I don't know what to say

 I just don't know what to say - this is one of the most common phrases my elder son uses whenever I ask him to talk to his grandmothers over the phone at any time. At the moment he speaks this sentence, I get extremely frustrated with him, but at the same time, after the conversation has ended, it makes me reflect on how true this statement really is.

As adults, we get forced into situations that force us to interact and mingle with others. Even to the point of making us very uncomfortable. It has happened many times to me, I am an introvert so this will make complete sense to other introverts, but maybe not so much extroverts.

Either way, be it for work or personal, I find it very unsettling when forced to speak or interact with people. Now these people don't have to be strangers, I can know them very well, like colleagues at work or acquaintances I know through friends or family. Still very awkward and uncomfortable. Sometimes to the point there is nothing to say. 

Now many of you may feel that, well if there is nothing to say, then say nothing and walk away. You should always be in a comfortable situation and never otherwise. However, I disagree! If I went for a work function and the aim is team building and getting to know your colleagues from other departments that you do work with and need to work closely with - collaboration!! By walking away and not engaging you are now seen as someone who is rude, unfriendly and unsociable. Which may not be true at all! You could be the nicest, most friendliest person that ever lived, you just prefer a tight circle of friends, your ride or die crew.

Sadly, society does dictate who and how we are, to a certain degree it does force us into situations were all we want to say is, "Í don't know what to say" or "Ï don't want to talk to you right now, or anyone for that matter". 

But as adults, this is seen as rude. Now there are times where I would just be like, heck with everything and everyone but there really are certain situations where this just cannot be done. Those are the ones I'm talking about here. To be able to live a life with the simplicity and matter-of-factness of a child is just the absolute ideal, but not practical. People are always judging and no matter what we tell ourselves or others that people's opinions of us don't matter, they do. Because those opinions may be formed by potential bosses, clients, customers and so on. There are times we just need to put our best foot forward and trudge through. 

The only relief I feel we truly have is knowing that ultimately we are who we are and we need to stay true to ourselves. This means, people are going to see various versions of us, we just need to make sure that the most common version they see if the our true self. There are moments when I will be angry, upset, sad or just emotional and have a complete breakdown. Now these are all me, but they are versions of me based on external and internal situations, the 'normal' me, will be the version that I am most of the time, in general and when comfortable. 

The only issues is, people need to be true and not fake. Honestly though, I'm not sure about others but in my mind, it looks really tough to always be someone different then your true self. It's just too much work, hard work! And effort, I don't have the time or the capacity to keep up with that. Bad enough I don't want to deal with people when I'm in my calm state let alone alter my whole personality and way of thinking and feeling, so not worth the time and effort. 

Anyway, this wasn't suppose to end up as a rant, it was just more of an appreciation of a child's innocence. Offensive, maybe but innocent and true. Because when they say "I don't know what to say", they mean it literally, no ill intentions, no malice or rudeness - just pure innocence and truth!