KaabongzZz

Been like ages since i've last written anything here, but its true been busy like you wouldn't believe. its fun yet so stressful and packed wit hwork. i mean its literally asssignment after assignment. sigh. final review coming in like 4weeks and then still needa get the final report done which if you ask me is more like a freaking user manual then anything else. sigh. what am i suppose to write; "just place your weight its a tac-switch which will auto turn on and then just enable infrared and send.." >.< like so what right?!?! i mean yeah i get the point of it and stuff but its just rediculous to an extent cause not everyone's is like user manual kind...its tough but sigh no choice right??

MIIT miniprojet i haven't started on anything but i know for sure that PDA portion is like so going to jia ling, i mean come on..hello!! then me and shy will split the imaging thing and the ultrasound, im so hoping to take the ultrasound part, hehe did MIIT report on it. lolx!! lame right??...which reminds me clem wants the WISP findings by next wed.."Cambodia Killing Fields" sigh..what a topic huh?? can't believe he wanted to do everything, stress man!!

BI still searching for a case that's kinda the reason why im still online at this hour and not in bed, i just got so sick of staring a screen that's not displaying info that i want. sigh. and my com is lagging when i type its like so ticking me off...everything today is just been getting on my nerves, i swear man im happier when im in school even though i'm stressed out. at least there's somewhat peace of mind. sad huh?? =p

so damn sleepy but then again....too much to do, unfortunately i left my MIIT lab sheets in class so i don't know the calculations nor the answers to some questions so tomorrow have to go in early and do then submit. so troublesome. oh yeah today's des' b-day!! =D and suraj's as well. one 30 one 18 not bad huh..=D hahaha!!

think i should get back to researching, next thurs is presentation and i'm like no where near even starting...sigh....totally sucks but oh well =D back to pullin an all nighter..

I'm back....but not for long

Wanted to change layout but then, sigh, no time and well wanted a break but since that didn't happen, and mc's don't exactly count, i guess i'm back somewhat..but not for long. basically nothing much to update...project project and even more project, i know it gives me a headache too..sigh. oh yeah brochitis is back..sigh to that too..

seriously this semester is like more packed then 2.2 which is like i so wish i kept my mouth shout half the time then so i can complain now but then again its not like it wasn't tough then cause it was and well i find now too but mainly cause of the assignments and how close and soon their deadlines are. sigh again.

apparently there's nothing cheerful about this entry just me sighing away and complaining more and more about project and classes. boring is my choice word but then again keeping sane these days sure ain't easy especially with people forever at you heels, alwaz having you running around on your toes. sigh. but what to do?? nothing so yeah...kk back to dreamweaver....sigh....this better turn out nice man!!

I Needa Break

I so needa break so think this just might be my last entry for awhile, the least. i need rest and i so needa get my butt moving on the project but heck im too lazy and tired. seriously no mood to open mr kou's book to read...sigh..maybe tomorrow? but if i keep saying that then nothing will ever get done. passport gonna expire soon, real soon and still nothing..sigh..thought this week could get done but then FOP and well i need the CCA points. literally!! but then again not like i can enter any university anytime soon, still have that bond to pay off. then its bye bye and off to university!! =D can't wait. i know its more stress and everything but i'm like so looking forward to it and not so much attachment, working life just ain't my life, school so is.

i love studying, i find it fun. am i crazy?? i don't believe so even though sometimes in my mind i hear those words form but then my heart says its all wrong and the more i come to think of attachment, 26 September, i get more scared then anything else. weird, or just plain freaky?? don't know and don't really care all i know is in my mind im ok with it but my heart and everything else is afraid. of what i have no clue, maybe if i just try it, it might not be as bad. worse fear: screwing up. i mean yeah i ask alota questions and it worries me that i can't do that at work, i'll be expected to just know. i'm go going to be holding every moment in school dear to me man!! so dear!!!

but still i need a break, i well deserved break and therefore no more blogging for a while, might even be a long while i don't know, maybe when i have time and actually change my blog skin i'll start up blogging again. hahaha!! so far just haven't seen anything i like. looking for something plain but nice...i want boarders and all that stuff but yea something real plain...but everything everywhere is like, pictures everywhere and there ain't no way in hell i'm using one of those, just not my current mood right now, or phase..maybe i'll go search a while the clothes soak before starting dinner. sounds like a plan. =D

