Mind Your Words

Every one of us knows what this phrase means and what the outcome should be from either us or the other party. however, how many of us know it's figurative meaning rather then the literal?? not many. though many of us believe we can "read" between the lines and what may be written on anothers face i find it more then just that. sometimes it's like whatever you may "read" you can just see and no one sees it. but everyone tries to read it. that's what i don't get. if you can you can leave it at that and if you can't then just open your eyes and look around. it's not that difficult.

people know what you really wanna say from actions displayed so no point lying either. remember actions do speak much louder then words. it's like you know what someone is thinking before they can even say anything and you can know whether they say is what they really feel as well. so what's the point of, "just keeping quiet" ?? sigh. i don't know anymore the world or the people in it have come too. stooping so low it's pathetic!! and all i want is to go to school. the one thing that i may complain about now and then but never ever said i hate or can't wait to leave. cause i never wanna leave school, i love schooling so much and the whole learning process...im just totally amazed by it. it just takes me to a place of awe! but i fear that because of certain circumstances i may not be able to continue my priviledge, oh yes a priviledge it is to study, and i fear more then anything now that i just might have to give it up. sad. but saddest of all is not just school but family as well. ever heard of can't cope too many commitments??

well i can't argue there cause my only commitments are my dad, mom and sis. and i can't complain cause everyone deals too. just differently, much much differently. no one does what i do and goes through what i do but everyone deals with it. just that they can turn to them and i can't. i only have my sister and my mom and even then i wonded. but if you ever hear me talk about my dad, just let it be and don't try and give me a reality check cause i already know it's just that to me he's only asleep to awhile and soon we'll all be together again. a family. one day. maybe sooner maybe later that i leave to God to decide. but a family once again. =D

i miss mine so much, i want it back to normal but it'll never be. never!! but one can alwaz create a normal one in their heads now can't they, so again i repeat no reality checks, please!!!?

somtiems wonder whether people mean what they say and what they do?? yes?, then no complaints from me, but if no?, then guess i'll leave that for another entry. just remember, sticks and stones may break bones but words hurt more, much much more!!! sticks and stones only hit the body, but words are a direct target to your soul and heart, and those scars never heal, may become forgotten by some but never really do heal. big or small, young or old. never!!

Not the Best of Days

Ever wondered why some people can get away with certain things and some people just get totally slammed. i mean it's like a total slap in the face and yet some ca get away with it like it's nothing. sigh. but who am i to say anything. it's like all around me there's more to worry about and deal with and all is worse off then anything i could possible have gone through. but what can i do?? no way am i about to go around broadcasting and airing out dirty laundry rather then that i shall just let things go in one ear and out the other and not take things to heart anymore. can't believe i nearly cried while in the train going home. lame?? maybe. but then again im like that and well yeah kinda hard to change that.

and it doesn't matter how hard i or others try to change that it just aint working. and the worse part is i have no clue what goes through these people's minds when they yell at me thinking that'll actually help. i mean..hello!! my goodness doubt they'd know anything even it if smacked them on the butt!! it's like people alwaz complain that im too sensitive and sentimental and then what do they do?? yell their head's off at me. sigh. in a way i feel like laughing and in a way i feel like no one would ever understand or get it. and then that's just down right depressing. sigh. damn depressing....

Yayness!!

Kinda like so happy that there are no more projects due till like year 3. hahahaha!! but then again that's in like another what..??...another month. sigh but then again it's like everything is going so fast. i mean all of us are gonna be year 3's in like..no time. sigh. gonna miss everyone so much. i mean never had a class of friends before. kinda reminds me of what chin hou asked me during the ACSI event. he asked whether i regret being in BME. well, in a way yes. it's like so much harder for me to fo forensic pathology now but then again i made great friends. awsome people man!! my open house next year still stands!! and i think that'll be fun. =D

anywaz, trying to organize a class outing and it's actually tougher then i thought but then again the response as been pretty good so far. guess when it's in the afternoon more can make it rather then after school. anywaz, so far everything's going ok just have to wait and see how the actual day goes.

