Recently I have noticed that whenever I need to tell someone something like an event or something said or done - I tend to really tell a story. As though I'm writing a novel it seems. Guess this is something I have always done but in recent days, yes days, I have actually noticed the signs of impatience or disconnect when I speak. The other is when I am verbally told yes you already told me this. Because of this, I have now started to shorten my story-telling to the bare minimum. It does feel weird though. Like something is missing or 'naked' if that makes sense at all.
I hate that feeling of nakedness. It creates this void like space within me that makes me super restless and uncomfortable. Making me become super on edge, till I can actually get it out of my system. Making my closest friends the only ones who get it and get me.
If I start rambling and retelling stories or events they will immediately know I didn't get to tell the "full" story and will let me tell it just to respond - so who cut you off?
Am I weird? Unusual? Rather not place labels on it but at the same time need to acknowledge that I am different. Honestly, being different isn't so bad. Being different can be very eye-opening and also refreshing - and this is coming from someone who dislikes change. But to be fair, abrupt change is the worst. Gradual change is something that is easier to deal with I guess. able to mentally and physically prepare oneself for the change, brace for it. Sudden changes always get to me, it does take a while to accept the reason and rationale. Unless the change is logical and understandably necessary - these I can accept whole-heartedly.
Maybe, besides this blog and my poems, I could start writing short stories again. workload may be high and I guess this could convert into a journal/blog post/short-story page - but again it just all feels very off to me somehow, somewhere in my soul.
I use to journal and write everything down that happened in my day. Then somewhere along the way I just stopped, guess I do know actually, privacy reasons. Fear of my older sister or parents reading it. Blogs were introduced to me much later on and it was something that was like an online, public journal that I did with my friends. Now this space has been reclaimed back as a place for my thoughts and feelings and ranting and raving.
I should be working but today is Friday and there is no motivation in me to even look at my to-do list! Meeting free Friday's has now forced my other 4 days to be packed with meetings and calls. Again, not a bad thing I just prefer having gaps between calls for the simple pleasures of life - using the bathroom and eating.
Work beckons and respond so I shall! Till next time my brain wants to pen something random down!
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