Reflections

Well, VPP is officially over but now it's the start of the school term come tues 24th may. sigh. not that it's bad, i guess, just that after i look back on these past 6weeks it kinda makes me wonder how much was really done and learnt. haha!! i know for sure that i've learnt something just that not much was done. mainly the microP was programmed but even that's not fully completed, but pretty much done. =D yayness!!!

other then that started thinking about everything that's been going on and i realized something. ever noticed how when we try to hide something we end up making it more obvious then antisipated. yupz it's true!! but if we try to hide something but end up making it more obvious the only thing that's on our side would be the fact that everyone around will be blind to it. maybe that's the whole point i don't know. but then if we make it like so not obvious then people tend to "tease" more but then the more open we are the less "teasing" there is but then again..sigh..people minds can work wonders. im just thankful i don't have to bother with all that. i just palce it all there and see what you want and say what you want it don't bother me. its not like i don't have friends and well they don't mind so yeah. =D haha i love my friends. all of them. all of G2 man and not forgetting priscilla and geraldine!!! like best friends man. so close and comfortable to just anyhow talk crap and wack, can joke around and everything. =D rox man!!

kk everyone is here..gtg!!! =D

One Week Left

Just one week left and yay..finally VPP will be over and term will start. timetable aint that bad pretty ok, just need to find out which day BPD will be on (have a feeling it's mon and tues) but anywaz...sigh. IS selection was another major screw up by the IS department. damn hypocritical!! they screw up and then they make the students who the screw over take the blame and suffer from it. WTH!!! nothing better to do but push the blame here and there. and yes as students we have the right to argue and defend our rights!! we may be students and that lady might have been older then us but does that really matter when it comes down to being fair to people's right. supposedly we have the right to choose but when it comes down to it..we actually have no choice at all. doesn't it seem fimiliar?? this whole country's system is such. its all an illusion...democracy is not real..sad but true. not to be mean but if you really open your eyes the choice given isn't really a choice at all. just like IS, offered to choose but your choice is only a timeslot or just one option. what's the point?? seriously what's the point?? ok not everything is like that but it's about there.

seriously not wanting to offend anyone or anything but it's true i mean i was born and raised in a country where democracy is really practiced. practiced too as in way too much, and freedom is like literally allowing you to grow wings and fly wherever with all privelledges and all. so yeah i just can't understand it. and i seriously don't like nor agree with the system, i find it way too controlling and i miss the freedom, i rather have the freedom and bare with the consequences rather then be controlled and dictated all my moves. sigh. one day...one day....it's situations like this that make me regret being in this country but then when i think about appachin and ammachie and then all my friends yeah i'm glad i'm here and able to meet and know all of them and be able to love and enjoy their company. but then when i think of my dad...i revert back to the hate and resentment i feel towards the system for what it did and how it made him suffer...auffer till the day he left us. and i hate the country and the people and the government for it!!!!! i don't blame God i blame singapore!!!

you may think it's just a small case IS selection but to me it's so much more. so much more!! and i can't help but make it personal...it's just too many events...way too many events. nevermind..anywaz its bedtime...crime night is on..FBI files....

Structures...just hate 'em...

Sigh it's like ok program works now create a structure and i do that until it doesn't work when i do it but works when mr chua (senior) does it. and why is that?? because he sets a damn breakpoint!!! can you believe it?!?! i was like thinking and thinking what's the diff besides that breakpoint and worse is i had this belief that i couldn't set a breakpoint on the microP cause only in debugger mode can you do such a thing, and that's exactly right but that's also the reason why you need a breakpoint...to enter the interrupt within the debugger and debugger alone...that litter bugger...*grrrzz*

anywaz now it works, yayness!! but now its back to searching for tutorials and everything cause now i needa write a program in Visual C++ for the PC to store the data graphically. how the hell is that to be done...read..that's mr chua's (junior) response. sigh. back to square one. but think not as bad as jia ling who's sitting here using the sch's com in room 3 and having to read all of mr chua's notes hahaha!! hope she doesn't get tooo frustrated by it. but right now its like 5:30pm so we needa move back to the project room. sigh. don't really like it in there, first its freezing cold and so stressful cause everyone is quiet except me and jia ling...and sometimes shy joins in. hehe!!

nothing to write about, actaully that's a lie there's so much in my head but nah won't bore the people reading this so might as well just call shuxin and complain hahaha!! not that bad. but yeah works rather then typing so boring. yaote just came in and gave me a shock by pushing on the locked door behind me and jia ling. lolx anywaz needa be logging off to shift back over. =D

IT WORKS!!!!