ok now a slight digression from school and stuff like that. firstly sorry about the 2nd and then well yeah Feb 22nd as well. sigh. don't know what else to say, just hope you read this and well yeah, im sorry!! haven't been out muc lately and feel like i've missed so much with everything that's going on in this family. sigh. and then all those shows and documentries i wanna watch. but then for some reason i just keep forgetting and i have no idea why im like becoming more and more forgetful. sigh. but for some reason i just wanna laugh and be happy and carefree. like last time, play and play and play. =D i like playing...guess im just this fun-loving playful person. =) good thing my class is about the same. like nick trying to make jia ling "squeak" hahahaha!! kinda funny when he just comes up saying "poke!!" hahaha!! damn hilarious!! and then with the laughing and the "think we're becoming crazy" or "one day when mr. chee ask a question and we'll just laugh at him" it's like i don't know what's becoming of us. but either way it's funny and well at least we can all laugh and be somewhat joyful and happy. =D

anywaz, guess i might update tomorrow, see how the BRE assignments go. ...=)..=(

Freedom??

BRE and POM projects/reports are all done and now left with that stupid!! human com...kinda hate that teacher.. irene...*grr* can't believe here and her.."too wide, skimpy report.." WTH!!! and then we narrow it and she tells us what?! .."..too narrow widen it, make it more broad.." i'll tell her what broad!! damn her. and what im most mad at is her definition of "skimpy" report. hello!! me, jia ling and shy don't give slip shot work ok!! never in my life has anyone told that to me or in that matter any of us. WTH!!!! and then later when having lunch found out she said about the same thing to someone else in the earlier class. sometimes i jst wonder about these teacher nerves and how they really judge us as students. by our work?? attidtude?? contributions?? what?? either that or she's just really bias to the ECE students cause she use to teach them, apparently they're the best. ha!! the ECE's in our class, the guys damn perverted its sickening!!! literally!! just irritating man. and then she's like never talking about us as BME students or anything. sigh. can't wait to get wednesday's presentation over and done with. don't needa see her face or hear that voice anymore. yayness!!!

Buried Under

Ever felt like the load you carry is just way too much that the weight on your check weighs you down so much that you feel as though you can't even breathe?? well i do and i feel that way right now. i know there's like so much work that needs to be done but as of now i have no mood and that's one reason why i'm here writing this when i should be typing out POM. i mean it's like just this small part and yet i just can't seem to get it done. sigh

oh and yesterday during human com lesson, i so tell you that that lady is totally unreasonable man!! hello!! BME don't repoduce slip-shot work and we sure in hell don't do "skimpy reports" !! i tell you all of us was like !!! how dare she even think of saying that, i mean yeah we're kinda last minute people but please!! and then tell us that we can't present for 5min. oh please like hell we can't. DTLE that time was already 8min and everyone did well there for timing and some even went over. so yeah man!! too broad, too narrow not broad enough... c'mon what the hell kinda explaination is that. and the best part was after discussing with others in that class, she did the same. so can't believe her. can't wait till next wednseday then hopefully i don't needa see her face or hear that annoying voice. it's like squeaky, and high yet kinda hoarse..ah i don't know, a little freaky and very annoying!!

next week is a full and packed week. can't believe it just 3 more weeks till study break then it's exam week and then hello year three project. sigh. bye-bye hols..*sobz* was kinda really looking forward to them. had like so much planned and everything but now it's like there's so much to go around cancelling. sigh. kinda pathetic man. but what to do?? sadly nothing.

anywaz needa be getting back to POM. sigh.....

Stress!!ail

I am like so stressed out i seriously think im going crazy. anywaz friday was fun. it was like dr. raj ended class like half an hour early so mark was like let's go play table-tennis and well yeah we had nothing much to do so it was like ok let's all go and play. but then they were having S&W in the hall, badmiton so we couldn't use it and then that security guy downstairs said that he won't lend the paddle till after 5pm so it was like sigh, ok. then we went over to the BME center to wait and stuff but then it was like so crowded with the year one's but then at 4pm they all cleared and then myself, mark, lionel, shuxin, chin hou and efin all went into the room and was just having fun and goofing off then it was like bad-pong was invented. hahaha!! one person hits the ping-pong ball with a paddle and the other with a badmiton racket. it was so damn hilarious. but the ball really flies with the racket man. haha!! it was like bouncing off of everything, literally!! and then they put two tables together in the center and then used eddie's IC sockets in that plastic casing for a net and that container to prop it up. hahaha!! it was so funny!! i know im not a very good story teller and well you just kinda have to had been there to see it. =D

other then that, schools been pretty much the same stressful. and i was like in total shock when mdm tan came up to all of us talking about who's pairing who and going where and stuff like that, but then that was when i found out that mdm tan didn't receive her email about swapping from the second sem to the first for IAP but then since mdm tan couldn't find me a place and jia ling was like put for sem two i got moved over so now its like we so needa coordinate fast and select a topic and get that back to that one guy. and worse is it's starts on 4th april. sigh. no hols for me. =( but heck it's all kinda worth it. lolx!! anywaz think i shold get back to everything that's left to do. sigh. God give me strength man!!

