Too tired! Think I shall sleep now and hopefully get it typed and published soon. Hopefully!!

My KL Trip

Well my trip to KL was one that I'll certainly never forget, especially the bus ride back; mom won't let me forget!



Okay so it started when going mom's leg rest was broken so she was totally uncomfortable the whole way till the pit stop. lolx!! So I had a good laugh out of that and some other events which took place in the bus going which mom would kill me for telling =b



The hotel was decent, Corus hotel right next to KLCC, great food there!! So the first day when we arrived BeeBee and Lesh met us outside the hotel, so we went to KLCC and ate at Chilli's. Great food!! Went back to the hotel bathed and then headed over to Nova hotel because oppositde the hotel is good food. Even though we were stuffed we made room for their famous BBQ chicken wings!! After that we took a cab down to Marion's place. She leaves in bungsa..however it's spelt, anyways, we were there till late just talking and stuff; she makes excellent crepes! =D

The next day we were able to go out and shop and stuff. Went to some street market to look around but it just felt so unsafe anywhere and everywhere I went. Sigh! Even at the mall, not sure of the name let alone the spelling so yeah, sorry!

People there are just really really agressive. The ride back to singapore was just plain scary, it could have been written as a suspence thriller; literally!! Standing at Putaraya waiting for a bus that never showed up and ended up taking some 'shared' bus service. Took about 4 hours to reach the rest stop and then the driver changed and we started off towards KL again, freaked alot of people out. Ended up turning off the highway to some small roads and wound up at a bus depot to drop this one guy off, guarantee he paid the second driver, first one refused; how I know? Driver was saying "You mathie, I mathie" this phrase I do understand you know!

But eventually we did make it to singapore, went through Woodlands rather then Tuas though, like we were suppose to. Think we were in the bus for a total of about 7-8 hours, travelling around Malaysia and being stuck in traffic.

Not that great an experience but still had fun and that's what matters the most! =D

Flattery

I'm so screwed, or at least that's how I feel. Today at ICL, N.O CK was talking to me while I collected the final 2 pumps; single and triple, one each. So we started talking and he asked if I was married and I said no. He started telling me how beautiful I am and that he thought so from the first time he saw me last week when I went to collect the first PM pump. So that already was like, wow thanks! Know what I mean? After that he went on to how sweet he thinks I am and so on, so we started talking and he asked to be friends and to me that's fine. Guess i made friends all right, he got my number from my business card that I gave him the first time round. I guess it didn't really hit me till after the conversation was over I realized that I hadn't answered the question of whether I'm single or attached! Obviously I'm happily attached to a guy that I adore, if I didn't I wouldn't have stuck around for 3 over years. Now I feel like crap and I have no clue how to tell him nicely that I didn't answer the question and that I am attached. HELP!!!!!!

Flattery can be cruel.....

Anarchy

Total and complete chaos is how I feel right now! Everything is just spirraling out of control, my control! In a way I want to just kind of step back and take a really good look at everything, but then I ask myself, why? And most importantly, whether I even know what I'm trying to look for in the first place. Sounds weird I know but I just can't help myself. It's like...I honestly have no clue how to describe this feeling or even the situtation. The whole scenario is just totally out of proportion. Everything that I thought was sane is now questionable for its reliability. what am I to do? In other words, messed up!

On the other hand, I met up with Kathy after work on thursday, after my coffee-talk with her I ran into Yasmine and then we went right back into Starbucks and I had yet another round of coffee-talk with her. But it was enjoyable and informative. She's so office politic-savy. I'm can so learn from her, but then if it comes and a cost or a price that requires friendship as the payment, then sorry I'm not ready nor will I probably ever be ready for something like that. Office politics is something i rather just ignore, listen to? Of course! It's so interesting! But I like the ways of Thomas, just float in, do your stuff and leave the mud-slinging to those who are willing to get dirty wtih it. No point standing in the way either.

I guess once i started prioritizing what is what and who is who, it's this total eye-opener as to who your real friends are. Who are the ones that are there for you, give you good advice and at the same time listen to you when you have things to let out. Those who chuck you, chuck them back! Slug 'em if you must!

To be honest, I have no clue to what this post is about. It's basically a jumbled up mess of everything that's playing back in my head and I'm just writing how it makes me feel and what I think of. How could something so simple turn out to be so complicated? I just don't get it! Since when did life have so many rules and regulations that I'm now only learning about. Man what happened to education in school, does school not prepare you for the real world? Ha! It does, the idealistic theoretical world we find in books and magazines and through wonderfully miraculous testimonies of others; but not in our worlds. Not till we're probably much older and what's the word...wiser? So lame! The oldest and lamest phrase ever, older and wise....older certainly does not mean wiser to me. wiser is something that is earned from experience and not from age. There are truck loads of young that suffer and learn fast to be tough from young...years of experience do it...not the years of your life. That phrase gives this false pretense that bad things only happen when your older and when you young everyone has such a great childhood...we're all equal!! Crap..all of it. Old is old; based on how many years you have added to your life, but wising up? This is certainly not defined by age!