As you can tell my program finally works but still there are some flukes here and there. but over all it works!! im like so freakin' happy!! can you believe i like sat here reading and going through that stupid datasheet (M68DEMO908GB60) over and over again and finally i understand how it works and roughly how to define certain things, man am i happy it works, LEDs (light emitting diodes) light and everything. only problem now is that the LEDs only light when i step rather then when i run (in debugger mode of Code Warrior IDE[software program for programming microprocessors]). if i run the debugger it doesn't work and mr chua (senior) says its because of my sampling frequency but heck i just maxed it all out to PRESCALAR 0xFF and MODULUS 0xFF (F=1111(binary) & 15(decimal)). hahahaha!!! but now i was told to create a subroutine for the ATD (analog to digital converter) why i'm not too sure yet but all i know is that it was linked to why i had to enable interrupt.

according to mr chua(senior) im suppose to interrupt by using SW1(switch1) and then from when SW1 is pressed it'll enable interrupt then it'll go into my ADT_start(my subroutine) and then from there it should run and light the LEDs but it doesn't!!! and if i step then it doesn't even go into the subroutine and now im like so...argh!! but since its 5:30pm im so outta here!! hahaha!!

Can it get any more boring??

Ok it's like the ending of the second week and im like bored outta my mind reading about M68DEMO908GB60. and yes i wrote that without refering to anything..just typed it out and its like so totally not like me to remember things like that unless its well you know. =p but i've been reading and searching for tutorials and then typing out header files with this as the file name and its like so...OM-Goodness....im totally going..whats the phrase?...?..bonkers!! nuts!! wacked out and crazy!! way totally for all the former mentioned. sigh. and now im sitting here in the class room near to falling asleep, was only woken by lionel placing a box of chocolate under my nose. sigh. apparently he wanted to offer but i as sleeping so opened and as happy there was a smell and yeah waved it under my nose and woke me. then jia ling combed my hair cause to her it was an apparent mess and she couldn't stand it. but heck i aint gonna complain if someone wants to comb my hair, i'll prompt myself up and enjoy. hahaha!!

still needa read through the data sheet and learn as much as possible about ATD(analog to digital) aka ADC. in a way i find what we're doing interesting and everything cause of its simplicity and yet its so complicated. yesterday shuxin was going through the schematic and haha looked more dumbfounded then me. but then again i've been staring and the color coded ports =D for about a week now so for just looking at it for 5 min i doubt i should complain.

oh yeah pics are out and not many of us actually like our pics that will be displayed outside the project room so mr kou agreed to let us change our pics just that we have to give him by latest tomorrow cause he needs to make changes to the supervisors in charge anywaz. he kinda messed up the supervisors in charge, not major or anything but the main was mixed with the supporting.

and now there's a somewhat "class outing" outside the class with some food and drinks, think coffee and stuff. kk off i go to join them. =D

First Day of VPP

The first day of VPP and i was bored outta my mind. it was like bad enough with the AEM exam which was like managable yet sigh, tough i'll be damn happy just to pass and get those 6 cca points and no more advanced moduels (for now) *grinz*

then it was head back in the rain over to BME center and then met jia ling and had to wait as in like really wait for mr chua (tji leng) cause he was having his lunch. sigh. so after waiting for like what seemed eternity, we finally met him and he explained everything to us so now it's research and get familar with all the specs and everything. so far so good i guess, but no way are we memorizing it man.

after that we ate and then did some research and got all those programs that mr chua said to download, downloaded. then we went to have a look to see where'd we be sitting for the next 6 months. it's filthy, and the whole room smells musty. i know im so totally going early to clean and wipe the chairs and table, i need a clean working area man. so me and jia ling will be there to clean our tables and everything. =) and no we're not weird at all.

finished printing and specs and reading all those papers mr chua gave so now time for a break and gonna go watch Desperate Housewives now. if there's time i'll update more tomorrow. i'm only grateful tomorrow starts at 9am. -.- *sleepy* kk time to watch tv and fall asleep!!! =)