Penny for a thought

Nothing much going on just trying to write that letter for human com class but its a killer. can't seem to get it done. sigh. kinda stuck at the second part. the letter writing part was pretty simple.

honestly i feel like im rotting away at home and well yeah not exactly doing much of anything. its like the more i try to think the more i actually miss out. so i guess i should just stop trying so hard and just relax a little. promised mark something so gotta be doing that and then there's shy, yupz your way to innocent and don't mind but a little "blind" to what is happening all around. honestly i find it scary and very appaling. why should one have to stoop so low just to obtain something?? is there no justice or has everyone just lost a sense of their own conscience?? i'd feel damn guilty if that were me!! but i guess some are just too thick skinned to feel anything cause they feel that this is the most important thing in the world. but you know what?!? news flash!! ...IT AINT!!!! there's so much more to look forward to then just that. i mean isn't all about one's self and one's own ability and not of others in comparsion to yourself?? but then again who am i to really say. sometimes its like you think that person should or would know better but then they don't and the worse part is they don't know who all sees what they are and have done. wish it could be blocked and forgotten but it just aint that simple. why?? cause life's not that simple!! and if it were then we'd all be living idiots. literally!! there'd be no obstacles to overcome and make someone think on a different level but rather they'd just stay where they were content. kinda pathetic if you ask me.

anywaz back to people. society is pathetic and all of us living here is pathetic too. you know why?? because we give in to society too much and its down to the very few who are brave enough to be themselves but then arent they the ones ridiculed by you and others?? but then who is or are these others?? people!! but then who makes up the people?? me and you. sigh. so what is there left to say?? nothing...and that's the most pathetic part of it all. all is seen but none is dealt with. what a waste and a pity. don't you agree?? but then im only one person what i say doesn't exactly matter to anyone and no one would even care to listen. sigh.

either way guess all i can really say is that if you wanna survive in this world and school, then the race is on. and good luck everyone for i am about to take a back seat and just watch. watch as everyone fights and scrambles to get to their goals. and all i'll do is watch and believe me i'll have people there to join me. probably less as times goes but then again next sem is already year 3. it'll either get worse or a little better. but lets see how everything fairs this sem first before we say or make any assumptions, shall we?? =)

Food for the soul

I think i've side tracked my life so much that i lost touch of what is really meaningful and what's not. and for some reason i feel like im moving further from God rather then nearer. i mean its like most people who start back up with going to church and becoming active for some reason find themselves nearer to Him, yet i find that i'm drifting further. sigh. but then i don't know what to do besides pray.

i feel lost, like i'm some wandering soul not knowing where or what to do next. i know i'm not exactly lost but my soul is and it's wandering and waiting, but i just don't know what it's waiting for. sometimes people say that your dreams and thoughts are ways out for your soul and mind, do i..no should i believe it?? there's so many possibilities and ways of explaination but then for some reason i still conclude to me being a person who's oblivious to the obvious. people around me hurting and i'm to blame in a way, for i added to that pain, hurt and rejection. not on purpose no. by accident, but knowing well what i was doing and saying, misunderstood?? nope. understood perfectly fine but then its just hard and painful. over and over again. pain never goes away and i know it. oh do i know it so well. think maybe it's my other best friend.

crying has even become something of routine i guess you could say for me. it's like crying helps, yes its therapuetic and everything but then its so scheduled that it's a little scary. no?? i certainly think so. it's like im losing all control and i cant get it back. i try so hard but it just gets further and further away from me. sometimes i cry cause im scared, i don't know what to do. i cry cause i'm mad, angry; i don't know what to do. for all i feel, lost and abandoned i don't know what to do. for each emotion i feel im lost for words and actions. the only one that come to mind it tears to my eyes. how lost am i?? how deserted am i?? how alone am i?? though every day i have people all around me, surrounding me, yet im all by myself.

how to cope?? how to deal?? i wish i knew that way i can answer myself and help others as well. am i meant to feel this way until i know what it is of me that is required?? that too i do not know. if i could go on and on i will contemplate on all that i don't know and wonder about but i have no time, i only have time to focus on what is as of now and that's school and loads of projects. back to the shallowness of everyday life....