Now about this whole age issue! Everyone in my company tells me that I'm so young, obviously I'm only 22. Now some of my friends and family; who are younger than me, tend to be like wow..you're getting old, everytime i birthday comes and I get a year older. Yeah, getting older has some down sides to it but overall it's a wonderful thing to go through. I'm not saying i spent my youthfullness doing all I wanted to, but i got a fair share of stuff done that I'm proud of. I Say you have to look at it like this device that is adding years to your life. Right now i have 22years there, on my life and in a few months I shall add yet another year to this device called my life. I know of a lot of people who look at it like some count down timer....people we aint cakes baking in any oven!! We're humans, you can't count down, you don't know where that finish line is. Just think of it as being right there in front of you at all times and at any one time you could cross it and that's it. Or you could continue to add years and push that line one year further away from you.

now I can name a ton of people who will read this and then start on me about being all optimistic and what not. I don't care, say as you please...tag me and then go write your blog to be all dark and dreary and exclaim that the world's going to end, it's your space to rant and this is mine...so back off!! Optism is what keeps us going strong and happily, certainly not anything else. just observe either yourself or someone around you and then come back here and argue with me!

I still have no clue as to why this post is being written. I'm not even too sure what it was that I wnted to type or even say. Sometimes it's like you just want to get a message out there to people, other times you just need a place to vent anger and all other forms of emotions, other times you need a place to write all you feel, or felt and saw. An experience you had, or maybe not just that but moreon how it made you feel what you thought of it. Just to pen it down and maybe later read it again and learn something about yourself. I find that typing about how certain events made you feel and reading throug those can be real eye-openers. it's like being third party, you play back that scene in your head and you can either agree with yourself or laugh at yourself or tell yourself, i should have done it differently. But who's to say what? This is just one girl and her thoughts about her life.

Back to Cyberspace

Wasn't able to enter this website for a while as well as MSN and email accounts. My laptops keyboard decided to go kapootz right after the Commex Show. Sigh. So I wasn't able to use my computer for a while, but now that I've hooked up an external keyboard it's working fine now. Only problem would be the "fn" key. It doesn't exsist on a keyboard. Sigh, double-time! But I guess as long as I can access and use the net and all it's accessories, I shan't complain. =D

Works been getting stressful, more and more by the hour. Sigh. I still can't believe he wants a "spy"! And worst off it just has to be Kevin. Then to think of the new guy? I can bet my life and fully guarantee that the new guy was instructed not to talk to anyone other then James, Fredrick that gang. Sigh. Guess Kevin was a bit of a disappointment, but then again it's hard to say so I'll still watch my own back just to play safe here. I still need to survive there. PM this month and next month will kill, and March shall be worst than now.

Okay on a not so related note to the above, I want to discuss about authors and books that are nice to read and if anyone has a comment on what is preferred or any suggestions to a possible author or book title that I may like.

Okay so currently I'm reading Stephen King's A Bag of Bones. I love the phrases, "That's my dust catcher.." and "It's just another bag of bones...".

These two lines just really seemed to stand out especially the first, it's just so common....and so true...everything belongs to us, our past, out secrets and these things shall just sit there and collect dust...and it belongs to only us and no one else...

Overall the story's about this author, Michael Noonan; his wife passes away - very suddenly in a parking lot, and he kind of gets a writer's block or shall it say writer's walk. Towards the middle of the book; which is where I am currently, it seems more that it wasn't writer's block or walk but more of his wife's and his summer home was haunted. And it is these spirits that are controlling his actions or should I say thoughts. But I know that will come later. =)

Well once I finish withthe book or reach that portion of it where I'll either be right or wrong, I'll blog it here. Till then...Gdnite!!! =D

Retirement Age

My laptop has finally reached it's retirement age. Most of my third row keys are not working. so if you T U I O are not working, you're going to face a lot of problems with typing. Especially user names and passwords, currently using my sister's computer just t clear my mailbox out. Guess from here on out my mailbox will only get cleared when I'm at my office. Which will be few and far between this month, way too many PM (preventive maintenance). Repairs are reasonable this month so far, but PM is getting way overloaded as well as commissioning. Therefore, my next schedule for this lot will be in March. PM inclusive of newly commissioned, I'm pretty much screwed. Furthermore, the BME manager wants me to collect my PM pumps. More problems are sure to arise, so not going to do that; and my manager totally sides this move! It's just ridiculous for me to run around like that, and what if history repeats itself? So likely to happen, then what? Who's going to be the one to take the blame? Who will the fingers start pointing to? Who will lose their reputation with the user? It's best that the current way of PM flow remains! But it's hard to say, let's just wait for the 'black and white' and then see how it all plays out.

Oh I got a new book yesterday, "The Stranger House" not sure of the author but the story line seemed interesting so I bought it. Actually it was a debate between Dan Brown's Angels and Demons and this one The Stranger House; I figured that being able to find a Dan Brown book is easier then this other author so I decided on the latter. Either way, once I've finished reading and of course if I remember, which I doubt..hehe...I'll write about it =D

Right now, I need to get to bed, I have my Malayalam class tomorrow! Gdnite!!

Why am I even here typing this? I myself have no clue. I rather be working on my poem, but for some reason it's just not coming out right.