Pope John Paul II (1920-2005)

Nothing can ever compare to a man of God's holy word!! today marks the passing of his Holiness Pope John Paul II. though he was a chatholic he was still a man of God and for that and his works i shall honour and praise him. not only did he help in the progresssion of the church but also the minds of people and their ways of belief. he nutured and raised the people's hearts and minds to be closer to God's. i really thank God for placing such a man here on earth, to touch and help the lives of so many around the world. he truely was an instrument of God and all His works, forever more able to, now and forever, praise and reign.

a man of such humbleness and kindness, God-fearing and loving. as i watched the tv this morning i couldn't help but really see how even children would just reach out to hug him. to me, even he seemed like a child with his smile and light in his eyes. a flame that will never go out as his impression in all our minds will remain etched forever carved in stone within our hearts as well. grace, honour, salvation!! only a mere few of all he stood for and tried to reach out and share, allowing us the people to have what he had as well. he blessed and he shared, whole-heartedly.

all of yesterday me and my mom watched the tv and everything and even though his condition was bad it did not hit me as anything major, in fact not much usually does and i thank God for that. as i sat there my mom was asking me how come i have no reaction to anything?? and all i could answer to her was, "Doesn't God alwaz take care of things in His own perfect time?" then she just looked at me like she was in disbelief but it's true. even this morning when i flicked on the tv to watch my morning program and then this announcement was being shown across the bottom of the screen when my mom came out and i told her he passed away, she made me turn it to CNN and she sat watching it, 9:37pm Rome time, he passed. even now she's still watching it. but i have now come to my room to study for tomorrow's test. but just can't help to walk out every now and then just to see what's going on.

"Even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me, Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me."
Psalm 23:4

Time to Play?? o.O??

Thought that ESA would be tough but not that tough, but it turned out to be tough, as in tough!! sigh. now i'm scared to start my year 3 project. it's like ESA practical all over again, sigh. the only good thing i can see so far is that no matter what, i'll have fun and a good laugh cause well put me and jia ling together and what'da got?? *grinz* hehe!!

anywaz, suppose to be have taken my mom out today as well but then it started raining and well haha everyone got lazy then mom wanted to clean the whole house so yeah started helping with that and that was the first time that i've mopped two days in a row. waoh!! shocking huh?? especially from me. clean? fine! but just no mopping and dishes...laundry depends. actaully i don't mind it's just my sis, hate that she leaves everything inside out and i have to turn it back to right out side. damn frustrating no matter how many times you tell her she still does it. and now that stupid window in he room. come on working or not working she can cock a damn crack in the wall, but no..she has to complain and wine and worse is my mom gives in and for the past few weeks now she's been sleeping in my room making it a total mess like her's and now it's like every morning i have to clean my room. last time i just had to straighten it once a week but now it's every single day and im sick if it. i can't even change in my own room in the morning when i wanna get ready for school and i can't turn the light on to get my things or pack my bag. so my mom makes me, and literally, pack my bag and place it on the couch before my sis goes to bed, pick out my clothes and hang them behind my mom's room door, now this is just pathetic!!! it's my room not her's. she's already got one and i want mine back!! and i refuse to give in and cock the window for her but i will somehow kick her outta my room. just how??

and till now i haven't even eaten any of my birthday chocolates but my sis almost did open it cause she wanted it and my mom made me open it for her to eat and i didn't get any...sigh. so what if she works, so what if she comes back everday late that doesn't mean she can do and get whatever she wants because of it. mom just wants the family and i can understand that but then instead of doing thigs like this she should just make her make time for the family but then she never wants to bother so what's the point?? seriously tell me what's the point??? a family is only a family when the members are willing to sacrifice things and time for each other. i'm trying my best to make time to take my mom out as much as possible lately and to spend time with her and everything and then i'm just studying in the night and then falling asleep while studying. lolx!! but i'm still trying before monday comes casue the way the schedule is looking, ain't gonna be having much free time either this coming semester. sigh. but what to do?? just hope that atachment is more fun then project but for now hope that the project isn't that tough and that it's fun as well. kinda really hoping for year 3 to be fun. but then with practically the whole class gonna be gone. sigh. still hoping!!

think i should go through AEM a bit since ain't really do much of anything now. sigh. last paper before start of BPD......