Can it get any worse?? =.=

Seriously can my day get any worse?? wanted to write earlier but ha couldn't. it was like one thing after another like that it was like so damn pathetic. firstly i can so kick myself over the DTLE paper. i so screwed the paper and its not like BRE or ESA its way way worse!! i mean way!! sigh. so depressed. seriously...can mad and depressed and yeah i just don't know. i mean studies is like the only thing that i feel im good at or can even do for that matter. i mean lesh is like good with children and everything and she's creative and outgoing so she's a people person and then there's me. all i ever do is read and study and keep to myself. sigh. the one thing i can do i screwed up and don't go telling me its only one outta four cause it still sucks and yeah only makes me feel worse. =(

anywaz woke up this morning with mom complaining about getting the cleaning all done cause achen is coming today but so far no calls, but since its in the bulletin then yeah. so i woke and helped clean cleaned the whole house got all laundry done and everything. just finished mopping three times so mom can't complain in anyway that there's no shine and what not. but i got hungry and asked to eat the chicken that was bought yesterday after everything was done except for the straightening and moving of the microwave. but then somehow while picking the plate up to put it in the microwave i dropped it right on my foot and everything landed on the floor in, i think 3 or 4 pieces and then yeah i too was on the floor with a minor cut and a major bruise. sigh. cant exactly walk now and in so much pain. but then i was so sorry for dropping the food and everything. i don't know anymore.

anywaz, i don't want to be sitting here in front of the com at my desk for long cause my toes really really hurt. even though its elavated on my bed its like..owww....=( anywaz i think i rather just take a couple of pain tablets then sleep. just can't believe all that happened. sigh. even mom bonked her head while teaching me how to clean the bathroom. i know..lolx!! i don't know how to clean a bathroom, but heck i've never done it before so..yeah.haha!! but for now...gdnite!!

Almost there

CT almost over. one problem. ESA was a disater and BSPA which i thought was ok turned out i made careless mistakes so guess a loss a confirmed 9/10 marks. sigh. depressing. and there's still DTLE. sigh. but overall so far i guess i have a good feeling..so far...but then kinda said the same thing about FCS and saw what happened there. damn depressing. funny part is when you talk to other people from other poly's and stuff their like, "are you crazy!!" hahaha!! not crazy just that all the peepz in my class are really really smart man. serious no joke. but still as long as im passing with my A's and B's think i'll just keep my mouth shut.

anywaz not much going on. oh yeah that bump at the back of my head, got that check turns out its just this infection that popped out cause of stress and the infection gave me a fever and the fever caused my headahces. its just so complicated. i'll just be thankful i don't end up in the hospital again like last year. scary you know. it's like you have no clue of what's really happening, it just happens so fast and then its like, over and over again. kk nevermind with that. not very nice to talk about or remember for that matter.

sometimes its like i don't know what to thinkany more. its like..don't even know if i should be writing this here. baby understands but then again...sometimes you really can't help but wonder. don't think i should elaborate, anywaz its late and there's still BRE to study. maybe after everything i'll exaplain. or maybe not. *shrugs*

Stress

Think all this studying is getting to me especially ESA. i mean while studying and asking questions i made so many typo's its ridiculous and the typos were OM-Goodness way off and OM!!! first for LSR=Logical Right Shift, my shift became a "shit" and then when asking about shift left multiple and right divide i wrote out the equation as one ADD and the other "ASS" then wanted to write "typo!!" but instead starting writing "poty" hahaha!! i need a real break and not a so called study break. sigh. -.- i don't know what to say anymore except im so so sorry for th typos and yeah OM-Goodness!!!! after all that thought i needed a break break so here i am writing an entry and in a way can't believe what i wrote just now above but then its like, yea stress man. either that or my typing is getting bad. sigh.

want to play NFS2U but then yeah can't needa study ESA can't afford to do badly like what happened for MI last semester. hopefully neither ESA or DTLE follow after that. sigh. i don't know what else to say or do but sigh. i mean even church this morning went bad. it was like. sigh. dragged on and instead of standing i had to sit and everyone around me was standing except for the little kids who sit after a while. i don't know today's just so not my day man. sigh. hopefully tomorrow's paper will be managable and i can at least get a B, just a B it ain't asking for much just a mere B. and if i get higher i'll laugh man. seriously laugh. BRE and BSPA im at least aiming a little higher at an A or B+ the least. i hope i don't do badly. kk time to get back and study!! study study!!