There is just so much I want to express, say, shout out! Unfortunately, well fortunately for those around, I can't! So everything is locked away inside of me and let me just say this, I have way too many things locked up as it is! I so need to sit down and sort through everything but as we all know; it ain't ever going to happen so no point dwelling on it.

Guess all I really want to get out for starters is Judgement Day; D-day. It came and left and has been celebrated ever since. Though, I kind of want another one of those days; just to change things up a little. Second was...something that I'm not sure how to phrase it into words let alone and sentence. Thrid is loyalty. Does loyalty rule over all matters! But does it still apply to family and friends? The people whom you love? Can you honestly, with full integrity chose loyalty over everything else; right or wrong? This is where the gray area falls.

The pivital moment is everyone's life; or at least I'm hoping it is, would be deciding where the barrier lies. Where is this line and how fine is it. And most importantly, how close is too close? Especially when it comes to wanting to; just for fun, teeter on this fine line. I do not know. And honestly, sometimes I do not wish to know and other times I long to know.

Anyone there?

Sometimes I seriously wonder if this site een gets any visits. But then again it's not like I'm posting that often either, but still!

Work has been pretty ok, not everything went smoothly, but that's life. Most obstacles were faced and stuff, so yeah. What can I say? Oh I know! How about the topic of people who stick their nose's where it don't belong! Seriously and with all honesty, unless I mention something that would give that person; or anyone for that matter, the right to say something, I would really appreciate them just keepin their opinions to themselves.

Why the sudden outburst? Well, it started today in church, mom was talking and certain assumptions were made by the other party. Which I myself don't really appreciate! Observations are allowed to be made, no problem there, suggestions can be given, but when you start to get all, "you need this and that" kind of stuff going on; then we have a problem. Not everyone has the same problems and we can't just expect them to be because they sound or seem similar. We really need to analysize the situation as a whole in order to truely understand and give feedback. Not just whacking either, serious and whole-hearted constructive suggestions and remedies to these problems. . . .

Honestly I'm not too sure myself

Ever found yourself sitting down and trying to sort everything that has or is happening in your life out? Apparently I do this on a daily basis, who it affects? Well I could name one but I'm hoping this person knows me well enough to let it blow over.

Been hooked to a few shows lately. Guess I'm starting to take note of the type of shows that I've become addicted to. Hehe!! I presume it's mainly because they can be reflected as reality. It's not hard or difficult or unreal for these type of plots to become realistic. Serious! So I've been getting home everyday to sit in front of the TV for like 2 hours, just watching these three different shows. Worth it to me but to rather be at home watching these shows rather then going out with family and friends is bad!

Everyone wants this typical normal, 'white picket fence' kind of life. Hard to obtain? Not really just whether you want to make things like this happen. Unfortunately, I feel like I'm a little too old for these thoughts. Of wanting something different from what I already have; more! More of everything, more opportunities to experience stuff, more guts to do stupid things and have a blast. Wish there were more years to poly then just three. Either that or I could re-live those days over and over again. No one should ever want to grow up fast. Savor youth, it's splendid!! There's so much that can be done and said and everything!!

Just feel like I'm stuck in this really tight cocoon and just can't get out. Suppression, depression...don't they go together? Sad =(

Please though, don't get me wrong. I really do love my life, my friends and family and everyone! Just sometimes I wish there was more, more of me and more my time!!! There just isn't enough and time sure isn't slowing down or waiting. It just keeps going and I'm running behind the wagon, yeah there are some highs when near and lows when in the process of chasing it all over again. So how to just get on board and stay there? Dictation surely doesn't help matters. My roof, my rules...such a famous saying by almost every parent out there. Either way understandable. Still sad though....

Honestly, I doubt anyone will really understand this entry. Think it's more of just jumbled words to readers, but it holds meaning for me, it holds inner feelings. So if you do get this, please don't mis-interpret. Thanks!

It's like fast pace it cool, fun, exciting.....but then again slow and steady is also equally fun and exciting...it's pure and that makes it even more precious. Know what I mean? Innocence is far better than anything else in this world, a world full of corruption and yet one can find something and hold on to it, something innocent and pure. Sweet serenity! Something that's so pure you never want to let it go, unfortunately when we have it, we want the fast lane, and when we have that we want the pure path again. Normal I guess, but I can say for certain that I only want the pure and innocent way, something that's so sweet and comfortable and pure.....like sitting by a lake and just enjoying the quietness and the view and the peace of being there all alone to enjoy and take in all of this at one time! To relax there and be at ease, with a peace of mind. Serenity! That's all I can ask for. Singapore is way to high-strung for this though....so what to do? Stick it out and maneuver around the system the best way possible. I'm half way there, just take the lake scenery and add a computer on your lap cause you have a deadline to meet. It's exactly like that. Peaceful with a hint of stress. One good thing is at least all you gotta do is lift your gaze and your stress is gone. It's okay now but not forever. Please understand. Purity is a viture....stress is a killer.

Once things are fully sorted out, there will be another entry that will hopefully be much more helpful than this one in understanding everything. So until then, find your peacefully serene place!!