Bleak XD

I'm like so suppose to be studying ESA but i like so have no mood for it. worse of all i feel so bad for not going to church today. i mean i service was at 9am so it's not that bad, but then i went to sleep only at like 2?? 3?? something in the morning!! so well yeah i just kinda so totally turned the alarm off and slept. woke at 9am and felt kinda guilty about it. lesh so needs to start getting home at decent hours, i just really can't take it anymore. worse is, BPD is like 8:30-5 everyday single day!! OM-goodness!!! but the again from what i hear IAP is tougher so guess i shouldn't be complaining and should be haha grateful?? =)

one sad part and this one i just have to wine!! PORTABLE MEDICAL RECORDER!!!!! i mean yeah i did write it down but me and jia ling really really really wanted to do the Portable ECG Recorder. sigh. efin got that, hope she has fun and enjoys it though. and i hope shy and amelia will enjoy their's as well and not be so depressed, but honestly and no offence, i kinda had this feeling that if i too were to write it down, just might have gotten it so just to play safe i chose not to write it in. and im like so thankful. sorry shy but yeah truthfully. now im so thankful to jia hui for the ESA book caues well yeah i so needa know about microprocessors and what not. ha ha ha!! i struggle the most with ESA then anything else. but oh well i'm know for being a dark horse so guess we'll jsut see. =p

now the question of my day!! what to get?!?! headphones?? mouse?? tank?? what?? it has to be nice and well yeah something that will be liked and not chucked. that would just so suck if it were to be though. though i kinda doubt it cause well yeah, so yeah!! hahaha!! im like so stuck and nothing is coming to mind except what i got so yeah it's gotta be really nice what i give, just what?!? sigh. so sucky man!! totally open for any suggestions!!! actually this is kinda bad but heck im like down to my last resort. lolx!!

guess i'll start "studying" tomorrow. but for now i have my mom and my sis laughing at me. i mean ok i thought since today was Good Friday i would sacrifice watching my FBI files and Crime Night, but then my sis and my mom just stared at me and broke out laughing and then know what my sis replied with. i was like standing there thinking what's wrong with that?? i don't see anything wrong....*shrugz* anywaz my sis, through her laughter said, 'on daddy's funeral day you can tell mommy that you wanna be the one to do autopy when she goes too but you don't think watching those shows are?...hmm?? now let's think about that??...' then she and my mom started laughing again. don't know whether im just like this slow idiot who don't get things or what but i just stood there asking, well what's wrong with that before i actually got it. it's not what i said but more of when i said it but that didn't dawn on me then cause well i was talking to my dad and coming his hair at that time and well yeah just kinda blurted out. anywaz it's true i was so pissed with the way everything was done. i mean you shouldn't be able to see any of the scars but i couldn't and my sis said no one else could it was just i knew where to look, but then come on his hair was all wet and embalming fluid was coming outta his ears!! so well yeah, i rather it me so that way it's properly done for obvious reasons and i would know and be able to complain properly to whoever does that kida lousy job to anyone else!!

anywaz guess this is something that'll just have to take care of one day but for now. ESA!!! hahaha!! hopefully i'd be able to update more often. sigh. hope man right now still a little stressed with everything but don't really wanna be writting entries of nothing but complaints and condemnations i'll leave that to lie within my poems. =D

for some reason i so feel like reading Red Rose again but then i know what happens and everything, just needa so get stephen king's movies and everything. watch the movie like it read the book that how i do it so yeah, first it's Red Rose-Diary of Ellen Rimbaurer then it's Red Rose. so cool and get this it's all about a house. even cooler!! haunted buildings are like so much more...scary then people and things. way scary!! kk think i should get back to studying and not scary movies or i'll like go on forever. lolx!!
=D

Mind Your Words

Every one of us knows what this phrase means and what the outcome should be from either us or the other party. however, how many of us know it's figurative meaning rather then the literal?? not many. though many of us believe we can "read" between the lines and what may be written on anothers face i find it more then just that. sometimes it's like whatever you may "read" you can just see and no one sees it. but everyone tries to read it. that's what i don't get. if you can you can leave it at that and if you can't then just open your eyes and look around. it's not that difficult.