no more updates till after exams!! please help pray with me pray that no one screws up, gets sick or makes careless mistakes for any of the papers this week including the FCS students as well. thanks!! all of us need it. =D

ESA?? DTLE?? BRE?? BSPA?? T.T

I have no idea where to start now. it's like everything that could and would possibly go wrong went wrong. still can't believe what i did yesterday, i am sorry for it but only to an extend. it's like everything is getting way to much for me to cope with anymore. im lagging so behind in everything and i so can't afford another screw up in my exams. its getting way to stressfuk nowadays. sigh. but then again life can't be made easy right??

kk away from that subject. kinda feel like playing now but then there's still so much that needs to be done. let's see. there's DTLE, ESA and finishing up BRE. and BSPA i'll just have to leave to a little last minute. think i might have to do that with BRE as well. actually everything is ok with BSPA and BRE except chapter 3 for both. sigh. needa really read through and start doing all those things. just hoping that it's not that tough.

so far i've started to notice a lot of people getting blogs and using blogspot as their host. =) kinda cool, wonder how many there are exactly, people i know of course, using blogspot that i have yet to discover. =) lolx!! maybe after i finish off my 2.2 then i'll have the time to just go through. but for now, there's still so much i needa get done. sigh.

CSI

Right now watching CSI and starting to think and wonder about some stuff. where and what am i destined to do or become?? alwaz thought i knew the answer to that question, when i was 4 it was an astronomer, then at 8 and forensic criminal and then when i was 16 is changed to a forensic pathologist. what else it will change too i yet to wait and see. i can only hope that whatever it is its something that i will enjoy and be happy doing. but then i don't know and no one will know. sigh. sometimes i wonder what it would be like if only it were known. if only. but its not, so no point dwelling on it.

it's like i don't know what the heck to think anymore as well. it's like so many things are coming all at once and there's no answers for anything yet everyone comes looking for answers, and they all come to me. sometimes i really feel like changing my hp number but then for some reason i can't bear too. just can't bear to just chuck it one side and then not bother with it and let it become forgotten. soetimes i really feel that no matter how many times people say that the understand and everthing, they don't, they really don't. everything thinks they know exactly what its like, how it feels, everything that comes along with it, but they know nothing. nothing at all. what its like everyday, how much there's to do and get done but no mood and more so no heart to do it. only problem is that no one will ever know cause its not as though you go around broadcasting everything to everyone, but then one person thinks so. apparently she thinks that all privacy is gone and all that's left is no trust between any of us. but that's not true and can't totally be blamed on me nor anyone else but herself and herself only. how hypocritical can it be for you to tell everyone but once one thing is told by another then all hell breaks lose. im really losing it ain't i?? just totally losing it.

however when known to be in the wrong an apology isn't even given. but then again, apologies are nothing more then words and words only. and yet that's the one thing that we seek from others when they are in the wrong. but then again how many people are actaully sincere in what the say when apologizing?? i say a few out of the many. i mena why say your sorry when you know you don't really mean it. if one were to do something or say something then why should an apology saying "i said it outta anger" be any form or reason of an excuse for an apology?? then why bother in the first place?? as a formality?? sickening if you ask me. but then again who am i to say anything, right?? what i say or think is but a mere suggestion that is posed as a little more then something to be discarded, but is in the end. pity aint it. sad and pathetic too. what has this world come too? or better still its people. hopeless man. pathetic hypocrits.

Studying's....boring....

So far i haven't studied at all. wanted to start yesterday but then that's another long story between mom and me and then with lewin interceding...sigh. anywaz, not much except for cramming for exams yet again. kinda of starting to dislike exams but the one good part is that after going through the papers and the text, it's not that bad the only bad one is ESA. sigh. that's the killer!!

anywaz besides that i finally went blading on friday with my cousins at bishan park. yay!! so happy i finally started blading again. was a little unstable at first then after awhile i got pretty good at balancing and braking and everything. another was starting to learn how to play badmiton, the proper way and not just anyhow wack the shuttlecock. lolx!! fun!!! laughed more then i played i think =) but if was fun and i want to play every week ok?! and i wanna blade at least once every one to two weeks. ok?! please say yes. haha pleaing with mom ain't that easy either. but oh well. it's exercise so no one can complain that im putting on weight and doing nothing about it. lolx!! kinda mean but heck!

before going blading we were at aunty shirly's and we watch Kal Ho Naa Ho (think that's how it's spelt) i love that movie, and i cried throughout the movie. it was sad man. think i cried that most, haha but seriously its a very touching story. hindi movies quite nice, i like but others a little ha ha. but hindi us either about love or family and sometimes both and i like films like that. meaningful and touching and you learn something from it at the same time. =D

still so much to do and im writing an entry and looking through people's blogs. sigh. really no mood to study but think that if im not gona study at least print out the PDP stuff that way i won't forget later to get it done. off to print then....