people know what you really wanna say from actions displayed so no point lying either. remember actions do speak much louder then words. it's like you know what someone is thinking before they can even say anything and you can know whether they say is what they really feel as well. so what's the point of, "just keeping quiet" ?? sigh. i don't know anymore the world or the people in it have come too. stooping so low it's pathetic!! and all i want is to go to school. the one thing that i may complain about now and then but never ever said i hate or can't wait to leave. cause i never wanna leave school, i love schooling so much and the whole learning process...im just totally amazed by it. it just takes me to a place of awe! but i fear that because of certain circumstances i may not be able to continue my priviledge, oh yes a priviledge it is to study, and i fear more then anything now that i just might have to give it up. sad. but saddest of all is not just school but family as well. ever heard of can't cope too many commitments??

well i can't argue there cause my only commitments are my dad, mom and sis. and i can't complain cause everyone deals too. just differently, much much differently. no one does what i do and goes through what i do but everyone deals with it. just that they can turn to them and i can't. i only have my sister and my mom and even then i wonded. but if you ever hear me talk about my dad, just let it be and don't try and give me a reality check cause i already know it's just that to me he's only asleep to awhile and soon we'll all be together again. a family. one day. maybe sooner maybe later that i leave to God to decide. but a family once again. =D

i miss mine so much, i want it back to normal but it'll never be. never!! but one can alwaz create a normal one in their heads now can't they, so again i repeat no reality checks, please!!!?

somtiems wonder whether people mean what they say and what they do?? yes?, then no complaints from me, but if no?, then guess i'll leave that for another entry. just remember, sticks and stones may break bones but words hurt more, much much more!!! sticks and stones only hit the body, but words are a direct target to your soul and heart, and those scars never heal, may become forgotten by some but never really do heal. big or small, young or old. never!!

Not the Best of Days

Ever wondered why some people can get away with certain things and some people just get totally slammed. i mean it's like a total slap in the face and yet some ca get away with it like it's nothing. sigh. but who am i to say anything. it's like all around me there's more to worry about and deal with and all is worse off then anything i could possible have gone through. but what can i do?? no way am i about to go around broadcasting and airing out dirty laundry rather then that i shall just let things go in one ear and out the other and not take things to heart anymore. can't believe i nearly cried while in the train going home. lame?? maybe. but then again im like that and well yeah kinda hard to change that.

and it doesn't matter how hard i or others try to change that it just aint working. and the worse part is i have no clue what goes through these people's minds when they yell at me thinking that'll actually help. i mean..hello!! my goodness doubt they'd know anything even it if smacked them on the butt!! it's like people alwaz complain that im too sensitive and sentimental and then what do they do?? yell their head's off at me. sigh. in a way i feel like laughing and in a way i feel like no one would ever understand or get it. and then that's just down right depressing. sigh. damn depressing....

Yayness!!

Kinda like so happy that there are no more projects due till like year 3. hahahaha!! but then again that's in like another what..??...another month. sigh but then again it's like everything is going so fast. i mean all of us are gonna be year 3's in like..no time. sigh. gonna miss everyone so much. i mean never had a class of friends before. kinda reminds me of what chin hou asked me during the ACSI event. he asked whether i regret being in BME. well, in a way yes. it's like so much harder for me to fo forensic pathology now but then again i made great friends. awsome people man!! my open house next year still stands!! and i think that'll be fun. =D

anywaz, trying to organize a class outing and it's actually tougher then i thought but then again the response as been pretty good so far. guess when it's in the afternoon more can make it rather then after school. anywaz, so far everything's going ok just have to wait and see how the actual day goes.

ok now a slight digression from school and stuff like that. firstly sorry about the 2nd and then well yeah Feb 22nd as well. sigh. don't know what else to say, just hope you read this and well yeah, im sorry!! haven't been out muc lately and feel like i've missed so much with everything that's going on in this family. sigh. and then all those shows and documentries i wanna watch. but then for some reason i just keep forgetting and i have no idea why im like becoming more and more forgetful. sigh. but for some reason i just wanna laugh and be happy and carefree. like last time, play and play and play. =D i like playing...guess im just this fun-loving playful person. =) good thing my class is about the same. like nick trying to make jia ling "squeak" hahahaha!! kinda funny when he just comes up saying "poke!!" hahaha!! damn hilarious!! and then with the laughing and the "think we're becoming crazy" or "one day when mr. chee ask a question and we'll just laugh at him" it's like i don't know what's becoming of us. but either way it's funny and well at least we can all laugh and be somewhat joyful and happy. =D

anywaz, guess i might update tomorrow, see how the BRE assignments go. ...=)..=(

Freedom??