Sigh...

Got a bit of my report for DTLE done but not much, like only two paragraphs are done. sigh. then there's still AEM test tomorrow. sigh. so much with no time. in a way i feel like pulling outta AEM but then $30 bucks is wasted and so is the education but then i really can't handle the hours even if its not as bad as others for me its bad enough. immune system can't build up at this rate.

anywaz the church program was today and not to sound bias but am i glad my mom aint no tamil. OMGoodness they don't know how to behave in church and well yeah.... it was like so typical and everything. not corrdinated at all and you don't go up and dance that kinda dance in church for christmas and memebers complained about the banghera dance the guys did. but what do say or do. my favorite though was our church choir and the clowns from the NJ-Center. they were good!! and funny and as a whole it was meaningful. very true that the one thing that all of us can give that will forever remain with its value is our hearts and our love. uncle george gave a wonderful message at the end of it all. im proud of lesh, in many ways im proud of her. no matter how much she irritates me..i still love her and all. one day...one day..!!

suppose to be doing DTLE now so i can get some AEM revision done tomorrow after church but kinda have no mood for writing or studying now. so yeah thought i'd drop by with a few words and let out some frustration and then dry my hair and get to bed. i need sleep!!! call it wining or complaining i don't care but i need sleep.

achen will be making house visits and north is this tuesday and i'll only be home after 8pm so sigh...i might not be there...i like talking to achen its fun and interesting he's not like most achen's, he's different..he actaully listens to us the people of the church and really hears what we have to say. another thing i like is that to him the church grounds, all around, is sacred and should be respected. but he's understanding to the way the youth are and their likes and dislikes. but he keeps us in line. not sure how he does it but he's good. =D after his three years and he goes back to india...think i'll miss him around the church and for the services. but that's just the way it goes and i guess i'll have to just get use to it.

made more friends too. talked to SR a little and learnt more about him beside the fact that he's just really really big for his age. couldn't believe that he's a weight-lifter off the top of my head just like that. saw a picture of him when he was younger but not that much younger and well yeah he came a long way to lose all that so yeah. basically he's a child at heart and everything and gets along great with his sis, which i find absolutely great. those two together is cute and funny.

kk think its about time i got to bed myself. tomorrow is another long day and yeah have to get up early again. sigh..

2005!!!!! =D

Didn't think i'd be writing today so yeah i wrote a happy new year entry yesterday. found that lion has a blog too so yeah added him, hope he doesnt mind but more and likely he won't. =)

jia ling and shy came over today to get the props done and man did we have fun laughing and talking and most of all eating. but to them i ate like a bird, sigh, i dont know i was just full i dont know. anywaz got a new video in my com now Simply Irrisitible. good show and funny and yeah overall nice. as a whole, the day was fun and i laughed alot so yeah =) . as of now the neighbor is here with her demon child. in the words of ja, pysco mom, pysco child, now just wait for creepy dad. hahaha!! and well yeah have to admit he is a little creepy looking but i guess we shouldn't judge by appearance but if taking wife's and daughter's behaviour...its scary...seriously!!!

thinking of chaing my blog skin again to something else but not too sure whether i should or not. i mean it is a new year and everything and well i find that the depression of the skin doesn't match my cheerfulness in my entries. don't you agree?? lolx!! anywaz will be going over to aunty shirly's soon so yeah might as well get it all done now that way i can use the net while i can. still got so much work to do. let's list maybe then i'll get things done.

1) DTLE report/presentaion
2) BRE report
3)PDP *can't route* =(
4)BSPA *don't understand the ECG data*
5)human com journal *again* =(
6)BRE assignment

all i can think of for now, still have the CT's round the corner, sigh...Happy New Year!!!! =p

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Hahaha i know its not new year's yet but still i'm in the mood for celebration and so not DTLE report. sigh. the research is killing me i mean seriously its damn hard to find anything on blood and fluid warming equipment. sigh. nevermind must continue trying. oh yeah haven't been blogging cause i've been way too busy with everything that's piling and worse thing is human com journal was all wrong. apparently none of us answered the question, provided you can even call it a question. so now i'm like racking my brain on how in the heck am i to answer that question. hopefully the two weeks i've written so far are correct. sad man. depressing too.

at least today was half a day and i actually stayed for DTLE lecture. chee not that bad at lest i lasted for the full two hours better then jia ling who fell asleep don't know how many times. lolx!! last time mi i just couldn't help but sleep or talk, way too boring and yeah didn't learn anything. but this semester must try harder, much harder. need to pull that GPA back up there man. can't afford it, at all literally. sigh.

anywaz, don't really wanna tlak about school. kinda depressing actaully. but what to do?? haha yet again the ever famous answer!! nothing!! hahaha!! ...know what?? i've noticed that lately i've been more and more outgoing and more of a joker and guess you could say. i'm alwaz joking and laughing and trying to make everyone around me laugh too. be it with a lame joke or reply or just being plain old me. =D hehe. maybe im starting to "come outta my shell??" i don't know but im not really complaining. i mean as i look back, i never had a class of friends. class of friends!! haha! but true. as i look back at this year..even though i lost my dad and things got a little rough, i still am happy and thank God for this year He gave me and for all the people that His introduced me to and all He's placed before me for this year, people included. this year has been a good one no matter how i complain. i know what happened was in 2003 but it was the end and carried into 2004 and now it has come to an end, closure. its sad and painful and yeah i still cry but at least i know now and understand. i just hope and pray that mommy does too, and soon. not to be mean but i would like to spend time with well yeah my friends and everything but that doesn't mean i'm neglecting my family or moreover her. sigh. i hope this coming year God will open her eyes and heart to everything and have more compassion and understanding towards all the thoughts and actions of myself and my sister. im also grateful that this year me and my sis have been the closest then we have ever been in our lives, literally!! and i pray that it will continue and that are bond will grow stronger and closer and that we will alwaz be there for each other no matter what.

afterall that's happened its finally sinking in i guess. blood's thicker then water and though we may not alwaz want to admit it, and though sometimes for me it doesn't alwaz hold true, at the very end of everything it does. but now its like blood and blood-water hold true for me. =p doesn't make sense?? does to me. =D makes perfect sense actually you know why? cause im a nut-case who is understood. =p thank you!!

++==im blessed!! im loved!! ===++

Merry Christmas!!

Merry Christmas everyone!! =D

yesterday and today was fun man but am i dead tired. started off with school then after that it was back home to help mom prepare for the evenings events. picked up all the food too. =D haha!! good food man. went for church service in the evening and it was seriously a wonderful service. liked the choir and everything but my favorite was the skit by the sunday school children *the lambs were adorable* haha!! so cute too, one stood up and started to cry and the other one started to get into things, especially the crib hahaha!! but anywaz the santa at the end was good too and the children loved him. very lively and everything. =D

after that we rushed home to prepare for the carollers, edwina came over to drop off lesh's gift and everything but since lesh went carolling she was a little pissed but heck. hahaha!! talked to her a bit before the carollers came and man when they came it was like practically the all the youth of the church were there, but it was lively and nice, the malaylam songs were the nicest or at least to me they were. tom and ivan pretty good with the drums =) everything just went prefect. after that we stayed up and watched some tv and opened christmas and everything. midnight started messaging everyone and receiving as well. it was fun and well yeah at that moment you don't really feel it though. anywaz stayed up watching this one movie, really good movie and everything but mom feel asleep, i should have slept too but hahaha was sms-ing someone i haven't spoken with like that at all. lolx!! last time *ahem* i would message and well yeah try to have a conversation but it was like it never happened but then lat night it did and it was kinda odd but the weird thing was i only messaged back as a reply cause well guess it was my turn to not be interested to engage in conversation but then its christmas so yeah. =p

anywaz by time the movie ended and i went to bed, after eveyone left that it, it was about 3:30am, but since i couln't fall alseep i laid there with my eyes closed till think it was 4 something then finally fell asleep but then had to wake at 5:45am to get ready for church, christmas morning service was at 7am. sigh. not many actually showed up though, lolx most of the carollers went home, they ended at around 5:30am and reached church at 6am then lesh had breakfast with some then her and alan came back to church for service, came home and she bathed and changed then we headed over to aunty lizzy's for lunch. lunch was good but heack we were all too tired to really enjoy anything. =p after eating we came back home and yeah everyone slept for i don't know how many hours. mom and lesh are still sleeping even though i woke up for dinner. hahaha!! tomorrow its back over to aunty shirly's for christmas dinner. sigh. my sleeping routine is gonna get so screwed and monday its back to school, full, long day....sigh...