BRE and POM projects/reports are all done and now left with that stupid!! human com...kinda hate that teacher.. irene...*grr* can't believe here and her.."too wide, skimpy report.." WTH!!! and then we narrow it and she tells us what?! .."..too narrow widen it, make it more broad.." i'll tell her what broad!! damn her. and what im most mad at is her definition of "skimpy" report. hello!! me, jia ling and shy don't give slip shot work ok!! never in my life has anyone told that to me or in that matter any of us. WTH!!!! and then later when having lunch found out she said about the same thing to someone else in the earlier class. sometimes i jst wonder about these teacher nerves and how they really judge us as students. by our work?? attidtude?? contributions?? what?? either that or she's just really bias to the ECE students cause she use to teach them, apparently they're the best. ha!! the ECE's in our class, the guys damn perverted its sickening!!! literally!! just irritating man. and then she's like never talking about us as BME students or anything. sigh. can't wait to get wednesday's presentation over and done with. don't needa see her face or hear that voice anymore. yayness!!!

Buried Under

Ever felt like the load you carry is just way too much that the weight on your check weighs you down so much that you feel as though you can't even breathe?? well i do and i feel that way right now. i know there's like so much work that needs to be done but as of now i have no mood and that's one reason why i'm here writing this when i should be typing out POM. i mean it's like just this small part and yet i just can't seem to get it done. sigh

oh and yesterday during human com lesson, i so tell you that that lady is totally unreasonable man!! hello!! BME don't repoduce slip-shot work and we sure in hell don't do "skimpy reports" !! i tell you all of us was like !!! how dare she even think of saying that, i mean yeah we're kinda last minute people but please!! and then tell us that we can't present for 5min. oh please like hell we can't. DTLE that time was already 8min and everyone did well there for timing and some even went over. so yeah man!! too broad, too narrow not broad enough... c'mon what the hell kinda explaination is that. and the best part was after discussing with others in that class, she did the same. so can't believe her. can't wait till next wednseday then hopefully i don't needa see her face or hear that annoying voice. it's like squeaky, and high yet kinda hoarse..ah i don't know, a little freaky and very annoying!!

next week is a full and packed week. can't believe it just 3 more weeks till study break then it's exam week and then hello year three project. sigh. bye-bye hols..*sobz* was kinda really looking forward to them. had like so much planned and everything but now it's like there's so much to go around cancelling. sigh. kinda pathetic man. but what to do?? sadly nothing.

anywaz needa be getting back to POM. sigh.....

Stress!!ail

I am like so stressed out i seriously think im going crazy. anywaz friday was fun. it was like dr. raj ended class like half an hour early so mark was like let's go play table-tennis and well yeah we had nothing much to do so it was like ok let's all go and play. but then they were having S&W in the hall, badmiton so we couldn't use it and then that security guy downstairs said that he won't lend the paddle till after 5pm so it was like sigh, ok. then we went over to the BME center to wait and stuff but then it was like so crowded with the year one's but then at 4pm they all cleared and then myself, mark, lionel, shuxin, chin hou and efin all went into the room and was just having fun and goofing off then it was like bad-pong was invented. hahaha!! one person hits the ping-pong ball with a paddle and the other with a badmiton racket. it was so damn hilarious. but the ball really flies with the racket man. haha!! it was like bouncing off of everything, literally!! and then they put two tables together in the center and then used eddie's IC sockets in that plastic casing for a net and that container to prop it up. hahaha!! it was so funny!! i know im not a very good story teller and well you just kinda have to had been there to see it. =D

other then that, schools been pretty much the same stressful. and i was like in total shock when mdm tan came up to all of us talking about who's pairing who and going where and stuff like that, but then that was when i found out that mdm tan didn't receive her email about swapping from the second sem to the first for IAP but then since mdm tan couldn't find me a place and jia ling was like put for sem two i got moved over so now its like we so needa coordinate fast and select a topic and get that back to that one guy. and worse is it's starts on 4th april. sigh. no hols for me. =( but heck it's all kinda worth it. lolx!! anywaz think i shold get back to everything that's left to do. sigh. God give me strength man!!