anywaz think i should be getting back to bed but only after this movie, Pay it Forward. good movie actually, if only it were true then well yeah people would be better and more friendly and the world woule be much better to live in. but who?? lolx!!

kk gdnite people!! Merry Blesses Christmas!!!! =D

Too long..

Its been too long ago since i've written, since i've had time to get in here and type. been engrossed in either doing other things or trying to get work done that i don't even know how too cause it wasn't fully assigned yet. maybe im just way to anxious to get everything done as soon as possible? i don't know. but i do know that i fear this semester esa is turning out to be a lot like mi and its scary..

kk enough about school, outside stuff. nothing going on except with the girls, there's this whole thing with ja and ji ganging up on sue and i don't blame them, i support them!! aunty shirly favors way too much and listens even more way too much and yeah its not fair nor right but then after what happened here with lesh and mom who am i to say what's right of a daughter and what's not. sigh. but uncle henry agrees too, but then again can't really feel sorry for him after all said and done by him. sigh. what to do?? seriously i don't know so please tell me. both family but then again its like sue and lesh are alot alike yet totally different and then ji and lesh are alike yet so different as well, but i know that those two are close and know all details which i know that me and ja would both like to know but unfortunately don't. sigh. but then that whole thing with church and suraj..its like..hello!! i don't know. kinda mixed up. lesh too. lewin or justin..or someone else...make up your mind. even dino said the same thing and then everyone comes to me to do the talking here and there. yeah right like any of them is gonna listen to me? ha!! i know them all too well, and well yeah i know myself too. why make someone else listen if i wouldn't even listen myself? so conclusion there is..just keep your mouth shut as tight as possible and nod your head only where applicable.

can't feel sorry for any of these people though. but then again on the other hand they are family and bloods thicker then water...most of the time but not all of the time..kinda sad...but what to do? nothing so just have to sit back and watch the outcome. and pray its all good throughout.

Depressing yet..fun =)

Today had to wake up early for church even though it was a malyalam service *think spelling is wrong* but anywaz yesterday the area prayer meeting was held at our house and yupz it was packed. think we had more people the most north area people do for their prayers. it was nice and kinda in memory or daddy as well, very nice. even though aunty mary was late and got lost and went to the wrong block and everything, the songs sung were still beautiful and to get God sent is Son and Battle Hymn of the Republic sung was great. was nice too that the song sung for both daddy's and appachan's funeral was sung yesterday and dad's favorit was sung last. =D over all it was nice and yeah i enjoyed and the message was good too, very meaningful and appropriate. now as for today's service, ha ha i was lost during the Holy Communion part, lolx achen totally lost me man. but it was in malyalam so can't really complain. still bugging mom to teach me but so far haven't see and effort in that department. actaully think i agree with ajit, people need to know of their decent and be able to carry forth with it and that includes the language, im only half but yet its still a part of me and i really wanna learn. think i should ask that one ammachie if she's willing to teach, =p *hehe*

had to help sell food today after service. its vinaya's way of getting the youth to come for malyalam services but the outcome wasn't too great. kinda only found out yesterday after the prayer, kinda sad. so yeah no time to prepare anything or bring anything so i just helped sell what joanne and vinaya had there to sell. think we did pretty goood taking into consideration the circumstances. lolx!! think the north area youth rep. needs be to be more dutiful ith her tasks of informing all of us. sigh. but overall had fun. =D

now just tired and worn and tomorrow is the first day back to school for a new sememster. sigh. so fast school's starting and i honestly didn't really get any holiday, at all. there wasn't even just one day i just sat and did nothing but lazy around or rest, even if i did sit is was probably for only a really short while, except when i was sick that time, but still. sigh. and now with school starting i can say bye-bye to sleep. even now i wanted to take a nap after coming back from church, seriously i was so tired that when achen was praying i feel asleep ,thankfully ja woke me up. =p hahaha!! but mom wants help with all the dishes cause of all the big pots. sigh. bye-bye sleep yet again. nevermind maybe can sleep early tonight. ha ha....