Penny for a thought

Nothing much going on just trying to write that letter for human com class but its a killer. can't seem to get it done. sigh. kinda stuck at the second part. the letter writing part was pretty simple.

honestly i feel like im rotting away at home and well yeah not exactly doing much of anything. its like the more i try to think the more i actually miss out. so i guess i should just stop trying so hard and just relax a little. promised mark something so gotta be doing that and then there's shy, yupz your way to innocent and don't mind but a little "blind" to what is happening all around. honestly i find it scary and very appaling. why should one have to stoop so low just to obtain something?? is there no justice or has everyone just lost a sense of their own conscience?? i'd feel damn guilty if that were me!! but i guess some are just too thick skinned to feel anything cause they feel that this is the most important thing in the world. but you know what?!? news flash!! ...IT AINT!!!! there's so much more to look forward to then just that. i mean isn't all about one's self and one's own ability and not of others in comparsion to yourself?? but then again who am i to really say. sometimes its like you think that person should or would know better but then they don't and the worse part is they don't know who all sees what they are and have done. wish it could be blocked and forgotten but it just aint that simple. why?? cause life's not that simple!! and if it were then we'd all be living idiots. literally!! there'd be no obstacles to overcome and make someone think on a different level but rather they'd just stay where they were content. kinda pathetic if you ask me.

anywaz back to people. society is pathetic and all of us living here is pathetic too. you know why?? because we give in to society too much and its down to the very few who are brave enough to be themselves but then arent they the ones ridiculed by you and others?? but then who is or are these others?? people!! but then who makes up the people?? me and you. sigh. so what is there left to say?? nothing...and that's the most pathetic part of it all. all is seen but none is dealt with. what a waste and a pity. don't you agree?? but then im only one person what i say doesn't exactly matter to anyone and no one would even care to listen. sigh.

either way guess all i can really say is that if you wanna survive in this world and school, then the race is on. and good luck everyone for i am about to take a back seat and just watch. watch as everyone fights and scrambles to get to their goals. and all i'll do is watch and believe me i'll have people there to join me. probably less as times goes but then again next sem is already year 3. it'll either get worse or a little better. but lets see how everything fairs this sem first before we say or make any assumptions, shall we?? =)

Food for the soul

I think i've side tracked my life so much that i lost touch of what is really meaningful and what's not. and for some reason i feel like im moving further from God rather then nearer. i mean its like most people who start back up with going to church and becoming active for some reason find themselves nearer to Him, yet i find that i'm drifting further. sigh. but then i don't know what to do besides pray.

i feel lost, like i'm some wandering soul not knowing where or what to do next. i know i'm not exactly lost but my soul is and it's wandering and waiting, but i just don't know what it's waiting for. sometimes people say that your dreams and thoughts are ways out for your soul and mind, do i..no should i believe it?? there's so many possibilities and ways of explaination but then for some reason i still conclude to me being a person who's oblivious to the obvious. people around me hurting and i'm to blame in a way, for i added to that pain, hurt and rejection. not on purpose no. by accident, but knowing well what i was doing and saying, misunderstood?? nope. understood perfectly fine but then its just hard and painful. over and over again. pain never goes away and i know it. oh do i know it so well. think maybe it's my other best friend.

crying has even become something of routine i guess you could say for me. it's like crying helps, yes its therapuetic and everything but then its so scheduled that it's a little scary. no?? i certainly think so. it's like im losing all control and i cant get it back. i try so hard but it just gets further and further away from me. sometimes i cry cause im scared, i don't know what to do. i cry cause i'm mad, angry; i don't know what to do. for all i feel, lost and abandoned i don't know what to do. for each emotion i feel im lost for words and actions. the only one that come to mind it tears to my eyes. how lost am i?? how deserted am i?? how alone am i?? though every day i have people all around me, surrounding me, yet im all by myself.

how to cope?? how to deal?? i wish i knew that way i can answer myself and help others as well. am i meant to feel this way until i know what it is of me that is required?? that too i do not know. if i could go on and on i will contemplate on all that i don't know and wonder about but i have no time, i only have time to focus on what is as of now and that's school and loads of projects. back to the shallowness of everyday life....